Chapter Text
Maryse arrives at the Institute in record time for someone with no access to portals or a speed rune to activate. She meets little resistance at the entrance - Isabelle intercepts her almost immediately, silencing the Shadowhunter at the door with a single look before ushering her inside. Maryse shrugs off her jacket as they walk now that she’s out of the brisk October air - she never realized how stifling the Institute could be until she was free of it.
“Isabelle, what’s going on?” It will help to get some idea of what she’s walking into here. Alec has never been an overly emotional person and the boy she spoke to on the phone sounded so lost, so broken, that he hardly sounded like Alec at all. In fact she’s positive she hasn’t seen him cry since he was probably five or six years old…. Possibly longer. That’s her fault - her failing in not allowing him to feel safe in coming to her when he was hurting. She’s glad that doesn’t hold true now, though she wishes the situation never arose for her to realize it.
“Alec broke up with Magnus,” Isabelle says. “He… by the Angel, Mom, I told him not to. I didn’t think he was going to do it so quickly, I thought I had time to talk to Magnus, to talk Alec out of it…” Isabelle is keeping pace with her mother’s long, determined strides.
“But why? He asked for the ring, he was going to propose , I just don’t understand what happened to change things so drastically, so fast.”
“Let him tell you. It’ll be better coming from him, I think. Just… he’s not doing well. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him this upset. He’s trying to put on a brave face but he looks worse every time he disappears for a while then comes back out. I already tried the ‘you fucked up, now fix it’ approach but I think I only made things worse… so try to be supportive, alright?”
It’s an ominous warning, especially considering the frustration she felt after speaking with Magnus that morning. How can Isabelle expect her to be supportive of something that clearly hurts the both of them so much? If neither of them want this, then why is it even up for debate?
They reach his door and Maryse knocks. “Alec? Alec, it’s me.” She goes to turn the door handle and let herself in (he is expecting her, after all), but it doesn’t budge. He locked himself in. She waits for him to come and let her in instead.
“Come in.” He barely cracks the door open before moving away from it again, back into the room. “Close the door,” he adds, sounding wary.
She does as she’s told, immediately noting the curtains drawn closed and the dim lighting once the hallway light disappears behind her. Even so she can see he’s been crying - his eyes are red and swollen, the skin raw from wiping at it too frequently.
It breaks her heart, and she suddenly has no problem finding that sympathy Isabelle encouraged her to have, wrapping him in her arms and holding him tight against her; the moment she does he dissolves into sobs. This is the second time she’s been in this position today, and it hurts worse than the first even though this time she goes into the moment expecting it.
Not that a mother can ever be truly prepared to face the total heartbreak of one of her children, to see a level of pain in their eyes that she wouldn’t wish on her worst enemy.
Alec’s crying stops abruptly and he pulls away with a sniff. She watches his gaze grow confused, brow pinching together for a minute before frowning as his eyes fixate on the dark stains on her dress. She’s suddenly acutely aware of the lingering smell of Magnus’ cologne (or possibly shampoo?) on her from earlier.
“Mom… what were you doing when I called you?”
“I was in the shop,” she replies innocently enough, buying herself an extra moment or two to decide just how much of her morning she wants to share with him. How much would help and how much would hurt, at least until she has a better idea of what happened between him and Magnus the night before.
“He came back to talk to you?” Alec asks, confused, trying to piece together the scene in his head.
Maryse shakes her head and sighs. “He never left. I found him there when I went back to open.”
She waits, watching Alec’s face fall at whatever image of Magnus he pictured in his mind while knowing that whatever Alec’s imagining couldn’t possibly hold a candle to how fragile Magnus actually was, and still is.
“How is he?” Alec asks finally, voice quiet.
“How is-- I know I’m supposed to make you feel better, but I’m going to to lie to you. He’s a mess. And so are you. So why don’t you tell me what happened?”
“It’s for the best, you have to believe me. He’ll be better soon. He’ll be fine.” Maryse wonders how many times he repeated those words to himself in the past 12 hours. How many more until he might start to believe them. “I made a deal… a deal with Asmodeus, to get Magnus’ magic back. His condition was that I leave his son, and that Magnus could never know about the deal.”
Maryse watches the way Alec’s expression shifts during the explanation. Some of the sadness fades and is replaced with resolve, with that fierce determination to set things right that she watched him don time and time again during trainings or missions… the face of a soldier hardened against the sting of loss.
She sees her son sacrificing himself once again for the good of someone he cares about, someone he feels responsible for. She watched him do it once before, nearly marrying a woman he didn’t care about - couldn’t care about - for the good of their family. And now, for the good of the man he wishes was his family, he’s calling off not just a marriage but an entire relationship with someone he loves.
Maryse Lightwood is tired of watching her son suffer for the sake of others. She knows it’s in large part because she raised him to shoulder those burdens whenever possible for his siblings and fellow Shadowhunters. These were the beliefs she instilled in him before she realized how wrong they could be to blindly follow… before she saw her son suffer through them time and time again.
“Oh, Alec,” she sighs, reaching for his hands.
“He begged me to stay with him and I walked away.” That resolve breaks again, fresh tears springing to his eyes. “I almost couldn’t do it, but I had to. He needs his magic back...”
“He needs you, too. I know what you told me about the dinner, but… This isn’t what he would’ve wanted, not for either of you.” She gives his hands another squeeze, trying desperately to think of a solution. Some loophole, some middle ground, to fix this before the damage is irreparable. “Last night, while he was helping me at the shop, he told me he wasn’t drinking anymore. That he was trying to get better at adjusting, because he didn’t know what he’d do without you.”
