Chapter Text
“They tell me to forget, but I don’t want to. Your face is all I seem to see.” ~Blackout by Freya Ridings
Lena nervously was nervously wringing her hands together waiting for the door in front of her to open. She had been standing there for a few minutes yet was scared. What if Alex wanted nothing to do with her? What if Alex blamed her for leaving them the way she did? Maybe it was just best if she left. The scientist was about to turn heel when the door swing open and Lena stiffened in surprise as she was met with the face of Alex. The woman looked exhausted, bags under her eyes and a very tired expression on her face. It quickly changed when she recognized lena, her eyebrows shooting up her forehead.
“Lena.” the Luthors name was spoken with an unexpected surprise, and Lena gave the director a shy smile, nervousness brimming up in her.
“Hi, Uh, yeah.” She mumbled.The expression the woman across from her was quickly morphed into one of anger and Alex narrowed her eyebrows.
“What are you doing here?” Her voice was more reserved, cold and Lena internally winced at it. She knew this wasn’t going to be a pleasant welcome but she also knew that this was something she had to do. If not for her, then for Kara.
“Listen… I know I haven’t been around within the last couple months-” The Luthor didn’t even get the chance to finish her sentence as Alex interrupted,
“You mean since Kara died? Is that what you’re talking about?” Her tone was biting and it took all Lena had to not flinch at the words. It was obvious there were hard feelings still there.
And honestly Lena didn't blame her. She couldn't blame her. Because even though she knew that she was close with Kara, Alex had been her sister. Her sister who Kara had at first been thrust upon and disliked but slowly warmed up to. The sister that she became supergirl for. The sister that Alex grew protective of. So of course, this was still hitting the Danver’s sister hard.
It was at the sentence Lena decided to finally look up, tearing her gaze from the floor she found Alex, a pinched expression on her face, hate brewing in its features. It reminded Lena of when people looked at her, not as her, but as a Luthor. Not that Lena cared, it had been Lex that had ultimately caused Karas death. It made sense for Alex to be putting the blame on Lena.
The scientist knew it was time to stop running. To step out of the denial she had swallowed herself in. It was time to face the truth. Withthat thought Lena stood a little straighter, her posture changing as she went into CEO mode.
Listen, I know I fucked up.” She said sternly, before continuing,
“But I’m here to reconcile things. If you let me. I understand that if you don’t want to. I understand, because after Kara-” Lena had to force the words out.
“After she died. I left. I left you guys and I holed myself up. And yes, I know that you guys have been dealing with it as well, but I handled it worse than I should have. And I’m here to change that.”
There. She had said it. Kara was dead. Surprisingly, or maybe not surprisingly Lena didn't feel anything. Still numb. She thought the word was going to cause her to break down, but apparently not.
Lena watched carefully, as she was scrutinized under Alex’s gaze, and stood a little straighter, giving her a stern look.
“Come in.” Surprise hit the Luthor with these words as Alex seemingly slumped, opening the door wider. Cautiously Lena obeyed, crossing the threshold her hands still wringing together nervously as Alex closed the door and turned to face her.
“Why are you really here?”
The question took the raven haired woman by full surprise. She didn’t get the time to dwell on her vendetta before the redhead was plowing on,
“You have literally shut us out. Everyone was fucking worried. And now you want to reconcile? Just like that? We both know you’ve been having a pity party for yourself for the past three months, so tell me, what the fuck happened for you to pull this kind of move?”
This was definitely not the Alex Lena was used to. This Alex was cold, hard, her features morphed into something ruthless. Sure in the beginning it reminded her of Alex. When she first met her, and the agent was wary of Lena, like everyone else. But this was an Alex who had lost her Kara. And Lena knew how close they were.
Lena felt her posture slump. It was time to explain; what she had been doing from the time Kara had passed away. Died. Lena had to remind herself, as it triggered another memory.
“Why the soft pedaling? I mean It's kind of like when people would say, so sorry your brother passed.” Passed what? Gas? Passed his driver's test? No, he didn’t pass lady, he freaking died. Dead. As a doornail.” the voice was cool to begin with, before growing harsher. It was Adams, her test subject and Lena found herself listening, not by choice. Listening and reminding herself that he was a test subject. She had to remain disconnected from him. Uncaring. Emotions were not something she should dwell on. But she also couldn’t ignore the little voice in her head that said he had a point. She of course shrugged it away, turning around and keeping her expression neutral. Not giving anything away. Just like the Luthors taught her, as she calmly took the tablet from him setting it to the side and began to explain the procedure to him.
“Lena!” the voice yanked the scientist out of her memories and she flinched, looking back at Alex who had been waiting for an explanation to why she was here. Right.
“Do you remember the VR tech that CatCo came up with a few weeks later?” She questioned sternly.
“You mean after Kara died? Yeah, I remember that. After you sold CatCo, and buried yourself in work. When Jonn, James, Brainy, Nia and I tried to get you to grieve and stop working but you refused to listen to us?”
