Chapter Text
“Do you think he was gonna kiss you?!” Sugawara gasped, a delighted grin on his face as he leaned in. “Maybe I should hang mistletoe in there,” he said, and admired how positively red Asahi was becoming.
Asahi shrugged. “I-I don't really know...but I just told him I wasn't ready for it. I need to learn how to talk to him about stuff first.”
“Well, yeah. I’m not gonna be the one to rush you into things, and it seems like he isn't, either. But from what it sounds like, he seriously has your best interest at heart, and saying you’re going to open up is just half of the solution. Doing it is the harder part.”
Asahi nodded, and sighed. Nishinoya wanted him. For some reason, he wanted him to the point of waiting to kiss him, to the point of still talking to him even when his flaws came into the limelight. In fact, Nishinoya talked about them like he knew about them all along.
“I’ll think about it some more,” Asahi sighed.
“I know,” Suga laughed, “I don’t blame you.”
***
Asahi’s week rolled by aimlessly, meeting the eyes of many an animals alike. His phone calls with Nishinoya continued, and their talks were warm. Soft and quiet, Constant. Asahi forced his brain into submission and compliance. He spoon fed himself the idea that Noya wanted to talk, that every text and every call was just proof that he was wanted. It was difficult, unbelievably so.
***
“Of course your go-to bar for work is named ‘Lucky Dog.’” Nishinoya grinned, as Asahi hopped into the Ford.
“Well...we’re an exotic vet place, so maybe it would be better suited as something like ‘Lucky Lizard.’”
“Ehh, but that sounds like ‘leaking your lizard,’” he laughed.
“I don't even know what that means,” Asahi shrugged, and grinned. Nishinoya only laughed and shook his head.
“Of course you don’t. How was your day?” He grinned, and Asahi had to smile a little at that. He knew There was no malice behind those words. Things had been smooth over the past week, staying up together late at night or texting each other when anything quite interesting happened.
“It was alright...very busy,” he said softly. “That parrot keeps getting rocks stuck in his stomach. Remember the one I told you about before? He came back a third time today with a paperclip in his stomach and we had to cut him open again. His owners really need to watch him more, or pick up what he's eating.”
Nishinoya chuckled delightedly. “Maybe he just wants to see you, Dr. Azumane.” He purred. “If I was a bird and my only means of getting to you was to eat rocks, well...I’d have some fucked up teeth, let me just say that.” He grinned, and Asahi smiled a little.
“Don't say that...your teeth aren't worth seeing me.”
“Uh, yeah they fucking are,” he laughed, before settling down just to look at Asahi for a moment. He reached up to push a coil of hair behind his ear, resting his hand on the side of his neck for a minute.
Before Asahi had the time to react, the moment was gone, and Nishinoya’s hand was back on the wheel. Asahi bit his lip and laughed a little, looking down at his lap.
“Well...I’ve learned by now that it’s very hard to change your opinions.” He said quietly.
“Right! So quit trying,” he laughed, and looked fondly at Asahi, before pulling out of the parking lot and driving off in the direction that his phone’s GPS was telling him to.
The two talked comfortably the whole way there, lulled by the street lights and the impending golden hour of summer. Once they arrived, Asahi helped Nishinoya out of the truck. His friend didn’t let go of his arm as they walked inside, and Asahi didn’t mind, at all. He just let it happen. He forced himself not to overthink it.
They sat down on a couple of bar stools, both ordering beers. Asahi was nursing his, and Nishinoya was knocking his own back easily. He was done with his first by the time Asahi was halfway through his own, and he grinned, waiting patiently for Asahi to finish it. Asahi drank faster, his face flushing gradually. Their chatter floated around here and there, Asahi ordering another round of beers for them both.
The end of Asahi’s second beer had him feeling good. He looked over at Nishinoya, interrupting their slow chatter.
“You know...I think now that I’m mildly intoxicated, I don’t feel as scared to talk to you about my feelings.”
“Well...I’m down. I’m always down.” Nishinoya replied, sipping down the remnants of his own beer.
“Okay. I didn’t tell you about high school, remember? When I was in high school, everybody was scared of me. I was this...this huge and scary guy. But the scariest thing was the guys. I dated two guys in high school. And I just let them...let them use me. I let them stomp all over me, right? And they said my feelings were stupid, and they…” Asahi took a deep breath. He felt like a dam had burst. But this was what Nishinoya wanted, wasn’t it? “Once they found out that I wasn’t as strong as I looked, they used me.”
Nishinoya’s face was soft. He scooted his stool closer, closer, until their heat was mingling. “You’re strong now. And you were probably strong then. Just trusting, and too nice.” A beat of silence turned Asahi’s mouth sour.
