Chapter Text
Jungkook felt like his spinal fusion and appendicitis scars are itching and burning. The burn going deep into his bones, it made him scared, scared that the burn will go deeper and deeper into his flesh, making its way all the way to his bones, breaking and burning them. He remembers, all the aches and the pains that he experienced like he was there all over again. He remembers his first practice after recovery, how limited his movements were. How the tears streamed down his face because no matter how hard he tried he couldn't get his back to twist. He remembers how his back hurt severely after every practice, making him curl in a miserable ball of tears. He remembers the deep ache in his body when his feet swelled up after practice. The worst memory of them all was the fear. Fear of never being able to step up on stage ever again. The fear that his life is now shattered, every dream he had was now gone. He remembers the days he spent lying on his bed crying, he couldn’t stop crying no matter what his Hyungs said to him, in his brain, everything is now over. He can feel his skin tightening, just how it felt in his first couple sessions with the physical therapist. That day he felt like he didn’t know his body anymore. His muscles are all gone, he kept losing weight and muscle no matter how much food Seokjin shoved in his throat. He remembers almost giving up, he couldn’t even bend to pick his own bag, needing the help of his Hyungs for something as simple as putting socks on. He recalls all the worried response he got from fans when his hyungs performed without him, appeared in interviews without him, and filming run episodes without him. He was taking too long to recover, his mental health putting his physical health recovery on pause. His Hyungs never gave up in him. They were there with him during every night he spent in tears. They held his hand through all the struggles of physical therapy. They calmed his pain with patience and love. They picked up the things he couldn’t pick, helped him with things he was longer able to do himself. But the most important one of them, was that they never gave up on him. They never allowed him to think that he was left out. They never failed to mention him in any public appearance, never failed to pray for him to get well in front of everyone in any place, always asking him to return to the stage with them. They always kept a gape in their formation for him, asking him to return without verbally stating so, keeping his place empty because he was not replaceable.
“ook, Jungkook!” Hoseok’s voice startled Jungkook from his thoughts
“Sorry Hyung, I was just thinking” mumbled Jungkook, he looked around him, this was their waiting room! he had his makeup and hair done, he twisted his back, waiting for the tightness and pain to settle in, but it never came!
“Jungkook ah, you’re all right now, you’re in the waiting room, we’re getting ready to perfume our concert, we’re on tour, remember?” Hosoek’s soft voice gently coaxed him to relax. Ever since Jungkook’s failed practice couple month ago, he experienced episodes of panic attacks until he made himself sick. Yoongi and Namjoon quickly took notice of it, educating the rest of the group about calming Jungkook and coxing him from a panic attack.
It took Jungkook couple minutes to notice that he was almost hyperventilating, slowly taking control of his breathing with Hoseok’s guidance.
“It’s ok to be nervous, it’s your first concert after almost a year, you had loads of trouble to get here Kook, it’s ok” Namjoon’s voice joined Hoseok’s calm one.
Jungkook nodded, it was too overwhelming for him, he dreamed for so long to stand on the stage again, to dance, to sing, to not feel the pain anymore. He worked so hard to reach the day he was in today, he should be happy, but for some reason he was so so scared. He was scared of mistakes, scared of the pain coming back, scared that the fans got used to them being 6 instead of 7, got scared that he will not be how he used to be.
“That’s the point Jungkook, you will never be who you used to be, but that’s not a bad thing, you’re the new you, the stronger you, you might be bent, but you were never broken, you shouldn’t go back to who you used to be” Namjoon ran a comforting hand on Jungkook’s back, who looked at him in shock
Jungkook said what he was thinking about out load, all of his Hyungs were there listening to him, he looked around, seeing their faces mixed with concern yet relief.
“5 more minutes!” screamed the staff member, making them all jump, running to get ready, gathering together to place their hand on top of each other, but this time they held on to Jungkook’s with a tight grip, “We are finally 7 again, let’s do well as we usually do, give it your all like it’s your last performance, Bangtan!” they cheered together, each placing a hand on Jungkook to encourage him.
The nerves were exploding inside Jungkook, he was so scared he felt like vomiting, taking a deep breath before appearing on stage, his name brought shock of relief to his body, every cell inside of him shook with the intensity of the voices calling his name, cheering for him, he smiled widely, stepping fully on stage with a burst of new feelings, happiness, relief, comfort, home….
He’s finally back to where he belongs, next to his 6 Hyungs, on stage.