Chapter Text
Nine Months after the End of the World
The funny thing about the end of the world is the sudden tranquility that comes after, especially for a demon and an angel that so very nearly couldn’t dig themselves out of it. Heaven and Hell had come after them afterall, which led to a very clever solution on their part and a joyous night out in the Ritz. After that, it was quiet. So quiet that Crowley had basically moved into the bookshop after a few months of tense silence from their head offices. Customers could see a large red-bellied black snake slither around the bookshelves and floor, sometimes even dozing off, perched near the large windows. The shop owner didn’t mind at all but he did put up a new sign on the door: mind the snake. This was added after a far-too curious college student had the courage to try to pet Crowley. Aziraphale had to spend a few miracles that day.
“You shouldn’t have tried to bite him. He could have died!”
“He shouldn’t have tried to touch me, angel.”
But neither noticed that the student had friends waiting for him.
The first thing Crowley noticed when he came to was that he couldn’t feel his legs, which he then remembered was because he had none as a snake. The second (third?) thing he noticed was that he was in an unfamiliar and dark room, all messy and in shambles, and that everything was very high up. Finally, he noticed one last thing: the most prominent light source was the white glow from the circle he was currently trapped in.
Bollocks , thought Crowley as he slithered around within the circle. He could recognize the runes and Latin words transcribed in the perimeter of the messy white chalk lines, as if it took a few tries to make barely-presentable yet complete circle. He was about ready to shift to his human form when he heard shuffling in the room, flashlights suddenly turning on and bothering his snake eyes.
Crowley flicked his tongue out as he coiled in on himself, hissing loudly, a clear sign of Stand back, Don’t come any closer, will ya? but almost lost all his composure when he tasted the air. It was dirty, it was damp, it was old, and-- Satan, was that Axe ?
But the college students holding the flashlights were either incredibly thick or incredibly brave because they huddled around the front of the circle, waving their blasted flashlights all over the place. The floor was far too cold for Crowley’s comfort.
If he were human, Crowley would’ve made a sound close to a groan. He was set up for a dinner date with his angel and if missed it, Aziraphale would know something was wrong and he didn’t need his angel to make a fuss. Oh, and Aziraphale had planned a trip to the late-night observatory that had just opened up near Crowley’s old flat. It was meant to be a surprise, of course, but the angel was rubbish at hiding things like that from Crowley, especially when he left the tickets in plain sight near a pile of books.
Not to mention that these college kids could easily keep him in the circle for as long as they would want. What they wanted with a perfectly normal snake was beyond him. Maybe one of them just likes snakes.
“We should call animal control,” one of them said, tugging Crowley hazily out of his thoughts. He was coiled comfortably and saw that a lamp had been turned on and the flashlights left behind. “I’m pretty sure a snake like this isn’t native to England.”
“Which is exactly why we can’t let it go! Imagine animal control with a snake like this.”
“Imagine some college students with a snake like this, Ryan!” another said, glaring at their friend. Ryan rolled his eyes and continued, “Besides, it tried to bite me in that shop, remember?”
“I’ve never heard of anyone keeping a snake that tried to bite them,” replied another one of Ryan’s friends, a young lady with messy, short hair.
“Oh, shut it, Aubrey!” The woman winced so Ryan apologized. “’M sorry, Aubs. But think of it, this snake is way too big to be a normal snake.”
“I think you’ve been reading too many comics, Ryan.” A stocky boy snorted and stood up, turning on the lights. He went to the door and said as he closed it, “I’ve got to study anyways. See you guys tomorrow then!”
With the lights suddenly on, Crowley’s sensitive snake eyes blinked rapidly. Then he realized his mistake when the three remaining students stared incredulously at him. Snakes can’t blink. Only Crowley can.
So, Crowley decided to just hiss at them, hoping to throw them off. It worked with the two boys but not with Aubrey. The young woman inched closer, reaching inside the circle, and tried to get her hand as slowly but closely as possible to Crowley’s head. The demon flinched away only to hit the back side of the perimeter with an oof , an invisible wall catching him.
Aubrey immediately pulled back her hand, scrambling to get farther away. Ryan and the other boy called just gaped at him. Ryan was the first to speak, pumping a fist in the air in victory, “I told you so! It’s not an actual snake!”
