Chapter Text
Brian had only met Finn once, and even then it was unplanned.
It was a number of days after he reached the peak of his musical trajectory, just a few months into his relationship with the girl of his dreams. To Brian, that night was expected to be just like all the nights prior; they would write songs, create music that encapsulated their souls, and seek solace in each other’s electrifying presence, concocting secrets best kept in the dark.
And at the start, that was exactly what it was.
Brian sat in the darkness on the familiar couch, just a few metres apart from his muse, listening to her sing as she strummed his black beauty in her arms; he couldn’t see anything without light, barely able to recognise her silhouette without sight, but the most beautiful sound in the world was enough to make note of her presence. He leaned his head back as she continued to make music in his ears, letting his hand drift in the dark to reach for her hair, ruffling the top of her head endearingly as soon as he found her. She groaned in protest, feigning infuriation at him for interrupting her, but even in the dark Brian could make out the smile on her face. He grinned as he felt his thundering heart start to slow down, basking himself in the moment of pure calmness and ecstasy. He loved this; he loved her. If the memories he wrote on paper could forever be his reality, he would never stop writing of moments like these; moments when he is reminded of his love for her voice, and her presence, and simply just her. His favourite muse.
The thundering in his heart had started to calm down. But the storm had only come knocking a few moments later, and this one was very clearly uninvited.
The sound of fist thumping against the door made Brian jolt back to reality in surprise, not expecting a visitor so late into the night. He turned towards his muse, who was already placing the guitar back in its initial place. Brian was nervous and baffled; no one was supposed to know they were together – no one was supposed to know she was even here. He gulped, wondering who could possibly be on the other side. His bandmates? His producer? They knew he was here, and he had heavily implied that he would be having company, though he never said who outright. They were in the know about the two though – it shouldn’t take them half a brain to realise who he’d be spending the night with. But if it isn’t them, then who was it?
“Who could that be –“
“Don’t worry. I know who it is,” she answered. She stood up to turn the lights back on in the studio, and Brian was even more confused watching the girl he loved remain in complete ease, walking to the door with so much nonchalance. It was clear she knew who the person at the door on the other side of the door was, though she seemed to insist keeping Brian in the dark regardless. She opened the door then, a delicate smile plastered on her face – not quite like the one he’s used to, but more exaggerated.. So much more innocent than reckless. So much more welcoming than mysterious. So much more forceful than necessary.
“Hey, why are you here – “
“I was looking for you. Why are you still working so late?”
Footsteps made their way into the room, and Brian stood upright to greet the newfound stranger. He was roughly Brian’s age, slightly shorter, but had a smile almost as forceful as the one featured on the beauty behind him, whose eyes widened in shock with the stranger’s sudden presence inside the room. It wasn’t something she expected, quite clearly – or perhaps it wasn’t something she would ever think to prepare for. The two most important men in her life were, for the first time, in the same room – and they had no clue as to who the other was.
They had no clue as to how much the other meant to her.
Brian kept his gaze on the boy in front of him, but that didn’t stop him from noticing how tense the source of static in the room had grown. The room appeared dimmer in the blinding lights; the electricity fading out with every passing second. He believed it was because of the sudden third person in the room – the unwelcomed guest he’d never met. They kept silent, the man keeping his gaze on Brian just as much as the latter was, waiting for the muse to introduce them to each other. But she never did. She kept her own silence, and Brian averted his gaze for a moment to notice the gradual discomfort building in her eyes. She was fidgeting in place, her eyes moving between them. She met Brian’s gaze then, biting her lip and motioning to the man with an apologetic look on her face.
She didn’t want him here. Just as much as Brian didn’t either. But if she couldn’t show him out, then he would have to.
“She’s in a writing session,” Brian spoke, answering the question met with silence before. He smiled, not wanting to appear unfriendly; even if he didn’t like the tension this guy brought, he still had no idea who he was; there was no reason to resent him – yet. “I’m Kang Brian, and we’re just working on a new song for my band’s album. Who are you, exactly?”
The man grinned, a little too wide for Brian’s liking – a gesture of warmth that only made him all the more uncomfortable. He waited for an answer that never came; the guy simply turned towards his muse, who kept a nonchalant expression on her face as best she could. He gestures towards Brian, and the latter could still sense the growing smile on the other man’s face, even if he couldn’t directly see it in his line of sight.
“So, this is Brian,” he spoke, and Brian felt the pulsing electricity fade drastically within him as he heard the man mention his name. He kept his eyes on his muse, kept trying to conjure back the very sparks that gave him the confidence and strength he needed.
She kept her gaze on the man, not glancing at Brian once.
“It was unnecessary to show up here, Finn. I’m working.”
“Your parents were worried about you. I only did my part to make sure you weren’t finding –“
Finn stopped, glancing back at Brian with that same smile. “ – trouble.”
She rolled her eyes, taking a step towards Finn – Brian still had no clue as to how they knew each other or what Finn even was to his muse – but he wasn’t enjoying their proximity, or how non-foreign their interactions seemed to be. She’d never mentioned him, not once – yet it seems they are closer than close; definitely more than mere acquaintances. At the very least, close friends. Brian watched as his muse lifted her hand and pulled Finn’s chin away from Brian and towards her so they could face each other, without even a moment of hesitation. She gave the unwelcome guest a smile, and Brian felt a pang in his heart he’d never felt before.
Brian wasn’t sure what it was he felt. Jealousy, confusion, shock; they seemed to jumble together in his head, like a thunder cloud passing him by. The lightning in the room that had previously calmed began to thunder, but this time Brian was not the one under the pouring rain.
