Chapter Text
You breathed in the cool breeze that ghosted over your skin. It was a warm day and a rare exception from the damp and gloomy weather from the past weeks. On the days like this you could almost believe the world would be able to stay in this state forever, without any problems, defects, and flaws on the perfect shell. You silently wished that one day your life would look just like that. Peaceful. Quiet. Without any risk the life of a hunter required.
It was a pleasant dream, but deep in your gut you knew you wouldn’t be able to leave this life and just forget about everything that has happened. You were a hunter, whether it was easy or not. You craved that adrenaline in your veins and even if it would be easier not to look, not to see, you still looked for any kind of supernatural-centred leads or events.
After a long stay in the bunker with the Winchesters, you received a request for help from an old friend that you couldn’t ignore. The boys understood and even offered you their assistance, or at least a lift, but you refused. You were certain you could make it alone, and they just came back from their own hunt. Having a safe place to come back to was a really nice thing.
They waved you goodbye, making you promise you would call them once you were done. And with that, you left.
You had hesitated before telling Crowley, still chained in the bunker’s basement. You wanted to, you really did, especially after all that has happened between you, but every time you tried to plan your conversation before leaving, your mind went blank. What happened changed you slightly in a way you were still learning to understand. You wanted to… to try. To give it a chance. You were certain at that point that no matter what, you would at least try one more time. The internal conflict you had was about something different, something of a different nature. You wanted to be free.
It was the first time in an extended period of time that you started to think about what you liked in your life. You were a hunter and you enjoyed the hunter’s life, even when it meant sleeping in nasty motels or floundering through the canals in search of a dragon or another mystical creature and then to having to patch yourself, always watching your back. It was a difficult life to lead but you got used to it and couldn’t actually imagine yourself locked in a bunker, a house or anywhere, knowing that now it was your home and the most important place in your new life and what defined you since now on.
You were watching some crappy tv show when some thoughts struck you. What would Crowley want? He was a change in your current life, but what other changes would having him around entail? If he asked you to stay with him in Hell, what would you say? Until then you didn’t even know how much you starved for someone to be by your side, but there was always a second side of a coin.
And that’s how you ended up in the bunker’s basement, sitting at the table, opposite of Crowley in a heavy, dusty silence that descended upon you after a while of pleasant conversation died out. Since your talk on the Impala’s backseat, you made it your new habit to just come down there and have small talk when the Winchesters weren’t home. They would ask a lot of questions you didn’t want to answer or think about yet, so you decided to keep it from them, just for a while until you figured out some stuff that has been bothering you.
But even though it wasn’t easy, you still tried to make it happen. You were actually surprised how well it went. Talking with Crowley was never boring, as he could talk about any subject as long as you were willing to listen. You still had in the back of your mind that he was a demon after all, and a dangerous one, but that label wasn’t all that he was. He had a personality you’d come to like, and feelings, which he didn’t like that much, mostly because he never needed them while ruling Hell. But from the first day, you felt that something just clicked between the two of you, making you long for the next time you could talk to him and enjoy the time you could spend together.
And yet, on that day, your talk fell silent, when it became clear that this time something was different.
You tried not to fidget in your seat. You could feel Crowley’s eyes observing you, but you couldn’t bring yourself to break the silence. You didn’t know what you could say.
“Is everything all right?” Crowley was first to ask, his smile from just a few minutes earlier slowly fading.
“I think so,” you replied carefully.
“But…?”
“I have to leave for a few days, maybe a week. A friend asked me for help, he says it might be werewolves, but he’s not sure if he can deal with them alone.”
“So what?”
“I’ll leave tomorrow, after the Winchesters come back.”
“With them?”
“No, they’ll be tired and I have to go as soon as I can.”
“So you’re going alone? Over my dead body!” he exclaimed.
“Well, technically it’s not like you’re alive, so…”
“It doesn’t matter! I won’t let you just go and kill yourself, it’s too dangerous to…”
You sighed deeply, sending him a hard look.
“Did you forget I’ve got a few years of experience? I’m not a newbie, I know what I’m capable of handling.”
“Everybody says that before they die! Nope. I won’t let you go,” Crowley crossed his arms stubbornly, actively ignoring the clanking of the chains. He raised his chin, giving you a stubborn look.
You shook your head, not even surprised by his attitude, because it was just as you imagined.
“I have to go,” you stated calmly.
“Please.”
You didn’t expect to see that side of him, but there he was, sitting in front of you, using everything he could to convince you. For a moment you were at a loss for words. You shook your head. He was always making it more difficult for you.
“I’m not leaving forever, I’ll be right back when I’m done with the hunt.”
“If you are done, you wanted to say, darling, there is no use in hiding the truth.”
You locked your gaze with his, a smirk playing on your lips. There was nothing he could do to stop you and both of you were aware of that fact.
“You don’t give up easily, do you?” you asked.
“I’m the King of Hell – of course I will not give up on anything, especially something or someone I’ve recently started to care about!”
His words made you blush, not used to this kind of confession, but you regained your composure quickly.
“Well, I won’t give up either,” you said. “I’m still a hunter and this is what I do, whether you like it or not.”
“At least take the Winchesters. Hell, take me, if you care for their well-being so much!”