Alec winces, visibly flinching at her words. She doesn’t want to hurt him, that’s far from her intent, but he needs to know. He has to understand exactly what he’s doing before she stands back and watches him see this through.
“When I lost your father, and my runes, I don’t know what I would’ve done without you and Isabelle and Jace-”
“Stop, mom, please. That’s… that’s different. He’s immortal. At least, he will be again, soon enough. He’s been with thousands of people before me and he’ll be with thousands more after me. He’ll be fine.” She searches Alec’s face for any sign he buys into a single word he’s feeding to her, practiced excuses no doubt already given to his brother and sister before her.
“Do you really believe that? He sacrificed his magic for you, Alec. Do you really believe he thinks so little of you as to just, what?, shrug and move on, with or without his magic?” She can’t believe that. And neither can Alec whether he admits it or not. “What if getting his magic back isn’t enough?”
Alec freezes at the question, eyes wide as if he truly hadn’t considered the possibility that this deal might not solve all of Magnus’ problems. And then, very slowly, his voice hoarse and barely above a whisper, he says, “...it has to be.”
A heavy silence falls between them. Maryse came over here for answers but now that she has them it only leaves her at more of a loss than she was before. There’s no quick fix for this, no advice that feels even remotely helpful.
“What do you need from me? What can I do?” She asks instead.
“Is M…” Alec starts, then stops abruptly before speaking again. “Is he still at the shop?” Her heart aches at the way he stops to avoid saying Magnus’ name.
At least knowing that Alec still loves Magnus makes it less likely she’ll be deemed a traitor for taking him in this morning. “No. I sent him back to my place to clean up and get some sleep.”
Alec swallows hard and nods. “Good. Can you just… keep an eye on him? Until his magic comes back, if you can? Or at least make sure he goes to Catarina’s, or… I just don’t want him to be alone.”
“Of course,” she agrees. She meant every word she said to Magnus the night before about caring about him, about considering him family. And this… this complicates things. But she isn’t about to abandon him, either. “You could come with-”
“No!” Alec practically yells the word. “I can’t. I could barely walk away from him once, I couldn’t… I’m not strong enough to do it again.”
Maryse wants to push him to reconsider but the time doesn’t feel right. “...If you’re certain.”
“I am. It has to be this way.” Alec confirms, blinking his vision clear again. “Give me a minute, I can grab his things for you.” He walks over to the wall and turns on the light, making quick work of gathering everything that Magnus brought with him from the Loft into a large duffle bag before handing it over to her.
“I don’t have to go back right away. I could stay here with you for a little while.” Maryse says, already knowing it’s pointless but offering anyway. She receives the exact response she expects from her son, as touching as it is heartbreaking.
“No. I’d feel better knowing someone’s with him. And I need to clean up and get back to work anyway. The last thing I need right now are rumors… the truth will be bad enough once it gets out.”
She opens her mouth to argue that perhaps that isn’t such a good idea so soon, but bites down gently on her lip instead. At least if he’s busying himself with work for the day he won’t be sitting here alone, either. She can come back and they can figure out the rest later.
“Okay. Call me if you need anything. Anything , alright?” Maryse sets the bag down to give Alec another hug, with two extra squeezes before she lets him go again.
“Alright,” he promises, but when he takes a step back he looks like he wants to say something more. “I just-- thanks. For everything.”
She nods, forcing a small smile onto her face she prays to the Angel looks more reassuring and hopeful than she feels, before leaving.
She has a lot to think about on the walk back to her apartment, not the least of which is what she’s going to say to Magnus. He’s going to want answers, explanations she can’t give him. And as much as she thinks Alec isn’t doing the right thing by keeping this from Magnus, by making this decision without his knowledge, it isn’t her place to tell him.
She just hopes she can remind herself of that often enough because the temptation is already there to go behind her son’s back and fix things with Magnus, magic be damned.
“Magnus, I’m back!” She calls into the apartment, but doesn’t quite yell, not wanting to wake him if he did manage to fall asleep since he got here. It’s quiet as she sets the bag down on the table and makes her way to the bedroom to check on him -- but he isn’t there. The sheets aren’t even undone from how she left them that morning.
“Magnus?” She calls louder this time, checking the bathroom next before the uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach gives way to a full spike of anxiety when he isn’t there, either. She passed by the living room earlier but glances through again just in case, this time noticing the pictures. Every picture she has with Alec in it is turned down. One is broken on the floor. The only room left is the kitchen---
The sight of the empty bottle of wine left out on the counter fills her with dread. There’s a note left under it: ‘ Sorry.’ and then underneath that, in the smaller script of an after-thought, ‘ I won’t be a burden on the Lightwood family any longer. Thank you for your hospitality.’
Oh, Magnus.
She never should’ve left him alone. She doesn’t want to worry Alec, not when he can’t go after Magnus himself… maybe this is for the best. Magnus leaving them behind, trying to move on, it’s what Alec wants for him if he sees this through. But that doesn’t mean she has to like it, or accept it.
She pulls up his number on her phone and is surprised when he answers. “Magnus?”
“Please don’t call me again, Maryse. I know you mean well, but this is difficult enough as it is.” His words are slurred, and she hears the noise of cars around him.
“You promised me you’d be here when I got back. Where are you?” She says quickly, before he can hang up.
“I’m just going to see an old friend. He should be here any minute, and then everything will be better again.” There’s a strange calmness to his words that makes her uneasy instead of reassured.
“What does that mean-”
“Ah, there he is. Goodbye, Maryse. Take care.”
Magnus ends the call and this time doesn’t answer when she tries to call him back.
Everything will be better again .
She can’t imagine how, but she hopes for his sake that he’s right.