Chapter Text
Jackson grinned at the phone in his hand, nearly bumping into another person in the process. Trying to read text messages while juggling his luggage and a backpack wasn't that great of an idea but he just had been through a several hour long flight and a very exhausting week and in his opinion, that was enough of an excuse to not have much brain capacity left.
After another hopeless try to type something on his phone and balance his backpack, he gave up on answering and just read the messages, deciding to answer later.
It had been half a year since Jackson had been in Korea for the Olympics, therefore it also had been half a year since he last saw his former members. Even though his daily routine was the same as the last four years, everything seemed to have changed over the course of the last six month.
On the day he had flown back to Hongkong, the message he had sent his former members (to be exact: Yugyeom, because that was the number he had saved first on his phone) had spiraled into several messages over the course of that day, a group chat and individual text conversations between him and the six of them.
Yes, all six. Even Jaebum.
By now, Jackson was almost a hundred-percent sure that out of the six of them, everyone but Jaebum knew why he had left them all these years ago. Even though no one but Mark directly confronted or said something about it to him, Youngjae, Yugyeom and especially Jinyoung and Bambam had made some comments that made it clear that they at least knew something about his reasons.
Jackson didn't held a grudge that Mark had said something to them. He couldn't tell them himself six months ago and he knew he couldn't tell them now, even if he wanted to. He was too embarassed about it. And he knew that when he outright told them he had fallen and still was in love with Jaebum, they would try to coax him into telling their leader how he felt and he really couldn't do that. They all just got back to a stage in their relationship where everything seemed to be slowly getting back to how it always had been and Jackson didn't want to ruin that by telling Jaebum he loved him a little bit more than he maybe should.
He was glad that his friends couldn't see him through their text conversations because everytime someone made some type of comment about him and Jaebum, Jackson felt the heat rise to his cheeks and he was sure he resembled a tomato.
Right now though, he was laughing at something Bambam and Yugyeom had said in their shared group chat with all of the members. It had taken some time for him to be comfortable enough to joke around with them again and sometimes when he made a comment, he still felt unsure if the others would be angry at him for something that was intended to be a joke. But it seemed like they still found him as funny as they always had.
While reading the messages, Jackson walked through the airport in the direction of the exit, hoping that no one would want to talk to him or recognize him.
It was cold in Korea and the icy temperature caused his ankle, the one he had injured back at the Olympics, to hurt slightly.
The first thing he had done, when he had flown back to Hongkong after the Olympic games, had been visiting a doctor, because by the time he had landed and gotten off the plane, he could barely walk. His risky behavior of fighting with an injury resulted in him walking on crutches for almost two months and his parents had scolded him several times for the risk he had taken. To his luck, there was no permanent damage other than some slight discomfort after walking or training too long or being out in cold weather.
And today being New Years Eve, it was really cold in Korea.
Jackson didn't really know what had come over him but he thought it would be a great idea to suprise his former members by spontaneously visiting them on New Years Eve. He knew that they weren't going home to their families and would be celebrating the start of the new year in the dorm.
Over the course of the last six months, all six of them had made some comments and suggestions about him visiting them in Korea. They couldn't visit him because of their schedule and they wouldn't be in Hongkong in the foreseeable future, so that left Jackson to be the one that could visit them.
Everytime they had said something about how they wanted to meet him again and be able to spend time with him this time, Jackson had always found an excuse not to go. The first few months, he wasn't really ready, the relationship between them wasn't fully that yet what it had been. As time went by and they got comfortable with each other again, Jackson wanted to suprise them. Sure, they would be happy if he would visit them nevertheless, but it would be more fun and nice for them if they didn't know he was coming.
Or at least, Jackson hoped they would be happy to see him without a warning in advance. He really didn't think it through when he got on the plane in Hongkong, but now that he was in Korea, he was nervous. He probably didn't have something to worry about but even though he had known the six of them for almost ten years, he had been absent for four of them.
With a sigh, he put his phone away and walked outside. Overthinking his decision wouldn't do any good, he was here now anyway and he certainly wouldn't fly back to Hongkong just because he was a little nervous.
