Chapter Text
Months went by.
Aaron had tried to settle into some sort of new reality, but it just didn’t seem right. He felt wrong in his own skin.
They’d been together for nearly a year and somehow Aaron struggled to remember what his life had been like before Robert had been part of it. When he thought back to it, as he lay awake in bed staring into the darkness at night, he realised how his life had seemed incomplete. Of course, he’d never noticed at the time. He’d never realised there was something missing until he’d met Robert and suddenly the space had been filled. But now he was back to having that missing piece in his life, only now it was so much worse because he knew what was missing.
It wasn’t just their connection or the way their gifts seemed so in-sync. It was the fact that he missed Robert. He missed waking up with him, and spending time with him, and bickering with him, and sleeping with him.
And his gift missed Robert too. Beneath the obvious heartache, there was the problem of his gift seeming unsettled and unhappy inside him - like it had feelings of its own and it was seriously affected by Robert’s absence.
Aaron hadn’t felt right in many ways since they’d split up, but the physical differences were most obvious, most noticeable to everyone else, because his mum kept asking how he was feeling and Paddy kept having awkward conversations with him about how he was doing and everyone seemed to be being ‘careful’ with him.
He knew he didn’t feel right and every day when he looked at himself in the mirror he knew he hadn’t fully recovered from the incident at the pub, despite it being months ago.
Aaron wondered whether Robert felt the same. He was pretty sure that he did. When he’d seen him around in the village, Robert had looked as worn and tired as Aaron felt. And Aaron didn’t know whether seeing Robert, or even just knowing he was still in Emmerdale, was making him feel worse, or whether that was all that was stopping him from falling apart completely.
***
Aaron was slumped on the sofa in the back room of the pub.
Four months on from the explosion that had been so costly in so many ways, things were nearly back to normal with the building. There were a few last jobs for the builders and the decorators were doing their finishing touches, but the pub looked good as new - better in fact. Idly he wondered why it wasn’t so easy to repair everything in his life, and then wondered when his thoughts had got so deep. Probably since Robert, he thought a little bitterly.
The knock on the back door was a welcome distraction from his maudlin thoughts, so he hopped up and answered it, only to be left gaping like a fish at the sight of Robert standing before him looking uncomfortable and nervous.
They’d not been in close company since Aaron had walked away from Robert in the hospital. Of course they’d seen one another around in the village, and caught one another’s eye across the pub, but they’d not been close. It seemed like they’d both tried to keep their distance: maybe they’d both been afraid of what might happen if they didn’t.
Aaron had always been aware if Robert had been near, and his gift had too. It had fizzled beneath the surface of his skin whenever Robert was anywhere close. And now it was practically roaring inside him, yearning to go to Robert and bring them back together. Clenching his hand tightly around the edge of the door to stop himself doing something embarrassing, Aaron stared at Robert, waiting for him to speak.
Robert chewed on his bottom lip for a while and let his eyes roam over Aaron. Then he cleared his throat.
“How are you?” he asked eventually.
“Been better,” Aaron said with a shrug. It was the understatement of the year.
“Thought so,” Robert said with a nod. “Me too. That’s...that’s kind of why I’m here.”
He paused and looked at Aaron steadily.
“D’you want to come in?” Aaron eventually asked and Robert nodded quickly in reply.
Once they were through in the back room, Aaron shut the door behind him and leant against it, watching Robert as he nervously fiddled with the hem of his jacket. Robert had never seemed nervous in his company before and the sight of it now made Aaron tense, his own nerves fluttering inside him.
“Well?” Aaron asked as his patience finally snapped.
“I wanted to come to tell you...before you found out from someone else...and I wanted to explain...” Robert trailed off and looked at Aaron sadly. “I’ve decided to leave Emmerdale. At least for a little while.”
Aaron’s mouth flapped open before he could stop it and he shook his head slightly in disbelief.
“Why?” he managed to ask.
Robert’s shoulders slumped. “Because I have to do something. I haven’t felt right in months. I thought things might get better if I gave it some time, but...I just don’t feel right and I know you don’t either. You don’t look well and I hate knowing that’s to do with me.”
