Chapter Text
Check, Check, Check and..a large x. It was drawn in another demon's blood too, in case the message hadn't been clear. You unknowingly curl your fingers into a fist. Even though this board shows the progress from last week, you realize how unfair he's being. This program was fairly new, sure, but you knew you were doing better than they were giving you credit for. Against Charlie's better judgement, you felt wrath taking hold again. That is until..
"(Y/N), wow..! You're like the star pupil of the hotel." The demon with cat-like features next to you starts to mumble, "I can't get more than one damn approval.." Though her design consisted mostly of white and fluffy extremities, your feline friend was the least bit innocent. Her original name was Oliver, but she greatly prefers to be called Olive.
”Wait,” you turn to her name. “..you were up to three approvals weren’t you?”
“Meh, I guess I just don’t care anymore.” As she adjusts the buttons on her vest, she points to the lone x on the board underneath your name. "Again? What the hell are you doing to him?"
"Nothing!" You grumble. "I'm doing everything right, he just hates me."
"You? Tink? No way..!"
"Your sarcasm helps a lot, thanks."
"No I'm serious." You turn to look up at Olive, exhaustion written on your features. "Remember when you first met? He's probably holding it against you."
Pouting, you thought back to when you first met the Radio Demon. You were apart of the program's beta stage, and so you and a few other demons received exclusivity with the supervisors. You'd met Charlie prior to the beta, and met Alastor soon after. He seemed to be just as friendly as Charlie, though that may have been your naivety then. "Why? It was only a poke to the cheek." Which in your eyes, it was. A friendly gesture that prompted the demon to throw his neck to the side and break his neck. A response that you weren't sure how to take.
"He--"
"-doesn't like to be touched. Of course I know that." You stressed, "..now." With a sigh, you look back to the board. You were making a fuss, but it seems no others were successful this time either. "It was still scary as hell."
"I bet." She laughs. "..but let's forget about this stupid program! Let's go out on a date and do something fun..!"
You smile, holding back a laugh. "I feel like your idea of fun is a turf war, or just killing in general." Her smile stretches. You were right, as it has always been one of her favorite things to do. You click your tongue, "This is why you're not making progress Olive."
"Maybe, but I was serious about that date." Your lips fell apart to form an 'o' shape. "Oh please don't refuse this time..! Please..? If only we would've hung out more..I mean, you're making great progress so you'll probably leave soon..." She throws her hands over yours. There's a slight shiver on her fingers, and you recognize the feeling tugging at your heart. Compassion.
"Fine," you sigh dramatically. "but you're not getting me into bed after just the first date."
"Damn." She snaps her fingers. Then, her grin returns to her face. She links her arms with yours and tugs your form away from the board. "Let's find some dresses or whatnot for our date tomorrow!"
"But the tasks start again tomorrow."
She hums, "I know. We'll go after we're both finished. Oh, Oh--Tink! Let’s role-play in the roaring twenties or something! You should wear a flapper dress! Ah..I'm swooning just thinking about it..!"
A smile grows on your face at her antics. She rambles on - excitement bouncing off of her taller stature. Jubilation fills your heart until the date is all you're thinking about. It was hard to keep your emotions in check when you were only able to feel one at a time. Each being stronger than another on the spectrum. Anger was especially hard to deal with, but Charlie was there by your side the entire time. When she approved your mastery, you thought that was the end of it. That is, until you were unable to overcome the other x underneath your name. Just thinking of Alastor's lengthy tea-parties and musical numbers would make you overcome with irritation. You promised yourself not to focus on that, however. Olive's enthusiasm was bleeding into you, and you wanted to be as happy as possible.
