Chapter Text
10 Years Ago.
"Now then, Elizabeth." Doctor James Preston's smile was kind. His light green eyes peered at the little girl through thick framed glasses. "How are you feeling today?"
Elizabeth liked to think the doctor's eyebrows were caterpillars. It made the situation less serious and she allowed herself to giggle a little, imagining Dr. Preston's eyebrows coming to life in front of her. Kicking her legs, Elizabeth Cooper chose to stay quiet. Usually her mom spoke for her. It wasn't like the doctor's surgery was new to her. She had grown accustomed to the bright yellow walls and mellow pink carpet of the children's ward. It was almost a second home now. Elizabeth glanced at her mother, sitting on the seat next to hers. Alice Cooper had been crying. Her eyes were looked raw and bloated, her lips a thin line.
Elizabeth blew strands of willowy hair away from her blue eyes and smiled at the doctor. "Fine," she said softly, though that was a lie. Even now, sitting in front of the specialist who had promised to look after her, Elizabeth's head was hurting. It was a dull throb at the moment; a warning. But it got so much worse, even when she prayed for it to stop, even when her nose and ears bled. But the pain never stopped.
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth focused on the ceiling. It was covered in butterflies, and she smiled thoughtfully, tracing their patterns with her eyes. No matter how bad she wanted to cry, she held herself. She was six years old, almost as old as her mommy. She had to be brave like the doctor said, even when her mommy cried more than her. She had been sitting in Dr. Preston's office for a while now. After going through the usual tests, her mother was eagerly awaiting the results for Elizabeth's mystery illness.
It had started with the smell of fire, a few months back. The smell of burning had tingled in her nose so much that she had repeatedly asked her mother if the neighbours were having a cookout. The smell hadn't bothered her much. But the second she had let it slip about the smell, her mother's eyes had grown wide and frightened.
"Fire?" Alice Cooper had said questioned. "Elizabeth, what do you mean?"
"It smells like bacon." she had giggled. But her mother had gone pale. The symptoms got worse after that. At times her head started spinning, her eyes going blurry, sometimes completely dark all together. She was home-schooled at that point, so when Elizabeth began complaining of funny shapes in her eyes, her private tutor Mr. York with his beady eyes and funny voice had suggested a check up just to make sure everything was okay.
But things were far from okay.
Next came the pain. It struck her one night, washing over her mind like a tide, waking her up. Elizabeth had felt like someone was slamming a rather large book into the back of her head. She had screamed for her mother, screamed for it to stop, but if anything, it got worse. For the next few days she had spent most of her time rolling around in bed, crying, clutching her stuffed animals to her chest. Night after night Alice Cooper had come to her, the woman's voice shaking, frightened, her Peppa Pig bed sheets had been soaked crimson. When Alice had screamed for her father, rushing into the bathroom, Elizabeth had caught her reflection in the mirror through tearful eyes. The sight had been enough to scare her for days. Her own face splattered with a terrifying claret matching her bed sheets. Strands of her blonde hair were stuck to her cheeks, also stained with the same scary colour.
"Hal!" Alice was crying, screaming her father's name. "Hal, she's bleeding!" Her mother held her to her chest while her shaky hands dialled for a doctor. Elizabeth could barely acknowledge her own scream because of the pain, the pounding migraine thumping in the back of her skull, the monster eating away her mind. Squealing, she had kicked and screamed, choking on red stuff which dripped onto her salted lips. It tasted bad. It reminded her of the scent of pennies.
Since then, Elizabeth had been to countless doctors, so many that she has forgotten their names. The girl only knew them as identical men and women whose parched white coats swished behind them and kind smiles, wearing the same confused glint in their eyes. As hard as they tried, none of could understand her headaches or bleeding, even when her mother screamed at them, demanding to know what was wrong with her daughter. Elizabeth hated it when her mother got angry. She kept her head down, sucking on the raspberry flavoured popsicle she had been given for being brave. It was a nice change from the blood, a generous distraction. But after so many check ups, pinches in her arm, lying on her back and sliding into a scary looking machine, nobody had answers. While then the pain continued, laughing at strong medicine she was required to drink. It tasted bad, like Elizabeth's least favourite food: broccoli. The medicine didn't help. So she found herself feeling icky with the taste of the medicine tingling on her tongue as well as that same striking pain rattling in her skull. It was a scary monster trying to hurt her, and so far it was winning. Nothing could stop it. And when they tried to, her nose gushed scarlet.