With a shudder, he tried to bury himself a bit more in his way too thin jacket. If the inside of the airport had been cold, outside it was fucking freezing. Snow was falling in thick flakes from the sky, covering the already white ground in another layer and reflecting the lights of the airport and the street lamps.
It was already eight in the evening and the airport was packed with people, even though it was New Year's eve. Cabs were constantly driving away and coming back and the people around him were all in a hustle. Jackson was standing in the midst of it all, freezing, and put his things down to the ground in order to catch the attention of one of the cabs.
After a few failed attempts, he was lucky that a middle-aged cabdriver just so happened to be looking in his direction. The man helped him load his luggage into the trunk, before Jackson climbed into the back of the cab with his backpack and told the driver the address he was heading to. His destination was the dorm.
Others would have called it stupid that he had boarded a plane to another country without knowing where he would stay the next few nights, but Jackson hadn't really thought this whole thing through until now. He just hoped that his former members would let him sleep on the couch or so or he just had to find a hotel that wasn't completely booked out yet on New Year's Eve.
The traffic was awful, causing the drive to the dorm to take almost twice as long as normally. On the streets, lots of people were dressed up for the evening, talking and laughing together and Jackson smiled at a group of young boys that reminded him awfully much of him and the other six a few years back. They seemed to be just enjoying themselves, arms put around shoulders and laughing at something one of them had said.
One word he had always associated with his relationship with his former members had been “comfortable“. Since their trainee days, they always had been as close as brothers and never before had Jackson felt as accepted as and as loved as when he had spent time with the six of them.
Even after four years of seperation, there hadn't really been a phase in the last six months where the seven of them had felt uncomfortable with each other. Sure, they all had been cautious in the beginning, not really knowing what they could and what they couldn't say, but Jackson truly believed that even after decades of not seeing each other, they would just fall right into their old relationship again.
Nevertheless, Jackson was nervous to finally meet the six of them again. But he also anticipated it and couldn't wait to see them. Just imagining the suprise on their faces made him smile and he really looked forward to seeing Jaebum again. He had texted almost non-stop with the older boy over the last six months and they even called each other a few times, even though for the most part, another member had been with Jaebum whenever they had talked on the phone.
Being able to speak to Jaebum again had brought the feelings Jackson had tried to bury for the last four years to the surface again. To be honest, they had resurfaced the moment Jackson had seen his former members again at the Olympics, but because of all the other things going on, he had been able to mostly ignore them. Or at least, he tried to tell himself that.
Right now though was another story. He couldn't ignore them, neither wanted he to. Jackson had lived with this feelings for so long, he was almost a hundred-percent sure they wouldn't ever go away. He got used to them and the ache in his chest everytime he so much as heard Jaebum's voice. The older man presumably wouldn't ever recriprocate his feelings but Jackson had accepted that a long time ago and even though it hurt, he could live with it. As long as he could stay by Jaebum's and the other boys' side, everything was fine.
He startled out of his thoughts as the cab finally stopped in front of the dorm and the driver got out of the car to help Jackson with his luggage in the trunk. After paying the driver, he watched the car drive away, before picking up his stuff and walking to the entrance of the building.
By now, it was almost ten o' clock and the new year was merely two hours away. The others had to be home by now, this close to the turn of the year and Jackson's heart hammered in his chest as he squeezed himself and all his luggage into the small elevator of the building.
The building was oddly quiet, there wasn't any music or loud voices like someone would expect in an apartment building in the middle of Seoul on New Years Eve. The only things he could hear was his pounding heart and the noises the elevator made. It came to a stop on the second last floor and opened to the sight of the closed front door of the dorm.
While trying to be quiet, Jackson got his luggage out of the elevator and put it down right beside the front door, out of the way of other people who might would wander through the hall.
Wiping his sweaty hands on his pants, he stood in front of the door and took one last calming breath, that didn't really do anything to calm his pounding heart. Without another thought, he just pressed the button of the door bell and anxiously stared at the door for a few moments, that felt like hours.