And perhaps that imagery in itself made him feel a single emotion more intensely above the rest – more than anything, as he watched their close proximity, her faint whispers that he couldn’t begin to decipher, the lingering smile that seemed to never fade from the each of their lips – Brian felt sad.
He was sad that he hadn’t a clue who this guy was. He was sad that this guy knew perfectly well who he was. He felt sad that despite convincing himself he knew so much of his muse, he truthfully knew little to nothing. He only knew of the most beautiful sound in the world, and the captivating storm that came with it. Perhaps he never would know anything more.
Not knowing anything about her; it was the first sign of danger that Brian unfortunately ignored.
“Younghyun – “
The sound of her voice sent sparks down his spine, jolting him back to reality. He lifted his head up to meet her eyes; the two were standing farther apart now, though the muse seemed much more comfortable than before. She smiled ever so delicately, walking towards him and placing a hand on his shoulder. It was then the stranger made his way over the couch, and Brian’s gaze followed Finn’s movements only to find him picking up her bag. Brian bit his lip, and kept his eye on the couch, unable to comprehend she was actually leaving –
His muse grabbed his chin in her hands and pulled it towards her, just so they could face each other.
It was then Brian noticed their close proximity, and his heart thundered in his chest as it always did whenever she was close, that sudden jolt of electricity shocking him as it coursed through his veins. The feeling was familiar; the feeling was addictive.
But it was different this time. Even with the lack of distance between them and her gorgeous smile captivating him, Brian couldn’t feel the electricity. He couldn’t sense the random jolt of sparks that passed through his spine. The electricity in the room that seemed to remain treacherous that night was gone again, and he could no longer feel even a slight jolt of its presence.
The spark in the room had gone. And he didn’t know why.
Brian wanted to tell her; he wanted to tell her right there and then. Something was wrong; something must be wrong. He wasn’t sure if it was himself, or her, or the unwelcome stranger in the room. But there had to be a cause for the sudden absence of sparks in the atmosphere. For the sudden – hollow presence that encapsulated the room. There simply had to be.
Brian opened his mouth to speak, but he realised what was wrong before the question even left his lips.
“I have to go now, Brian. I am – “
It was as crystal clear from the moment it was first seen. He simply hadn’t noticed it due to the thunder cloud that passed him by.
“- really sorry. Apparently, something important came up and I have to – “
How could he have not noticed? He should’ve noticed. He should’ve known he’d been right about the palpable tension in the room.
“ – I’ll see you another time, perhaps. Goodnight, Brian.”
Brian. She kept calling him Brian. She’d never called him Brian even once before – but even that wasn’t the most daunting realisation to hit him.
The smile. The oh-so-delicate smile that never left her face from the moment she exchanged whispers with the unwelcome guest in the room. He’d seen her smile so many times; he’d been captivated by the sight itself at every given moment. But never once, never once, had he seen her give such an insincere one directly in front of him. Directly to him.
The static in the room had left because she herself took it away. She didn’t want to follow Finn; she didn’t want to leave.
“You should stay,” Brian blurted, a sense of desperation in his tone. He reached out and gripped her hand in his, ignoring the absence of sparks flying between them. All he cared about right then was making sure she didn’t leave. “It can’t be that important this late at night – “
“It is important.” Brian turned to the source of the interjection, who now had her bag slung over his shoulder as he kept his hands in his pockets, peering his eyes at Brian. He moved forward then, before standing directly next to the girl, all the while keeping his gaze on the former. “Of course, you wouldn’t know anything about it, would you?”
It was a low blow, Brian knew. Even so, the words hurt him more than he cared to admit.
“Muse, you don’t have to leave,” Brian whispered, attempting to find reason with the girl herself. She kept silent as she stared at him, perplexed by what his intentions really were. Perhaps she knew he knew she wanted to stay; perhaps he was reading too much into things because he herself didn’t want her gone. It didn’t matter, anyway; she just had to be willing to stay.
All she had to do was admit she was willing to stay.
But she never did. Instead, she loosened his grip on her hand and gave him another insincere smile, before turning her back towards him. She took her bag rather forcefully from Finn, before heading towards the door. She placed her hand on the knob, pausing momentarily to turn back and flash him that same insincere smile that sucked all the static out of the room, before uttering the name he hated most from the most beautiful sound in the world.
“Goodnight, Brian.”
Without another pause, she opened the door and left the studio, leaving only Brian and Finn within the confined space. The latter turned to Brian, giving him a winning smile, as if she had just picked one over the other. Brian knew that wasn’t true; there was no battle, especially not for her. She was meant to be admired, not fought over. He had not lost her. He had not lost anything.
Yet the hollow feeling in the room remained.
“It was a pleasure meeting you,” Finn spoke, and Brian so badly wanted to rid of the smug smile on his goddamn face. “We may see each other again, Kang Younghyun.”
Brian’s eyes widened, opening his mouth to try and utter a reply that never came. Instead, he watched silently as Finn walked out of the room and closed the door behind him, trailing after the muse that had walked ahead mere seconds ago.
For the first time in a while – in a long, long while – Kang Brian was without words. He stayed stagnant in the exact position he had been left for second, even minutes, trying to comprehend what it was he was feeling. The stagnancy, the lack of static, the emptiness – it was all a little too foreign. He wasn’t sure how to react; he just knew he felt lost, and there was no inspiration, no words willing to be put on paper to create a lyrical masterpiece.
A storm had come knocking on his door in the form of an unwelcome guest who had taken his muse away from him, but that was not all. The storm had taken his lightning, his static, and even the words he could conjure on paper. The minute they walked out the door, he was abandoned with nothing left. There was nothing left; not even the pouring rain.
That was the first time Kang Brian had truly felt hollow.