Chapter Text
Astra inclinant, sed non obligant.
The stars incline us, they do not bind us.
Every bruise and scar tell a story louder than any words he could ever speak out loud.
The pain in his skull is a dull throbbing ache like he had a knife sticking out of it not long ago but it’s gone now. The room slowly comes into focus as he opens his eyes to see Kolivan and his mother sitting and waiting with him. The look on Krolia’s face is one of relief and happiness while she reaches over to wrap her long fingers around his hand. A little squeeze makes him think of mother’s reaching for their babies to make sure they still breathe in their cribs.
The desperation of love.
“You’re awake, little one,” Krolia says softly. “We worried you wouldn’t wake up.”
Keith manages to try and sit up but the world tilts so he lies back down. “How long was I out?” he mumbles.
“For a while,” Krolia says which is an answer without a real explanation.
The last moment he can remember is taking the machine up into space to keep the weapon from blowing the entire town to bits and everyone in it. It’s been an honor flying with you all . His last words – at least, the last ones he can remember. Now his head feels ten times its size and the room’s light is making his eyes tear.
“Keith,” Krolia whispers. “Are you feeling alright? You’re crying.”
Warm tears are tracking down his face but he cannot place their warrant besides the light bothering him. Except, there is a numb sadness resting in his chest he cannot place either. He wonders if the others are alright or if he is the only survivor. If his head had almost been split open then what happened to everyone else? The lions?
“Keith,” Krolia says again but her voice feels so far away.
He can feel himself sinking down a dark, watery tunnel. Black ichor wraps its tendrils around his ankles and yanks him down away from the light while swirling darkness covers his eyes. His mouth is stuffed full and he can’t breathe.
“ Keith !”
Golden shimmering fabric glides over his shoulder – one, two, three, four, five bands.
Admiral.
Today is induction day and the morning should have felt warm and brimmed with the sweet taste of success. Instead, his morning is full of pain and the bitter taste of frustration. Shiro adjusts the collar of the new uniform and admires the way the Admiral’s jacket looks on him but there is no happiness in his body. After giving a memorial speech, he’d been told by a messenger Keith had woken up.
Then, Keith had crashed.
Flat-lined.
Tears fill Shiro’s eyes and he covers his face in his left hand while the mech arm’s fist balls so tight he can hear the metal grind. They’d managed to bring Keith back but he’s in a coma all over again. Another week has gone by and there is no sign of Keith ever waking up.
Being named Admiral should have been a sense of pride but his pride had died a long time ago. Without Keith to witness the ceremony, to cheer him on, and to celebrate after did the promotion really happen? Shiro picks up a small pin given to him by the Blades of Marmora and pins the symbol to his chest along with his other decorated honors. The purple pin sits at odds with the others but Shiro doesn’t care if it is against regulations.
Keith will be with him in this small way even if he cannot be there in person.
A soft knock alerts him to the time and Shiro slowly straightens his spine and walks to the door to see who waits on the other side. For a moment, Shiro only sees long black hair and a sharp jawline and his heart slams into his chest like a battering ram. Keith .
“Sir?”
Shiro blinks and tears his eyes up and notes the cadet waiting for him is not Keith. The surge of excitement leaves him drained to the core. “I’m ready,” Shiro says even if he’s lying through his teeth.
The cadet leads him down the white halls of the Garrison and they approach doors leading to the outside. They no longer have a formal ceremonial hall due to the need for storage space and other end-times preparations. Instead, the ceremony is to take place outside under the sun which Shiro supposes is better. Bright light makes him squint while he steps out and for a moment he can only stand still and shield his eyes from the sun until his eyesight manages to adjust.
The crowd stands on either side of an aisleway lined with long black carpet. On each side stands rows of Garrison soldiers, all dressed in their uniforms, at attention and ready to salute. At the end is a platform where Commander Iverson and Captain Holt stand waiting for him to come and accept his honor.
Shiro is not afraid of public performance.
He’s been forced to do this song and dance for many years. Briefly, he thinks back to a different stage and arena and his right arm throbs even though it no longer exists. He thinks of the Galra chanting Champion in their heated mantra. Bloodthirsty and vicious under Zarkon’s reign, Shiro can really only in flashes his time in the pits. For some reason, this reminds him of those times.