Aaron wanted to scream at him that there was an obvious solution to both of them feeling like that: they should get back together and forget about their problems. But he knew it wasn’t going to happen. Robert was adamant that he couldn’t be with Aaron while he kept healing people and Aaron refused to give it up. They would never agree and they’d never be able to get past it.
“I thought we’d be alright living in the same village, but I just don’t think it’s helping us,” Robert continued. “Maybe...maybe some proper space between us - not seeing one another all the time - will make this easier. Maybe we’ll start to get back to normal.”
Robert sounded like he was just clutching at straws, hoping he was making the right decision but not feeling all that confident in his choice. Aaron could see where his motivation was coming from: neither of them had recovered properly and maybe there was something getting in the way. Maybe they needed to break the bond between them more forcefully. The thought of it sent a shudder of desperate sadness through Aaron. His gift was restless inside him and he wondered if it knew somehow that Robert was leaving.
Aaron swallowed thickly and shrugged his shoulders. “If that’s what you think is best.”
Robert blew out a long breath. He half raised his hands but then let them slap against his thighs in defeat. “I don’t know what’s for the best, Aaron. But we can’t go on like this. I feel like part of me is missing even though you’re right there and...it’s just too much.”
Signing heavily, Aaron nodded. He understood that feeling: he was experiencing it too. He didn’t know how, or if, it would ever get better. Maybe Robert was right. Maybe they needed some proper distance between them and then maybe, just maybe, they could move on. The problem was Aaron wasn’t sure he even wanted to move on.
He looked at Robert’s pale, drawn face for a long time and realised just how different Robert looked these days. The glow he’d always seemed to have was missing, replaced by a dullness and a heaviness that seemed to be dragging him down. In that moment, he knew. He had to let Robert go. He had to do the right thing for both of them no matter how much it hurt. No matter how much he wanted to tell Robert that he was wrong.
“You’re right,” he said quietly.
Robert’s eyes widened slightly; the shock that Aaron had agreed so easily was obvious on his face. He looked like he was about to speak a few times before his mouth closed again. Then he finally found the words.
“I’m sorry, Aaron,” he whispered. “I wish things had been different.”
“Me too,” Aaron replied, equally as quietly.
They both gazed at one another across the room. Aaron’s own heartache was reflected back to him on Robert’s face.
“Good luck...with whatever it is you end up doing,” Aaron told him.
“Thanks. You too. I hope you’ll be happy.”
Aaron blinked rapidly, tears forming in his eyes. He moved away from the door and stepped in front of the sofa so he was no longer in the way and Robert could leave. He wanted to go to Robert, just to touch him or hug him or kiss him once more, but he wouldn’t torture himself with it.
Eventually Robert moved towards the door. He paused as he reached it and turned back slightly. “Bye, Aaron,” he said quietly.
Aaron gulped and clenched his jaw to stop his tears falling. “Bye, Robert.”
He turned away from the door and waited until he heard the back door open and close before he sank down on the sofa. He put his head in his hands and finally let the tears come. Robert was gone and they were really over now. There was no going back. At least while they’d both been in Emmerdale, Aaron had been able to hold onto the hope that maybe they’d figure it out and come back together, but now that hope was gone. Robert was gone and Aaron had lost him for good.
***
The year seemed to be flying by.
It had already got to that annoying time of year when people started making comments about Christmas even though it was still two months away, but Aaron had to admit time was slipping by.
The first few weeks after Robert had left Emmerdale had been awful.
Aaron had suffered emotionally and physically. He’d felt like his heart had been ripped out at the same time as his body was betraying him. The constant headache and churning low in his gut combined with the way his gift seemed to be rebelling against him had made him utterly miserable. He’d wondered if Robert was being effected in the same way and he’d worried about how he would be coping all alone wherever he’d moved to.
But as the weeks had turned into months, he’d started to feel better. The pain, both physical and emotional, seemed to be easing and gradually he felt more like his old self. Not completely, and he didn’t think he ever would, but getting better.
His mum had tried setting him up with some nice doctor who’d stopped off at the pub one day. She’d been beside herself with how lovely he was and how he was ‘perfect’ for Aaron. He’d rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to go on a date with the man. He’d tried: he really had. But a few dates later and Aaron couldn’t bring himself to continue trying. The doctor wasn’t for him and he knew why: he was nothing compared to Robert.