“You know I can’t do that, I made a promise to keep you here and I don’t break my promises. I have to go now, I think I’ve just heard the boys upstairs. I’ll be back before you even notice,” you said with a small smile, but Crowley didn’t move. He still looked at you with a wordless plea in his eyes that broke you a little, but it was your choice. Besides, you couldn’t see why would he be so stubborn on not letting you hunt. It was what you had been doing for the better part of your life, so what changed?
Maybe he felt something. He was a son of a witch, so maybe something was telling him that this was a bad decision, but you didn’t know.
Leaving the bunker, you promised yourself to talk to him about it later. You cared for him more than you would admit and making him sad or angry didn’t feel right, especially since your agreement to give your relationship a try, but he couldn’t restrain you from doing your job. No matter how much he wanted it, you would never be another plain housewife, even in Hell.
Laying on the cold, muddy ground in the middle of nowhere a week later, surrounded by the second half of a werewolf pack you didn’t see coming, you understood how stupid you were on that day. With every beat of your slowing heart, new waves of hot blood were leaving your body at an alarming rate, and there was nothing you could do to change what had been done.
A distant howling made you shiver. Your thoughts were blurring together, just like the rest of your darkening world. You remembered how pleasant the sun felt on your skin only the day before and how nothing indicated the twist your life was about to end with. If you had a second chance, you would change so many things…
Your eyes closed and your body shut down, unaware of a sudden fuss in the werewolves’ nest.
The world was a cold, unpleasant place. Shivers run down your spine, making muscles clench around still sensitive skin around the deep wound. You winced, brutally woken up from a dreamless sleep.
You groaned, struggling to open your glued together eyelids. You didn’t recognize the room around you, even though you could barely see anything. The light from your left was too bright and you couldn’t bring yourself to look that way. Memories from your last hunt were coming back slowly, but sorting through them was a difficult task.
“Don’t move too much. You’ve been hurt badly,” you heard a slightly familiar voice.
Before you decided to do anything, you saw Crowley leaning over you, checking your temperature.
“Why are you here…?” was all you could say before a cough attack silenced you.
You took a sip of water from the glass he handed you carefully. Your throat felt like sandpaper and your whole body ached. You blinked a few times, focusing on the unfamiliar room.
“Where-…”
“You shouldn’t talk now,” Crowley shushed you, sitting on the bed by your side. “I told you not to go.”
“But what are you doing here? I thought you were chained up.”
“Well, let’s just say that some angel issues helped me get away from the Moose and Squirrel. So the first thing I did was look for you, and guess what I found?”
“An almost dead idiot?” you muttered, closing your irritated eyes.
“Bingo, love.”
“So where are we?”
“In a hospital I transported you to a few days ago. And yes, don’t look at me like that, you heard me. They put you in a medical coma for a few days, but the docs say it’s all okay now. If your state wasn’t that bad, I would have probably tried to heal you myself, but I didn’t want to risk failing. So, as you can see, we switched places. Now you are the one chained, even if it is to a drip instead of chains. Are you happy now?”
“To be honest, I’m kind of surprised you didn’t yell at me yet.”
Crowley frowned.
“Why would I? I won’t yell just because you decided to ignore my kind plea and recklessly risk your own life, not even telling me where exactly you were going.”
“Have I ever told you I’d love to have your patience?”
“No, but I would be very glad if you started telling me more things.”
You smirked sadly. You still couldn’t feel half of your face, probably from the meds they stuffed you with. You felt heavy and tired, but after what you’ve experienced you didn’t want to move that conversation to some other non specified day. You were no longer certain if you could take your future for granted, so when Crowley moved to stand back up, you stopped him, catching his hand.
“I won’t stop hunting, Crowley,” you stated, looking him in the eyes. You cold see how much he worried about you, but you couldn’t just give up on such a big part of your life. “I’m a hunter.”
He sighed deeply, visibly in pain by the thought of your next visit to the hospital.
“You have to understand – I don’t want you to be in any more danger than you already are because of connections with me. There will be plenty of creatures hunting you…” he tried to argue, but you stopped him once again.
“You can’t stop being a demon, just like I can’t throw everything out. This is what I am. This is what made me who I am right now.”
“I suppose asking you not to do something won’t work this time either?” Crowley tried to joke, brushing his fingers over the back of your hand. His touch was warm and pleasant and you wished you could just lay by his side, no problems in the back of your mind.
“I’m sorry,” you whispered, suddenly overwhelmed by that truth.
Crowley raised up your chin to face him, a smile ghosting over his lips.
“Hey, what’s with that sad face? It’s not like I’ll leave just because you are stubborn like a donkey. You may not have noticed, but I am the more stubborn one in this room. It’s not that easy to get rid of me,” Crowley winked, making you blush once again.
“So what now, you’re not going to try and stop me?” you asked after clearing your throat.
“I can see how useless that would be, so I’ve decided to simply help you.”
You blinked.
“You mean like…”
“Hunting. Or at least making sure you come back home in one piece.”
For a moment you could just stare at him, not believing his words. Maybe you were still high on meds or didn’t hear right, but from the look on his face it didn’t seem so. You couldn’t resist a silly smile, so you just hid your face in his arm.
“I can’t wait to see you hunting some dirty creatures.”
“We’ll see, darling. Now rest. We’ve got plenty of time.”