Fast forward to the present, Elizabeth wasn't getting any better. A few days earlier she had been watching Spongebob Squarepants, gritting her teeth through the pain. Her mother sat with her, her tired blue eyes never moving away from her daughter. It was only when Elizabeth was giggling at Spongebob being sprayed in the face with water when she felt something warm ooze from her nose. Her small fingers delicately brushed her nostrils, before they came back, smudged scarlet. Then the world flipped upside down as she fell flat on her back, her limbs starting to shake erratically, like she was on a ride at Riverdale's Fall carnival. Elizabeth found out that she couldn't speak, her mouth filling up with something warm, tasting like the time Polly, her elder sister, had dared her to stick a quarter in her mouth. Her mother had taken her eyes off her for a second, just a second, while she washed the dishes in the kitchen. Alice rushed in at the sound of the thud of her daughter hitting the floor.
"Betty?" she whimpered, falling to her knees beside the girl whose body was convulsing, scarlet rivers streaming from her nose, mouth and ears.
"Elizabeth!" Alice screamed. "Hal! Hal, call an ambulance!"
Elizabeth wasn't sure what happened next. She woke up with something plastic stuck over her face, soft voices murmuring in her ear.
When her eyes flickered open properly, strangers were dotted around her while she tried her hardest not to break. Her mother, sounding like an echo, trying to answer for her. Elizabeth's head hurt far too much to coerce words on her tongue. "Elizabeth, sweetheart, it's going to be okay, alright?" a man said softly.
Then a woman: "Sweetie, are you feeling sick? How about pain? Is your head hurting?"
Yes. Yes it was. It was hurting so much. Tears dribbled down her cheeks, and she did her best to nod. Though it made the pain worse. She decided to close her eyes and wait for it to stop. For everything to stop. Her mother's crying, the questions ringing in her ears.
Everything.
Her mother held her hand all the way to the hospital, even when Alice Cooper couldn't make eye contact with her daughter. Elizabeth knew her mommy didn't like it when she talked about her pain. Sometimes she tried to hide the bleeding, covering her nose with the sleeve of her pastel sweater. But Alice Cooper only got angry and more upset when she insisted on hiding it. Elizabeth had been inside Riverdale's Children's Hospital a lot, in the same office smelling of the same tingling antiseptic stink which made her tummy hurt. Dr. Preston had been her doctor for a while now after the wave of doctors that couldn't give her a diagnosis. He was nice and smelt like blueberry candy. Sometimes if she was good and didn't cry, he'd drop a hard candy in her small hand and pat her head of curls. Though this was a longer stay than normal. She had stayed overnight in the children's ward, and when the doctor asked her if she wanted to get out of bed and sit with her mother, like a proper grown up, it was an offer she couldn't refuse. The room where she had been staying in was way back down the corridor. She shared it with a few other kids. A boy who sang the Dora The Explorer theme until nurses told him to be quiet. Elizabeth wasn't sure of any of the other kids names. She didn't ask, spending most of the time digging her face into pillows that didn't smell like home, her head pounding.
Gobble, gobble, gobble went the monster in her head. She imagined it with huge scary teeth pulled into a grin. "I'm going to eat your head, Elizabeth," it cackled sometimes when she was trying to sleep. Even when she promised herself she wouldn't be scared, that she wouldn't cry and scream, Elizabeth always did. She would wake up in the middle of the night, screaming into her stuffed animals. The nurses would come to try and calm her down, but she bit them, crying out for her mommy. Only her mommy could defeat the monster. Her soothing voice suppressed the monster's roar in the back of her head.
"Miss Cooper?" Dr. Preston cleared his throat. He shuffled uncomfortably on his chair and Elizabeth turned her gaze to the man, kicking her small legs hanging over her seat. She glimpsed spots of red dotted all over her white tights and tears filled her eyes again. She hated getting blood on her clothes, especially on her favourite dresses. Luckily, the pink hospital dress hanging off her hadn't been tainted. Elizabeth toyed with a stray thread on the skirt, picking at it incessantly. Her mother had been silent through Dr. Preston's explanations. She spoke softly, so softly that Elizabeth was scared the doctor hadn't heard her. Alice stared at her lap. Elizabeth was relieved she had stopped crying. It only made her want to cry too. "What's wrong with my daughter?" she whispered.
The man bowed his head. "We're awaiting the results from the CAT scan, Miss Cooper." Offering the woman a small smile, he rested his hands on his lap. "Perhaps you should go and get a drink and sit in the waiting room? This could take a while."