The crowd is so quiet while he walks down and each soldier salutes him on his way. Shiro points out the other Paladins, all sitting at the front since most of them are still recovering from injuries but they’re all there dressed in their new uniforms. Each corresponding to their chosen colors. Only red is missing from the group.
Shiro forces his eyes forward.
He steps onto the platform and faces Sam and Iverson while they start the ceremony of swearing him in as Admiral.
The Garrison has a high moral and honor code which Shiro immediately swears to but every word feels hollow because his mind is elsewhere. While his body may be standing and accepting the Garrison’s highest honor – youngest Admiral to date – his mind rests at Keith’s bedside. He can almost feel his hand tangling their fingers together while he quietly asks Keith to wake up.
“Shiro?” Sam asks which draws him back to the ceremony.
“Hm?”
“Do you swear to protect the Garrison and all of its inner workings while also honoring the Garrison’s Code? Do you also swear to protect those alliances we have made since this code was originally written?”
“Oh, yes, I do. I swear.” A warm blush colors Shiro’s cheeks and he tries to keep his mind grounded. He hopes they can all understand his distractions.
He hopes this does not badly color his start as Admiral.
A new pin is added to his chest while he is also given the Admiral’s medal to wear around his neck for ceremonial purposes. The medal is heavy around his neck much like the burden it comes with but Shiro bears it proudly regardless. Once the ceremony is complete, the crowd claps even though Shiro knows the protocol is to stay silent while he walks back down the aisle of soldiers with his new title and honors.
By the time the doors close, Shiro leans back against the nearest wall and feels his chest heave up and down heavily. Each breath seems to almost catch and becomes caught while it scrapes through his lungs. His eyes close while the scent of disinfectant fills his nose. He turns his eyes toward the hallway and feels his legs move before his mind can catch up. He runs through the empty halls toward the infirmary instead of his new quarters.
The office can wait.
Each room the Paladins were in are empty now, beds cleaned and stripped, no evidence they’d ever been hurt. The last room on the right, Shiro skids up to the open doorway to see Keith lying under a ray of sunshine across his face. The scar on his cheek almost glows in the afternoon sun. Kosmo is asleep at the foot of his bed while Krolia is resting against Kolivan who sleeps in a chair. The room is so quiet with only machines beeping occasionally.
The silence makes Shiro think of funerals which in turns makes him think of his grandfather. He remembers showing his letter of acceptance to the Garrison to his grandfather and the smile it had brought to the old man’s face.
“ You’ll show them all, Takashi. You’ll be the best there is. ”
He’d come to the Garrison thinking he would fly home to Osaka on breaks but by Christmas his first year at the Garrison he received a letter about his grandfather’s passing. The flight back to Japan had been a cold and quiet one as he sat on a plane at three in the morning waiting to arrive in his home city. The funeral came one day after Christmas. The silence of the funeral hall minus the quiet tears of family friends left Shiro feeling hollow and cold.
Tears fill his eyes for how his grandfather cannot see him now – twenty-seven years old and the youngest Admiral the Garrison has ever had. Tears fill his eyes for how Keith is locked in his mind and cannot seem to find his way back. He approaches Keith and slowly sinks into a chair at his bedside. His fingers wrap around Keith’s hand and note how cold his flesh feels. Shiro swallows back a lump and forces his tears back down
“Hey, Keith,” he whispers. “I was made Admiral today. You would have liked the ceremony, I think. It’s pretty formal but I know you like that stuff. You’re all about honor code and personal morality. It’s what makes you such a good leader, Keith. I hope, one day, I can be as good of a leader as you are.”
The machines beep and Keith keeps breathing but there is no other sign Keith has heard him.
Tears slowly slip down his face like falling rain. The sunlight slowly dissipates from the room.
“Admiral?”
Shiro jerks and looks back over his shoulder to see an unknown cadet standing in the doorway. He’s tall and dark skinned but Shiro cannot place his name. He looks a bit like Adam. “Yes?”
