Chapter Text
Cyrus found himself spending more time with TJ after that.
It didn’t become uncommon for Cyrus to accompany TJ to work or spend time with him at school. Neither lingered long; Cyrus would stop off on his way past the kiddie gym and spend maybe five minutes with the kids or with TJ, and some days he would assist in pack up if it was near the end of the day. TJ would stop at Andi, Cyrus, and Jonah’s lunch table for a few short moments most days, passing him a muffin, ruffling his hair, or telling him a joke or three. Andi would usually greet him with a small, uncertain smile, and Jonah would nod tightly until he left, but it wasn’t nothing, and Cyrus was happy that his friends were (kind of) getting along.
They didn’t really hang out outside of school, TJ’s work being the exception, but on the rare occasion when Cyrus happened to be in the Shadyside Library - a cozy, two story building with couches and a few ancient computers - at the same time as TJ they would study together.
Cyrus had never thought that TJ was anything less than smart, but based on what TJ had told him he had assumed that academic learning wasn’t his strong suit.
This was proven wrong.
TJ was a genius.
TJ, as Cyrus found, was brilliant when it came to English and History, both ancient and modern. He had a knack for poetry and lyrics, even rapping some of his original works to him with an excitement and passion that shocked Cyrus. Cyrus would laugh along, amazed and very much delighted when he would sing along quietly to his own words with rhythm and grace.
He would claim that he couldn’t sing, but Cyrus would find himself humming along to a rhythm he didn’t know whenever the blonde would break out the lyrics.
21. TJ Kippen is an amazing poet and lyricist.
During these times, TJ would help Cyrus with his History homework, displaying a natural memory for facts and dates and names that Cyrus could never hope to acquire even through constant practice. In return, Cyrus tried to find methods to help TJ with his maths homework, now that he was between tutors after Buffy was gone.
He was starting to get the hang of how TJ’s mind worked in relation to math problems and be able to work with him through questions - with minor prompting when needed.
It was fun, being able to relax and learn in an environment like this, with a boy who always managed to make him feel warm and relaxed. Funny, Cyrus pondered, just how easy it was to talk to TJ, to joke with him and ramble about his interests and never feel annoying or like he was putting on a front. Completely different from how he felt in front of Jonah. It was similar to how he felt around Buffy and Andi - but rarely did they inspire such a feeling of warmth and giddiness like TJ did.
With TJ he felt like he could talk about anything; his life, his interests, his problems, anything, and TJ wouldn’t get bored or annoyed or cut him off and tell him that they had other things to worry about. It was refreshing.
It wasn’t as if Cyrus felt that Buffy and Andi didn’t care about him, but he knew that they both had their own stuff to deal with - especially after Buffy left and it was just him and Andi and Jonah (who were always having drama).
TJ was just as good at talking as he was at listening - but Cyrus knew that TJ talked in circles and avoided anything of substance. In those informal study sessions, Cyrus would learn TJ’s favourite colour;
22. TJ Kippen’s favourite color is red,
- his favourite ice cream flavour;
23. TJ Kippen’s favourite ice cream flavor is blueberry, which he mixes himself,
- and which three items he would save if his house ever burnt down;
24. TJ Kippen would save from a fire: his lava lamp he’d had since he was four, his sister’s baby blanket, and his playstation,
- but Cyrus still knew next to nothing substantial about TJ.
He didn’t know what TJ’s sister’s name was, he didn’t know anything about that ‘Reed’ person he had mentioned all those nights ago, he didn’t know what TJ’s living situation was, or what his parents did or if he even had two parents. Cyrus knew that he had a mom, but he hadn’t heard anything about her since that night.
And that was fine, if TJ wanted him to know he would tell him. If TJ was a private person, then that wasn’t anyone’s business but the boy himself.
It wasn’t like it bothered Cyrus, not knowing.
It wasn’t like he wanted to add something important to his TJ Facts list.
It wasn’t like there was an itch under his skin, urging him to ask about his family, his health, his friends, his happiness, with every passing minute which he battered down every time they talked.
It was fine. Cyrus respected TJ’s boundaries and privacy. He wouldn’t ask unless it came up.
Cyrus was perfectly fine not knowing.
As Cyrus stood, battling with his locker as students surged and flowed around him on their way to class, an excited call of “Cyrus!” came from somewhere in the hallway rush between fifth and sixth period.
Cyrus barely had time to turn and search for the voice between the sea of people, before a hand grabbed his wrist and pulled him, with a yelp, into an empty hallway.
