Chapter Text
Inhuman, alien, Distant. Other. We were already so alienated from society, how did I manage to become an other within the small group of those who were like me? What was so wrong that I just would lose control like that? Go back to crying over the littlest of sounds, or changes, like I would as a kid?
“Use your big brain and get rid of all those poetic justifications on hating yourself, kumquat. Shit happens.”
Right. Breathe. If I continue staying in the past, I’ll become hurt like before. I should be remembering what I was taught. I went into the common room, maybe everything can go back to normal since I’ve stopped moping.
I could overhear Don and Mikey.
“What's up with him? You said you’d explain.”
“It complicated…”
“Don.”
“Mikey?”
“We can’t just ignore our issues. Have you seen where that’s taken us recently?”
I couldn’t breathe. It couldn’t go back to normal. It never could, could it?
“... yeah.”
“Then why can’t you tell me? Tell anyone?? You’ve been avoiding April and Casey like the plague!”
And Don took Mikey to his room. Despite my best judgment, I followed.
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“... why is it so big that we have to come in here?”
“I mean… it’s not a big deal to me. Just kind of a sensitive topic.”
“Meaning?”
"Look, Mikey, I'm not a psychologist, I'm an engineer, this isn't my thing. But… okay, I was researching things and there's an explanation that could explain why Leo's sensitive to sounds and focuses on ninjitsu so much and… well, a lot more. But I don't even know if it's anywhere near accurate, you know?"
“... I’m confused… that’s just Leo, man.”
“Well, part of it is his personality. A lot of it is. But a series of symptoms he has could line up with uh… autism. Or Aspergers, whatever you want to call it-”
“I'm so confused. What?”
“Its uh—well. It's a developmental disability-”
I could hear Mike some sort of huffing noise.
“Like uh— it mainly affects social aspects. It affects how you interpret social cues, and it can make communicating really hard. There’s an explanation of it's like being on an alien planet without a guide to their culture-”
“Which we’ve done.”
“... yes. But it could be a reason why Leo’s so internalized in his thinking, or why he gets cold around strangers.”
“What about Raph? I mean, he isn't the best with socializing. He’d rather stick his sai through most people’s skulls.”
“That’s different. He doesn’t have other signs.”
“I mean, I don’t get why one’s disabled and the other isn’t. I’d say Raph nearly braining me with a pipe is a lot more disabling than Leo being shy.”
“No its— it’s not just that. Raph can’t control his emotions sometimes. Leo just doesn’t have a guide on how people work. It’s confusing for him. And he’s got sensory sensitivities, which he manages with self-stimulation. It calms his nervous system, which is hyperactive, when he trains— which is why he does it so often. Same with pacing or going out for a run, and how he uses so many blankets at night. Or fiddling with his bandana, or swaying when he’s standing for too long-”
Whatever Mikey was saying had become incoherent to me, I could barely breathe. Autism.
There was… something, a word? Condition? About me.