Chapter Text
Sometimes, Wonwoo doesn’t like himself very much–or more specifically, he doesn’t like the fact that he’s an omega. Not that there’s anything wrong with being an omega, of course. It’s just that sometimes it…bothers him that the person Wonwoo is doesn’t quite match the person his sub-gender says he should be.
And don’t get it wrong, he knows that he’s being completely irrational. He should be relieved that he lives in a time where he’s free to be his own person–free to be able to make his own decisions and live his life for no one but himself–and for the most part, he is.
But Wonwoo would be lying if he said it doesn’t hurt whenever someone misidentifies him as a beta or tells him that he isn’t omega enough. He’d be lying if he said it doesn’t bother him when someone teases him about his alpha-like build or how unapproachable he is because he knows.
How could he not? Wonwoo’s the one who has to wake up and see his reflection in the mirror every day after all. He’s not built the way television and social media says he’s supposed to be. Where society says he’s supposed to be soft and curvy, he’s lean and defined. He isn’t doe-eyed and doting like Junhui or as warm and loving as Soonyoung.
Wonwoo is cold. He doesn’t know how to be affectionate–physical, verbally, whatever. He can’t do it. It’s just not something he really knows how to do. He’s always been this way: quiet, reserved, and self-contained. His friends tease him about it sometimes–teases him about how he freezes whenever someone who isn’t one of his boyfriends tries to hug him, how he shies away when someone gets too close, how for someone who spends all his time reading books, he never seems to find the right words to say.
He knows they aren’t trying to hurt his feelings–that they’re just playing like they usually do–but still. For all Wonwoo likes to pretend that he’s deadpan and impassive and that the jokes don’t bother him, they do. They bother him so much.
“Wonwoo-hyung!” Mingyu sings, knocking lightly against Wonwoo’s bedroom door before letting himself in. “It’s time to wake up!”
He isn’t surprised to find the room still dark. Wonwoo’s not much a morning person, preferring to sleep or laze around in bed until well into the afternoon if he can help it. Mingyu glances over at the bed and smiles. He can just barely make Wonwoo’s huddled form among all the pillows and the thick downy blanket that his boyfriend’s so fond of.
“Hyung,” coos Mingyu, walking toward him. “You’re going to be late for class if you don’t get up soon.” He flops on top of Wonwoo, careful not to actually hurt him. “I made breakfast!”
Wonwoo exhales, the sound muffled, but doesn’t move. Mingyu frowns; normally, Wonwoo would shove him off and grumble about being woken up so early, all while trying his best to hold back a smile.
“Wonwoo, babe, are you okay? Is something wrong?” Mingyu says, concern seeping into his voice as he moves off his boyfriend. “Do I need to get Junhui or Minghao?”
Wonwoo makes a startled sound and pulls back the sheets, sitting up so quickly that it makes Mingyu flinch back. “No, no! I’m fine. You don’t have to bother them. I’ll be up in a second.”
Even though his eyes are dry and his expression is neutral, Mingyu can tell that Wonwoo’s been crying. There’s an edge to his voice; it’s shakier than usual and nasally in the way that it normally gets when he’s congested.
“You’ve been crying.” It comes out more as a statement than a question. “Did something happen?”
Wonwoo hesitates, glancing at Mingyu briefly before staring at the wall behind him, and fidgets with the bedsheets. Mingyu waits patiently; there’s no reason to pressure him into speaking. They don’t really keep secrets anymore. Wonwoo’ll tell him when he’s ready.
“Am I a bad omega?”
“What?”
“Am I a bad omega? I know I’m not like Junhui or Soonyoung or any of our other omega friends, even though I should be…”
“No, of course not!” Mingyu exclaims loudly, surprising even himself with the intensity of it. “Wonwoo, why would you even think that?”
Wonwoo shrugs, eyes downcast. There’s something fragile about his expression, anxious and more vulnerable than Mingyu’s ever seen it, that makes him want to bundle Wonwoo in the softest blanket they have and hold him forever.
“I don’t know why,” Wonwoo says after a moment. “It’s just that… I see omegas on tv or around campus and wonder if there’s something wrong with me.”
Indignation lights up in Mingyu’s chest because that can’t be further away from the truth, but he holds back. If the resignation in his voice is any indicator, this is clearly something that’s been bothering him for a while. He doesn’t need Mingyu to interrupt and tell him how wrong he is; he already knows.
Right now, Wonwoo just needs someone to listen so that’s exactly what Mingyu does.