-+-
The next day, donned in your flapper dress and appropriate head-wear, you finish your attire with a smile. You turn, completing another spin in front of the mirror. Olive had incomparable tastes when it came to dressing you. To try and suppress the pride swelling in your chest, you move away from the mirror to find your bag. The Valentino white bag stares back at you from the bed, but you stop. A knock at your door echoes through the room. Confused, you cautiously approach and put your ear to it. When you don't hear anything, you slowly pull the door open. Niffty springs out almost immediately, which draws a quiet yelp from you. She latches onto your left leg and refuses to let go, even when you lift it slightly.
"Niffty? I thought our task was tomorrow..?" She doesn't reply, causing you to be overcome with worry. You shrink to her size, and she moves to hug your abdomen. The sudden movement nearly throws you backward, so you fall to your knees with her. Softly, you try again, "Niffty..?"
A few moments of silence pass. Then, her muffled voice reaches your ears. "Y..Y'know..you haven't even gone anywhere yet, but I miss you so much anyway." She sniffles, "You're such a party-pooper..it's cool--but, it's cruel..!" Finally, you notice the tightening of your throat. When had your vision gotten so blurry? Her voice only gets smaller, such as the ever expanding cracks in your heart.
"But.." You whisper, "But I'm still here." She shakes her head against your midriff. Then she raises her head and meets your eye. In all your time at the hotel, you had never seen Niffty cry. It was something you thought you would never see, due to her nature. Now, you were the reason behind her tears. You couldn't even begin to describe the feeling weighing on your heart. She mouths the words 'I'm sorry' and it clears your vision. It's starting to become hard to breathe.
Before you try again to raise the tiny demon's spirits, a series of thuds approach your position. You look up just in time to see Vaggie stop before your door. Her face is downtrodden, too. It changes quickly, to drawn eyebrows and a visible scowl. "What the fuck (Y/N), do you have to make it worse?! This is shitty enough as it is!" Startled by her sudden appearance, you're unable to find proper words to respond with. The moth demon bends down to grab the elusive chef, struggling to remove her from your person. "Let her go!" She grumbles, "Let (Y/N) go and leave us if that's what she wants! It's not our business!"
"Wait, Vaggie..!"
Finally, Niffty's arms loosen just enough for the younger demon to pull her away. She holds her securely to her chest and away from you. Her glare is harsh, brazen, and unrelenting. You find yourself at a loss of words again. Vaggie notices your blubber and scoffs, "Have a nice life, Tink." For the first time, the nickname hurts to hear. "I bet it's great in heaven." With the whining demon in her arms, she retreats down the hall with heavy steps. Still, you can't find your words. How were you supposed to respond to a scene like that? The closest answer you could provide was sadness.
Slowly, you push to your original size again. Then, you force yourself to stand. The tears have stopped falling, but now your hands are shaking. You can also tell that a headache is about to form. Already, you're drained of all of your prior happiness and now you feel like a failure to your friends. You leave your room, disregarding the open door altogether. While dragging your feet across the carpet, you wonder if the Mary Jane's are slowing you down. What was the point in this get-up anyhow?
Ahead, Charlie speeds around one of the many corners of the hall. As soon as her eyes land on your pitiful form, she begins running to you as fast as her legs let her. Not knowing what else to do, you open your arms and collapse into her. "Are you okay?" She asks urgently. Her arms wrap around your form tightly, providing the comfort you need.
"You're the first person to ask me that in a while.." You admit, digging your nails into the fabric at her back. "Everyone is acting so..out of character with me Charlie..I don't know how to feel..! Should I be sad? Should I be angry? Happy..?" You continue to list whatever emotions come to mind. Charlie cuts you off when she pulls away and cups your face in her palms.
"Remember Tinkerbell, I can't tell you how to feel." She smiles, "I'm sure the others are just..grieving." You blink at her, confused. "Or..maybe I should say scared instead. Everyone's a little scared to lose you, but that's okay. It just means they're a little closer to redemption. You should focus on your success, and see them off with a smile."
A lump forms in your throat. "Why? I haven't passed yet..I probably won't pass soon either.. I'm still here Charlie..!"
