Chapter Text
The next night was insufferable. Sylvain laid stiff in his bed with eyes wide open, playing the things he said and felt over and over again. No matter how he tried to spin it, he ended up at the same conclusion every time; he wasn’t exaggerating when he thought he’d never experienced anything like this before. It was gut wrenching and suffocating, which sounded bad, but all the words he could think of that best described the feelings had negative connotations. As turbulent as they were, these feelings were exhilarating and addictive. The initial, intense thrill was always replaced with a softer, much more comforting familiarity that soothed his frantic heart. Despite how it jeopardised his and Felix’s friendship, he felt like that tenderness was worth seeking out.
It wasn’t like he was in love. That would be a little dramatic. It was clear, however, that this was the start of something new and exciting and scary. There was also the possibility that this had been simmering for a long, long time, but the implication that he’d spent so many years ignoring something like this was troubling, to say the least. If that were the case, it meant he’d wasted more than a decade burning through fling after fling thinking that was perfectly normal. Doing anything to have some short-lived fun hadn’t ever bothered him… until now.
It was terrifying that he didn’t know how Felix would react to all of this, that is, if he could even bring himself to express these sentiments; Felix’s gaze turned Sylvain into a bumbling mess. His attempts to voice any sort of affection was a struggle because one side of him wanted to scream it out while the other desperately clawed the words back in. Not to mention that Felix had to put up with his constant flirting for years, so it was very unlikely that his words would be taken to heart. That flowery language he’d relied on for so long would be nothing but empty flattery.
Miraculously, even with these thoughts hounding him late into the night, he managed to drift off to sleep.
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“It looks ridiculous.”
“It looks fine, Felix. Seriously, just pick a damn shirt. I’m withering away over here.” The floor of Sylvain’s room was covered with discarded clothing and he was starting to wonder if there was a floor to begin with.
“A turtleneck, Sylvain?” Felix looked at him incredulously, folding his arms over his chest after dropping the shirt in a pile of rejects. Sylvain eyed the pile with a weary smile, internally dreading the hour he would spend that night cleaning. “I’m not wearing a fucking turtleneck.”
“What do you have against them? I like it. It’s a good look.” Truthfully, Sylvain never wore that shirt. It was a gift or something, but it was exiled to the back of the closet because it wasn’t really his style. He only gave it to Felix because he was sure it would look good on him. That, and he couldn’t pass over the chance to see the most aggro boy in the world in a cute turtleneck.
“Oh, my mistake. I couldn’t really tell since your outfits are mostly comprised of shirts with half the buttons undone.” Felix raised a brow at him and flitted his eyes down to the collar of Sylvain’s shirt, which was undoubtedly undone.
“Hey, cut me some slack,” dipping his head down slightly to intercept Felix’s gaze, Sylvain pouted at him as he said, “I only left three unbuttoned this time.” He watched with a satisfied grin as Felix struggled to keep up his exasperated act. He was desperately trying to hide the fact that the corners of his mouth were tugging up by using his hand to obscure it. Even though Felix hid it right away, the smile was a sight for sore eyes. Sylvain could finally take the time to appreciate it because, unlike the last couple of times, he was sitting comfortably in Felix’s presence. His nerves had settled down in the last hour or so as he contently watched Felix complain. Those complaints were completely unfounded, however; the dark-haired swordsman looked good in everything he’d tried on so far.
“Three-“ Felix coughed to cover up a laugh and Sylvain rolled his eyes. “-is still too many.”
Without missing a beat, Sylvain dramatically gasped as if he was bitterly insulted and quipped, “it’s not my fault people let their eyes wander.“
“Whore.”
“Prude.”
They tried to glare at each other but couldn’t keep it up for long. Sylvain let out a small laugh while Felix hid a smile behind his hand. “Okay, in all seriousness,” Sylvain got up from where he was sitting and plucked the dark blue shirt off of the pile. Once he dusted it off slightly, he turned to Felix and held it up in front of him. “This is definitely what you should wear.”
“No.”
There was no way Sylvain wasn’t going to make this happen. “Just once! You don’t have to wear it out, just try it on and see if you like it or not!”
“…Fine.” After the shirt was snatched away, Felix turned around and shrugged off his vest. Before Sylvain’s useless brain could register what was happening, Felix’s nimble hands were working away at the buttons of his shirt. Sylvain, for whatever reason, felt panicked about just watching him change, so he averted his gaze. It shouldn’t have been a such a big deal since they’d changed in front of each other before, but he was concerned that his intentions weren’t good anymore, which sounded idiotic even to him. He was snapped out of his thoughts when he heard Felix sigh and mutter, “I feel like an idiot.”