"I'm not thirsty," Alice said, but turned to smile softly at her daughter. "Do you want to go with the nurse? She'll give you some juice and you can play with the other kids."
Elizabeth liked that idea. Pasting on the best grin she could muster, she nodded, though Dr. Preston always knew when she was hiding the pain. He noticed the crinkles in her forehead, her curled lip and pained eyes. Sometimes it was so hard to hide. Catching the doctor's eye, Elizabeth felt tears prick hers. She turned her gaze upwards, scaling the ceiling, focusing on the paper butterflies. Though the stark light projecting from the flickering bulb above made her head hurt more. When she blinked, colourful prisms pulsed in her vision, synchronised with the erratic bulb.
"Betty?" Alice grabbed her hand and squeezed it, her soft blue eyes searching her daughter's face. "Honey, are you hurting again?"
She wanted to nod. But when she did, her mother got so scared, her eyes widening, lips trembling. "No," Elizabeth swallowed. Thud, thud, thud, went the monster in her head. "I'm fine," she whimpered.
Luckily, Dr. Preston jumped in. "Elizabeth, do you want to play in the other room?" Straightening up, he adapted a playful look in his eyes. "You're fond of Peppa pig, hm?"
When she tore her gaze from the light and nodded excitedly, her eyes lighting up. He chuckled. "Why don't you go and look in the toy boxes in the children's ward while your mother and I have a chat?"
"Okay," Elizabeth said, jumping up. Dr. Preston nodded and stood up, striding over to the door. Taking something black and bulky from his pocket, he cleared his throat.
"Dr. Bridge, can you come and escort Elizabeth Cooper to the children's ward please?"
"She's getting worse," Alice surprised Elizabeth by speaking suddenly. It sounded almost like a sob. Alice Cooper hadn't slept a wink for weeks. She was disheveled, her blonde hair a straggly mess in front of tired eyes. She was trembling in her seat. Every time Doctor Preston had stopped talking, his words a foreign language to Elizabeth, she pulled a damp hanky from her pocket and scrubbed at her eyes. There was a keyword that kept popping up, and every time Dr. Preston said it, Alice let out a quiet cry.
Cancer.
Elizabeth guessed it was bad. When they had first came in and she had lay down in the scary scanner, she heard the doctor speaking to her mommy, who could barely speak since she was crying so much. Her voice high and squeaky. Doctor Preston's voice had been soothing.
"Alice, we think Elizabeth had a brain haemorrhage caused by a malignant tumour. We're not certain yet until the tests come back. But there is a possibility of us having to operate to attempt to remove the tumour and stop the internal bleeding—"
And that's when the doctor's words switched into garbled nonsense. Too many big words for her to understand. Then, "Has your daughter recently had a fall?"
"No," Alice had retorted quickly. "Doctor Preston, she's never fallen in her life."
More sobbing, and then Dr. Preston's voice had turned grave. Elizabeth wanted to cover her ears, but she wasn't allowed. The nurse has told her to keep her arms by her sides.
"Miss Cooper, is there a history of brain tumours in your family?"
Elizabeth wasn't sure what that was, but judging from her mother's reaction, it was bad. "My mother had one," came her reply, followed by a sob. "But she recovered from it doctor, she lived a long and happy life!"
Choking on her words, Alice Cooper pressed her hands against the glass viewing screen, her wide eyes glued to her daughter. "Please no. Not my-not my Elizabeth. She-she can't have!"
Her mother's words were still reverberating in Elizabeth's pounding head when a nurse with dark hair and a gleaming smile walked in. "I presume you're Elizabeth?" The woman took her hand and started to lead her out of the office. Before she followed the nurse, Elizabeth stumbled over to her mother. The pain in her head was making her feel strange, like she was walking on fluffy clouds.
"I'm fine, mommy," she smiled bravely, wrapping her arms around Alice. The mother collapsed into the girl, sobbing. Elizabeth breathed in the sweet scent of her mother's perfume and giggled, pulling away. "I'm going to play Peppa pig."
She grinned, and Alice nodded with a watery smile. Though she didn't let her daughter go just yet, instead she played with strands of her golden hair, tucking it behind the girl's ears. "I'll be here if you need anything, okay?" Alice kissed the girl's forehead.
Elizabeth nodded happily. "Bye mommy!" Taking the nurse's hand, Elizabeth felt happy. Happy that the doctor was going to cure her. Happy that she was going to get better, and happy because when she got better, her mommy would stop crying and finally smile.
