Chapter Text
"We've been through a lot, Root. I know, I must've hurt you a lot - caused you pain and made you feel like you can't run to me. I'm sorry for all those times. Especially for letting you go through tough times on your own. You don't deserve - "
"Sameen, please... Just stop," she cuts you off, walking further into the room to get some distance between the two of you. That's not fair. "What are you even talking about? There's nothing for you to apologize for. Everything I do I did out of my own volition. I'm aware of who you are and I'm not asking you for anything at all. The pain you're talking about? That's just something I live with," she pauses to look at anywhere but you. "Honestly, I don't know who I'll be without it. Surely, you know I'm used to it by now," she says as she slumps her body by the window. The 'I'm used to the way you were before' and 'Why are you pushing so hard to change things' implied in her words.
"But Root, that's no reason to go." You move to stand in front of her, "That's no reason to run away."
I need you, don't you know?
"I'm not running away from anything," she says exasperatedly. "There's barely anything to run away from!"
Everything is tense and you can't wait to touch her, fearing every second that you're not holding is a second wasted on second guessing and deflection. Somehow you know you're meant to be here. And so was she.
"I know why I stop myself," you say as you begin to turn her face towards you. "Before, I mean," you clarify. You wait until her eyes meet yours, "but why do you?"
"Lots of reasons."
"Like?"
She holds your stare for a moment and then she looks down and lets out a heavy sigh. "I know this is not you," she says to the floor with certainty. "Don't get me wrong, Sameen, I like you. I want you, but I don't want anything from you."
Please don't do this to me.
It's true you didn't envision yourself to ever be in this situation, trying to convince someone that you feel something, but here you are willing to promise anything that will make her believe you - that will make her want to keep you and stay with you.
"I can't help it, Root," you begin, but then you correct yourself with a shake of your head, "No. I don't want to help it, Root. Every time I see you, I feel like I'm lost and found at the same time, and that doesn't make any sense, I know, that's why I try to keep my distance, but every time you go away without notice and come back without a warning, everything just comes back stronger somehow. And it makes me want to always see you, to know you're there," you gather her hands in yours, keeping eye contact as you lower yourself to the floor.
She moves to stand up and stop you from kneeling, but you tighten your hold, asking her to keep you grounded. You order yourself to be brave and do this right because she's right here with you. Root gives you a small nod to encourage you to keep going. You can tell she's quite arrested with what you're talking about and tears are threatening to fall from her eyes. You hope your face shows you're smiling as you look up to her. She needs to know she inspires such a foreign reaction along with this swirl of emotions inside you.
"I like the odds that I'll most likely get to interact with you before my day ends," you begin again. "I'm a sociopath, we both know that, and as much as I know I will, I don't want to hurt you. But I don't want to live without you either. It's selfish, I know. But how else can I explain this? These things that are clawing at me from the inside, whenever you're not around - and these days - whenever you're with Frankie."
Root just looks at you, stunned. For a moment, you fear she's gonna run - away from this conversation and away from you. Her eyes water and she swallows her words, but before you know it the wind almost got knocked out of you as she throws herself at you, holding you tightly in her arms. You can feel her breathe you in.
"I miss her so much, Sameen," she chokes out, and you feel your chest grow heavier. Your hand clenches into a fist and you can feel your anger rise up. You're silently fuming now. You don't know how to handle Root all emotional like this, but at the same time you're ready to hunt Frankie down.
At the back of your mind, you wonder if this rage is what jealousy feels like, but you're too pissed off to care.
"She needs me," Root's words pierced through your consciousness. She pushes away from you, "I need to keep going. That's the only way I know how to help Her," she says as if convincing you of her next steps even if you have no idea what she's planning to do.
The Machine! That's who she's talking about!
You're both relived and worried. Frankie is so far from Root's mind, she doesn't even register the hint of jealousy from your concern that she's slipping away from you. I think I'm losing you. She's too worried about her robot girlfriend to notice that one pining for her. Hell, she's too worried about everything about the Machine and its missions that she's doesn't notice me either!
And you can't take it anymore. You step right in front of her, "Root, I'm right here for you. I'll help you with the Machine." You take her hands in yours once again and search her eyes. "Okay?" you ask, steeling yourself from what you're about to do and praying that she'll let you in this time. She blinks and a tear falls down her right eye. She gives a slight nod and that's all the sign you need. You kiss her, and you feel all the tension leave both your bodies.
"Stay with me, please," you almost begged as you pull away. And you want to ask for more than tonight, but when she wraps her arms around you, you think 'this is enough for now.'