His yelp turned into a confused giggle as TJ stood in front of him with an ecstatic grin on his face, paper clutched in his free hand and the other gripping Cyrus’ shoulder. Up this close Cyrus could see the spatter of freckles that were painted across the other’s nose and the indents in the bridge of his nose where his glasses had rested during class. Cyrus tried not to linger on the flecks of gold in TJ’s eyes, instead asking, “What’s all this about?”
TJ’s wild grin stretched impossibly wider, and he shoved the paper into Cyrus’ chest, who grabbed it with a questioning smile.
TJ’s hand still a comforting weight on his shoulder, Cyrus held up the paper, and inspected it.
Cyrus’ jaw dropped.
He looked up at TJ, and back to the paper, and back up to TJ.
“TJ.” A smile grew on his face, “Teej!”
The paper proclaimed up to him a series of math questions littered with ticks and crosses where there were correct and incorrect answers. At the top of the page a large red C was written, with a smaller percentage next to it proclaiming ‘74%’.
TJ looked like he was bursting with excitement, metaphorical tail wagging as he let go of Cyrus’ shoulder to bounce on the balls of his feet. Cute, was all that passed through Cyrus’ mind before he exclaimed, “You passed!”
Like the words flipped a switch, TJ suddenly had his arms around Cyrus and was spinning him in the air, a tight grip around his waist as Cyrus giggled euphorically. Instinctively, he wrapped his own arms around TJ’s neck as they continued to laugh together.
That warm feeling spread through him again, making his heart race from their embrace and the air rushing through his ears. He lowered his head and giggled into TJ’s shoulder as they slowed to a stop. He could hear TJ’s breathless laugh in his ear and their arms tightened around each other.
TJ’s arms were grounding and calming and they made his heart race like never before and he thought if he patted his own cheeks he would find a burning flush.
They didn’t notice that they were still grinning, Cyrus’ feet off the floor, until he accidentally swung his leg and kicked TJ in the shin.
Cyrus inhaled sharply, ready to apologise, but TJ just chuckled breathlessly and tightened his arms one more time, before gently lowering Cyrus to the ground. Cyrus barely remembered to lift his forehead from TJ’s shoulder and release his arms from arms his neck.
He could have stood there all day, basking in his pride in the other and their shared happiness, but the second bell rang, and he still had to go to class.
“Hah,” TJ breathed giddily, untangling his arms from Cyrus’ waist, “Oh, shi-” Cyrus smacked his arm lightly on reflex, “Oh, whoops, you have class don’t you?”
“Yeah, but,” Cyrus regarded the boy in front of him, still standing close, “I don’t mind being late for something like this!”
TJ blinked and looked away, one hand coming up to rub at his neck. His ears were flushed and Cyrus smothered a smile. Cute.
TJ cleared his throat, “Still, you should get to class. I have study hall, so I can walk you.”
Cyrus smiled and conceded, turning back into the hallway to get to his locker. The students were dwindling now, the only ones remaining were either those who were planning to be late, those who weren’t planning to be late and were panicking, or those who had study hall.
Cyrus headed for his locker, opening it with ease now that the rush had died down a bit.
TJ turned and leaned against the lockers next to him, “So, what do you have now?”
“Biology. Ms. Mitchell is always late, otherwise I would be more worried.” In truth, Cyrus was quite nervous about being late, but he didn’t tell TJ that.
TJ hummed and nodded absentmindedly.
Cyrus shoved the last book into his bag and gestured down the hallway. TJ hooked an arm around his shoulders as they walked, and Cyrus found comfort in the weight. It was hard not to sink into him, but Cyrus resisted. That would be weird. TJ would think it was weird.
TJ still had an air of happiness around him, and Cyrus couldn’t help the quiet pride that grew in him towards the other boy.
While they walked, Cyrus found himself rambling without even realising it; his mouth was spewing information about their classwork and who he was partnered with on a project and the grade he had gotten on his last report. TJ listened with a smile, fond and patient and Cyrus might’ve loved that smile.
In the empty halls, they reached Cyrus’ class quickly and - after TJ dropped his arm from Cyrus’ shoulders - with a quick scan to ensure that no, Ms. Mitchell wasn’t there yet, thank goodness, Cyrus turned back to TJ in the doorway. The rest of his class were dicking around in the room, in a routine common for this period.
“Hey,” He tapped TJ’s shoulder lightly, fondly, “I’m proud of you.”
TJ just scoffed half heartedly and looked away, “It’s not that big of a deal.”