“I apologize for the interruption but Commander Holt wants to see you.”
Shiro sighs and dares to slowly untangle his fingers from Keith’s. He places Keith’s hand back on the bed and fights an urge to cup Keith’s cheek in his palm. While he wishes to shove duty aside and only tend to his feelings Shiro knows he cannot push being Admiral away. He accepted this honor and now he has to live with it.
“I’m coming. Thank you.” He almost asks for the Cadet’s name but decides he won’t remember anyway and walks out of the hospital room. He wipes tears off of his face on the back of his sleeve while he leaves the hospital behind. The click of his boots the only remaining sound echo the beeps from Keith’s machines in his mind.
Click. Beep. Click. Beep. Click. Beep.
Admiral Sanda’s offices exist further back in the Garrison halls but when Shiro arrives he notes on the outside of the door the name placard has been replaced.
Admiral Shirogane.
A tightness in his chest squeezes his heart but Shiro slowly steps through the door as it automatically swishes open and he notes Sam Holt standing amongst the bare bones. The office had been cleaned out, leaving only behind the desk, chair, and a few other maps and other items.
There is a window overlooking the runway for ships on the opposite wall. Sam hits a button and the window changes scenery until the only display is a red and orange fiery sunset. The silence between them stands still.
“I know you took this position with a heavy heart, Shiro,” Sam finally says softly. “And we appreciate your sense of duty and service to the Garrison.”
“He isn’t dead,” Shiro replies. His voice is colder than he intends - like ice covered in venom.
“I know,” Sam answers. “I do not mean to imply.”
“Everyone talks like he is,” Shiro spits back and slowly joins Sam by the hologram window. “Why?”
“I think people are afraid to hope even in times like these,” Sam whispers. “Maybe especially in times like these.”
Shiro dusts his fingers over the glass and fights an urge to punch a hole right through. He’s had a livid anger inside his breast for what feels like an eternity. Anger for his grandfather, anger for his disease, anger for Adam not believing n him, anger for being held captive, anger for the Galra using him as a weapon, anger for being killed, anger for living as a spirit, anger for coming back and only having to keep on fighting, anger for knowing he caused this pain on Earth, anger for Adam’s death, and now anger for this .
Keith.
Keith doesn’t deserve any of this pain.
Of all of the people in his life, Keith has been the most constant, the most loyal, and the most kind. He doesn’t deserve to be lying in a hospital bed in a coma because he tried to save the universe.
Shiro has to wonder if this is his fault, too.
If he hadn’t insisted on Keith being the leader of Voltron, maybe none of this would have ever happened.
“Don’t blame yourself,” Sam says and Shiro looks at him in surprise. “You’re easier to read than you think, Shiro. You did not ask for these things to happen.”
“If I hadn’t gone with you–.”
“Then Matt and I would probably be dead,” Sam says firmly. “You saved my family's life, Shiro. You are the Garrison’s hero – the universe’s hero – and I am sorry anyone here ever doubted your potential.”
“You never did,” Shiro whispers. He looks to Sam like a father figure in his life and he is glad to have someone as brave and intelligent as Sam to guide him.
Sam lays a hand on his right shoulder. “No,” he replies. “Because I saw your potential and I am glad I was right all along. Keith will come back to you. He always does.”
He always does.
The words add a weight to the pain in his heart.
Wherever Keith is now, Shiro only hopes he is happy.
The Garrison’s roof is one of the places he used to come with Keith often in their younger days. Now coming as Admiral, without Keith at his side, feels wrong but he comes to gaze the stars regardless. The world is quieter without Keith and Shiro doesn’t like how the silence rests on his shoulders.
It’s been a month since Keith fell into a coma for the second time.
In a month’s time, they’ve managed to rebuild the city, gather what resources they can find, and rescue more groups of stranded people. They’ve studied Altean magic and science, managing to update their own technology and weaponry.
Lance and Allura finally started dating.
A smile perks on Shiro’s face as he realizes Keith’s missed out on that moment. He’s going to be a little upset he wasn’t there to witness such an (adorable) travesty.
“I’m sorry, Keith,” Shiro whispers. “I’m sorry you’re missing so much.”
