Chapter Text
Amy has bad dreams, sometimes. She has since she was a child, paralyzing anxiety consuming her even in sleep before she was ten years old with dreams about sleeping in and missing a test or disappointing her parents. They progressed as she got older and she was exposed to the daily horrors of being a cop, as well as the less typical traumatic experiences like her boyfriend going to prison and watching her friend get hit by a bus.
It’s not rare that she wakes up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat after a nightmare, but tonight it’s unclear at first why her sleep has been disrupted. There were no night terrors that she can recall, nor is she in any immediate danger in the comfort of her own bedroom, but there’s a sharp pain in her chest screaming that something is wrong.
She turns to Jake, her eyes searching blindly for him in the dark, and after a few heavy blinks she’s able to make out that he’s still awake and staring at the ceiling.
“Babe,” she whispers before reaching out to grab his arm, not wanting to startle him. He still jumps slightly and relaxes a moment later, his head lolling to the side to face her and a soft smile that doesn’t reach his eyes gracing his face. “Why aren’t you asleep?”
Jake shrugs, his gaze briefly flicking away from her. When they return, there’s a soft, sad, almost desperate gleam in his eyes. With another pang in her chest so painful that it knocks the wind out of her, she recalls seeing this very look a few hours ago at the height of their argument.
Her subconscious seems to have figured it out before she did, not allowing her to sleep more than an hour or so, but it dawns on her pretty quickly that there’s more that needs to be said tonight. It’s not that what she said was untrue, necessarily. She does want kids and she doesn’t have the luxury of waiting, but if her husband - her sweet, kind, adoring husband who understands her better than anybody and has been surrounded by failed marriages and felt abandoned his whole life - is looking at her like this, she needs to say something immediately.
She shuffles a little closer to him and curls her hand around the back of his head, beginning to gently stroke his hair.
“I need you to know, Jake, what I said earlier about starting over, that was-”
“It’s okay,” he interrupts her, his hand reaching out to rest on her waist and stroke the exposed skin between her t-shirt and sweatpants. The soothing motion is accompanied by a reassuring smile; his attempts to quell her anxieties as soon as they appear are second nature at this point. “It’s really important to you to have kids. I get that. I just...”
He trails off and the sad expression is renewed, unshed tears glistening that she can tell he’s trying hard to repress.
“It’s just hard for me to think about losing you. For any reason, ever.”
Amy nods and squeezes his bicep, moving closer still so that their knees are brushing against each other.
“It’s not something I want to think about either. I mean, tonight, when you were in danger...” She reaches down to grab his hand for a burst of strength and comfort needed to finish her thought, letting out a soft exhale as he intertwines their fingers and squeezes tight. “I couldn’t handle the thought of losing you. You’re the love of my life, I don’t want to be with anyone else.”
She sees a glimpse of a soft smile before he’s leaning in to kiss her, his lips as warm and familiar as they always are when they meet hers.
“I love you.”
Amy sighs and cups his face, absently stroking his cheek. “I love you too. C’mere.”
She pulls him in closer and wraps both arms around his torso, her body relaxing as soon as he slides his arms around her and tugs her firmly to his chest.
“Are you sure about kids?” she asks, sliding her leg in the space between his. He shoots her a puzzled look - understandably, after she spent the majority of the day fighting for this very cause. “I just mean...I don’t want you to make that decision based on me sort of giving you an ultimatum like that. I want you to really want this too.”
He’s silent for a moment, his fingers combing through her hair, and for a minute she’s terrified that he’ll change his mind again. She loves him so, so deeply, but it would be nearly impossible for her to abandon the idea of having children after spending her entire life dreaming of having a family. She’s always wanted that future, and she’s grown to want it even more after meeting the person she wants to share it with.
(The only person she wants to share it with.)
“I’m sure, Ames.”
She looks up at him with wide eyes and squeezes him a little tighter. “Really?”
“Like I said, I was scared. I am scared, of, ya know, being a crappy dad and letting you and our kid down and turning into my father and all that fun ‘abandonment issues’ stuff.” He lets out a small, strangled laugh and she tries her best to smile warmly at him - she’s yet to find an easy way to talk to him about his childhood traumas. “It’s definitely terrifying. But it’s a lot less scary when I have you.”
Her heart swells with affection that can only be appeased by her leaning up and kissing him again, overwhelmed by the tumultuous emotions she’s experienced tonight and his unexpectedly sincere and touching sentiment.
“We do make a pretty good team.”
“We always have,” he grins.
She kisses his jaw and moves a little closer to his ear so she can whisper softly, for good measure: “Always will.”
He buries his face in her hair, his arm constricting even further around her as both of their eyes flutter shut now that they’ve put their minds and hearts at ease for the time being. She’s happy in her husband’s embrace, feeling his warmth wash over her as she finally relaxes.
“And just think of all the sex we’re gonna have when we start trying. Like, twenty-four-sevs, wild, unprotected boinking in our apartment, the car, maybe the supply closets on the fourth floor that nobody ever uses...”
She would chastise him for ruining the moment, but it’s so typical and, after the day she’s had, incredibly refreshing, that all she can do is laugh against his chest.
“You’re ridiculous.”
He’s still laughing along with her, but he takes a moment to tuck her hair behind her ear and cup her face with one hand.
“This is number one.”
She furrows her brows in confusion, leaning into his hand and reaching upward to hold it in place.
“We never finished our top five marriage moments,” he elaborates, still grinning. “This is my new number one. I can’t wait to start a family with you, Ames.”
Her vision quickly clouds with tears and Jake brushes them away with a swipe of his thumb over her cheek. His gaze growing concerned, she waves her hand to assure him that she’s fine.
“They’re happy tears, babe. This is my number one, too.” She smiles as he softens again, resuming his stroking of her hair. “Oh my god, I’m gonna cry so much when I’m pregnant. What if our baby inherits that? Babies already cry so much.”
He laughs against her hair, laying a few more soft kisses to the crown of her head.
“I can’t wait.” It should be sarcastic, but she can’t detect even a hint of irony in his tone. “Let’s get some sleep. We can talk about everything more in the morning.”
She does have dreams later that night, but they’re entirely comprised of painting a nursery and watching Jake try to build an IKEA crib and holding an infant with his unruly curls. She dreams of the life ahead of her - a life with him.