Chapter Text
The Maji table felt heavier than usual, the literal weight and the metaphoric one as well. Alex had just announced to the bunch that she would be leaving for the states in a couple of days for a few months. She had said she needed to finish off some work she left pending there when she abandoned everything to come to Taiga's aid and thereafter loved the place so much, that she extended her stay endlessly, until the landlord hunted her down to Tokyo.
Kise sobbed and Aomine yelled at him for pretending like he'd known Alex forever, while secretly feeling deep loss because, he'd have to use his brains again. Midorima coughed in a slightly less standard fashion, a tell-tale sign. Murasakibara was having sympathetic withdrawals due to his "Muro-chin" obsession. Akashi finally decided to intervene in the middle of this 'highly dramatic and unnecessary convention'
"It doesn't take me to figure out that Garcia-san leaving is bothering you all, but find solace in the fact that she will be back soon"
A random harrumph was heard and Akashi wasn't exactly too bothered about finding its source.
"As common courtesy, let us give her a send away card" he continued.
"Yeah okay, but what's so ceremonious about it that you had to make an announcement about it?" Aomine's slant eyes hinted.
"We should make one. Apply creativity, hand-made effort which people cherish"
Suddenly, the rainbow generation stood up. A lull settled in the air, a choking dense sensation of dread. Even though Kagami wasn't exactly in the know-how, he could feel the pressure.
"Akashi, you do recollect what happened when Nijimura-senpai had retired and we attempted something alike..." Midorima shuffled his concerned eyes at their former captain.
"You almost killed Haizaki..." Kise said solemnly for the first time in epochs.
"One simply does not draw an erect dick in the center of a card we spent six hours on" Akashi said as his menacing aura grew. Kagami, Takao and rest of the uninitiated people could gauge to an extent how much of a monumental task it was for these basketball idiots to do anything beyond that.
"Niji-senpai even warned us that if we collectively do anything outside basketball, we may end up in terrible states" Kise warned thoughtfully.
"My god! Stop with the drama! Let's just meet up this afternoon and make the card already! Shin-chan, you generation guys are such overgrown idiots!" the point guard yelled, finally not being able to take the nonsense anymore.
As everyone resigned to their homes to gather up later at the Akashi manor, they missed an obvious glint of mischief in Akashi's eyes. He gently placed his hand on Kise's shoulder, pulling him a tad away from the crowd.
"Kise, there's something for which I require your expertise"
Kise, shuddered at first, but when he heard what Akashi had wanted, he let out a horrendously loud cackle and hurriedly agreed.
"Akashicchi, who would've known you had this pixie-like side to you? Not to forget, I'm honored you chose me"
"I think it is a befitting 'gift' if I may say so. And with regard to choosing you, you are exceptionally talented at lousy things"
Kise grunted, not knowing whether or not to feel happy or annoyed, so chose a neutral grunt.
"Let's get started on operation fake-gy!" Kise chimed
"Don't make me remove you from the team" Akashi scowled
--
"Dear Garcia-san,
We all are genuinely saddened at the fact that you are leaving for an undecided time. This visit of yours has been delightful for all of us. We've learnt and grown as individuals, thanks to you. Hence, we felt it would appropriate to invite you to the orgy we are having at my house. Yes, we've become so open in expressing ourselves sexually, that this was definitely a culminating step. However, some of them are uncomfortable with you being a part, or viewing it. Hence, we can only grant you hearing privileges. Of course, we are giving you a tangible present as well, but we thought for you to witness our growth would be a befitting present to our beloved teacher.
We'll be expecting you
Akashi"
Alex couldn't believe her eyes for a long time. After the said long time passed, she furiously darted around the apartment, feeling some perverted sense of accomplishment in that message. Not only are they having an orgy, but they're open to inviting her to hear it! Okay maybe, visuals would've been great, but let's not get too cocky. She laughed at her own pun and frisked about a little more. How kind of Akashi to do this, she thought, as her heavy chest bounced with an extra effervescence as she galloped to the Akashi mansion. The butler was instructed to guide her towards Akashi's room. She seated herself near the perfectly poised lounge outside the locked room, from which she heard an obvious voice.
---
"Let's get this over with" the red haired ape grunted, as Aomine let out a similar grunt.
"Okay, can we see all of them please?" Akashi said in his characteristic aristocratic sound, loud enough for 'everyone' to hear.
"What? The p..." Midorima began before Kise barged into his speech
"Yes exactly what you are holding in your hand" Kise signaled at the paper in his hand. Midorima looked puzzled at Kise's sudden lack of vocabulary, mostly the word paper.
"We all got them right? Can we compare?" Akashi interrupted.
(Reluctantly, everyone put the measly sheets of paper they had managed to find)
"I guess we'll have to go with Kise's. It's the largest" Aomine said with a tone of regret.