Everything was going to be okay.
-
During her extended stay at Riverdale's Children's hospital, Elizabeth made a new friend. It was the day of her operation. Where Dr. Preston was going to remove the monster in her head. She had to go to sleep for it, but Elizabeth had been eagerly anticipating it. It was her going to make her better. Besides, she got heaps of candy and teddy bears from her family. They decorated her own little room the hospital had given her.
While her mom and Dr. Preston went to have a chat, her mommy still trying not to cry, Elizabeth had been sent to the play room once again. Upon stepping inside warily, she had been sure it had been empty. Toys, stuffed animals and huge wooden books littered the floor and beanbags spotted around the room. But when she had ventured inside, rushing over to the overflowing toy box, a quiet sniff had startled her. There was another kid her age in the playroom. His breath was heavy, his mumbled words came in gasps of breath.
Elizabeth was curious most of the time. But she chose to ignore the boy, instead choosing to play with the toys on the floor. When she ignored the rasping noises and coughing, he got up and wandered over to her when she was playing on her own, sitting cross legged on the multi-coloured carpet, mashing Peppa Pig figurines together.
At first she had been scared of him. The boy with hair the colour of what oozed from her nose and ears, the shade that terrified her mommy. It shone like pennies, and her mind flashed back to the time the nasty taste of the red stuff touched her lips. Her head wasn't hurting, which was a rare relief. Dr. Preston had given her special medicine to stop the pain, and so far it was working. When Elizabeth looked up, the boy was staring down at her, a small smile on his face. Her eyes had grown fearful when she saw strands of his red hair splayed across a rather freckled pale face. But his smile was contagious. She found it impossible not to smile back. After frowning at him for a few seconds, sizing the boy up, she lifted her hand and waved, greeting him with a soft, "Hello."
He knelt next to her. She couldn't help notice he was wearing a lot of red. Which should have scared her. She hated the colour. But the boy's smile was so friendly, his wide brown eyes kind. Elizabeth bit her lip and offered him Peppa. When the boy opened his mouth to speak, his breathing sounded funny. He seemed to be panting, drawing breath through his nose and mouth. But by the look of it, he was finding it difficult.
"Hi," he wheezed. For a moment, Elizabeth wondered if the boy was going to take her Peppa Pig toys away. She began to pull them back slowly, her cheeks turning pink.
The boy shook his head, red curls falling in his eyes. "I'm Archie," he murmured. Then he giggled a little, his breath coming out in sharp gasps. "I don't like Peppa Pig." The boy took one of the figurines and flung it across the room.
“It's dead now," he said with a toothy grin. When he giggled, he made those funny breathy noises again. Elizabeth wondered if that was what was wrong with him. All the kids in the playroom were sick like her, but not all of them had monsters like her. She watched the small model land on a beanbag on the other side of the room.
For a moment, Elizabeth didn't know whether to laugh or cry. But she refused to cry in front of Archie. She stared at him, narrowing her eyes. Perhaps this boy wasn't nice after all. "My name is Elizabeth," she introduced herself, and then shoved the other Peppa Pig figurine in his lap. "You can only play with me if you like Peppa too."
Archie lost his smile and let out a huff. "Fine. Bye."
Before she could start to protest, he jumped up, and with a half-hearted wave, the boy digressed to where he had initially been sitting, with his head in a huge book. Elizabeth nodded stubbornly, beginning to play once again, but the funny voice she gave Peppa was shaking. She wanted to play with Archie, but he didn't want to play with her. Eventually, she abandoned her toys and followed Archie, who was peeking at her from behind his book. As she neared him, the boy quickly hid behind the pages. For a moment, Elizabeth pretended not to see him. But the boy's raspy breathing gave him away.
"I can see you!" She couldn't help letting out a laugh, and to her surprise, so did Archie.
"No you can't!" he squeaked back. Elizabeth joined him on the plush red sofa and the two of them sat in a comfortable silence. She kicked her legs and Archie slowly lowered the book. Eventually he let out a shaky sigh and dropped the book on his lap. She couldn't help smiling. It didn't matter that she liked Peppa Pig, the boy still wanted to play with her. She was trying to think up a game they could play together which didn't involve her favourite figurines, when Archie mumbled something so soft she could barely hear it. "What?" she cupped her ear, giggling. "Archie, I can't hear you."