“I’m not like them. I’m mean–“ His voice breaks just the tiniest bit, and his scent noticeably changes. Sad-hurt-upset, it says, and Mingyu’s heart aches. “–I’m mean and unfriendly, and I don’t really know how to make it stop.”
Wonwoo draws his knees close and wraps his arms around himself. “There’s just this weird disconnect between me and my emotions that keeps me from having normal relationships, and it’s hard. Like everyone always gives me so much shit for being so “cold” or whatever because I don’t like it when people touch me.”
“But I can’t help it! Do they think I want to be like this? A stupid, broken omega that freezes up every time someone gets too close to him? That’s sad, Mingyu. Sad and lonely. Why would I want to be this way?”
There’s a slightly hysterical edge to the words, one that has Mingyu pulling Wonwoo into his arms. The moment he does, Wonwoo hides his face in Mingyu’s chest and bursts into tears.
“T-They’re my friends, Mingyu. I don’t get it,” he sobs. “Why can’t I do it? What’s wrong with me? How come Soonyoungie and Junnie can do it, and I can’t?”
There’s some movement outside of the room, the sound of hushed voices and the door opening, and suddenly, Junhui and Minghao are joining them on the bed. Junhui immediately wraps himself around Wonwoo, sandwiching him between them. He coos sweetly and noses against the nape of Wonwoo’s nape, pressing a kiss there.
“There’s nothing wrong with you, Wonwoo,” Junhui murmurs against his skin. “Absolutely nothing at all. You’re perfect.”
“But I’m not! I’m not like you, I’m broken–“
“Hyung,” Minghao interjects softly. “You’re not.” He’s wormed his way behind them, and it gives him just enough space to gently coax Wonwoo away from Mingyu so he can look at Wonwoo’s face properly. “I don’t like people in my space or touching me anymore than you do. Does that make me broken too?”
Wonwoo shakes his head. “No! It’s not the same. You’re not an omega.”
Minghao raises a brow, “What? Does being an alpha mean that I shouldn’t be affectionate–or nice, even–toward the people I care about?”
“No, but–“
“Wonwoo,” Minghao says, and he sounds so exasperatedly fond that Mingyu can’t help but smile. “Stop being difficult, and listen to me. Do you remember when Junhui and I first started dating? Back when he used to throw himself at me and hang off my shoulders and kiss my cheek, and all I would do was just stand there?”
Wonwoo sniffles. “Yeah?”
“It caused a lot of problems, didn’t it? Junnie was worried he was being too clingy, and I was frustrated because even when I did reciprocate, I couldn’t relax. I was always tense and uncomfortable, and it took a really long time for me to get used to having another person in my space like that. Do you remember what you told me then? You told me that there’s more than one way to express affection.”
Minghao reaches over and gently takes Wonwoo’s face in his hands, wiping away his tears with his thumbs.
“You told me that it was okay that I didn’t fit into the lovey-dovey stereotype because I showed that I cared in different ways. You’re the same way.”
“I’ve never felt unwanted or unloved around you,” Junhui adds. “I know how much you care, so do our friends. You just show it differently.”
“Like how you always keep track of everyone’s birthdays and how you always remember little things about them that everyone else forgets,” Mingyu agrees.
“Or how you’re always willing to drop whatever you’re doing to help someone who needs it.”
“And how you make sure none of us ever feel alone.” Minghao gives Wonwoo a watery smile. He isn’t crying, but it’s a near thing. “You went to my first big showcase even though you were crazy busy and didn’t even really know me yet, all because Junnie couldn’t make it and you didn’t want me to feel lonely. No one just does that, Wonwoo.”
“You’re not broken,” Junhui tells Wonwoo sternly. He pokes him in the chest, “so stop saying you are. Who cares if you aren’t like me or Soonyoung or any other omega on the planet? If we were all alike, the world would be a much more boring place. You’re perfect just the way you are.”
“He’s right.” Mingyu nods sagely. “Can you imagine if everyone was like Jun and Soonyoung?” He shudders theatrically and gets a giggle in return. “Horrifying.”
“I dunno,” Minghao pretends to think about it, a mischievous smirk spreading across his face. “I wouldn’t be that opposed to having more than one Jun around, if you know what I mean.”
“Haohao!”
“Stop being gross, Myungho!”
He laughs as they complain and turns his attention back to Wonwoo, pressing a kiss on the crown on his head. “I know it’s hard, but try not to get too lost in that head of yours, okay? We–and I mean all of us–love you no matter what, and that’s all that matters.”
“Okay,” Wonwoo says quietly, scrubbing his face with the sleeve of his shirt. “I love you.”
“We love you too.”