Chapter Text
“Ow! Someone’s stepping on my foot!”
“What does a guy have to do to get some breathing room around here?”
“ Lancito, I think you need to rent a bigger apartment.”
“Shh! It’s time for the countdown!”
The entire McClain family crowds into the small living room, elbows jabbing into torsos and necks craning over shoulders to get a view of the TV.
The TV shows the New Years countdown, Times Square bursting with anticipation as the announcer starts counting down.
“10! 9! 8! 7!” the McClains cheer. Angela and Marcos huddle closer together, as do Margo and Luis.
“6! 5! 4!” Veronica has her phone out, preparing to Snapchat the first moments of the new year.
“3! 2! 1!” Luis pulls Margo in for a kiss. “Happy New Year!”
Everyone (except Annaliese and Nadia, of course) down the shot of tequila in their hands. Lance and Luis both whoop, caught up in the excitement.
The cheers from the TV mix in with the cheers and “Happy New Year”s the family says to each other as they go around the room. At one point, Keith is sandwiched between Luis and Veronica, both of them wasted.
Keith laughs nervously and wiggles himself away from the two. Lance giggles when he sees them, and snaps a quick picture before Keith can protest.
As the group trickles out of the living room and into the kitchen to refill their drinks and grab more food, Lance realizes that there is one person he hasn’t said happy new year to yet.
Lance turns around to head back into the living room and find Keith, but by the time he looks over his shoulder, Keith has already found him.
“Hey! Happy new year, dude!” Lance says, wrapping his arm around Keith’s waist and pulling him close in a one armed hug. He sways side to side, a little tipsy.
Keith gives Lance a small smile but it does little to distract the look of anxiousness in his eyes. Lance takes notice, and unwraps his arm from Keith’s waist. “You okay there, Keith?”
Keith’s eyes dart from Lance’s worried expression to the rest of the party, who are chatting amongst themselves loudly in the kitchen. Keith fixates his eyes back on Lance. “Can I talk to you for a bit?” Keith asks in a small voice. “Outside?”
Lance furrows his eyebrows together, confused, but gives Keith a nod. They walk silently to the windowsill, and slip outside without anyone else noticing. Lance grabs two of his hoodies that were draped over the arm of his couch from earlier, and hands one of them to Keith. Keith murmurs a thank you and tugs it on.
The bitter cold from the air outside bites at their skin through the hoodies. Lance bites at his lower lip as he pushes the window shut. Why does Keith want to talk to me? Did I do something? Did I say something? Why now?
When Lance turns to Keith, Keith is watching cars pass by. His ponytail is a little dishevelled, and he pushes a few stray strands behind his ear. Lance notices Keith picking at his fingernails again and his chest tightens.
“So…,” Lance begins awkwardly, leaning on the railing next to Keith. The creaking metal adds to the awkward aura around the conversation. “What did you want to talk about?”
Keith hardens his gaze at a streetlight, refusing to meet Lance’s nervous eyes. He’s silent for a few more moments, clenching his hands into tight fists. When he finally speaks, Lance breathes out a silent sigh of relief. “I wanted to talk to you about, well, you.”
“About me?” Lance replies, surprised.
Keith nods slowly. “About you,” he says softly. Lance is about to ask him to elaborate before Keith cuts him off. “I think…” Keith squeezes his eyes shut for a moment, the words getting caught in his throat. Lance waits patiently for him to gather his thoughts.
Keith opens his eyes, finally turning to meet Lance’s gaze. “I think I like you,” Keith whispers so quietly Lance almost doesn’t hear him.
“You...like me?” Lance repeats, the words feeling too good to be true.
“More than a friend,” Keith adds, his voice a little clearer now. “Way more than a friend.”
Lance smiles and laughs gently. The warm air from his lungs create fog as he breathes out. “I can’t believe it.”
“But,” Keith continues. “I can’t.”
The smile on Lance’s face is wiped away as easily as it appeared. “What?”
Keith pulls the hoodie sleeves down over his hands. “I can’t be with you, Lance.”
“Why not?”
“Because I just can’t, okay?” Keith’s voice is strained, like he’s about to cry. Lance doesn’t want him to cry.
“But, why can’t you?” Lance pushes gently, scooting closer to Keith. “You know that I really, really like you. And you like me. So…” Lance trails off, shrugging his shoulders. “I just don’t understand, that’s all.”
Keith hangs his head for a moment, before looking back out into the street. “After James,” Keith begins, his voice heavy with emotion. “I didn’t think I could find someone who could love me. James made me think that I was unlovable. That I didn’t do things the right way. That I wasn’t worth anything.” Keith closes his eyes to keep tears from spilling out, while Lance listens intently.
“But when I was with him I didn’t know the way that I felt was wrong. He was the second person I loved, my first real boyfriend. That night when he proposed, I would have said yes if-” Keith wipes his tears with the cuffs of the hoodie. “if I didn’t know you.”
“When I first say you that day at the bookstore, I knew that you would change my life. I didn’t know if it would be for better or for worse, but I knew that you would have an impact, and that I would never be able to forget you. Just seeing you in the store gave me goosebumps. And when you helped me at the party, I knew you were going to make my life better. When you spoke to me after James’ proposal, that’s when I realized,” Keith meets Lance’s watering eyes, “I knew that I was never going to let you go. You made me want to be me. You made me feel like I had worth and that someone could love me one day, and that I mattered ,” Keith’s voice is thick with tears, the gradual flow of them increasing as he continues to speak. “In the morning, I got a mark. I had fallen in love with you.”
Lance reaches out silently, his own face stinging from the tears on his face. Lance laces his fingers with Keith’s, urging him to continue.
“But I also remembered that you weren’t safe. I hadn’t known you for a long time like I’d known James. I remembered that the only person who loved me back after all these years was James, and there was a zero percent chance that the person that I wanted would. You scared me, Lance. I didn’t know what to expect from you. I didn’t know if you would hurt me like James did, if your facade was the real you. I had no idea what would happen to me if I told you.”
“So I made my best effort to get over you. You didn’t help, by the way,” Keith’s tone is suddenly bitter and resentful, “I knew you liked me and that I could be with you. But you weren’t safe. Everytime you told me or pushed on me...it took so much willpower not to punch you. Or kiss you. Or both.”
“ ‘m sorry Keith. I-,” Lance begins before Keith cuts him off.
“I don’t want to hear your apologies. I want you to just listen to me, because no one ever listens to me and this is the first time in what feels like years that I can finally express how I’m feeling.” Keith takes deep breath. “Then all this shit started happening. Like you taking care of me when I was sick, the grocery store, me even agreeing to be here tonight, that I just-I can’t get over you. I just can’t. Time won’t heal this wound, Lance. And it’s leaving me helpless. ”
Keith pulls his hand out of Lance’s and covers his face. When he drops them, his eyes are red and the bags around his eyes are prominent. Lance doesn’t care. Keith has never been as beautiful as he is now.
“I love you so much, Lance McClain,” Keith sobs. “And it hurts.”
Lance doesn’t hesitate as he wraps Keith in his arms. Lance tucks Keith’s head under his chin, smoothing down the stray hairs from Keith’s ponytail. Lance squeezes his eyes shut as they sway back and forth gently on the fire escape.
Lance whispers comforting words into Keith’s hair as he holds him, just as Keith once did. “I will never hurt you, I love you,” Lance chants like a mantra in Keith’s hair. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”
They both feel the twinge of euphoria coursing through their veins, but don’t care. The tallies on their skin mean nothing, as long as they have each other.