The dates had been good for one thing though. They’d talked about healers at the hospital and Aaron had decided to investigate more. His interest had been piqued and he’d attended a recruitment session for people interested in using their gifts in the medical world. From there, things had taken off. He’d been inspired by the idea of training to use his gift properly and he’d met people just like himself: people who understood what a special gift he had and what a burden it could be.
He’d known he couldn’t spend the rest of his life mourning the loss of his relationship with Robert and he knew he couldn’t carry on how he was. For one thing, his gift had been nothing but problematic since Robert had left him. Aaron was convinced it was pissed off at him for letting Robert leave and acting up as a way of showing its discontent. Anyone else might have thought he was crazy, but the people he met seemed to know exactly where he was coming from. The sessions had made his mind up for him: he wanted to train to be a healer so he could work at the hospital. He’d wanted to learn how to control his power so he could still help people but not give everything in the process. He knew something had to change and, as the months had gone on, he’d started to realise that maybe Robert had been right about how Aaron gave too much. He’d let his gift be in control and it had often ended in his own suffering, but he’d decided he was going to learn how to deal with that properly.
While Aaron had realised that maybe he’d been too stubborn and refused to see Robert’s point of view, he also stuck by his decision that Robert had been wrong to expect him to give up his healing completely - he’d never be able to do that. He couldn’t have his gift and never use it to help anyone else. But neither of them had considered a third option: an option that meant Aaron could use his gift safely and still walk away from healing someone with no negative side-effects.
He’d learnt so much in just a few months: ways to control his gift and direct it, rather than letting it take over and act purely on instinct; signs to recognise that he was at the limit of what he could endure; strategies to help him recover more quickly if he did need to give a little extra in a life or death situation without needing anyone else’s help.
It had been a whirlwind. But Aaron was feeling better than he had in months. He still missed Robert, more than he thought it was possible to miss anyone, but he was getting better.
***
Aaron woke up and instantly knew something was odd.
Since he’d been training, his gift had been much calmer and more settled, like it knew it had a new purpose. But, even before he’d opened his eyes, he could feel it beneath the surface of his skin, rippling and twitching and pushing. It was odd and completely out of the blue.
Pushing himself up in bed, he wondered whether he should call Claire. She’d been assigned to him as his mentor when he’d joined the healer program at Hotten General and they’d got on like a house on fire almost immediately. She had the same gift as Aaron and seemed to understand him perfectly. She’d taught him so much and he knew he’d be lost without her. Every time he’d had a question about anything to do with his gift, she’d been there to try to answer it for him or just listen to him. He decided to get up and go for a walk to see if some fresh air might shake off the odd feeling, stop off at the cafe for some breakfast and then give her a call.
The walk didn’t seem to make any difference. His gift was still bubbling beneath the surface of his skin. It was like it was desperate to be released but Aaron didn’t think anyone was hurt nearby. It felt different to that. He didn’t feel the sense of urgency that usually accompanied the niggling knowledge that someone needed healing. It didn’t feel wrong. His gift felt...almost excited.
He shook his head as he wandered towards the cafe. He definitely needed to call Claire once he’d got a drink and sat down.
Pushing through the door, he came to an abrupt halt. The man at the counter with his back to the door was instantly recognisable: Aaron would’ve known him anywhere. And even if he hadn’t, his gift all but singing inside him would’ve told him who it was.
It seemed that Robert sensed him too because he spun around immediately and stared at Aaron in wonder. A tiny smile tugged at the corner of his mouth.
He looked better than he had the last time Aaron had seen him. His skin is wasn’t as pale and his eyes were brighter. The glow Aaron had always seen before the pub explosion had returned a little, but it wasn’t quite as vivid as before. He looked like the most wonderful, breath-taking thing Aaron had ever seen in his life.
Immediately he stopped himself thinking such things. He couldn’t allow himself to go down that route. Getting over Robert had been the hardest thing he’d ever done and he couldn’t allow himself to suffer like that again just because the man was back in the village. He was probably only there for a day or a quick visit to his sister and then he’d disappear from Aaron’s life again. If he let Robert in, he’d be left heartbroken all over again and he wasn’t sure he would survive it a second time.