He could hear voices inside the dorm and footsteps that came in the direction of the front door, but it took another few seconds before the door finally opened. It felt like it was all in slow motion as Jackson looked up from the invisible spot on the doorframe he was staring at and looked straight into the eyes of Youngjae.
For a very long moment, they just looked at each other. Youngjae stared at him as if he had grown another head or seen a ghost, but after blinking several times and rubbing his eyes, a small, unbelieving smile appeared on his face.
“Jackson-hyung?“, Youngjae asked, opened the door a bit more and took a small step forward. "What are you doing here?“
From within the apartment, Jackson could hear the voices of the others and several pair of feet seeming to come in their direction.
“I'm here to visit you, obviously.“, he answered the younger man grinning. Just then, a few other people appeared in the dimly lit hallway.
“Jackson?“, Mark asked perplexed as he stood besides Youngjae in the doorway. Behind the two of them, Bambam, Jinyoung and Yugyeom approached them. Jaebum was nowhere in sight.
“Suprise?“, Jackson shrugged with a big grin on his face. For another few seconds, they all just stared at him, not saying or doing anything, before Youngjae suddenly, being the one standing nearest to him, flung his arms around his neck and hugged him tightly. Jackson needed a second to comprehend the situation, but then hugged the younger man back just as tightly. Looking over Youngjae's shoulder, he grinned at the still staring faces of his other friends and held his arms open behind the younger's back, indicating for the others to also hug him. It didn't even took Bambam and Yugyeom a second to take Jackson up on that offer and soon, he had his arms full of the maknaes, much like back at the Olympics after his final match, when they had all congratulated him on his win and the three youngest had hugged him all at the same time.
Mark and Jinyoung meanwhile were just smiling at Jackson, who was smiling back as he looked at the two of them over the shoulders of the maknaes.
They were standing in the hallway for a good few minutes by the time the three youngest were pulling back again, and Jackson's arms had started to go numb. They took a step back and before he knew it, Jinyoung had pulled him into a quick hug that was over again as soon as it had began. He did squeeze his shoulder shortly after though and smiled at him as if they hadn't seen each other in years. What was literally right. Mark did the same and without a question, they helped him carry all of his bags inside.
The apartment was kind of messy, music was playing in Yugyeom's and Bambam's room and even though it was ten o'clock in the evening, there was some kind of delicious smelling food cooking in the kitchen. It was all still just the same as all these years ago that Jackson almost teared up as he looked around the living room.
Jaebum was still nowhere to be seen and Jackson wondered if he was even home. Without even having to ask, Mark answered that question for him.
“Jaebum just quickly went to the 24h store a few streets down the block. He should be back any minute now.“
While Jackson began to feel his earlier nervousness again, the others herded him to the living room and pushed him down onto the couch.
“You came just at the right time.“, Bambam said. “We were going to eat when Jaebum-hyung comes back.“
At the thought of food, Jackson stomach grumbled loudly, making the others laugh. Jackson felt a rush of fondness filling his heart as he heard Youngjae's contagious laugh and looked around the living room to see Mark grinning at him.
They made small talk for a while, speaking about Jackson's crazy idea to practically just jump on a plane without a thought to visit them, until Jinyoung carried a huge pot of ramen into the living room and the front door opened.
“I'm back!“, Jaebum called into the apartment and the others gestured for him to stay silent as they called their greetings back. Jackson heart started thumping in his chest again, just at hearing Jaebum's voice and just a few seconds later, he could hear quiet footsteps coming to the living room.
For a second time this evening, the world seemed to be moving in slow motion when Jaebum came into sight and at first didn't even register Jackson. The maknaes were quietly laughing their asses of as Jaebum just walked further in the direction of the kitchen, suddenly stopped in his tracks and turned around sharply. His eyes were instently fixed on Jackson and the latter just smiled awkwardly at him, not really knowing how to react.
“Suprise?“, Jackson said and stood up from the couch. It took all but three seconds for Jaebum to fully register what was going on, before a blinding smile made his way onto his face, that did something to Jackson's insides, and he almost tackled Jackson into a hug.