He sighed. “Why can’t you accept that I have faults? Everyone wants to act like I’m good. Like I’m normal. But I’m not either of those things. The doctors started to load me up on pills in high school for a reason.” His eyes rolled their way to Noya’s face.
Nishinoya looked so...sad. “Why can’t you accept that there are so many good qualities about yourself? Why can’t you let me show you all of the things that I like about you? When we talk, I just feel so good. It’s like I’m high or something, you know? You’re caring, and smart, and funny, and you’re really...you’re an incredible person. So let me make you believe.”
Asahi halved his third beer all the way and turned to the bar with the intention of ordering a fourth. “I just can’t make myself believe the things you think about me. You have the wrong idea, I feel like an imposter. I don’t deserve your feelings, or your time.”
Nishinoya watched him sadly. “I’m not wrong. You like me, right? So don’t you trust me? Can’t I make you trust my judgement? I’ll stay as long as it takes, and I won’t drag you around. You aren’t just a joke to me. You’re so much more than...than anything.”
Asahi took a sip of his beer and shook his head slowly. His filter wasn’t working well anymore. His head felt heavy and the room took just a little extra time to catch up to his vision. “I want you. I want to deserve to even know you. You’re so, so incredible, and you make me feel like I’m on top of the world whenever we talk.” I guess you don’t understand as well as I hoped you did.
Nishinoya was staring at him like he was the center of the universe. His beer was finished, the empty caramel bottle resting on top of the bar, but he wasn’t ordering any more. His eyes were latched onto Asahi, and Asahi felt his stare on his skin. “I can’t even tell you how much I wish I had taken you drinking sooner.”
“I’m the one taking you,” Asahi slurred a little, and laughed quietly. “I’m the one with the big paycheck, aren’t I? Nishinoya laughed. “Yeah, yeah. You are.” He leaned on Asahi’s shoulder, smiling at the bar surface. “How do we get home?”
“Train?” Asahi asked, and looked at Nishinoya. “We could stay the night together.” A lull rushed over them both.
“Stay...A-Asahi,” Nishinoya laughed nervously. “We can't do that. I’ll call myself a ride or something from the station.”
“You want to.” Asahi drew his beer to his mouth, gulping more of the bitter liquid down. “Just say yes,” he mumbled, and wrapped his arm around Nishinoya’s back, “I want you to. So take me home with you,” he said, looking at Nishinoya pleadingly. His face and shoulders were hot with intoxication, and the idea of going home without Nishinoya seemed like the worst in the world.
Nishinoya looked like he was having a very, very difficult time deciding. “You...you’re drunk, Asahi,” he said softly, and Asahi shook his head, growing frustrated.
“So? I know what I want for once. I’m not worried. I’m thinking without the factor of my anxiety.”
“I can’t let you. What if you regret it tomorrow morning? What am I going to do if we do something that you regret?”
“I wanted it when I was sober, I want it now.” Asahi frowned at Nishinoya.
“You can’t make this choice for the both of us right now. Let’s talk about it when we’re both totally sober.” Asahi knew he was right. He stopped talking, finally, his stomach full with alcohol. He looked at Nishinoya and let out a soft sigh. Seconds passed. “Okay. You’re right, I’m sorry.” He whispered, and found Nishinoya’s hand with his own free one, holding it in his own.
He yawned, and then burped, and then smiled when Nishinoya failed to stifle a laugh. “I’m gonna be fine. You would hate me if I took advantage of you, and I would hate myself even more. Let’s get you some water.”
Nishinoya ordered Asahi and himself a glass, and made sure Asahi was drinking it down.
“There you go, big guy. When’s the last train?”
“Nine forty-seven,” he mumbled, trying to focus his energy into sobering up as best he could. He wasn’t trying to burden Nishinoya, he just really, really wanted to just spend the night beside him. Asahi wasn’t totally sure if he could get home all by himself.
“Can we walk together the station? I feel too drunk to know about getting home yet. I have to sober up on the train.”
Nishinoya nodded. “Just finish your water, okay? I’ll stay with you on the phone, on your way home.”
“Promise?”
“Yeah. Promise.”
***
The walk to the station didn’t take too long. Asahi was able to sober up a small amount as they walked, Nishinoya’s presence steadying him to the ground. He was so happy to just be alive in that moment. And when they got to the station, Asahi found that it was his turn to make the move.
