Chapter Text
Things were going well, which was rare for Jeremy.
Sure, he felt five years drop off his lifespan from the embarrassment of not being able to park earlier, and he was vaguely aware of his SQUIP staring at him from the top of the living room table, but still. Every time the SQUIP berated him or made a sarcastic comment about his inability to drive, Jeremy reminded himself that learning shit takes time, and the fact that he sucked at driving now was better than being automatically good at it. He'd learned to not take shortcuts anymore.
But things were good! He was at Christine's (!!!) house being introduced to a new musical. It was going well. It was going great. It shouldn't have been a surprise that if anything ruined it, it would be Jeremy.
"What is that?"
When it came to Christine, a question like that could range from an animal outside the window to a theatre reference, but even though she might come off as easily distracted, Jeremy knew she was observant. Still, that didn't stop him from being completely blindsided when he realized exactly what Christine had just noticed.
"On the back of your—"
Suddenly, he was keenly aware of every bit of his exposed skin and his instinct screamed hide, hide, hide. He pulled up his hoodie to hide his neck, giving up any possibility of playing it off cool. He managed to stutter out a vague response that answered no questions and changed the topic. Smooth.
The first fifteen minutes of act two after that were awkward, but eventually, he noticed Christine loosen up. Jeremy tried to relax too — Christine probably wouldn't force him to talk about it. Maybe. But probably not. And even if she knew, what's the worst that could happen? She could think that he was stupid for keeping the SQUIP for so long. Or think he was gross. Or be horrified because he almost made her go through that as well, and then hate him forever and never talk to him again.
Okay, a lot of things could be the worst thing to happen, apparently.
After endless inner conflict while also trying to pay attention to the movie (because if he didn't pay attention then Christine would ask him what he thought about the movie and he wouldn't be able to say anything and she'd notice he didn't pay attention and be sad and Jeremy didn't want to make her sad. Besides, he was actually kind of worried about VonTrapp being forced to join the Nazis), the credits rolled and he still hadn't decided if he would continue ignoring Christine's question or tell her the truth.
Come on, it's not that big of a deal, Jeremy.
Jeremy pursed his lips and refused to think back at the SQUIP, who had stood up and sauntered in front of the TV. Christine asked him what he thought about the movie, and he managed to give an answer that she seemed happy about. He just went through the motions as the SQUIP kept trying to grab his attention, now sitting cross-legged on top of the bookshelf.
Jeremy, just watch the movies and relax. She doesn't actually care about what's on your neck, she'd have to care about you for that to be the case.
She does care about me. She's my friend.
And who do you have to thank for that?
Before he could answer, Christine's voice interrupted his thoughts, asking if he needed any Mountain Dew Red. He shook his head.
That's right Jeremy, admit it! Deep down you don't want to get rid of me. You're slouching, by the way.
Jeremy straightened his back on instinct before sighing and glancing at Christine. Seeing her worried expression finally let Jeremy make up his mind.
"It's, um, spinal stimulation," he said.
"Okay?"
"The, uh, on my..." he gestured to the back of his neck awkwardly. This was his first time explaining the scars to anyone since Jeremy and Michael had discovered them together (that was not a fun day for anyone involved).
Christine raised her eyebrows in realization. "Oooh, you're talking about that."
See? She had already forgotten about it and now you made it weird.
Jeremy pointedly cleared his throat to show the SQUIP he was ignoring it. "Yeah, I'm uh, I'm talking about it cause, it um, it didn't- it didn't seem f- fair that- that you don't know. So."
Stuttering.
The SQUIP's voice distracted Jeremy and he didn't catch what Christine had just said, so he just smiled awkwardly at her. They sat there for a few moments. Or a few minutes, he wasn't sure. They were both just... not saying anything. Cool. Awesome.
... This wasn't an uncomfortable silence, was it? Was that what this was? Oh god, he did make things weird. Calm down, Jeremy, you'll only make this worse if you overthink yourself to death.
Too late for that, dude.
Shut up.
"Sooo, um, this might be a stupid question but," Christine spoke up (and Jeremy wanted to cry in relief because the silence was over!) and cleared her throat, "what is spinal stimulation? I don't think I've heard of it before. You don't have to answer if you don't want to! I'm just... confused."
Jeremy's relief was short lived once he realized he had to actually explain explain. "It's not a big deal," he mumbled. "Just uh, something it would do sometimes. A- a lot of times, I guess."
"The Squip?" she asked.
"It'd just shock me if-if I did anything wrong. Nothing- nothing too painful or-or anything, just a little shock. L- like those prank bubble gum things, but instead it was m- my whole- my whole spine."
Jeremy wanted this conversation to end immediately. Ten minutes ago, if possible. He didn't even want to look at Christine (which was a surefire sign that something was wrong because he always wanted to look at Christine. Not in a creepy way! Wait, the fact that he had to clarify it's not creepy probably made it creepier. Shit. He should probably pay attention to what Christine is saying).
"Jeremy, that's horrible." She looked sad. Wait, no, Christine shouldn't be sad, not because of him. Make her feel better, comfort her! Say anything instead of staring creepily, dumbass!
"It's- it's fine, it can't do it anymore! I mean, y- yeah, sometimes I'll still flinch like, as-as a reflex, y' know? If I catch myself slouching, or stuttering, or thinking about—" Christine does not need to know you masturbate, Jeremy, holy shit. Abort. ABORT. "UM! Uh, just- it was- mainly it was, uh, just those two." Smooth save. "B- but really it's- I swear it's chill. It just- just left behind some, uh, evidence I guess. Haha." God, his laugh was so forced. "I didn't even realize until a few weeks ago. Michael, uh, Michael noticed it, one time that he came over. It's- well you can't see it that much anyway so, uh... guess that's a perk of being a tall-ass." Jeremy finished off with a smile to prove to Christine that he was totally fine.
Out of the corner of his eye, Jeremy could see the SQUIP hold its hand up to its nose bridge and sigh. In front of him, Christine was starting to cry. Shit, that was the opposite of what he was going for! He immediately started to try and comfort her again.
"I- wait- no, don't- don't cry! It's okay I swear, I- oh man, I shouldn't have said anythi— OOF."
He froze. She was already jumping back and apologizing and hold on, wait, Christine just hugged him. His mind was still trying to catch up to what happened, and she was saying words but he couldn't really hear them, and Jeremy leaned forward and hugs her back, and he could tell his face was so fucking red, but Christine was here and they're hugging each other and it's (Jeremy used to imagine that being hugged by Christine Canigula would be a heavenly out-of-body experience but now that it was happening it was just...) nice. It was nice.
The SQUIP raised it's eyebrows behind Jeremy, seemingly impressed. Both of you are very unusual. It wasn't necessarily condescending, just observational.
Jeremy smiled. Yeah. We are.