“It doesn’t have to be a ‘big deal’ for me to be proud!” Cyrus used air quotes.
TJ just shrugged but a smile tugged at his lips. TJ’s eyes caught on a figure down the hall, and Cyrus fought to keep his gaze from lingering on his freckles while he was distracted. A beat late, Cyrus followed his gaze to see Ms. Mitchell.
Cyrus hummed or sighed or breathed a mixture of the two and elbowed TJ lightly, “You should get going.”
The blonde turned back to him and smiled, “Yeah. I’ll see you later?”
“‘Course.”
TJ grinned and, with one last clap on Cyrus’ shoulder, turned on his heel, already striding away. Cyrus went to open the door before he stopped, looked back to TJ, and called, “I meant it, you know! I’m proud of you.”
He watched him leave, searching for a reaction, but the other just raised a hand in a wave - simultaneously friendly and brushing him off. Cyrus grinned. He would bet anything that TJ’s ears were burning in a flush.
Ignoring his own pleased smile, Cyrus opened the door and slipped into the classroom.
The next two weeks passed in a blur. Andi, Jonah, Andi, TJ, Jonah, TJ, Andi, Buffy!!!!!, TJ, Buffy, Andi, Jonah, Buffy, TJ, Andi, Buffy, Buffy, Buffy, Andi and Buffy.
Before he could even register the change, Buffy was back, Andi and Jonah were together for real again, TJ was amazing as always, and Cyrus Goodman no longer had a crush on Jonah.
Cyrus was relaying this overload of information to TJ in the library - leaving out some sensitive details (Jonah) - when the idea struck.
They were sitting across from each other in the upstairs lounge area of the library - homework strewn across the table that sat between the couches they were sitting on. Cyrus sank heavily into the cushions while he was relaying his most recent developments. TJ sat on his edge of his couch, resting his chin on one palm and listening intently. Cyrus didn’t let himself linger on how fond the look TJ sent him was. The afternoon sunlight was filtering in through the few windows and spilling across the table. The only other patrons were wandering listlessly through the shelves, and paid them no mind.
“Wait,” He cut himself off. TJ hummed to show he was listening. “Now that Buffy’s back, maybe we can actually make up with her!”
TJ cocked an eyebrow, straightening slightly as he lifted his chin off of his palm, “Would she want to?”
He didn’t immediately dismiss the idea, so Cyrus took it as a good thing.
“I’m not sure, but it’s worth a try? Plus, she hasn’t played with the team since she came back, right?” TJ nodded, laying his arms down on the table. The sunlight cast golden rays across his skin and Cyrus flicked his eyes back up to TJ’s.
“Maybe you can convince her to come practice with the team?” TJ suggested.
Cyrus turned his mouth down, “Maybe… but I doubt she would come play with you for no reason.”
He huffed and sank even further into the cushions until he was engulfed by both his jacket and the fort he’d created for himself. The other couches weren’t using their cushions anyway. TJ had laughed at him the whole time he was collecting them, but still offered his own couches’ pillows to him. TJ was sweet like that.
“What if I challenged her to a one-on-one?”
Cyrus frowned, “Would that help?”
“I dunno, but maybe it’ll settle our beef.”
Cyrus couldn’t see TJ’s face from his position in the cushion ocean he’d created, but he could hear the shrug in his voice and the tap of his fingers indicated he was thinking. Cyrus knew him well enough by now to recognise his traits.
“She probably wouldn’t go for it, though. I asked her the other day, and she seemed pretty adamant on not rejoining the team.” He left out the part about TJ probably being the cause of that reluctance. He also left out where he’d called TJ cute without thinking about it. TJ didn’t need to know that.
“Well,” TJ hummed and his fingers stopped tapping on the table. Cyrus knew that he was probably tapping his fingers against his lips instead as he thought. Cyrus heard him sink back into the couch. “We have two problems here. The first is that I want to make it right with Buffy. And the second, is that we need Buffy to rejoin the basketball team, which she won’t do because I refused to play with her,” So he did know he was the reason. “I think we can solve both in one go if I play it careful. But, I’ll need your help.”
TJ sounded almost unsure to ask at the end, and so Cyrus sat up - struggling amongst the soft sea he’d created. It was like the foam pit all over again.
Once he’d managed to resubmerge, he scoffed at TJ, “Psh, me, wanting to help two of my friends stop fighting? It’s like you don’t even know me.”
TJ looked at him, one finger poised against his lips - Cyrus was right, he had been tapping - and cocked an eyebrow.
“So..?”