When they stood under the streetlamp of the lonely train station, Asahi’s eyes were soft, focused on the only person in the world who really, truly mattered in that moment. He pulled Nishinoya in front of him and found his hands, holding them. Nishinoya stared back at him like he meant something, and for once in his life, he really felt like he did. Asahi cupped Noya’s face in his hands, warm and soft and big. He ran his thumbs over his cheeks. “Is it okay if I kiss you, for real this time?”
Nishinoya took a moment to find his words. He looked up at the other man with eyes as wide as saucers, and blinked. “U-um, yeah...It’s okay if you kiss me.”
And the words made Asahi feel strong. He knelt down, his hands fumbling and landing on Nishinoya’s firm shoulders. He felt steady, and right. How could Nishinoya ever say no to him now?
The kiss was warm, quiet, and kind. It tasted like beer and heat and something deeper, more indescribable than that. Maybe it was spit. Asahi found it hard to tell. But this wasn’t like any other kiss he’d ever had, and that was for sure. It seemed to last for minutes, hours, years.
And just like that, it was over. The train was rattling into the station, and Asahi had to slip away slowly. He stared a Nishinoya for a moment. “I want you to know that I’m not as drunk as i was half an hour ago. And I might regret doing this when I’m sober, but only because I liked it so much that I’ll feel guilty for giving myself what I wanted. But I also promise to work on getting over that. Because I like you. I want to be here for you.”
Nishinoya was barely keeping himself together when they hugged tightly for the last time that night. “Call me when you get home, please. Or if you get lost, or if you need me.”
Asahi nodded and smiled. “Okay. Thank you, Nishinoya.” He got onto the train and fumbled with his train card, showing the driver, before settling into his seat. He looked out the window and smiled, waving sleepily at Noya. He mouthed ‘good night,’” and then he was gone. Sleepy, drunk, and flushed on the train, but trying his very damndest to stay up.
Once he was home, Asahi pulled up his phone app and pressed on the little icon that held Nishinoya’s grinning face. He had his answer within two rings.
“Hey, Asahi! Did you get home?” Asked the tinny voice on the other line.
“Hi,” Asahi said softly. “I’m home. I feel a little bit better, so I’m going to drink some water and get to sleep.” He paused for a moment. “Thank you for coming out with me tonight. And thanks for kissing me.”
“You’re the one who kissed me first, dummy.” A breathy laugh followed Noya’s voice as he whispered into the phone.
“Well...thanks for kissing back, then.” There was a pause on the other line.
“Anytime,” Nishinoya said, and laughed a little bit more to himself. “Get some water, okay? And go to sleep. I’ll talk to you in the morning.”
“Yeah, okay.” Asahi responded, and he heard a final few words before the phone was hung up, though he couldn’t make them out until the phone had been hung up. “Text me in the morning. Goodnight, Asahi.”
Click.
Sunday morning, Asahi woke up at 10 AM. He checked his phone, greeted by a typical good morning text from Nishinoya, and all the memories of last night came flooding back. Asahi was too exhausted to feel bad or angry at himself, so he texted back with an identical “good morning.”
The response was almost immediate. Asahi wasn’t in the right state of mind to check. He got up and stumbled into the kitchen to take his medicine, before heading back into the bedroom to check his phone.
“how r u feeling?”
“My head hurts a little, but I feel good otherwise. How about yourself?”
“im good. everythin feels fine fr the most part,,,can i call u soon”
“Yeah. Just let me shower first, okay?”
“kay, no worries!! :)” Asahi wandered his way into the bathroom, stepping into the shower to wash off whatever old magic had clung on his skin last night. Not to mention the sweat and smell. He scrubbed his body and conditioned his hair, staring at the wall of the shower. All Asahi wanted was to have been sober. He was glad Nishinoya stopped him, but, well...he was starting to want Noya more and more. Suddenly, he felt like he couldn’t open up fast enough. He was offering his heart and all of his guts up to Nishinoya, wishing desperately to get to know the other man even deeper. Today was a free day for him, except for...shit. The animals. He scrambled to finish the shower, texting Sugawara as soon as he possibly could.
“Please go check on the animals, I’m sorry. I just woke up, had a big night. I’ll fill you in later and I’ll come to see the animals tonight. Sorry again."
The reply came after a few minutes. “So irresponsible lol. No problem”
“Thank you, I’m so sorry.” Then, he opened up the messages with Nishinoya.
“Hey.”
“hey :^)”
“I know this sort of breaks our cycle, but do you want to hang out today?” He paused and sent another. “I understand if you’re tired of interacting with me. I just thought that we could go and get your car or something. And talk.”
“yea sure! im not evr gona get sick of u js :))”
“Js?”
“just saying”
A pause. “wats the plan ? r we gona meet up on the train?”