"I have these accessories I bought..." Takao
"Excellent. This would make it more delightful" (Akashi interrupted)
"Aominecchi, stick it there" (Kise)
"Do you think I'm that daft that I don't know where to..." (Aomine places a large apple shaped sticker in a corner of the sheet)
"Aomine-kun, that is ugly" (Kuroko pointed)
"Seriously, that's aesthetically terrible. Takao-kun, please refrain from giving the ape delicate objects" (Akashi said, maintaining an ambiguity in the sentence)
"Shin-chan, that...is equally wrong" (Takao responds to Midorima placing a picture of a raccoon in the center)
"Fools. It is right in the center" (Midorima)
"Yeah but it what in the world is it? Your lucky item? In there?" (Kise exclaimed)
"Yes" (Midorima)
"Don't put it there. It's ugly" (Kise pursed his innuendos with care)
"There's too many people on one thing!" (Takao yelled)
"Then divide the work, how about.." (Kagami began to suggest)
"No. We do this together, correct Kuroko?" (Akashi, Ala innuendo-king)
"I agree. Midorima-kun, can you.." (Kuroko)
"I'll do it! I'll do it! It won't...It's too hard" (Kise says grabbing the jammed glue bottle from Kuroko before he could say -open the glue bottle)
"Stupid model, give it to me.. Okay it is too hard" (Aomine snatches it from his model boyfriend only to find it 'hard' as well)
"Aomine, try harder. Force. More force. My former ace seems to have grown soft" (Akashi)
"Shut up Akashi! Wait..I think...Fuck!" (Aomine popping the bottle open and spilling its contents)
"You gross little shit head! It's all over me! Yuck!" (Kagami)
"You spilt it over Kagamicchi, Aominecchi. And he doesn't like it" (Kise catching on to where Akashi left)
"Who would, Kise-kun" (Kuroko)
"Kurokocchi! Anyway, Kurokocchi, that thing near you, can you rip it apart?" (Kise talking about the packet of glitter..or not)
"Kise-kun, why are you being so vague? And not to mention..." (Kuroko being a wise ass)
"Kise is a cunning linguist, Kuroko. Lesser tools, more effective" (Akashi's best one yet)
"And Aominecchi is a master debater" (Kise's best one yet)
"Shut up! I'm not a..Oi, Murasakibara, quit sitting like a starfish. Do something!" (Aomine notices the elephant in the room)
"Aka-chin, what do I do?" (Murasakibara chomping on his Umaibo)
"Continue chewing and licking, Murasakibara" (Akashi didn't even have to try for this one)
"That sounded awful, Akashi" (Midorima)
"Akashicchi is not a cunning linguist" (Kise)
"Aomine, will you stop putting things wherever you please? Kuroko, am I not correct?" (Akashi is way too good at this)
"Akashi-kun is right. That's just..." (Kuroko is obviously not pleased with Aomine's creativity)
"Stop getting so anal over it! Fuck it's just a.." (Aomine classically adding to the already sexually misconstrued conversation)
"Cream pie!" (Kise's horrible attempt at distraction)
"Kise-chin said pie. I want pie" (Murasakibara's attempt at wanting pie)
"Someone give Murasakibara pie please" (Akashi)
"Akashi, stop indulging Kise's random spurts and Murasakibara's gluttony" (Midorima)
"Shin-chan is a sour puss" (Takao's pearls of wisdom)
"Ahahahahahha! Of all the words, you chose to call Midorimacchi a sour puss!" (Kise delighted at the innuendo)
"Yeah I mean, he's no sunshine, ouch! That hurt Shin-chan!" (Takao being hit by Midorima. Hit not spanked)
"I'm beginning to wonder if you like it that way" (Kagami inadvertently doing what Akashi wanted)
"Kagamicchi is naughtier than he accepts." (Kise is delighted too)
"Are we done? This is getting..." (Aomine wants things fast)
"Aomine-kun is tired of a little thing" (Kuroko the wise-crack)
"Tetsu! Not you too!" (Aomine feels betrayed)
"Yeah Ahomine is a wuss. Now watch me nail this shit!" (Kagami's attempt at calligraphy sounding all wrong)
"Kagami, interesting use of the brush" (Oh, Akashi!)
"Hunh? is it just me or is Akashi talking like a pervert" (Kagami...is catching on?)
"....Kagamicchi, do you not want to come out alive?" (The all necessary come jokes, Kise?)
"Don't make me come there and beat you Kagami" (Akashi)
"Is it just me or did that sound sexy?" (Kuroko)
"Just you Tetsu" (Aomine)
"Okay we're done! Finally!" (Kise exclaiming with an ugly looking but nonetheless, handcrafted card)
"Turned out quite alright, unlike the last time, didn't it?" (Kise continues, now facing the door)
"Kise, why are you yelling at the door?" (Midorima)
"Enough, just put everything where it belongs and let's leave" (Akashi)
They opened the door to witness a blonde woman, lying face down, in a seemingly unconscious state.
"Alex! Fuck what is she doing here? And why is bleeding from her nose! And lying a pool of her own nose bleed?!" Kagami launched himself towards the limp but ecstatically gurgling Alex Garcia.
"I wonder..." Akashi mused as Kise violently giggled.
--
"This is unfair. You guys tricked me" Alex sulked as she drew her trolley to the entrance of Narita airport.
"We didn't know we were a part of that. And for crying out loud Alex! An orgy! Really?" Kagami scolded, as Akashi and Kise nonchalantly stood, Kise beaming, Akashi pleased with his little prank.
As Alex wheeled in her luggage towards the door, she shot a look at Akashi. She made a swift turn towards him and whispered
"This isn't over"
Akashi smiled benevolently and replied "Oh, trust me, I do not expect it to be over either"
"Until I'm back then" Alex winked and walked away happily waving with one hand and lugging her trolley with another.
Akashi smiled as he thought to himself
"The pleasure is all ours, Garcia-san"
---