Lena felt herself stiffen at the repeat comment that Kara was dead. She was fully aware of that. Was Alex trying to rub it in or something? The Luthor ignored the comment and merely continued,
“Yes, that.” she said tightly before pausing for a minute. It was time to explain the VR aspect of what she had been doing and found it confusing and difficult. What kind of person does what she did? It didn’t matter, the scientist reasoned with herself as she looked at Alex who had her arms folded across her chest waiting.
“Well, for starters, I sold the company to Andrea—“
“Rojas. After Kara died of course. The crazy bitch who totally changed Catcos direction, of which James and Nia are still upset about.” Alex counter attacked.
Lena didn’t know if Alex was referring to the fact that Kara was dead or CatCo changed. But nonetheless she was growing impatient with Alex bringing it up repeatedly.
“I know she died!”Lena snapped back, anger twisted on her features as she plowed on,
“I'm fully aware she's dead so you can stop bringing it up!’
“Are you?! Because I’m not sure you fucking understand it yet!!” Alex yelled back with equal spitfire and vigor and Lena practically snarled,
“I’m fully fucking aware Kara’s dead!” her eyes held anger at the Danvers for not letting the subject matter drop.
“IT MEANS SHE'S NOT COMING BACK LENA!! YOU NEED TO UNDERSTAND THAT!!” Lena felt taken aback at the sentence and she frowned. She stood there numbly as the energy seemed to drain out of her. Alex seemed to notice this, as she softened, and spoke with more of a gentle tone,
“I know that you know she’s dead Lena. But.. I don’t think you’ve realised she’s not coming back.”
A sob bubbled up out of Lenas chest. She knew this was true. All this time the VR… it was because that even though she knew Kara was dead… she was hoping… Maybe there was a chance for her to come back. And the simulations were a way of that. Lena didn’t consciously recognize it though.
“I get it. I’ll admit it. I was a mess after the whole ordeal as well. Still am. But Jonn, James, Nia, and Brainy, they helped. We all were at a loss. And we all hoped maybe it wasn’t real… but we couldn’t stop living our lives. Lena we had to recognize that she isn’t.. She isn’t coming back.” Alex by now had gently sat the two of them down, rubbing Lena’s back softly as the raven haired woman was calming herself down. She didn’t exactly have much energy to cry at the moment.
“Therapy helps. It helped me realize that. Like, for example, the obvious reason you sold CatCo to Andrea was because you were grieving. CatCo reminded you of her. So, you sold it to Andrea, that bitch-”
At the comment Lena wiped away a stray tear that had fallen, giving Alex an angry look,
“She wasn’t all that bad, She was a friend from boarding school.” Lena found herself say defensively and Alex snorted,
“Yeah, coming from the woman who has said she's never had friends before Kara, is saying she had friends. Be honest Lena we don't care if they were friends with benefits.”
The comment left Lena gaping in surprise. It in fact had been true, that her and Andrea had, briefly in boarding school a fling. But how had Alex picked up on that? Did that mean she knew about Victoria?
Alex who had merely given Lena a look that shouted ‘really? You didn’t think I knew?’ gestured for Lena to keep speaking,
Lena had to pull her thoughts back together, the surprise from Alex knowing she had flings with women still leaving her slightly breathless,
“Well… I ended up taking a pair of lenses. And experimented with them.” She finished simply with a short shrug. And that she had. She remembered convincing Andrea to lend her a pair. And Lena at first had the intention of creating a way to cause humanity not to want to hurt each other. But then it changed when she realized she could create simulations.
Alex squinted at Lena out of confusion, “So?”
Lena took a deep breath. Time to tell it all.
“I made them into VR that created simulations. Programmed with linking to your brain.” It was this that the Danvers sister seemed to catch on. The most common result that would probably occur is Lena making a way to cope with her grief. Of course she wasn’t going to let Lena off the hook that easily.
“And?”
Lena sighed irritably. “I used them for simulations. Of Kara. I figured it would help in some way.” her voice was resigned as Alex kept her face expressionless merely speaking calming
“Just get to the point Lena. Be honest. Its fucking three am and I’m tired, and have work in the morning.”
Lena felt surprise at the statement that Alex was working already and the expression mustve showed because Alex expanded on her topic
“Not everyone has time to hole themselves in an apartment for months on end.”
This comment cause Lena to snap, speaking without thinking,
“I made a simulation where Kara was still alive and we were together.”
Alex didn't even seem to be fazed, “Okay?”
“And I got lost in it.” Lena tentatively said. Alex’s reaction, or lack thereof seemed to be throwing her off.
“Well?” she asked after waiting for Alex to give some reaction.
“It's no secret you were in love with my sister Lena.” Alex finally said gently and Lena felt herself taken by surprise, but Alex wasn't finished,
“So it makes sense. If that’s the case why are you still here? Wouldn’t you still be lost in there?”