“Yes. I can order you a ride to the station.”
“naw ill walk no worries. send me the bus schedule fr the station by the harbor n well go from there”
Asahi sent it.
“ok kool. hows the 1 at 1:26??”
“That’s fine. I’ll end up linking up with you at the station by the forest, do you know the one? Stop 4. Take the yellow line. I’ll be able to figure the rest of it out before we meet up.”
“will do asahi! see u at like 2 haha”
“I’ll see you then.”
***
Asahi stepped off of his train to see Nishinoya sitting on a bench waiting for him. He walked towards him, feeling his stomach twisting. This was harder than it was last night, for sure. Nishinoya looked up at him fast, a bright grin splitting his mouth open as he waved. Asahi waved back, and made his way up to the dramatically shorter man.
“Hi there,” Noya said, and no matter how much he was trying to hide it, Asahi saw the nerves. He could pick out worry from a mile away.
“Sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have, um...done that.”
“Why do you say so?” Nishinoya asked him, his eyes wide with curiosity. “I like you. You only shouldn’t have done it if you feel regret about it because you didn’t want it.” Nishinoya telling him what he should and shouldn’t feel was an odd, reassuring guidance.
“Oh. Well…” Asahi thought for a moment. He wanted it then, he wanted it now. He felt a shock at the realization, at the fact that he could kiss Noya again, and again.
Well...maybe. But the consequences wouldn’t be nearly as monumental or destructive as he was worried they would be. Maybe he could even get used to it. “Then I would like to change what I’m sorry for.”
“And what might that be?” Nishinoya was smiling. Endearing and perfect in the afternoon sun. “I’m sorry for getting drunk and being a burden to you.”
Noya laughed. “I didn’t mind it at all. In fact, I thought it was kinda cute. You’re cute, Asahi.”
Asahi flushed down to the back of his neck. “I’m not…” And Nishinoya was staring at him patiently, still smiling. “Thank you.” He corrected himself.
The grin quadrupled in size. Noya hopped to his feet and took Asahi’s hands. “I want to compliment you on about a million more things, but I don’t think your heart can handle it.”
He was right. Asahi might have liked to hear them, too. But he wouldn’t be able to accept them all, carry them in his arms and fists and not drop a single one. He’d get better at it, though. He knew. As long as Nishinoya was around to spoon-feed them to him, he knew.
***
The walk to the bar was relatively brisk. Asahi and Nishinoya talked comfortably, laughing together and walking down to Nishinoya’s truck. And when they were quiet, it was comfortable, and Asahi wasn’t in any rush to break it. Everything was worth talking about. The trees, what was for breakfast, even a particularly large pigeon. And God how Asahi was feeling. It didn’t compare to anything he had ever even come close to feeling before. Sure, the fear and sickness was still there, but it was squashed and small beneath the mass of everything else.
When the smaller of the pair spotted his truck, he burst into the fastest sprint Asahi had ever seen anyone take in his life. He was across the parking lot in three seconds flat, jamming his keys into the ignition and revving up the old truck with the metal door flung wide open. Asahi smiled at him, jogging over lithely.
“So...have you had lunch? ‘Cause I’m kinda hungry over here.” Nishinoya flashed a million dollar grin, and Asahi chuckled.
“Yeah, actually. I could definitely eat.”
And so they did. Within twenty minutes and a phone call, Asahi and Nishinoya had carryout and were eating in the car, sharing containers and laughs.
“Aren’t you worried about dropping anything on the floor?” Asahi asked, and Nishinoya laughed and shook his head.
“Naw. I’ve had this baby since I’ve had a license. She’s seen worse, by far. Plus, I’ll just clean it up, anyways. I don’t mind.” He flashed a grin.
“Ah, okay,” Asahi said, and relaxed back into his carseat, chewing on some noodles thoughtfully.
“Hey...so you told me about yourself a little bit last night. And since then, I’ve been thinking. You never ask anything about me, so I never told you anything. Just got up your ass for not answering me. So I’m gonna start talking about my past. And you don’t have to talk about yours, but I would appreciate it, you know, a lot.”
Asahi swallowed. Oh. Okay. He nodded, turning to watch Nishinoya spill his guts in real time.
“Okay, well. Growing up, I was always sort of a nuisance in middle school. I wasn’t ever invited anywhere. I spent my whole life trying to convince myself that my friends liked me, that I was really ‘in.’ But, I wasn’t.” He smiled bitterly up at Asahi. “I was so lonely, and All I wanted was a group to fit in with. I didn’t care who I had to be. I would’ve worn any mask in the world, just so long as I could look out of it and see friends on the other side.