Jackson was almost sure that he never felt happier as in this moment, not even when they first made their debut all these years ago or when he won the gold medal at the Olympics. Jaebum hugged him as if they hadn't seen each other in years, what was literally true but they had seen each other half a year ago, but even that was a long time ago already.
He didn't know how long they stood there but after what felt like an eternity, that only could have been half a minute or so, Jaebum loosened the embrace and pulled back, still beaming at Jackson.
“What are you doing here?“, he asked and Jackson could only smile back.
“I thought it would be a good idea to suprise all of you.“, Jackson said and grinned first at Jaebum and then at the other six. “You wanted me to visit for so long now, so I just packed a few things and got on a plane.“
Jaebum just grinned back at him and looked happier than Jackson had maybe ever saw him. With the purpose to quickly change into something more comfortable, the leader disappeared in his bedroom.
“Jaebum-hyung seems to be really happy you are here.“, Jinyoung grinned and Jackson felt the heat rising to his face.
“Well“, Jackson said after a moment of trying to get his composure back. “You all seem very happy to see me.“
“We are!“, Youngjae almost immediately answered and Jackson smiled fondly at him. “We haven't seen you since the Olympics and we've really missed you.“
At that, Jackson felt a pang of guilt in his chest. He had missed them too, had missed them every day of the last four and a half years to be honest and just his nervousness and the guilt of leaving them all these years ago had hindered him at visiting them earlier.
Before he could form an answer, Jaebum came back, now dressed in sweatpants and a hoodie and sat down on the floor in front of the low table Jinyoung had put the food down on. The others quickly quickly got up from the couch too and sat down on the floor, surrounding the the little table. It was a close fit but Jackson fellt comfortable being squeezed between Jaebum on one side and Youngjae on the other.
Jinyoung dished out the food and Jackson could barely hide his happy smile as they all digged into their food.
- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Eating was a noisy affair, just like it always had been.
They had started to trade old stories sometime during the meal and had just stayed seated a little while longer after they had finished and all the food had been eaten.
For the most part, Jackson just listened to what the others had to tell, occasionally throwing in his own parts to a story. He hadn't thought that he would find himself ever again in this kind of situation and he was content with just listening to the voices of his six friends. Jaebum's presence right beside him distracted him a bit though but he was able to mostly ignore the pounding of his heart and just hoped that Jaebum wouldn't hear it, him sitting so close and all.
At some point, they also talked about the Olympics and the thoughts they first had had when Jackson had suddenly appeared on the TV screen. They had briefly texted a few times about it already but to hear it in person was something else entirely. Jackson hadn't thought he would be comfortable talking about it and feared that someone would accidentally spill the beans why he had disappeared back then, but to his suprise, every time they came near that topic, someone would maneuver to something else without Jaebum noticing. By now, he was really completely sure that Jinyoung, Yugyeom, Youngjae and Bambam knew as much as Mark about his reasons and he was glad about it.
With him arriving late and their late dinner, the new year was suddenly only fifteen minutes away. They decided to watch the fireworks on the roof of the building and quickly went to get dressed in their coats and shoes.
It was still freezing outside when they stepped out onto the roof and it was still snowing. They had a perfect view across the city, the centre of Seoul with its' many lights stood out between the quieter parts of the city and they could see lots of tiny people walking the streets near the dorm.
The seven of them stood beside each other on the ledge of the roof. By now, there were only mere minutes left of the old year and it was quite strange, but Jackson didn't feel sad that another year was already over again. So much had happened in the last twelve months, or rather the last six months, and he was looking forward to the new year.
Jackson startled out of his thoughts when Yugyeom pulled at his arm because there were suddenly only twenty seconds left until the new year. They counted the last ten seconds down together and Jackson just stood between Yugyeom and Mark and smiled fondly at his six friends.
When they reached the zero and the new year had officially started, fireworks were going off in the sky over Seoul and they could hear people in the neighbourhood cheering and rejoicing. Jinyoung pulled them all into a group hug and suddenly, Jackson was right in front of Jaebum. He was also still pressed between Yugyeom and Mark, but Jaebum stood across from him and as he locked eyes with the leader, JB smiled fondly at him. Jackson felt the heat rise to his cheeks again and he was glad that it was relatively dark outside on the roof. He smiled back at Jaebum and as soon as the hug began, as soon was it over again and they all pulled back.