At the question Lena felt irritated. How was she to explain?
“Well, it seems that the simulation algorithm is pulled from memory, emotions, feelings, thoughts, and forms of media. And tonight… she became self aware.” This sentence caused confusion to form on the redheads face and she rubbed her face before speaking,
“What? HOw-”
Lena threw up her hands at the questions.
“Here, Let me just show you.” She said pulling out the box she kept in her pocket and tossed it at Alex who gave her a weird look picking it up.
“I always keep spares.” Lena explained hastily. Alex hastily rolled her eyes opening them and popped the contacts in.
“Alright. Shall we?” Lena asked and Alex gave a nod.
‘Well I've created a projection feature a while back. It just needs the contacts in your eyes, you don’t need to turn it on. I paired them already.”
“So you, like, bluetooth hologrammed this?”
Lena nodded.
With a flick of her hands her eyes turned blue. It took a few moments, before a hologram popped up. It was Kara. Lena felt her jaw tighten ever so slightly before her eyes glanced at Alex who seemed to be taken back.
“Kara?” The hologram turned around facing the both of them, surprise etched in her features as she saw Alex and looked at Lena. “Wh- Whats happening?”
“I did as you said. And Alex wanted to see you.” Her tone was gentle, and quiet.
Alex on the other hand stood there eyes widened in surprise, her expression as if she was seeing a ghost. And in a way, she was.
“How? How did you get me here?” Kara asked still seemingly confused looking warily around.
“Bluetooth projection feature.” Lena said not wanting to explain the nitty gritty details. Kara seemed to be soaking this all in and nodded.
“So, you listened?” the kryptonian gave Lena a look that the Luthor couldn't quite decipher. Pride? Recognition of sorts? Acceptance of sorts? Lena didn’t know and instead gave a resigned small nod. Normally she would feel her own pride well up inside at Kara’s approval but something had changed.
Upon noticing Lena’s subtle reluctance Kara took a few steps forward towards Lena. “Lena, I am so proud of you.” her voice was gentle along with her expression and Lena had to shove her feelings down. The simulation met her eyes searching for a moment and gave a quick nod. She had noticed the shift. How Lena, instead of usually falling into Karas spell, was putting distance between the two. She was taking her words with a grain of salt. She was recognizing this wasn’t Kara.
Kara turned her focus back to Alex who was still merely standing there, still in what appeared to be shock.
Upon realizing she had caught the simulations attention Alex gave a quick shake of the head.
“Nope, no. I am not here to get sucked into the appeal that is you.” She said stiffly and both Lena and Kara had to stifle a laugh.
“I won’t force anything. I’m glad I managed to finally got Lena to realize what was happening.” Kara said quietly with a grin.
Alex merely gave a nod and Kara turned back to Lena.
“I should get going.” She whispered out softly. She was trying to nudge Lena into ending the simulation, or whatever this was.
Lena couldn’t help the sigh that escaped her as she looked at Kara, who looked as beautiful as ever. She knew what Kara was trying to say. It was time to stop seeing her. It was time to spend it in the real world.
“I…” she couldn’t get the words out, but it was as if Kara knew, taking a careful step forward.
“Don’t forget, I’m proud of you.”
Lena felt a lump rise in her throat and she didn’t respond, merely shutting the simulation down before crashing back on the couch.
“Is it always that hard?” Alex’s voice came from a little ways away and Lena had nearly forgotten she wasn’t in her apartment. She was in Alex’s.
“Yeah.” She whispered out quietly as Alex cautiously made her way over to Lena as if she was a spooked animal.
“No wonder you didn’t want to leave.” The Danvers said, trying to lighten the mood. Lena let out a sour chuckle as Alex sat down next to her.
They were quiet for a moment, both pondering on what had just occurred.
“Well that was something. Like an AI pokemon.” It was Alex who broke the silence first. Lena nodded in agreement before Alex hesitated and spoke again,
“How was it so real?”
“What do you mean?” Lena asked puzzled and Alex elaborated,
“I get that the VR simulation pulls on our memories, connecting to our brains and everything we've seen or felt and whatnot, and I get that's how Kara knew she wasn't alive… but wouldn't that mean she was AI? If she recognized herself to be a simulation wouldn't that be some sort of glitch in the system and it would collapse?”
This question brought confusion to the Luthor. It hadn't been a question she had expected either.
“I… never thought of that. I just figured it pulled it from my mind… the grief aspect of it?”
Alex nodded but continued undeterred,
“But that still. Doesn’t make sense. These are VR lenses Lena. Not an AI. So if it is a simulation, how the hell and why the hell did it recognize itself as so?”
These questions were puzzling to Lena. She understood what Alex was asking, but until then Lena had just chalked it up to the simulation picking up on her brain waves or whatever.
“I… don’t have an answer for you.” She murmured quietly as the two were left together in confusion and swimming in questions.