“But I hit high school, and god damn, let me tell you, everything changed. I joined the Volleyball club, and I put up my best blank slate of excitement that I possibly could. I wanted to fit in, I wanted to be cool. And everyone in that club was so different from anybody else. But they all loved each other, y’know? And they loved me, too. I learned how to really get my shit together through those guys. In fact, my roommate and his boyfriend are a couple of them.” He laughed heartily, and Asahi had to manage a smile back. Lonely in high school, huh? Yeah, he knew a little bit about that.
“High school was really tough for me, too. I think I already told you about a part of it, but...I was so scared to lose anybody, or to let them down. So I just ran away from people. But as soon as I was trapped, no way out, I let people use me. I couldn’t abandon the ones who got in, and I didn’t know who I should have been running from. Sometimes, I’m still scared that I’ll make the same kinds of mistakes.” Asahi said softly, and caught his lip in his teeth, shrugging.
“I hope you don’t run from me. Because I feel…” Nishinoya took a deep, hard inhale. “I feel like you really like me. You’re real with me, you know? You and I…we like each other for who we are.” Nishinoya was spot on, and he knew it. They both knew it.
“Then...I want you to know I feel the same way. Nobody was ever nearly as patient as you are with me. I’m sorry that I am how I am, but--”
“You aren’t any way you should feel sorry about. I like you. I’m here to help you, always. When you call, I’ll come. No matter what.”
Asahi smiled. He felt like giving Nishinoya a reward. An affirmation. “Do you know how I felt when you saw Bolt, when we gave him back to you?” Noya shook his head. “I don’t really know how to describe it, myself. You were so...I guess it was how I really knew I wanted to keep in touch with you. I wanted to let you in. You’re the only person who didn’t have to force their way in, because you were really caring, and patient. I guess that you still are.”
Nishinoya set his food on the dash and scooted closer to Asahi. “Can I hug you?”
The taller counterpart nodded, and Noya wrapped him in a tight hug. He put his spaghetti to the side, and hugged back. Noya was so small in his arms, like a little bird. Asahi buried his head in Nishinoya’s hair, and felt the soft flutter of a kiss on his left collarbone. He sighed in content. This felt so much better than any self-assured safety, because it was with someone else. Because it was with Nishinoya.
***
Noya pulled up to Asahi’s apartment complex another half hour later, and parked. Asahi stared at Nishinoya with a kind smile. He had organized the takeout food and put it back into the bag it had started in, packets of dipping sauce and utensils and crumpled napkins. Nishinoya drummed his fingers on the wheel.
“Uh, so. For our next weekend thing--date? It’s okay if I call it a date by now, right?”
Asahi nodded. “Date is fine.”
“Cool, cool. Great,” Noya smiled, relieved. “There’s a house party that one of my friends is hosting. He’s a chill dude, and I wanted to take you as my plus-one. If that’s okay with you, of course. I didn’t tell anybody yet, so don’t worry, if you…”
Asahi was smiling. “Yeah, I would...I’d really like that, I mean. I want to go with you. To your party, as your…”
“Date.” Nishinoya finished for him.
“Date.” Asahi confirmed.
“Then I’ll come and pick you up. At around five, is that okay?”
“Yes. I’ll be here.”
Always. He would always be here.
***
Sugawara’s eyes were as big as saucers, and for once, Asahi felt just a little bit smug about it. That’s right. I’m not a completely lost cause. No matter How many times Suga acted his very best to seem like he didn’t think that Asahi was, it was still obvious that there was a doubt in his mind. There always would be, maybe. But the doubt was absent in Nishinoya, and that was what mattered. “I’m going to a house party with him, on Saturday night.” Asahi added pleasantly, and hid his smile to the best of his ability.
He was proving Suga wrong, teaching him that he could be normal, happy. Could make someone happy. He loved Sugawara, but he always hated the feeling of sticking one step behind him, all the time. Maybe one day, he’d pluck up the courage to say something about it.
***
The night of the party rolled around relatively quickly, with Asahi fretting over what to wear in front of the mirror for about half an hour. He settled on a band t-shirt and his favorite jeans, recoiling his curls with his fingers for the billionth time that night. He had already chosen not to drink at the party, or he’d maybe have one drink to loosen himself up socially. Tonight was the night that it was all supposed to come together. They’d had their detours, had their pitfalls, and miscommunications. Now, the stars were aligned. Now, Asahi needed to--the brunette jumped as his cell phone went off, Nishinoya’s grinning face flashing on the screen.
“Hello?” Asahi answered the call, cradling his cellphone against his stubble-stippled jaw.