Sylvain took a hesitant peek in Felix’s direction. Thankfully, he was now wearing the navy turtleneck but picking at it with disdain. A sharp breath escaped Sylvain as his eyes drank in the view. Usually, if he saw something he liked, he could effortlessly go and strike up a flirty conversation, which was how the incident happened. This, though? He wasn’t even sure if he had the privilege to see Felix like this, much less try and hit on him. He was so right when he thought Felix would look good in it. Sylvain’s clothes were a little too big for him, but the sleeves hanging just past his wrists, the collar meant to fit around his neck crumpled open due to it being too loose, just made it a hundred times better. When he was done gawking, he didn’t know how to verbally react without giving anything away.
“Can you stop staring at me?” Felix narrowed his eyes at Sylvain, jostling him out of his thoughts.
“Sorry, it’s just,” Sylvain felt winded as his heart started racing. His face was warming up as he struggled to figure out what he could say. He didn’t want to be obvious that he was flustered, but his mind was screaming at him to say disgustingly sweet things to Felix. Somehow, he had to find a balance between nonchalant and heartsick compliments, which was one he clearly could not achieve, exhibited with, “you look… good.”
“What was that pause for?!” Yeah, that reaction was warranted. Felix’s eyes widened as he self-consciously crossed his arms and shrunk back, unable to hide his budding panic.
“Nothing! I swear to the Goddess, it was nothing!” Sylvain laughed nervously and looked away to avoid showing his face, pulling a move out of Felix’s book. “It looks good on you!”
“You literally can’t look at me right now!”
The blush was adamantly spreading through Sylvain’s face and he swore at himself under his breath. He realized he needed to fix this before Felix delayed their date for another hour of outfit picking. Or, even worse, before Felix decided not to wear that shirt.
Sylvain drew in a sharp breath and turned his head to face Felix. When he saw a matching blush strewn across the other boy’s face, it just drove the flutter in his chest mad and he forgot how to breathe. Their eyes met and he felt like his chest was screaming at him, half begging for air and half begging for Felix. Knowing just how ridiculous it was that this rendered him speechless, he pushed himself to say all in one breath, “it looks infuriatingly good on you and I’m sort of pissed that I’ve never seen you like this before and I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t jealous.”
The air was so thick with tension that it was suffocating. As they avoided each other’s gaze, Sylvain was tempted to bury his face in his hands and sink to the ground from embarrassment. What he just said could barely count as flirting, or even a compliment. In the past, he could keep a straight face while spouting an endless spring of romantic bullshit; and quite frankly, he’d said so much worse when he flirted with girls. Yet here he was, hopelessly trying to calm his frantic heart in front of someone he genuinely wanted to impress, unable to sputter out his usual suave recoveries. Something needed to be done to get rid of the awkward atmosphere.
Taking a long-awaited deep breath to sober up, Sylvain stepped closer to Felix, leaving very little room between them as they were already at an arm’s length beforehand. Felix’s head was still turned away, but he could see how the other’s boy’s lips were pressed tightly together in agitation. Biting through his nerves he brought his unsteady hands down on Felix’s shoulders. For a second, they just helplessly held each other’s gaze with a matching shade of red across their cheeks, waiting for something to happen.
Then he grabbed the long collar of Felix’s shirt and pulled it over his head.
Even in a state where he was quite literally blinded, Felix landed an unfeasibly strong jab to his shoulder. Sylvain paid it no mind, however. He was laughing uncontrollably at the result of his dumb stunt, though it was largely in part to cover up how flustered he got from the expression on Felix’s face. They were so close, he could’ve so easily closed the gap between them. As the very angry boy tugged down the collar, Sylvain had to snap out of his troubling fantasy and dart out the door to make his escape. When he looked over his shoulder to ensure that Felix was chasing him through the courtyard, he stopped suddenly, causing the other boy to crash into him unceremoniously. Felix recovered extremely quick, however, and his hands were now barely restrained in the air by Sylvain, who had a hold of his wrists to avoid more assaults.
It was, in all honesty, a losing battle for Sylvain. He was evenly matched in strength, but the proximity of Felix and the softness of his wrists was going to bring about Sylvain’s demise. So, as Felix nearly pried his hands away to hit him, he nervously exclaimed, “Felix, you made it outside wearing literally anything other than your uniform!”