He’s mostly sorry because he knows Keith will blame himself when Keith is not to blame for not being around. Keith’s and the other Paladin’s bravery kept everyone safe and alive. Keith is the hero and he hopes one day Keith will see it as plainly as Shiro does.
The stars glint far away in the sky keeps Shiro distracted until he notes the black lion sitting alone from the other lions overlooking the desert. The image is so jarring Shiro rises to lean down to see if the others are nearby but only the black lion sits in silence. Shiro pulls away from the ledge and runs down from the roof and out the first-floor exit door.
If anyone can help Keith return to his conscious mind he has to believe Black can.
“I know I’m not your paladin anymore,” Shiro announces as he approaches, slowly walking around to look up at her face. “But I do know you kept my conscious safe… Sometimes, I don’t know why but you did and I have to believe it’s because I have some purpose here. Please, if you can help Keith, I’m begging you to help him, too.”
The black lion does not respond to him and Shiro knows there bond is severed. He feels no connection to her, she’s just a heap of metal, and while the concept hurts his heart, he can understand she carried him for so long and it was time to move on. She did her job and he had to keep living his life and honor her sacrifice.
“Keith’s a good man, your rightful paladin, and I know if he were here right now, he would tell me that only I was the rightful Black Paladin. And maybe I was at some point but I think we both know the real Black Paladin is lying in a coma and he needs help.”
Tears cut Shiro off and he has to pause to regain his composure. Of all of the people in his life, Shiro wants Keith to live life to the fullest. After everything Keith has been through, he deserves to live his life completely and unapologetically.
“Please,” he whispers. “Help him.”
For a moment, silence continues on between them. Shiro turns to go but he hears her growl and when he turns back around he notes her eyes come to life. He smiles and nods in understanding.
“Bring him home.”
“Shiro? Shiro ?!”
Black inky space stretches out from under his feet and the sky above. There isn’t a horizon line just black and purple swirls. Keith looks down to his feet and body and finds everything attached but he has no idea where he is now.
“Shiro?” he calls again. The place reminds him of the astral plane but Shiro is not here. “Shiro!”
He starts to run, watching the world of black and purple sky blur in his peripheral but nothing changes. There is no one here – just him and the emptiness.
“Shiro,” he says again and his voice breaks with the weight of loneliness.
He can remember waking up but he cannot remember how long that was or how long he’s been stuck here. Keith slowly falls to his knees and presses his forehead to the ground. Tears wrack his body while pain glides down his neck and between his shoulder blades. His head feels as if it could split in half. A scream is swallowed up by the black hole all around him. He’s being swallowed and devoured by whatever darkness is trying to keep him trapped.
“No,” Keith growls and reaches up into something solid. He pulls and claws his way until he can see light up ahead. A small dot but he keeps climbing. His mind’s eye fills with Pidge and how she’d stand at his side while communicating in silent gestures. He feels as if over time he’s come to know her so well. He pictures Hunk and all of his encouragement – the hug he can still feel cracking his ribs.
He climbs higher.
Lance, someone he used to hate, now he calls a good friend. He can see Lance yelling for him to come back because he knows he is stronger than this . He’s their leader, the best pilot at the Garrison, he can beat this darkness. He can see Allura at Lance’s side, a soft smile on her face, while she offers him her hand in a quiet gesture. Always wanting to help.
Keith digs at the small hole until he’s almost blinded by the light.
A scar slashing over a nose bridge makes Keith leap forward. “Shiro,” he gasps and feels his body fall until he jolts awake.
“Keith?” His mother appears in his line of sight and there is a tinge of worry in her tone. “Keith, can you hear me?”
“What’s wrong with him?” Kolivan mutters.
“He was having a seizure, he may still be…”
Keith blinks and notes his eyes are blurry and there is darkness creeping around the edge of his vision like he’s being forced back down the tunnel. He sits up soft fast he feels the world spin and someone grabs his shoulders but he won’t let himself fall back asleep. His vision, however, does not improve.
“Keith, can you hear me?” Krolia repeats.
“Yes,” he manages to say.