“Hey! I’m here, come on down.” Nishinoya sounded a little winded, possibly as nervous as he was. Or maybe he’d just had a tough time parking. Asahi knew from personal experience that the parking lot of his apartment complex was a hell all of its own kilter.
“Alright, I’ll see you soon.” He hung up and slipped on his shoes, looking at himself in the mirror for the last time that night, before shaking his head resolutely. Good enough, he forced himself to think. Noya wouldn’t stop liking him because of his appearance, right? Asahi grabbed his keys and his wallet and walked out the door.
He made his way down the stairs and smiled kindly at the other man through the window of his red pickup, making his way to the truck and getting in on the passenger’s side.
“You look good, Asahi! Your hair, especially. You’re wearing it down!”
Asahi smiled. “Ah, you said you wanted to see it all the way down, right?”
“Of course! You never disappoint, huh?” He laughed, biting his lip.
“Ah, well, I don’t know if I would necessarily go that far…”
“Well, I would. You’re amazing, Asahi.”
Asahi only smiled, and looked over at Nishinoya. Of course, he couldn’t argue with his date when his mind was made up.
The ride to the party was atmospheric and kind, their laughter floating around the tinny metal capsule that rolled down the highway. Asahi recalled the four other parties he’d ever been to in his life, and Nishinoya documented his own eight-hundred more.
Things felt warm, good. Asahi was happy, and things seemed to be looking up for him. He watched Nishinoya unabashedly, when they came to red lights and Nishinoya caught him, he didn’t look away. He took comfort in the little silences that they cultivated together, welcoming them as their own small, arbitrary nothings. With Nishinoya, everything was something, even if it really was nothing at all.
When they arrived, Noya was the first out of the truck. His thick work boots slapped against the pavement of the road. The house was humming along to something upbeat, something Asahi had never heard before. Noya took his hand cautiously, helping him scoot out of the truck via the driver’s side door. Asahi didn’t let go, skimming his body across the long bench and slamming the door shut to the car as Noya locked it up.
Suddenly, Nishinoya halted their walking. He looked up at Asahi candidly. “Tell me if we have to go, okay? I don’t care if you think that the reason is stupid, and I also don’t care if we leave in half an hour, or even sooner. You are the reason that I came tonight, and you are perfectly allowed to be the reason that I leave.” He smiled earnestly, and Asahi had to smile back. He might listen to that. Noya saw the look in his eye. “Seriously, for real.”
Asahi nodded. “Thank you.” He was going to do his best, anyways. “If it gets to be too much, I’ll talk to you.”
The pair walked inside, and Noya was immediately waving to people and greeting them. He introduced Asahi as his date to everybody who asked (and who didn’t ask). Said date was flustered but generally happy. The music was low and thrumming through the house’s frame, bass palpable deep in Asahi’s bones. Something that would have bothered him before, now fell to the wayside. The two made their way to the snack table and Nishinoya ladled punch into two cups. They made a toast, and when prompted, Nishinoya claimed it was a toast to being in each other’s presence.
Within ten minutes, the pair was seated comfortably on a weathered down couch. Their hands were linked still, speaking calmly to one another in the blurry, colorful haze of the party. Things that should be scary didn’t matter to Asahi when Nishinoya was there to distract him.
“Thank you for coming with me,” Noya mumbled, looking up gratefully. Asahi felt his heart shiver. He nodded.
“Thank you for inviting me. This is...nice, you know?” He had never described a party as “nice” before. They were on the same page for most of the time, and if they weren’t, they figured out a way to get there.
A couple hours passed, and Asahi and Nishinoya milled around the party. Asahi drifted wherever Noya took him, feeling oddly like a child’s balloon. But he didn’t mind, not when it was Noya on the end of the string. He didn’t think he had ever felt so guiltlessly indulgent to a person before.
He noticed belatedly that the party was drying out. People were going home, alone or together. It was then that Noya hopped up, in a lull of conversation.
“I’ll be right back, okay? Just a sec.”
Asahi nodded, looking up curiously from their game of chess with half the pieces missing. Where was he headed? And would Asahi survive this? He felt a flutter of nerves in his stomach but quelled them down, telling himself that Nishinoya would be back. Of course he would be back.
In about two minutes, the upbeat music came to a stop. Nobody seemed to notice, except for Asahi. And for a moment, he worried that Nishinoya had caused it, tripped over a wire, or something.
Eventually he watched Noya come out of the other room, no longer having to weave in and out of other young adults with red cups. Only a few remained, and nobody seemed to care when Noya pulled Asahi up wordlessly. His face was red. He looked shy. Asahi had only ever met this Nishinoya once or twice.