"It may come sooner than you think.." The blonde pulls you in to hug again, going silent. After a few seconds, she steps away completely. She offers one last smile before spinning on her heels. "Cheer up Tink! We've known each other for so long..! You're doing great! I'll go and talk to the others, focus on feeling happy!"
You watch her retreating back. It almost seemed like she was reacting the same as the others. You couldn’t understand what it meant. The last bit of your remaining hope disappears with her and your emotions are completely void for once.
Absentmindedly, you start to walk around the hotel. You eventually note that you’ve reached the first floor, yet you continue to wander aimlessly. There was no major emotion to feel, but you feel everything at once. Your body feels numb, but it also hurts all over. The aching of your limbs starts to slow your pace, and so you look for a seat in the room you’re in.
Drawn to the piano in the middle of the lounge room, you sit facing the keys. Memories start to fill your head. You place your hands over the keys in the third and fourth octave. With your left, you test the note D. It hums deep and slow, but you’re not sure if deep enough for the song you want to play. However, you decide to continue with your hand placement. You start with your left, giving the melody a slower beginning. Next, you play the higher notes with your right. When it’s time to put the two together, you close your eyes and let your fingers play from memory.
”That’s a darling little tune, (Y/N). Is it your own?”
You shake your head. “It’s a song from a movie I saw when I was alive, named Up. I watched it just before..” Swallowing the tightness building in your throat, you slow the tune.
”Oh..It’s gotten sad now.”
”It was a sad movie, I guess.” You decide to shorten the tune, another coming to mind. Quickly, you take a breath. You prep your fingers by beginning the next song. “I’m willing to bet, entertainment has gotten even better since I’ve died. If that movie was so beautifully done, what about the ones after..?”
The Radio Demon moves to sit on your left on the stool. His eyes watch your hand movements curiously. It even seems like his smile widens a bit. “Entertainment was at it’s peak during my time dear, it’s getting worse.”
His statement makes you crack a smile. It falls again, however, when you return your focus to your playing. “It was one of the first I actually wanted to learn how to play..it really moved me. My parents made me learn how to play professional pieces on the piano, though.”
”Wonderful..! Your talent was achieved through sheer determination!”
“No..Not really.” He hums, urging you to continue. “I hated it.”
“What tune is this?” Alastor’s hand mirroring your own on the keys slows your hand. Unable to look him in the eye, you lie your left hand in your lap. He seems to be his normal self. Why wasn’t he having the same reactions as everyone else? Slowly, you continue the simple version of the tune a newcomer taught you. It was one of the most recent, beautiful pieces you had heard. A song from a soundtrack from a revolutionary show.
“One I learned from someone at the hotel.”
He takes your answer with a nod. “The beginning isn’t as flashy as the last.”
You don’t respond to his statement. Instead, you decide to continue your story after a deep breath. “The thing is..after many years of suffering and miscarriages, I was born as the “miracle child” to my parents.” You admit, finally spilling your background to someone as well as the tears. “I hated being under their careful watch all the time..I could never choose my own interests or hobbies...but I know they were only being so strict because of how we lived.”
Alastor follows your example nearly perfectly, repeating the same notes but in a lower octave. It doesn’t sound as flawless as it should, but it’s good enough. Knowing someone was next to you was good enough. They’re trying, and that’s good enough.
“They only wanted me to have a better life..but I was always such a brat..!“ You resume playing with your left hand again, not realizing the male next to you has taken his hand off the instrument. “I ran away and got so wrapped up in myself that..that I didn’t even know they were killed until two years later! I did even more horrible things until i finally just decided to kill myself..only to end up here.” Tears blur your vision, so much so that you can barely see the difference between the colored keys. “I wasn’t good enough! Not for my parents, or for heaven! Because of that, I’ll never get to see them again..!” The keys fell easier underneath your fingertips. You hadn’t even realized how hard you were playing. “Mom..Dad..I’m sorry your daughter is such a failure.. I’m sorry I never said I love you...I’m sorry..I’m sorry..”