“Oh, thank the ancients,” she whispers.
The room is the same - the hospital room he woke up in earlier but he’s not sure how much time has passed. Keith squints while looking at his mother, then Kolivan, the doctors, and finally he notes another figure in the doorway but he cannot make out their features because the world looks a lot like he’s trying to look through plastic cellophane.
“Something is wrong with my eyes,” he says.
The doctor has him lean back he winces when she holds up a light to his eyes. “Your pupils are a little dilated,” she whispers. “Are you able to see everything clearly?”
“No. It’s like looking through distorted plastic – and it’s dark on the edges. Fuzzy.” Fear grips Keith’s body – he’s a pilot, the leader of Voltron, he needs his eyes. “Will it be okay?”
“We can run some tests but it could be just left over from your head injury,” the doctor assures him in a quiet voice but Keith doesn’t know what to believe. “It should clear up in a few hours.”
“And if it doesn’t?” Kolivan asks which is the question they’re all dreading.
“We’ll cross that bridge if we get there,” the doctor says but Keith can hear the solemness to her tone.
Keith settles back onto the bed and feels his hands shaking. Without his eyes, what kind of pilot can he be? He won’t be able to lead Voltron – he won’t be able to lead anyone or anything ever again. He couldn’t return to the Blades or flying.
He would be nothing.
“Shiro, would you like to come in?”
Shiro
Keith jerks his head toward the figure in the doorway and tries to squint so he can see Shiro but he doesn’t recognize Shiro’s face until he’s sitting at Keith’s bedside. His eyes widen when he notes Shiro is wearing a new uniform and there are more stripes on his shoulder and he’s pretty sure there is a new pin on his breast even if everything is hard to see unless he squints and leans forward.
“Keith,” Shiro whispers and his hand slowly clasp over his. “I’m so glad you’re awake.”
“How long was I out?” Keith asks, his eyes going down to where Shiro holds his hand. Butterflies alight in his stomach.
Shiro squeezes his hand tightly. “A month.”
“ A month ?”
He’d expected maybe a week at best but he’d been out for a month ? An entire month had gone by since they’d defeated Sendak and his final killswitch machine. A month since they’d returned to Earth as triumphant heroes but Keith doesn’t feel like a hero.
“It’s alright, Keith, your body needed to heal,” Shiro insists.
Much had happened in a month, Keith is sure, and he feels now like a stranger on his own planet. He reaches up to brush his fingers over the medals on Shiro’s chest even though he can hardly make them out even sitting this close. “What are these?” he whispers.
“I was named Admiral,” Shiro replies slowly. “I– I wanted you to be there. I wanted to wait but we couldn’t keep putting the ceremony off to wait for you to wake up. I’m sorry.”
Admiral .
Admiral Takashi Shirogane.
A smile tugs Keith’s lips. The Garrison’s highest honor and it rests on Shiro’s shoulders. A man they once told could not even fly to Kerberos because he was too sick and weak. Now, he’s their Admiral. Keith isn’t sure if justice has a flavor but he’s fairly certain he can taste it on his tongue.
“You deserve it, Shiro, more than anyone,” Keith replies. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t be there.”
“Comes with new quarters and a big office,” Shiro mumbles. “Mostly paperwork. I’ve hardly done anything except paperwork and babysitting.”
“What, you didn’t just immediately return to space to do some deep space exploration?” Keith asks with a snort. “Shocker.”
Shiro pinches Keith’s side gently. “Stop.”
He laughs – a real genuine laugh bubbling up out of his gut and making his head fall back on his pillow while he stares up at the blurry ceiling. He can’t even make out the tiles. Joy seeps out of him like tissue seeps up blood and he stares into space for a moment. If he can no longer see correctly, he won’t be able to fly the black lion again and would that mean Shiro would have to take the helm? Who would fly the Atlas?
“Keith?”
“Hm?”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” he lies and turns on a fake smile on the highest wattage he can. “I’m fine, Shiro. Just waiting for my dumb eyes to catch up to the rest of me.”
“They will,” Shiro assures him softly.
“Yeah,” Keith breathes out a sigh with the word. “They will.”