Fireworks were still going off in the sky but the snow came down stronger now and they decided to go back inside again.
Back in the dorm, they all sat down on the couch and Jinyoung made them some tea to warm up their cold bodies again. Even though it was only shortly after midnight, they were all gradually getting sleepy. In their earlier conversation, Jackson had found out that the six of them hadn't even rested on New Year's Eve and had had dance practice until the late afternoon, causing them to be tired now already. Jackson himself was tired because of his several hour long flight and the fencing practice he had had the last week. Some important tournaments were coming up at the beginning of the year and he had even practiced in the early morning when his flight to Seoul had been in the evening.
Yugyeom was the first one who fell asleep, head hanging on Youngjae's shoulder. Knowing the youngest, he had at least stayed for another hour to dance after the others had already gone home. Mark gently nudged his leg and Yugyeom startled awake again. They told their youngest to go to bed before he woke up with a hurting neck because of the position he was laying his head onto Youngjae's shoulder.
With Yugyeom, Bambam and Youngjae also said their goodbyes and soon, the four hyungs were sitting alone in the living room. They talked for some time, before the question where Jackson would sleep the night suddenly arose.
“To be honest, I didn't book a hotel beforehand.“, Jackson said, scratching his neck and grinning sheepishly. “I thought you maybe would be kind enough to let me sleep on the couch.“
“Of course!“, Mark answered immediately. “The dorm is spacious enough for one more person.“
Of course it was, Jackson had lived here too once upon a time and the apartment was big enough for seven people, even though they hadn't had their own rooms.
“I get you some blankets.“, Jinyoung said and disappeared in the small room they used as a boxroom. He came back a few minutes later with his arms full of blankets and a spare pillow and dumped them all on the couch.
Mark and Jaebum said their goodbyes as Jackson and Jinyoung started arranging Jackson's bed for the night. Without realizing it, Jackson spoke his thoughts out loud as he watched Jaebum disappearing in his room.
“He hasn't really talked to me the whole evening.“, he said as he stared at Jaebum's closed bedroom door. He startled and blushed as Jinyoung suddenly answered.
“He doesn't know how he should deal with you suddenly being here again.“
Jackson just looked at Jinyoung spreading out a blanket and he suddenly really wanted to know how much the other knew about the reason he had left them all these years ago. Even though he was really sure how much Jinyoung and the other knew by now.
They stayed silent for a little while, until Jackson's bed was all made and Jinyoung sat down on the edge of the couch.
“Hey, Jinyoung“, Jackson began and sat down beside Jinyoung. “How much do you all know about the reason I left you back then?“
Jinyoung stayed silent for a long moment, before he sighed and looked at Jackson.
“Mark told us about it back when you were here for the Olympics and slept here at the dorm the night before your final match. We all know about it but Jaebum. He's still as oblivious as ever, even though everybody can tell that you like him. Even all these years ago, I knew something was up with you, but I didn't think you would leave because of that.“
Jackson felt the pang of guilt in his chest again as he looked at Jinyoung, but he couldn't see any accusations. Jinyoung must have seen the look in his eyes because he sighed before he spoke up again.
“Look, we don't hold anything against you anymore, not even Jaebum even though he knows nothing about your reasons. We're as sorry as you are about the situation, Jackson. We're sorry we didn't notice you were hurting and I'm sorry I didn't confront Jaebum-hyung about his girlfriend, even though I knew they were never really together or loved each other in that way.“
Okay, stop. That was too many information at once.
“Wait“, Jackson said and tried to clear his head of the thoughts flitting around in his head. “What do you mean?“
“Jaebum and his former girlfriend weren't a real couple. Their relationship was just for show, I don't know why.“, Jinyoung said and Jackson could see in his eyes that it was the truth. “The others didn't believe me at first, until Jaebum broke up with her right after you left and he wasn't upset about the breakup at all.“
“Okay, that's a lot to process.“, he simply answered, making Jinyoung laugh a little.