New music started to play, and Noya cursed quietly under his breath. He pulled Asahi with him into the kitchen, gloriously vacant and mostly dark, save for a row of small buffet lights tucked beneath a line of cabinets. Asahi stared at Noya, and Noya stared back.
“I don’t think this is going to be as smooth as I wanted it to be,” he laughed honestly, his free hand pressing against the nape of his neck nervously. He blinked, looking up at Asahi. The music was quiet, soft. It didn’t seem like what Noya would be into, but Asahi, well...Asahi liked it.
Soon enough, the truth came spilling out of Nishinoya’s mouth. “I made you a playlist. I was, um...I don’t know. Dance with me?”
Asahi nodded. His eyes were still big, taking a pale hand and lacing their fingers together. He placed Noya’s hand on his shoulder, letting it graze the back of his own neck, touching his hair. He smiled, and it didn’t take them long to find their rhythm.
They melted together, holding each other in the dim kitchen. Asahi didn’t know when he had started to cry, and he really wasn’t able to pinpoint an exact reason as to why. The bodies swayed together, and soon enough, he pulled his head away slow, a serene expression on his face.
“You’re crying?” Noya whispered, tender and soft. Asahi could only nod. Of course, all he wanted to do was agree with Noya. All he was able to do was say yes, yes, yes. Wherever Nishinoya went, he would follow.
Nishinoya wiped beneath Asahi’s eyes, before he kissed him.
Asahi’s eyes fell closed, and his hands looped around Noya’s small waist. He felt wiry arms hook around his neck, and they swayed together pleasantly as they kissed. Asahi moved with his counterpart slowly, feeling their feet shuffling and gliding. Nishinoya was pulling them backwards, and Asahi’s big, clumsy feet followed him. He only stopped when his dance partner hit a surface. Noya was laying against the refrigerator now, his eyes still closed, and Asahi took the opportunity to stick his hands up his shirt. He didn’t quite know what he was doing, but he did what he wanted. He did what he felt like, pertaining to the idea that Nishinoya would find it pleasant, too. Asahi could feel the melting heat of his ribs against his clammy hands, and a drifting thought occurred to him in that moment. He remembered a word he’d heard in his physics class way back in high school: Equilibrium. He recalled all the definitions he’d pored over for his homework.
E·qui·lib·ri·um, ēkwəˈlibrēəm, Noun: equilibrium. A state in which opposing forces or influences are balanced. A state of physical balance, even a calm state of mind.
Noya was making noise by now. Quiet little curls of sound in the air, against the music. Every single song was the best song he’d ever heard. Asahi was mouthing at his jaw. He pulled away cautiously, scared for a split second that he would Look at Nishinoya and something awful might happen, like he would wake up or something. Instead, all he did--all he could do--was stare in dumbfounded admiration at the little bird that was pinned in front of him. He sighed shakily, and laughed. He felt dizzy and seasick with the most wonderful kind of illness he could ever imagine.
“I guess the playlist wasn’t such a bad idea, after all.” Noya muttered breathlessly, laughing a little under his breath, himself. “Is it okay if we, uh.” He paused. “I didn’t come here planning this all out. I promise. But can we stay the night together?”
Asahi nodded his head and smiled, feeling shaky, quiet. “It never occurred to me that you would do that.”
Noya smiled. “Okay. I’m gonna get the car started. Coming with? Or do you need to stay here and wrap anything up?”
For once, Asahi knew just what to say. “I came to this party for you. I’m leaving for you.” Noya let out a guffaw that dissolved right into the air.
“Come on then,” he breathed, and grabbed Asahi by the wrist, pulling him along. He twisted under the brunette’s arm and made his way right out the kitchen door. Asahi followed; of course he followed. He would follow Noya way further than to a beat up Ford parked along the curb.
The brunette stumbled into the car, and Nishinoya clambered after him. They were kissing again, but now to the tune of crickets and little tree frogs, and the very faint playlist that Nishinoya had conjured, still wafting sweetly from the house. Noya wiggled into his lap, fitting himself like a russian doll in the space between Asahi’s thighs. Asahi held him.
It was a long time before they broke away, looking at each other with split-seam grins on their faces. Asahi took a long look at Nishinoya, before letting him go to slide into the driver’s seat. He huffed and stared at the tin roof, just smiling to himself. Nishinoya’s hand found his own, curling their fingers together. Asahi laced their fingers together firmly, while they drove off into the night.
“Not to invite myself over, but your place is fine, right?” Nishinoya asked.