“You think an old bookshop owner would keep a demon in his store?”
“Well, clearly at least one does!” said the other boy, already having gotten hold of a loaded stapler as a weapon.
Crowley sighed as he shifted to his human form, straightening his neck tie and then fluffing up his ginger hair. His golden serpentine eyes pierced into the poor souls of these kids. They were clever, that much was so, but also extremely annoying. He didn’t know how long he’d been in this college dorm and he very much wanted to catch that date with his angel.
“Listen, you’re young and got things to do. I’ve got places to be so I’d much appreciate one of you erasing the circle.” Crowley pointed to the floor with one hand and miracled a set of glasses with the other.
Ryan stepped forward. “Hell no! I’m not letting a demon just waltz back into London!”
“Are ghosts real too? What about angels?” asked Aubrey, a twinkle in her eyes.
“Aubrey, don’t encourage it!” yelled the other boy.
“What? I’m curious.”
“You humans are just wonderful, aren’t you?” Crowley snorted. He put his glasses on and shifted on his feet, taking one small step forward. The young adults all back up. “I really don’t want to cause trouble here; you’re just kids. So I’ll ask again,” the demon lowered his glasses to his nose, “Let me out and I’ll put a good word for you all.”
Aubrey and the other boy looked at each other, as if considering the offer. Ryan, however, reached a book on his disorganized bookshelves. It was old, thick, and the cover was a plain black color with golden writing on it: Occult Beings in Our World .
Aw, how nice, the poor boy thinks he can exorcise a demon like Crowley.
The poor boy can’t exorcise a demon like Crowley.
Crowley swallowed in fear. Nasty things can happen if an exorcism is done wrong. Nasty thing will happen because Crowley isn’t possessing anybody. Nasty things that Crowley would rather not happen at all. Nastier things than a tub full of holy water.
He put his hand up. “Now, now, I promise I really don’t mean any harm. Kids are off-limits, that’s what I always say.”
“Shut it, demon,” growled Ryan, flipping through his book. Aubrey shot her friend a look but then turned to Crowley. She walked up to him, her eyes studying him. “Is God real?”
“Yeah, and she’s a bloody pain in the arse. Ineffable and all that.” Crowley mentally kicked himself for letting Aziraphale rub off on him that much. He tried to correct himself. “And all her angels are a bunch of wankers.” Except for one.
Aubrey laughed. “Ryan, I really don’t think he’s going to do anything. I mean, look at him.”
“Don’t underestimate the occult,” replied Ryan, finally stopping at a page deep into his book. He smiled and locked eyes with Crowley, who tried to conceal his fear behind his glasses, casually leaning his weight on his feet. “He’s probably torturing the mind of whomever’s body that is.”
“Robert was right. You’ve been reading to many of those books and comics,” said the other boy, who had sandy hair.
“Says the botany major. What do you plan to do with the plants you cultivate? Sell them as phony drugs?”
The other boy rolled his eyes. “Botany doesn’t need to include cannabis in it, Ryan.”
“Sure, Michael.”
Crowley made a mental note of this, even as he said, trying to keep his cool facade, “Plants only do what you want if you put the fear of God in them.”
Michael let out a small laugh but stopped when he saw Ryan’s stoic expression. Aubrey stretched. “Whatever. God’s real but I need to finish a thesis so let’s see if He’s real long enough to help me.” And with that she left. Or she tried to. Because the thing with a door is that you can’t leave if a blonde angel was there blocking it, looking extremely cross.
“Crowley!” Aziraphale’s face softened at the sight of his unharmed demon, who responded with a quiet and embarrassed “Hey, angel.” Then it returned when he looked around at the college students. “What on Earth are you kids playing at here?”
Ryan grabbed a lighter, flicked it on, and held it up threateningly. Michael held out his stapler. Aubrey didn’t move.
“Relax, angel, just a couple of curious kids,” said Crowley. He should really take his own advice.
“A couple of curious kids wouldn’t have an exorcism circle surrounding you nor would they have a copy of the most accurate and searched-for occult book.” Aziraphale scoffed, then noticed Aubrey. “Were you leaving, dear child?”