Your hands slow, before stopping altogether. You cut the song off to bring your palms to your face, wiping your eyes. Now just the helpless young adult from before, you allow yourself to weep. One of the strongest ever demons sat next to you, watching your disgraceful display, but you didn’t care anymore. You wanted to go home.
As something pushes gently into your cheek, you stop your vigorous scrubbing. It’s sharp, but slightly warm against your face. You look up, only to find Alastor smiling down at you. He pulls his finger upward, lifting the corner of your lip.
”Smile, my dear. You’re open, bare, vulnerable even..! Show your delicate worth with a smile.”
When his finger leaves your skin, you take a moment to process his words. You heart starts to smile, and the wings you have tucked into your dress wish to flutter. So, with tears streaming down your face and your nose running, you press your lips into a thin smile. “Delicate enough..?”
”Yes, yes! That is the way!” The tall demon stands from his seat. You follow him with your eyes, still confused. That is, until he throws his arms around your petite form and lifts you with him. He manages to make you dizzy with a few spins thrown in the mix. When he finally places you on your feet again, you stand still to get yourself oriented again. “And my my, (Y/N)..I’d love to take a moment and say that you look absolutely gorgeous, doll!” He presses his lips to the crown of your head, and your entire body glows red.
”Thanks..Olive chose it for me.”
He bends over further to press a kiss to your forehead. Then, he places on on your cheek, and so on. “Any reason you’re Dudding up?”
You nod. Sadness is starting to creep into your system again, but you don’t let your smile falter. “I’m going on a date with Olive later today.”
”..Is that so?” His barrage of kisses stop.
Once again, you’re unable to meet his eye. ”Well..if I can. Everyone is making such a big fuss about me being redeemed like it’s happening today..” You bounce nervously on your heels. “Is it so wrong to want to get into heaven?”
”Your redemption isn’t happening today, tomorrow, or anytime soon dear!”
You look up at him in disbelief. His smile only grows, and he even closes his eyes for a second. “How can you be so sure?”
”Selflessness is the opportunity to give yourself for others, not the other way around! You, are doing just the opposite my love.” When you continue to look on, confused, he continues. “Wanting to see your folks at the expense of other’s grief is selfish!”
”I get it..” Comes your dull mumble. “But what if the others weren’t grieving?”
”You won’t have my approval then.” He states with great pride.
”Why not?”
”Who knows! Maybe it’s because of your smile! Maybe because you’re going on a date! Or even because you’re so small and charming!”
You sigh, “I’m still glowing aren’t I..?” He doesn’t answer, and you figure that you are. Alastor then bends to your level and offers his elbow. You link your arm with his and he starts for the door.
“Dear, wasn’t that quite enough chit-chat. Let’s blouse Tink! I made some coffee for us today but I’m sure it’s cooled by my looking for you!” He throws his head back and starts laughing at his own statement. Meanwhile, you realize something in his words.
”You haven’t called me that in a while.” You comment, smiling fondly at the first memory of your pet name.
“Ah yes—“
”And I don’t appreciate hypocrites Alastor..I’ve passed my task haven’t I? What you said earlier was completely selfish too.”
”Yes well, I own up to my selfishness. There is no doubt in my judgement!”
”Then..I’m going to do the most selfish thing..! I’ll do my best to make sure you miss me the most, Alastor.”
”No need for that.” He says simply. You respond with a ‘huh’ and his cheeks show the faintest hint of pink. “Such a fruitless harvest that would be..in fact—!”
As he fell back into his rambling, you watch his expressions closely. You weren’t entirely sure, but there’s a small bud in your heart willing to believe. Hoping, that Alastor was trying to console you back there. Perhaps Charlie was right, with the resurfacing of their complicated feelings - the entirety of Hazbin Hotel is a little closer to redemption.