"Are you sick too?" Archie murmured, lifting the book to hide his face once again. Elizabeth shivered. She wasn't expecting Archie's question. She nodded. Her bottom lip started trembling, but she bit into it.
No. She wouldn't cry. She turned to him, crossing her legs. "I have a monster in my head," she said, pointing to her temples.
Archie screwed his face up in disgust. "A monster?" he repeated, shuffling to face her. Copying Elizabeth, he crossed his legs too. "Can the monster speak?" he whispered, his eyes wide with curiosity. He startled her when he coughed. Elizabeth had always been told to cover her mouth when she coughed by her mother. But Archie looked embarrassed.
"Sorry," he whispered. "I can't help it." Then after a moment, he poked his index finger in the middle of her forehead. "Is that where the monster lives?"
Elizabeth frowned. "No!" she giggled, brushing his hand away and hitting him teasingly. When Archie laughed too, he let out another loud and scary cough, his chest rattling and she lost her smile.
"It hurts, Archie." she whispered. When the boy nodded, cocking his head, she couldn't help spitting out, "Do you have a monster too?"
The boy shook his head. He pointed to his chest and took a deep breath for emphasis. Elizabeth heard a terrible noise and winced. Archie's breathing sounded like a car engine. "Sometimes I can't breathe," Archie croaked, shrugging. Curling his lip, the boy played with his fingers. "The doctors are going to make me better though." Lifting his gaze, he smiled at Elizabeth. "Maybe when we're both better we can play Peppa Pig?"
Elizabeth couldn't quite believe her ears. "I thought you didn't like Peppa pig," she accused him, unable to keep the smile off of her face.
Archie grinned. "I don't," he said. "But if you like Peppa Pig I'll still play with you."
Elizabeth squealed. "Okay!" She grabbed Archie's hand, pulling him off the sofa and back to where her toys were spread out. Rooting around in the toy box, she found a blue unicorn. "Do you want to be Mary?" she offered the boy Mary and Archie nodded and took the stuffed toy.
"Can I change the name to a boy?" he asked hopefully, and she nodded.
Elizabeth resumed her game, and Archie joined in. The two of them played for a while, lying on their stomach creating a variety of different games. She noticed every few minutes Archie would get short of breath, sitting up and coughing into his cupped hands. When she asked if he was okay, he only nodded. But tears were filling his eyes and sliding down his cheeks. "Uh-huh," he gasped. But he had dropped the rabbit, his hand clamping down on his chest. Elizabeth hesitated before crawling over to him. The boy coughed again, this time through a sob.
"My chest hurts," he whispered, swallowing hard. Archie peered at her through thick strands of crimson hair. "I don't want to die."
Elizabeth shook her head. "The doctor is going to make you better," she said softly. After a look of wariness she offered her his hand. As if Archie was afraid his illness was contagious, he took it and forced a smile.
"It hurts, Elizabeth." Archie choked out another cough, and she did her best to nod. Elizabeth sat next to him, leaning her head on his shoulder, not letting go of his hand, even when the boy started coughing again, his whole body trembling, chest heaving.
They stayed like that until a tall man with a beard came into the playroom. She knew who it was straight away. The man had Archie's kind eyes, the crinkles in his forehead, the playful smile on a much older mouth. The man didn't resemble her father. He bore hard eyes and a permanent scowl. Her own father was never in the house, and when he was he shouted at her mother and Polly. When Archie saw his father, he jumped up. "Dad!" Coughing again, the boy rushed into his father's arms. Elizabeth watched them silently.
"Did it happen again?" the man asked softly, pulling away from the hug. When Archie nodded, wheezing again, the man chuckled. But his eyes looked the same as her mother's. Scared. "Archie, I told you to tell a nurse when you start coughing." the man murmured, shaking his head and ruffling the boy's red curls.
"I'm okay now." Archie said, smiling. Then he turned to Elizabeth, his brown eyes sparkling. "Look, I made a new friend!" he coughed again, but he didn't lose his smile.
Archie's father regarded her with a soft smile. "Elizabeth Cooper." He cupped his chin. "I've just been speaking to your mother. You and Archie are both being treated today."
Elizabeth nodded shyly. "I have a monster in my head," she said quietly. When the man's eyes widened, she quickly said, "But the doctors are going to make it go away."
The man smiled warmly. "You're a brave little girl, Elizabeth."
Archie grinned. "When we're better Elizabeth is going to show me how to play Peppa Pig."
Chuckling, Archie's dad cocked his head. "Arch, I thought you didn't like that show."