“I know.“, he said smiling. “And I will let you do just that now because I'm tired and I know that you're tired too. Goodnight Jackson-ah.“
Jinyoung pulled him into a quick hug, before he stood up and disappeared into the maknae's room, where his room adjoined.
Jackson just sat there for a few stunned moments, before he opened his suitcase and quickly changed into something more comfortable. He turned off all the lights and lay down on his makeshift bed.
Sleep didn't come at all to him for the next half hour, too many thoughts were still flitting around in his head and with a sigh, he decided to get something to drink. He stood up and walked as quietly as possible into the kitchen. He hadn't been in here the last time he had been in the dorm during the Olympics, but the kitchen, much like every other room, still looked the same as it always had. Jackson grabbed a glass out of a cupboard and filled it with water from the sink, before leaning against the counter.
As he stood there, drank his water and just stared at the cupboard across from him, he suddenly heard a door opening and startled at the noise. He refilled his glass, just to be doing something, as Jaebum slowly shuffled into the kitchen and stopped in the doorway when he spotted Jackson.
“Oh, hyung“, Jackson said, trying to mask his nervousness as Jaebum walked further into the kitchen. The latter just smiled, grabbed a glass and filled it with water from the sink.
“I really missed you calling me that.“, Jaebum said after a moment and Jackson looked up to see the older smiling at him.
Jackson remembered the times he had jokingly questioned why he should call Jaebum hyung when the latter was only one and a half month older than him. Even the fans had at some point picked up on the joke and it had become some sort of running gag, even though Jackson hadn't ever meant it so seriously.
He smiled back at Jaebum and refilled his glass for a third time, hoping to calm his pounding heart by having something to do.
“I missed you too.“, Jackson said, as he leaned back against the counter with his glass and looked at Jaebum. The older just stared at him, his glass untouched and after a moment he put it down onto the counter.
“You know, I never really understood why you left so suddenly.“
And there it was. The conversation Jackson had wanted to avoid having with Jaebum at all costs.
Jackson didn't answer, so Jaebum just continued speaking.
“There were never any signs that you weren't happy with our career or as an idol, so I don't understand why you left us and became a fencer again.“
Jaebum looked at him seriously and so intently, that Jackson felt as if the older could see right into his soul. He didn't want to have this conversation but he couldn't just say nothing, so he sighed, closed his eyes for a brief moment and looked back at Jaebum again.
“It wasn't that I didn't want to be an idol anymore. I just couldn't.“
“But why couldn't you?“ Jackson could hear how frustrated Jaebum was.
“I can't tell you the reason.“
“Why?“
“I just can't!“ Gradually, Jackson felt some frustration built up in his chest. “Just accept it. Please.“
Jaebum pushed away from the counter and moved right in front of Jackson, only one or two steps away.
“I can't accept that.“, he said and crossed his arms over his chest.
Jaebum's anger issues had become severely better over the years, but he was still stubborn and got frustrated easily. It seemed like that hadn't changed over the last four years either. Jackson was a stubborn person himself and nobody got Jackson as frustrated as Jaebum. It had always been that way.
“I won't tell you why. You didn't tell us your girlfriend all these years ago was fake either.“
Oh shit. Jackson hadn't meant to say that but he nevertheless seemed to have really hit the mark with that. Jaebum moved his arms from his chest to hang loosely at his sides and the expression on his face was pure shock but mixed with a bit stubbornness still.
“How do you know that?“, Jaebum asked after a moment and Jackson could see his hands clenching into fists. He sighed again and put his glass down too.
“Jinyoung told me. He didn't know for sure but he knows you better than anyone and suspected it.“
For another moment, Jaebum just said nothing, until Jackson could see the defensiveness in his eyes.
“And even if that had been the case, it doesn't matter.“, he said and furrowed his brows. “That's something else entirely. It doesn't have something to do with you suddenly disappearing on us all these years ago.“
With out Jackson wanting it, all his pent up frustration and hurt from years of loving Jaebum and not being able to do anything about it without ruining their friendship and their careers, resurfaced and he pushed away from the counter. Him and Jaebum seperated merely a step now.