Felix paused, his livid expression flickering with realization as his arms relaxed. He looked around a little nervously, and Sylvain wondered for a moment if he didn’t wear things out because he was self conscious. There was no reason to be, at least, according to the idiot who was completely infatuated with him. Even when he was angry, Sylvain could stare back at him starry-eyed. As Felix composed himself, they both realized that Sylvain was still gripped onto his wrists. Against his better judgement, Sylvain lingered for a moment before letting go, but missed the warmth the moment they parted.
Felix ran a hand through his thoroughly dishevelled hair and undid the tie to fix it, causing Sylvain’s breath to hitch It wasn’t quite that he preferred Felix’s hair to be down, rather, it was just so out of character. He was all about efficiency in swordsmanship and yet, here he was, with silky black hair delicately dripped over his shoulders; there was no doubt it would be a hinderance in fighting if it came loose. However, he would quickly pull it back into a knot to keep it out of the way rather than cutting it short. As he held tie in his mouth while gathering up locks of hair, Sylvain could only watch on with a flustered smile. The unexpected care in the way he handled it was mesmerizing to look at. Felix noticed him staring and blushed, covering it with a scowl before mumbling through the tie, “you’re such an asshole, you know that?”
“Yes, you tell me every day,” Sylvain was caught off for a moment because he was so lost in thought, but he managed to recover with a cheeky grin. “Besides, I had a feeling I’d have to go through a lot of trouble to get you to step outside in it. Trying to convince you to wear it was exhausting enough,” Felix scoffed and dropped his hands down to his side after putting his hair up. However, as Sylvain went to say something, he noticed Felix tug up his sleeve and tentatively rub the spot on his wrist that Sylvain had grabbed onto. He couldn’t see anything wrong with it but got worried regardless and murmured, “wait, did I hurt you?”
“What? No. As if that would hurt me,” Felix swatted Sylvain’s hand away when he tried to check. “Come on. Let’s get this over with.”
Sylvain didn’t know why Felix reacted that way, but he let go of it and chuckled, “You’re not excited about going into town with me?” placing a hand over his chest in mock hurt. Meanwhile, Felix didn’t even bother looking in his general direction before heading toward the gates. “Fe, how could you be so cruel?”
“You wouldn’t want to hear my answer,” Felix glared at him over his shoulder while Sylvain trailed behind him. He vaguely felt like a lost puppy again. “Also, don’t ever call me that again.”
“Okay, so no-go on that nickname,” Sylvain jogged up next to him and leaned in slightly, amusement twinkling in his eyes. “What about Li-“
“If you want to keep walking, don’t finish that.”
“Alright, fine,” They fell into an even pace as Sylvain hummed thoughtfully. “Okay, well, how about you think of some for me?”
Felix gave him an irritated sidelong glance, but to Sylvain’s surprise, he actually seemed to be mulling it over. His brows furrowed in thought for a moment before they relaxed, and he looked over at Sylvain with a smirk.
“Vain.”
“Please don’t ever call me that.”
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The town was a good 30-minute walk from the monastery, and so Sylvain was a little nervous about how to fill up that time. Usually, it would be him chattering away while Felix gave one-word answers or no answers at all. It never bothered him. Until now. He always knew what to say to humour or annoy Felix, but it became complicated with these new feelings welling in his chest. He didn’t want Felix to know and wasn’t sure if he could stop himself from being obvious about it. Despite this, it was clear that his heart had other plans, literally and metaphorically. It was as if his brain shut off at the slightest contact and his heart took over, unhelpfully knocking the air out of his lungs and constricting his chest. However, if Sylvain truly wanted this feeling to stop, he would’ve stopped putting himself in these situations with Felix. It was troubling that he was actively seeking out something that made him flip between malfunctioning from the slightest skin contact to boldly teasing the other boy to see him get flustered. Even now, as Sylvain walked beside Felix, all of his senses were screaming at him to grab the hand that was lightly brushing up against his.
Normally, in these situations, Sylvain would have no problem just saying or doing romantic things. If he was rejected, it wouldn’t be a big deal. He’d just try again later or find another girl. But, as he peered over to the boy next to him, his mind was filled to the brim with sweet sentiments and crushing doubts; he so desperately wanted to reach out, nonchalantly take Felix’s hand into his, and be able to comfortably call this a date. It made him wonder; was he was only confident and flirty in the past because there was nothing weighing down on his mind? Were there no feelings involved those flings to make him question or regret anything he ever said or did?
A sudden smack on his shoulder pulled him from his thoughts. When he blinked the fog out of his eyes, he found Felix’s piercing gaze trained on him. Sylvain looked back at him with a small, confused smile, at which Felix let out an exasperated sigh and asked, “Did you hear what I said?”