“Yeah, that’s fine. I can give you directions from here,” Asahi said, and Noya made a soft noise of affirmation. So Asahi provided Noya with the place to go, and Nishinoya followed. Unwaveringly. He was filled with the buzzing nerves of excited anxiety. He rode it, let the feeling take him over.
What felt like hours on the path to Asahi’s apartment complex must have only been fifteen or twenty minutes. They kissed at all the stoplights, just when the fire in Asahi’s stomach was beginning to fizzle down.
One quick peek at Nishinoya’s lap said left no doubt that he felt the same. The arrival to the complex was a celebratory one to say the least.
They clambered up the stairs to Asahi’s floor and snuck into his apartment, fumbling in the dark, touching one another for balance and for fun. Nishinoya broke a kiss off with a soft pop, looking up at Asahi with a glimmer or white teeth in the darkness: a grin. “Doctor Azumane,” he began, “Where is your bedroom?”
Asahi almost couldn’t stand what reaction those words incited within him. He took Nishinoya by the wrist and pulled him down the narrow hallway, opening his bedroom door and thanking god that he’d remembered to wash his sheets and clean his room. As the door was closed and clicked behind them, and Nishinoya was pulling Asahi into the bed, Asahi finally understood how all those romcom characters felt. The searing heat of another person was euphoric, especially if it was the love interest.
***
Asahi had never felt so tangled up with a person. Sunlight hit his face through closed blinds, and a small, mostly naked young man was wrapped up in his arms and legs. The night before had been eventful and late, but their end result really was just hands: clumsy, fumbling. Nothing more than what Asahi could deal with, and Noya didn’t nearly protest.
He looked perfect in the morning light. Asahi stared at his face, his eyelashes and his lips. He was soft, peaceful and dewy. Asahi didn’t wake him up. He just got up carefully, making his way to the kitchen to take his medicine and start some rice, enough for two. He wondered, if his rice cooker could talk, if it would be shocked at the new workload. He stumbled into the bathroom and grabbed a towel from the linen closet, before pausing. He set out a second, pleased with himself for planning ahead. Asahi got into the shower, and heard noise stirring from the other room. For once, he felt good. So, so good.
Walking into a bedroom with a second person in it was new, to say the least. Nishinoya sat in a sea of bedsheets, his hair tousled and his mouth smiling. “Good morning,” he said, and Asahi returned the greeting in kind.
“There’s rice in the rice cooker, and a towel for you in the bathroom. Do you know how to use the shower?”
Noya nodded, and stood up. “I’ll figure it out.” He mumbled, rubbing his eyes. He ambled into the bathroom and Asahi heard the shower turn on, smiling in satisfaction at the fact. Quick learner. That’s my Nishinoya.
The brunette checked his phone clock, and was immediately glad that Suga had decided to take up the morning routine for him today. He knew he couldn’t do it nearly well enough or on time.
***
Two bowls of tamagoyaki and a shower later, Asahi sat at the table with Nishinoya.
Dressed in one of Asahi’s shirts, he finally spoke up out of his sleep-induced haze. “I never really got around to asking last night, I guess.”
“Hm?” Asahi peered up from a mug of coffee and a small newspaper.
“Well, I’m not all that great at speeches. I kinda had one planned out last night, but I forgot most of it. Anyways.” His cheeks were pink, his eyes downcast and focused on the mirrored pair that resided within Asahi’s skull. “Can we...make this exclusive? I don’t want to rush you if you don’t feel ready...” He mumbled, and Asahi smiled kindly.
“Yes. Of course.” He felt ready. This felt right, and good.
“Well...sweet. I’m officially dating thebest Veterinarian out there.” Noya grinned, and pulled his chair closer. “Hey. You think we could play doctor sometime?”
Asahi blushed, his face red as he looked at Nishinoya in embarrassed surprise. “I-I, hey, now…” Nishinoya only laughed, bright and excited and so happy. And Asahi had to melt in along with him.
***
Asahi sat at lunch, waiting patiently for a certain phone call. He got one every wednesday, always from Suga, always regarding a visitor. It had been this way for months now.
Ring, ring. Asahi picked up. “Hello?”
“You have a visitor. Should I send him in?” Sugawara asked, and Asahi could hear the boyish smile on his face.
“Please, and thank you, Suga.”
“No worries, Asahi.” The door creaked open, and Nishinoya stood with a few bags of takeout. He flashed a grin. “Good to see you, Dr. Azumane.”
“It’s good to see you, too.” Asahi replied. He was never lying, and he truly felt that his statement would always ring true. A constant state of balance was essential to his own personal brand of Equilibrium, after all.