Chapter Text
"Lassiter, you're not going to like this." Juliet approached his desk tentatively the day after the play. Lassiter was happier than he had been since he had once bought a pack of bullets and got two for free. He and Shawn had set a date at a restaurant for the next day, right after they did Chicago again, since it was playing for another week. And no one at the station had to know, since the only people affiliated with the SBPD who had seen their impromptu kiss were Gus and Juliet.
"O'hara, I don't think anything could bring me down right now." Lassiter grinned and put his chin in his hands. Juliet grinned nervously and placed a newspaper on his desk.
"I wanted you to see this before someone else showed you." Lassiter's smile was wiped off his face when he saw the front page of The Courier.
"Detective Dipstick Now Detective Lipstick?" Was the headline, and, below it, was a picture of Shawn swooping him into the kiss.
Lassiter was speechless and fuming, and he gaped like a fish. Finally, he kept his mouth open long enough to say, "That's a terrible pun and also a stereotype."
"Ok, Carlton, don't freak out." Juliet put her hands on Lassiter's shoulder reassuringly. "Not many people read The Courier anyway. Not since the Detective Dipstick scandal."
"Carlton fucking Lassiter!" A loud bellow echoed through the police department. Lassiter, recognizing it to be Henry, dived under his desk. "Juliet!" He exclaimed. "Have you seen 'Detective Lipstick?' Or my son for that matter."
"Sir, please calm down--"
"No, I will not calm the fuck down," Henry fumed. "Pardon my French, but I find a picture of my son not only kissing a dude on the front page of The Courier, but this person is Carlton Lassiter?" By now everyone in the room had had their attention drawn to the angry man shouting in the middle of the department.
"Shh! Henry!" Juliet tried to get him to be quiet, and Lassiter let out a stream of silent curses from under the table.
"What?" McNab chimed in and laughed. "Shawn and Lassiter are probably the straightest dudes I know -- oh." Henry placed The Courier right in front of him and Lassiter winced from his hiding spot. McNab chewed his lip and then shrugged. "Well, I'm sorta surprised, but good for them!" He beamed.
Henry ripped the newspaper from the table. "No! Not good for them! Shawn is a commitment-phobe, and Lassiter is a fucking train wreck!"
"Now you listen here!" Lassiter couldn't take it anymore and leapt up from his niche.
"Oh, so you were hiding! I'm surprised you didn't find a convenient closet to hide in!" Henry surged forward but was held back.
"Dad! Calm down!" Shawn had just entered to find his dad and his boyfriend getting into a fistfight, and he didn't even know over what. At least, until he saw the paper angrily clenched in his father's hands. "I was going to tell you that I'm queer, but I knew you would lose your shit," Shawn sighed.
"I'm not 'losing my shit'!" Henry shouted. "I am reacting as a normal father would when he finds out his only son is a fucking fag--" Lassiter slugged Henry in the face.
"Don't you dare," Lassiter growled.
"Oh, you wanna go?" Henry put up his fists.
"What the hell is going on here?" Chief Vick stepped out of her office. "Lassiter! Shawn! In my office! Now!" She sighed and walked back inside, wondering for the billionth time why her job was so odd.
Shawn and Lassiter widened their eyes and tentatively stepped inside the office.
"Look, boys, I'm not your mother, I'm not your school counselor, and I'm sure as hell not your therapist. I deal with a baby at home, I don't want to have to deal with a bunch of babies at work. So. Are you two together?"
"Yes," they answered in unison.
"Will it affect your work?"
"No, ma'am!"
"Then," she leaned forward, "do I look like I care? Get out of my office and tell Henry that if he says that word again I will fire him immediately and he will also be staying in the cells overnight." She said the last part loudly so that Henry could hear her threat from his position outside the doors. Lassiter and Shawn stood, mouths agape. "What are you waiting for? Go!" She shooed them out and took an Advil.
"Well." Shawn crossed his arms and stood in front if his dad, who was wiping some blood from his mouth.
"Look, Shawn," he sighed. "I'm sorry for calling you that, but I was just mad. You couldn't tell me? And I want the best for you! I don't think dating Lassiter is the best." Henry put a hand on his son's shoulder, but Shawn angrily shrugged it off.
"Who I date is none of your business." Shawn turned toward Lassiter and pecked him on the lips. "Date still on for tomorrow?"
"Can we move it to today?" Lassiter asked breathlessly.
"Yeah. Bye Lassie-bear!" Shawn stalked out of the office, dragging Gus away from Juliet's desk.
"Shawn," Gus whined.
"No, Gus. We really gotta run, like now." Shawn saw Henry standing helplessly in the middle of the department. "When my dad comes to his senses he's coming after me, so I need your car time to drive to Canada."
"Shawn, why don't we just get smoothies?"
"Yeah, or that."