The little boy shrugged. "If Elizabeth likes it, I like it."
When her own mother bustled into the room, Elizabeth took Archie's hand and rushed into Alice Cooper's open arms. "Sweetheart, are you okay?" Alice was smiling, which was different. For the first time in what felt like forever, her cheeks were a healthy pink instead of grey, her blue eyes alive and glittering. Hope. Her mom finally had hope.
"I'm okay!" Elizabeth giggled, pulling away. Alice grinned at Archie, and then at their conjoined hands. She folded her arms, cocking her brow.
"You must be Archie." Alice ruffled Archie's ginger curls. "Your dad's just been telling me how brave you are, honey."
Elizabeth frowned a little. But she didn't let go of the boy's hand. She was brave too. Glancing at the redhead, she decided that they were both as brave as each other.
Archie caught her gaze and smiled. "We're both brave,” he said brightly and squeezed her hand, and the parents shared a look. Elizabeth knew her mother had talked to nobody but hospital staff and her big sister for the last few months. Archie's dad must have been a breath of fresh air. Someone for her to finally talk to. Her mother was positively glowing. "Elizabeth, this is Fred Andrews." Alice gestured to Archie's dad, and he pulled a funny face, making Elizabeth laugh. "Archie, sweetie, you can call me Alice. I'm Elizabeth's mother."
"Hello Alice," Archie said. His face scrunched up then he coughed again. Elizabeth saw tears well in the boy's eyes, but he didn't lose his smile or let go of her hand.
"Okay, I think that's enough fun for one day." Fred nodded at his son. "Archie, say goodbye to Elizabeth. You can play with her when you're feeling a little better."
Elizabeth felt like shouting in protest. She didn't want Archie to leave. He was her first real friend. But she stayed silent as the boy turned to her with a drooping smile. "Don't worry, the doctors are going to make me better so we can play for real."
"Uh-huh," she squeaked, and the boy giggled softly.
"Can I let go of your hand now?"
Elizabeth nodded. Tears pricked her eyes, but she held herself. The moment Archie let go of her hand, the warm feeling that had spread through her seemed to disperse. She wanted to grab for it again, but Archie was already rushing to his father, who picked him up. "Bye Elizabeth!" His voice was hoarse again, and his cheeks were slowly blossoming scarlet. Elizabeth waved back.
"Bye Archie," she mumbled, casting her gaze to the floor and willing herself not to cry. That was until Alice was pulling her into another hug, and she couldn't help it. She was sobbing into her mother's chest.
"Mommy, he said he couldn't breathe," she whispered, flinching when her mother tensed up. Archie's coughing seemed to follow the boy and his father, reverberating down the corridor and Elizabeth pressed her hands over her ears, choking on her sobs. "Is Archie going to die?"
"What?" Alice held her at arms length, her lips twisting into a frown. "Sweetie, Archie is going to be fine!" But her expression said otherwise. Elizabeth knew when her mommy told lies. Like when she said there was no cookies in the cookie jar, or that the ice cream van played Pop Goes The Weasel when it was out of ice cream.
Alice brushed strands of golden hair from her daughter's eyes, her hands beginning to tremble. Elizabeth didn't want to say it, but hearing Archie and seeing how sick he was, she couldn't help the words tumbling from her lips. "Mommy, am I going to die?"
Alice's hands froze. Her expression hardened. "Listen to me, Elizabeth Cooper," she said softly, grabbing the little girl's small hands and squeezing them tightly. "I'm your mother and I'm not going to let anything happen to you." Her voice broke, tears falling freely down her cheeks. "Do you understand me? Tell me, Betty. Tell me you understand."
"I understand, mommy," she whispered through tears.
Alice nodded and cupped the little girl's cheeks. "I'm not losing you, Betty," she whispered. Elizabeth nodded and Alice swiped tears from the girl's eyes. "You're going to be brave, okay sweetie?"
"Yes." Elizabeth managed to say back. She wanted to stay locked in that position forever, in her mother's warm embrace, smelling sweet lavender and roses.
"Miss Cooper, if you're ready." Dr. Preston came back with his usual kind smile and warm eyes. Alice nodded, sniffing and wiping her eyes. Everything seemed to go so fast after that. Before she knew it Elizabeth was lying on a bed with wheels, something plastic pressing against her face. Her mother was looming over her, playing with her hair, stroking her forehead in a reassuring way and whispering things that Elizabeth couldn't hear.
"Elizabeth, can you count back from ten for me please?"