“So, of course I’ll help!”
At the very least, Buffy was a good sport. Even when Cyrus interrupted too early she just accepted the challenge with a breezy, “That was a pathetic ambush.” and left to get changed.
TJ stood at his side - as always - and nodded when Cyrus said, “This is why I wanted to rehearse.”
Once they were actually into it, the match passed in an agonisingly slow blur. Cyrus could follow along enough to know when each of them scored, but when he found his eyes following TJ in his boredom - TJ’s moves, his little cheers, his silhouette (who let him be that tall?), his huffs of annoyance, his grins, his eyes meeting Cyrus’ - it ended up being easier to just curl up and close his eyes to their game.
The squeak of their sneakers and their lazy smack-talk filtered in through his ears easily without the added stimulant of sight, and he found himself belatedly following their taunts, snorting a laugh when TJ says, “LOL.” out loud. Cute. Way too cute.
Cyrus was too busy registering that, I really need to stop thinking straight boys are cute, it’s turning into a problem, that it clicks in his head a beat late that Buffy was cheering her win.
He snaps his eyes open, sitting up and swinging his legs down.
“You won? You won! I knew you would win!”
Buffy grinned and they grabbed each other in a hug, Buffy holding Cyrus close to her cheek.
There wasn’t really any doubt in his mind that Buffy would win, but it was still a surprise - albeit a pleasant one. It wasn’t that he could imagine Buffy losing, but more that he couldn’t imagine TJ, perfect, brilliant, handsome, effortlessly skilled TJ, losing.
If Cyrus opened his eyes a second early, unable to stop himself from being drawn to the boy in front of him, and caught TJ in the midst of an eye roll which would seem like jealousy on anyone else - it can’t be, it’s TJ - no one has to know. No one has to know how highly he held TJ. No one has to know that Cyrus kind of wanted TJ to be jealous. No one has to know that Cyrus kind of wanted to be hugging TJ.
“Nice game, TJ! You played hard.” TJ pitched his voice like he did in the Spoon weeks ago. Cyrus can’t stop himself from thinking it’s cute. “Oh, thank you, TJ.”
When TJ looked at Buffy his smile might be bitter, but that’s not jealousy. It’s frustration at losing, obviously.
“It really was a good game.” Buffy smiled, small but genuine. Cyrus might’ve been happy.
“First one on one I ever lost.” Definitely bitter. TJ isn’t a sore loser, though. At least, not anymore.
“So, my beautiful,” TJ snorted at him quietly, “- If under-rehearsed plan worked!”
“What was that?” Buffy asked, brows furrowed.
“To prove that you and TJ could play basketball together! And you did. And you won!”
TJ piped up, ever prideful, “Not that anyone needs to know that.” He raises his eyebrows at the two of them for good measure and Cyrus smothers an eye roll. A fond one.
“Now, no more nonsense about not rejoining the team. You’re definitely rejoining the team.”
But Buffy’s frowning and shaking her head the slightest amount, “No. I’m not.”
TJ frowned at her, “You’re just gonna quit playing basketball?” He sounded like it was the most absurd thing he’d ever heard, and it probably was.
Buffy sighed but she was smiling, “Of course not. I’m still going to play.”
Cyrus looked at TJ and they shared a glance.
“I don’t get it,” said TJ.
“Is there some other team we don’t know about?” Cyrus asked.
Buffy bit her lip, “I didn’t want to say anything until it was official, but I just got permission.” She smiled, stealing the ball from out of TJ’s hands, “I’m starting a girl’s basketball team.”
TJ raised his eyebrows, turning to Cyrus on instinct. Cyrus barely noticed.
“That’s a brilliant plan,” Cyrus cocked an eyebrow (TJ was starting to influence his habits), “Which eclipses even my brilliant plan.”
TJ grinned and Cyrus wondered if it’s the first time Buffy had seen him smile like that - kind and honest and not full of malice.
“Driscoll, you got moves.” He sounded impressed and Buffy grinned in response. Cyrus was definitely happy.
“Thank you,” she said.
Buffy tossed the ball back to TJ, who caught it deftly despite being caught off guard. “I’m gonna go get changed; I’m exhausted from my win, after all.” She flashed a smirk at TJ who rolled his eyes in return.
“You should savour it, Driscoll. It won’t happen again.”
She just snickered and brushed past the two, heading for the locker rooms.
They watched her go, moving to stand shoulder to shoulder.
When the door swings shut, TJ asks, “Is she always…?”
“So intense?”