Aubrey meekly nodded. Aziraphale stepped out of the way and almost shoved her out. “Anyone else want to leave?”
Michael bolted for the door. Ryan stood his ground. “Get the hell back, demons!”
“Demons?” Aziraphale had the audacity to act confused before realizing that the boy must think he too was an occult being. The angel shook his head. “Oh, you poor boy.” He turned to Crowley. “Humans never learn do they, my dear?”
“Never. Now, angel, get me out of here, will ya?”
“Of course.” But before Aziraphale could snap his fingers to perform a miracle, Ryan threw away his lighter in favor for a cup of cold water, which he flung at the angel. Aziraphale, momentarily distracted by the failed imitation of holy water, muttered to himself and wiped his hand at his coat sleeve. Ryan backed up to the corner of his dorm and bore his eyes into the opened pages of his book, already mispronouncing all the Latin.
Aziraphale stared in horror as Crowley let out a piercing scream, his body bending in all the wrong places. Crowley threw his head back and clawed at his throat, long black talons having grown in his fingertips. He then whipped his entire body back to smash into the invisible wall of the circle and howled, his legs in a full spasm, as he shifted into his snake form, like a final defensive measure. As suddenly as it started, he crumpled to the floor, completely limp, like a pile of rags on the ground.
The college boy stopped and lowered his book, a victorious smile on his face. Aziraphale let out a breath he didn’t know he sucked in. Ryan stepped forward but Aziraphale was quick to catch his arm, warning, “No, don’t!”
Ryan tugged him off. “You’re next.”
“I really wouldn’t get any closer.”
“Don’t tell me what to do.” The boy bent down over the edge of the circle and sweeped away some of the chalk, breaking the circle.
“You stupid boy,” muttered the angel. Ryan used his book to poke at the demon, who didn’t give any response or movement. He was like a corpse.
Normally, an exorcism would send a demon’s supernatural consciousness back to Hell. A normal discorporation, really. But Crowley wasn’t possessing anyone. Crowley wasn’t discorporated. He wasn’t sent back. Sending him back would have been too merciful, for the boy at least.
Because as soon as Ryan stepped foot into the deactivated circle, the large black snake that wasn’t quite Crowley, per say, launched itself at him. The boy pressed the book against his face as he fell back, the snake’s fangs latching onto the edges, jaws unhinged. Aziraphale bounded to the boy, grabbing him and pulling him back.
The snake curled back and put height into its neck, thrilling and hissing. It bared its fangs and spit out venom that Aziraphale only barely managed to miracle away before it landed on anything. The angel pulled the boy to his feet and snapped his fingers again. When the door didn’t open at first, Aziraphale’s scolding face changed its mind.
He snapped his fingers for a third time, at Ryan now. “This was all just a terrible nightmare. Your thesis and study sessions are stressing you too much. Now, out!”
With the boy gone, Aziraphale could tend to his beloved demon, recognition gone in those fiery and molten eyes.
Oh, my dear.
The serpentine demon (but not quite a very good one) named as Crowley roused himself from sleep feeling very comfortable and very warm and very safe. He blinked lazily a few times before focusing on the cold white mug of chocolate sitting on a messy wooden desk. He shifted a little to feel that he was wrapped around something, something very warm and nice.
Someone was also stroking the scales on his head. Crowley wanted to recoil at it but the hands felt familiar. Aziraphale.
Crowley flicked his tongue out, tasting the vanilla scents from the candles situated anywhere they could be, and coiled himself closer to Aziraphale, nudging into his soft and manicured hands.
“Good afternoon, my dear,” said Aziraphale, closing his book to address his demon.
“Azzsssssssss—” Too hard. “Angel. What time isssssss it?”
“Nearly three in the afternoon. It’s Saturday. You’ve been out for some time. Nice nap, I hope?”
“Angel, the observatory-”
“Maybe another time. You could show me Alpha Centauri too, if you’d like.”
Crowley did a vague motion with his head that looked like a nod but he felt too tired to make it dramatic enough. Instead, he just curled closer and let his head drop. “Thankssssssss, angel.”
“Anytime, dear.”