Dr. Preston's voice was suddenly loud, intrusive, in her ears. Elizabeth managed a nod. She could do that. Counting back from ten was easy. "Ten," she said softly. Nine, her mind said, but her lips suddenly felt strange. Like she was sucking on hard candy.
"Eight..."
Her eyelids flickered and fear struck her heart. What was happening? Where was her mommy?
Elizabeth focused on the ceiling, squinting at blaring yellow light. She was moving, getting faster and faster, but it was getting harder and harder to keep her eyes open.
"Seven," she whispered. Closing her eyes felt better. The flickering light was fading.
"Six..."
Mumbling the numbers, Elizabeth could feel herself begin to fall. Before she did, she thought about Archie. How badly she wanted to see him again, to hold his hand. She wanted to see his bright smile, his kind eyes without his rasping voice, his loud and scary coughs. She wanted the monster out of her head. That's what Dr. Preston was going to do, right? He was going to make her and Archie better.
That thought made her smile. Five. The number popped up in her mind, but she was past counting. Elizabeth was still smiling when she finally allowed herself to fall.
Everything was going to be okay.
-
Opening her eyes, Elizabeth wondered if she was floating. Through fraying lashes, she could only see flashes of white. The clouds, perhaps? Sometimes she pretended Peppa could fly. Back when she wasn't sick, when the monster didn't plague her, Elizabeth had played for hours on end, making her Peppa Pig figures soar in the air like birds.
She wondered, for a moment, if that's where she was. The sky. Oh, how she had dreamed what it would be like to teeter on the clouds above, grinning down at the earth below.
"Elizabeth, how are you feeling?"
Elizabeth blinked warily and squinted under the sudden bright light. There was a man that sat before the foot of her raised hospital bed with dark curly hair and thin glasses sitting on the edge of a rather pointy nose. He wasn't Dr. Preston or any of the nurses or her mommy. That was when the alarm bells started to blare in her mind. But there was also something… different. After blinking a few more times, she noticed that her mommy wasn't with her, and panic began to settle in her gut. The man was a stranger, the room was unfamiliar, and her mother wasn't here. Swallowing, she bit back a cry.
Her mommy wasn't here. Elizabeth gripped at the blankets pulled to her chest, but her fingers felt strange. The pristine white hospital bedding was light as a feather. Except she didn't think to wonder why her whole world seemed unanchored, far too light underneath her touch. She only stared wide eyed at the strange man who wasn't Dr. Preston.
"Elizabeth Cooper, it's nice to meet you," the man smiled warmly. "My name is Dr. Lowell."
"Where's mommy?" she demanded, ignoring the man's greeting, Elizabeth wanted to cry. She wanted to scream and howl for her mother. Waiting for the tears to spring to her eyes, she bit her lip. But no tears came. Her chest didn't clench, her throat didn't close up and her head… her head no longer pounded. The monster had suddenly grown silent.
Defeated.
"Elizabeth," Dr. Lowell cleared his throat. "I know you're scared, and I'm sure you have many questions. But right now you need to be brave. Can you do that for me, sweetheart?"
"My mommy," Elizabeth rasped, attempting to swallow. She narrowed her eyes at the doctor. "Where is my mommy?"
Dr. Lowell smiled sadly and extended a hand. She glanced at is as if it was a foreign object, but she tentatively grasped it, as he may take her to her mommy. Elizabeth nodded at the man in silent understanding. Everything was going to be fine. She said it to herself. "Dr. Owl," she said softly. "Please can you tell me where my mommy is?"
"Lowell," he chuckled. "It's Dr. Lowell, sweetie."
When Elizabeth pulled her hand away, he let out a soft sigh.
"Let's talk somewhere else," he murmured, helping her properly sit up. She felt instantly loose and at ease, as if she had been delicately wrapped in cotton wool. There was no weight pulling her down. Pain did not erupt from her head, and for the first time in a while, she broke into a joyful smile.
"The Monster!" she said excitedly. Her fingers went to gingerly stroke her forehead. There was no pain. No growl in her head. "It's gone!"
Dr. Lowell nodded, pursing his lips. Elizabeth sat on the edge of the bed, her legs dangling. Blowing strands of her hair from her face, she couldn't stop smiling.
"I'm not hurting," she said in awe. "I'm okay!"
Elizabeth's first thought was how happy her mommy was going to be. She was going to be okay. She was really going to be okay! Did that mean Archie was better too? Elizabeth opened her mouth to gush out the questions stuck at the back of her throat. But Dr. Lowell cleared his throat.