“Of course it matters! If I had known that she wasn't your real girlfriend all these years ago, I wouldn't have left!“
For a second time, Jaebum was stunned into silence and he just stared at Jackson, as the latter fully registered what he had just said.
“What?“, Jaebum asked after a moment and all his anger seemed to have vanished and was replaced by this small spark of hope in his eyes. Jackson was just embarassed he had revealed something to Jaebum that he hadn't even told the others personally, Mark aside.
“I wouldn't have left if I had known she wasn't your real girlfriend.“, Jackson repeated. It was too late now anyways and he couldn't back down from what he had said.
They just stared at each other for a moment, before Jaebum suddenly got this glint in his eye and Jackson could only move back and bump against the counter as Jaebum stepped into his space. They were standing too close, Jackson's heart hammered in his chest and all he could do was to keep looking into Jaebum's eyes.
“So what if my relationship was fake? What does that have to do with you?“, Jaebum asked calmly and Jackson was sure he could almost feel his breath on his lips. Jaebum was a bit taller than him and he had to look up when he wanted to answer him. But as soon as they locked eyes, every thought escaped Jackson's mind. His gaze flicked down to Jaebum's lips for a moment and when he looked up into his eyes again, he could see some kind of realization there.
A movement in the corner of his eyes caught his attention and for a third time this evening, everything seemed to move in slow motion as Jaebum raised his hand to Jackson's cheek and stroked the corner of his mouth. Jackson didn't notice he was holding his breath, until Jaebum suddenly moved closer and without a warning just kissed him.
The kiss only lasted for a few seconds and was more of a short peck, but Jackson was sure that if his heart would beat any quicker, he would have a heartattack.
When Jaebum pulled back again, he looked stunned by his own action and quickly took a step back, bringing some distance between them again.
“I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that.“, he stuttered out and turned to leave the kitchen as quickly as possible. Afterwards, Jackson would be impressed that he had had that much brain capacity left, because the moment Jaebum began to walk away, he grabbed the olders hand and turned him around again, pushing him up against the fridge.
“This is the reason I left.“, Jackson said, before he pressed his lips to Jaebum's, hoping that he didn't misread this whole situation completely. Jaebum seemed to be frozen for the first few moments and Jackson was just about to pull back again, apologize thoroughly and dig himself a hole he could disappear in, when Jaebum seemed to comprehend the situation, grabbed Jackson by the waist and pulled them flush together. Jackson made a noise of suprise, before crossing his arms behind Jaebum's neck and burying his hands in his hair.
The kiss wasn't something heated or desperate. Jaebum leaned back against the fridge and they kissed tentatively, just a soft touch of lips, that deepened slightly when Jaebum tried to pull them even more together and Jackson moved his hands to the sides of Jaebum's face.
It could have been seconds or minutes or hours that the two of them just stood there kissing, completely ignoring everything around them. When they finally pulled back again, they were both slightly out of breath and looked at each other with the same stunned expression. They were still standing as close as before and when they both fully registered what had happened just a few moments ago, they were smiling at each other.
“So“, Jaebum began after another silent moment and moved his hand to Jackson's face to caress his cheek. “I think I understand now why you've left back then.“
Jackson sighed, but without any real frustration and leaned a bit closer to Jaebum again.
“I've been in love with you for years.“, he said. “I had accepted that you wouldn't ever recriprocate my feelings but that didn't make it hurt any less. And when you suddenly announced you had a girlfriend and she was constantly by your side, I just couldn't take it anymore. It was stupid and cowardly to just cut any connection with all of you but I thought it was the right thing to do at the time.“
Jaebum didn't say anything and just kissed him again.
“I love you too.“, he whispered and smiled against Jackson's lips. The latter pulled back a bit to look Jaebum in the eyes, before practically beaming at him and pulling him into a tight hug.
They both knew they still had a lot to talk about but for the moment, they were content to just stay in each other's arms and enjoy the feeling of hugging the person they had longed so long for. Everything they had to talk about could wait until the next morning.