“She’s like a hurricane personified.”
Cyrus just hums his agreement. Buffy had that effect on people not yet used to her. And sometimes she managed to amaze even then.
They stood there for a minute more, just standing with each other, separated at the shoulder by a layer of clothes. When Cyrus ears his eyes away from the locker room door and dares a glance at TJ, he sees him, eyes closed, breathing steadily, dozing on his feet.
He jostled his arm, and TJ’s eyes blink open at the movement.
TJ looks down at him in question.
Cyrus looks back.
“Are you tired?”
TJ breathes, glancing away for a second or a minute, but finding his way back to Cyrus’ eyes eventually.
Cyrus doesn’t look away until TJ replies with a, “I haven’t been sleeping well. My brain just… won’t let me sleep.”
“In an anxiety way?”
TJ licks his lips. Cyrus doesn’t let his eyes track the motion. “I’m not sure. I just can’t stop thinking about things, over and over.”
“Good things or bad things?”
TJ glances across his face before resettling on Cyrus’ eyes again. Weird.
He huffs but not at Cyrus. “I don’t know. I think it’s just everything,” he grimaces as if living it, “Maybe it’s just part of my stuff, but it’s been worse lately.”
TJ looks away properly that time, stepping away so he can bring up a hand to massage the back of his neck. Cyrus’ shoulder feels warm where they had held contact.
TJ doesn’t glance back at Cyrus, instead staring at the floor and the wall and the ceiling in succession.
Cyrus frowns in displeasure at his attempt to close himself off, and steps in front of TJ. When he doesn’t get the reaction he was looking for, he finds himself lifting a hand to close around TJ’s wrist. He doesn’t jump at the contact but it’s a close thing and Cyrus feels him tense minutely. Only then do green eyes turn back to Cyrus.
TJ twists his mouth in displeasure or uncomfort or anxiety and Cyrus just melts, his frown being replaced by a soft huff and a smile.
“Hey,” TJ blinks at him, “You don’t have to talk about it. But, next time you can’t sleep I want you to call me.”
That gets a reaction. “Wh- No way! I’m already way too -”
“‘Way too’ nothing! Don’t start this again, Teej.” Cyrus, still holding his wrist, tightens his grip. He resists the urge to slide his hand up to entwine their fingers. “You having trouble is not a burden.”
TJ looks ready to argue, his jaw set and brow furrowed. He opens his mouth to respond but Cyrus interrupts him before he can, “And, I’m telling you now that this is my own decision and you can’t do anything to stop me.”
“What- Cyrus, no-”
“I guess I’ll just be staying up all by myself then.” Cyrus smiles toothily and TJ glares at him.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“And you don’t know how to accept when someone cares about you and wants to help you.”
TJ opens his mouth to that, brow twitching, and makes a variety of sounds spanning from, “I-”, “Just-”, and “How-”, before he cuts himself off for good and just sighs. He throws up one hand to brush through his hair shakily.
Cyrus becomes aware of his other arm still holding TJ’s wrist in between them. His thumb is stroking circles in the skin there without his permission.
TJ drags his free hand down his face and says, “I need to get changed.”
Cyrus smiles innocently and says, “I guess I’ll expect a call from you tonight, then?”
The look TJ sends him is nothing short of contemptuous but Cyrus knows he could never really mean a look like that. A second later it’s followed by an eye roll and Cyrus knows he’s right. He doesn’t stop to think about why he knows that.
Belatedly, he drops TJ’s wrist and the taller boy moves around him without another word. In typical TJ fashion, Cyrus spots a flush burning on his ears as he heads for the locker rooms.
He can still feel the other boy’s wrist under his fingertips when Buffy returns to him a minute later.
25. TJ Kippen has soft skin.
Later that night, when he had bid Buffy farewell and walked back to his house, his phone vibrates in a call.
Cyrus smiles at the photo like he had time and again, and doesn’t hesitate to answer.
They talk that night, for hours - about nothing and everything and the infinity of words that span in between. Eventually they fall asleep together, with their phone clocks proclaiming the time as 1:26 AM, breathing in sync and matching smiles on their faces. One of them bumps the end call button in his sleep and Cyrus wakes up to an imprint of his charger cord in his cheek, his stiff fingers curled around his phone, and a message from TJ blinking up at him.
Cyrus smiles and thinks,
26. TJ Kippen is learning to rely on people more.
And, once he wakes up fully, clearing the sleep from his mind, if his heart beats faster than normal when he remembers how TJ had looked back at him the day before… well, no one needs to know.