"That's right, Elizabeth. We removed the monster." His lips curled a little, his eyes glinting with silent glee. "We've also sprinkled you with some special fairy dust so it doesn't come back."
Leaning forward, the man squeezed her hand, and she grinned at him with the fullest pupils, the most hopeful of eyes. But still. No tears. "You, Elizabeth Cooper, are an incredibly lucky girl."
The sad eyes of the doctor didn't leave Elizabeth as she excitedly began kicking her legs, her wide and bright eyes scanning the room. "What about Archie?" she whispered, giggling. She peered at him hopefully. "Has his cough gone?"
"Mr. Andrews is also better." Dr. Lowell said. "He, like you, is perfectly healthy."
"Yay!" Elizabeth clapped her hands. But strangely, the noise didn't hit her ears the way it should have. It echoed in her skull, a rumble she couldn't ignore. The girl was slowly beginning to become impatient, her blue eyes searching for her mother.
"I feel better now, Dr. Owl," she grinned proudly. "Can I see my mommy now?"
Dr. Lowell's smile slowly disappeared from his face, his eyebrows—also caterpillar like—drew together. "That's good," he said, a hint of joy heard from his voice. "We really should talk somewhere else, Elizabeth."
"Is my mommy here?" she asked as Dr. Lowell picked her up off the bed and set her down. Her bright eyes sparkled at the man and they began walking. Elizabeth reached out for Dr. Lowell's hand. She was practically vibrating on the spot, relishing the floaty feeling that shrouded her and her clear head. It felt like she was walking on candyfloss. Her bare feet hit the cold tiles and she giggled at her toes.
"Now, Elizabeth," Dr. Lowell halted and took both of her arms, his eyes growing serious, "like I said, you need to be brave for me, okay? Be brave for your mommy."
Nodding, the girl placed her hand on her heart. "I promise!" she said, cocking her head. "Are you taking me to my mommy now?"
Dr. Lowell shook his head. "No, sweetheart," he murmured. When she opened her mouth to cry out, his lips twisted into a frown. "Listen to me, little girl," he said. "I'm afraid you're not going to see your mommy again."
For a moment, the words didn't truly hit her. Then they did; a tidal wave of emotions slamming into her all at once. Her bottom lip trembled, but still, she couldn't cry. Elizabeth yanked her hand away, stumbling backwards. At first she thought it was a trick of the light. The doctor's hand suddenly disappearing, and then his arm. It was like something, just like the monster in her head, was eating away at the man. Elizabeth could only watch, transfixed, as the doctor began to splinter into the air, into millions of pieces which evaporated before her eyes. Elizabeth's lips moved softly, silently asking once again for her mother, but she couldn't take her eyes off the sight in front of her.
"This is natural, Elizabeth. It just means I'm being pulled back." Dr. Lowell's voice was suddenly all around her, drilling into her skull. The new monster inside her head.
"But.." she let out a broken sob.
"You're not strong enough yet. Just be brave for me, okay? Now Elizabeth, I know it's hard," Dr. Lowell's voice suddenly had an edge to it. "I want you to look around you."
"Mommy..." Elizabeth whimpered softly. But she followed Dr. Lowell's instructions, scrutinising the room. Her eyes wide. She wiped at them by habit, but the bridges of her knuckles were bone dry. There were no still no tears.
When she couldn't see anything but the bed in front of her, the small girl swallowed. Her hands slowly balled into fists. "Where's my—"
"Look!" Dr. Lowell's voice was suddenly an impatient screech inside of her head. "Look in front of you, Elizabeth! What do you see? Tell me!"
Elizabeth opened her mouth to begin crying, screaming out for her mommy. But with a simple blink of her wide, confused eyes, it was like the world around her started to splinter, like Dr. Lowell. It twisted and turned around her, but she stayed standing in the same spot. Her own shaky gasps for breath startled her. Elizabeth found herself staring at the bed she had just gotten out of. The light blue covers she had been sure had been shoved away when she jumped out hadn't moved. Blinking rapidly, Elizabeth took a few curious steps forwards. There was a little girl around her age, tucked into the covers, willowy blonde hair spread around her like a halo. The girl's eyes were closed, her lips looked strange, like the girl had been sucking on blueberry hard candy. Elizabeth could feel a scream building in her throat. For her mommy. Because the little girl with the purple lips who wasn't moving, who was as still as the air around her-
It was her.
Elizabeth was staring at herself.