They seemed to stare at one another across the cafe for quite a while, neither of them wanting to break the fragile spell they were under. Then, finally, Robert moved. He walked up to Aaron and let his eyes roam over his face. Aaron chewed on his lip as Robert gazed at him. The smile curved the corner of Robert’s lips a little more as his eyes met Aaron’s.
“Hi,” he said quietly.
Aaron’s heart thudded in his chest at the simple greeting. He’d missed hearing Robert’s voice.
“Hi,” he replied, equally as quietly. “I didn’t know you were coming back.”
Robert nodded once. “It’s been a while...thought I’d come back to see Vic.”
Aaron nodded quickly. “Of course.”
Of course he hasn’t come back for you, he told himself firmly.
“Well, um, I’m just gonna get myself a cuppa. So, I’ll, um...”
“Can we...have a catch up?” Robert asked, cutting him off and catching him off guard.
“Um, yeah, I suppose,” Aaron replied.
Robert smiled again. “I’ll let you get your drink and I’ll get us a table outside then, yeah?”
Aaron could only nod as Robert stepped around him. Their arms brushed through their jackets and even that was enough to make Aaron shudder.
By the time Aaron made it outside, his head was spinning and he’d been trying to organise what he wanted to say to Robert. He wanted to know how he was and what he’d been up to and, rather masochistically, he wanted to know if Robert was seeing anyone. He wondered if they’d even get to talk about any of that. Maybe it was just a quick catch-up and then they’d go their separate ways. He was almost vibrating with nerves when he finally made his way outside and found Robert at a table as promised.
It was one of those cool but bright autumn days so it was quite pleasant sitting outside the cafe. Neither of them spoke while Aaron got settled and then he cupped his mug of tea and stared at it as he waited for Robert to initiate the conversation: after all, it was him who’d suggested they sit together.
“So...how have you been?” Robert eventually asked.
When Aaron looked up, he found Robert watching him closely. He seemed almost unable to tear his eyes away from Aaron, like he was drinking him in while he had the chance. Aaron understood how that felt.
He cleared his throat. “Yeah...um, good, I suppose. Took me a while after...after you left,” he lowered his eyes to the table for a moment, remembering the utter heartache, but then he looked up again. “Things have been better recently.”
Robert smiled slightly. “Good...that’s good.”
“And you?”’Aaron asked.
“Same, I suppose,” Robert replied. “Things were pretty bad for a while...I was struggling. But I’m doing okay.”
They fell into silence, both of them looking at their surroundings and then back at one another before they looked away again.
“I’ve started training to be a healer at the hospital,” Aaron blurted out. It seemed incredibly important that he told Robert about it.
“Really?” Robert asked. “What does that involve?”
“I signed up a few months ago. Knew I needed something else to focus on and wanted to use my gift for something good so I started training. It’s been really good for me. I’ve learnt a lot.”
Robert smiled at him. “That’s great, Aaron. I’m pleased for you.”
It wasn’t enough though. Aaron wanted Robert to understand how much it had changed his life and how much it had shifted his ideas about healing.
“Part of my training is knowing when to stop healing someone. And knowing how to recover afterwards. There’s no point being a healer at the hospital if you collapse after the first person you help.”
Robert breathed out a little laugh. “No, that would be kind of useless.” He gazed at Aaron and blinked slowly a few times. “I really am pleased for you. I know how much healing meant to you and I’m glad you’ve found a way to help other people without hurting yourself. I’m proud of you.”
Aaron’s lips curved into a smile. Hearing Robert’s words meant so much to him. But just being in his presence again after so long meant even more. He felt more alive in that short time than he had in months. He knew it was partly because his gift was doing somersaults inside him, but it was also just him. He wanted Robert. He didn’t want to let Robert go again. He felt complete when he was with Robert. He loved Robert.
He loved Robert. And he suddenly realised he’d never even told him that. Through everything they’d experienced - the passion and the energy and the healing and the fights - he’d never actually told Robert that he loved him.
“It’s really good to see that you’re so happy,” Robert said, cutting into Aaron’s racing thoughts.
Aaron looked back into his eyes and Robert almost looked sad somehow. He was still smiling fondly at Aaron, but the smile didn’t reach his eyes.
Robert downed the last of his coffee and put the cup back on the table. “I’d better get going - Vic will be wondering where I got to. It’s been so good to see you, Aaron. I’m...I’m so pleased that you’re doing well. I’ll see you around, yeah?”
With that, he pushed up from his chair and turned to walk away before Aaron could say anything. It was so abrupt.
Aaron hated the sight of Robert walking away from him again. And his gift was practically roaring inside him, screaming at him not to let Robert go again.
His chair scraped back and he was on his feet before he’d even made a conscious decision.
“Robert!” he yelled. “Wait!”
Robert turned at his voice and looked at Aaron warily as he rushed towards him.
“Don’t go,” Aaron said as he stood before him.
Robert looked down at the ground. “I need to.”
“No, you don’t. Please don’t go,” Aaron repeated.
Robert shook his head. “Look, Aaron, I’m really pleased to hear how well you’re doing - I mean it. You deserve to be really happy. But...I’ve got to go.”
Aaron was shaking his head at Robert’s words. “You don’t understand.”
“It was good to see you,” Robert continued and he started backing away, like he hadn’t heard a word Aaron had said.
“Robert! Just listen to me!” Aaron snapped. It had the desired effect as Robert immediately stood still and stared at him in surprise. “You never listen! You’ve made all the decisions: you walked away; you decided it was for the best if you left the village. But now it’s my turn to talk. I am happy or at least happier than I was when you left. But...I miss you. Those few minutes sitting with you just now made me feel better than I have in months...since we broke up. I don’t know if you felt it too, but I’m pretty sure you did. I still want to be with you. Even after all this time, I still want you. I feel like something’s pulling us together because that’s where we belong. We belong together.”
“Aaron,” Robert sighed. He was blinking at Aaron in awe, tears shining in his eyes.
“I love you, Robert,” Aaron said earnestly. “I never said it before but I should’ve done. I shouldn’t have let us give up so easily.”
“I love you too,” Robert murmured. “But what if we can’t get past the problems we had before, the things that split us up. I can’t deal with losing you again, going through all that.”
Aaron was shaking his head, but he was smiling. “But we already are past those things. I’m healing people but I’m doing it the right way. I’m not pushing myself like I was. I realise now, after starting my training, that I was going too far and not looking after myself and I was expecting you to save the day. But it wouldn’t be like that now.”
Robert looked unsure, like he couldn’t quite believe the words, and Aaron was suddenly afraid that all this was too little, too late. What if Robert had accepted that they were over and moved on? What if he couldn’t take the chance on them again?
Robert closed his eyes for a moment and blew out a long breath. “I’ve not felt right since the explosion at the Woolpack. I thought that things would get better, that’s why I left, and they did - a bit. But it’s not been right - I’ve not been right. I’ve felt like I was missing part of myself. And you’re right...being near you...it’s the first time I’ve felt whole in months. I said we couldn’t be together because I couldn’t bear to lose you but I did anyway.”
Aaron smiled softly at him. “We’ve both been stubborn, stupid idiots, haven’t we?”
Robert raised an eyebrow. “Maybe we needed some time apart to see what was right in front of us all along.”
“Maybe,” Aaron agreed. He shoved his hands in the pockets of his jacket and leaned forwards a little, teetering on the edge of Robert’s space. “I don’t want us to be apart anymore, Rob. I love you. Will you come back to me?” His heart was thudding in his chest as he waited for Robert’s reply.
Robert smiled widely and laughed suddenly. “Of course I will. I should never have left.”
Aaron’s heart soared and his gift danced beneath his skin.
There was no hesitation as Robert surged forwards and they grabbed one another. Their lips met and warmth rushed through Aaron. He gasped in pleasure as they reconnected, before pressing his lips against Robert’s again. It was perfect: everything he’d missed and loved and yearned for all back in his arms. They kissed desperately like they were trying to remember the taste and feel of one another, not caring that they were in the middle of the street.
Eventually they parted and Robert rested his forehead against Aaron’s. He sighed in contentment.
When Aaron pulled back slightly, he could see the glow of Robert’s skin and the brightness in his eyes that had been missing for so long. He could feel the spark of Robert’s energy fizzling across his skin. His own heart felt full and, for the first time in months, he felt complete.
He smiled at Robert and Robert smiled back. They were together again. They were whole again. They were everything they needed.