“Sorry,” Sylvain let out an airy laugh and turned his head away, slightly embarrassed that he had been thinking about Felix for who knows how long. “What is it?”
“Nothing. You’ve… just been really quiet.” This prompted Sylvain to turn his head back to the other boy immediately, brows furrowed in confusion. Felix’s lips pressed together in a thin frown as he muttered, “it’s weird.”
“Weird that I’m not talking?” This was exactly what he was worried about. It was completely unlike him to not pester Felix, but he’d let himself get lost in thought. Quickly, he thought up of a reason. “I thought you’d get annoyed. And, I did tell you that the whole day would be about you, so I’m just trying not to step on your toes.”
“Really? What was all that bullshit with the turtleneck and nicknames earlier then?” Felix scoffed and rolled his eyes. He tried to look irritated, but the next thing he said was quiet and laced with embarrassment. “You don’t have to take it that far. It’s just… I’m not used to it.”
“Oh?” Sylvain’s breath got caught in his throat. Despite how his face was slightly flushed, he took a step ahead of them and lowered his head to Felix’s eye level with a smug look. “Is this your terrible way of saying you actually like it when I talk?”
It was answered with another scoff and a mumbled, “don’t flatter yourself,” but his heart fluttered anyway. Felix eyed him warily, but his gaze softened ever so slightly when he saw the smile on Sylvain’s face, and a playful comment died in Sylvain’s throat as their eyes locked onto each other. The moment didn’t last long, but it set off an intense rush of nostalgia that nearly made Sylvain stagger. He swallowed hard and stepped back into pace beside the shorter boy before he did something he would regret.
“I always thought you liked quiet moments,” were the only words that Sylvain could muster as his breath eluded him.
“I do. It’s just that I’m too used to you blabbering on about stupid shit to find comfort in your silence.”
That was probably the sweetest thing Felix would ever say to him. With mirth dancing in his eyes, Sylvain murmured in a teasing tone, “since you like it so much, I’ll never stop talking, just for you,” accompanied by a pleasant laugh that flowed out effortlessly. So effortless, in fact, that he was somewhat shocked. It made him realize that he’d been laughing and smiling around Felix in a way that he never did with others. As he gazed over at his friend, he wondered if the same applied to him; how many things did Felix do in his presence that no one else had the pleasure of ever seeing? The thought that they had found a safe and exclusive place in each other seemed to placate his unruly heart.
Bravely, even after Felix roughly elbowed his side because of his cheeky answer, Sylvain leaned in and hung an arm around Felix’s shoulders in an attempt to discreetly satiate the urge to hug him. This time, Felix didn’t flinch or look away, which caused a welcoming warmth to curl in his chest. Walking like that slowed them down considerably which Sylvain had no problem with, but Felix absolutely did. After a heavenly minute of being fitted together perfectly, they broke away from each other. It left Sylvain wanting more, but he had to settle for periodically nudging and leaning against Felix for the rest of the walk.
By the time they reached the center of town around noon, Sylvain’s voice was raspy from recounting old stories and memories, and these were only briefly interrupted to hear a rare response from Felix. There were also quiet moments where Sylvain’s words died in his throat; his mind too enraptured by how Felix darted his eyes away and covered his mouth whenever he smiled or laughed. In those moments, he was more than content. Eventually, their conversation had to come to an end because of how crowded it got.
Sylvain led Felix through winding pathways filled with stalls and people, nervously checking behind him every second to make sure his friend was still there. Even though it was adorable, it didn’t help that Felix would waver with every stray cat they passed by. It would’ve been much easier to navigate in the crowd if he just grabbed Felix’s hand, but he definitely wasn’t emotionally prepared for that. Sylvain Jose Gautier, the infamous flirt who had many other aliases that were far from flattering, was too nervous to hold hands with someone. Thankfully, they were able to slip out of the sea of people and came to a rest in front of a very familiar bakery. The elderly lady working at the front cheerfully greeted Sylvain, and suddenly, it was like a switch had flicked on in his head.
“You’re looking as lovely as always,” Sylvain practically crooned at her, quickly making his way over to her with a dazzling smile. As he lifted her hand up to kiss it, she laughed and ruffled his fluffy hair with the other, familiar with his antics. He came here nearly every time he was in town and she began recognizing his face. She also noticed that he would constantly show up with a different person every time, sometimes even twice in the same day. Sylvain was grateful that she’d never commented on it despite seeing it happen so often.
“I haven’t seen you here in a while,” She dotingly patted his cheek as he smiled at her apologetically. He hadn’t come into town for a week because he was completely hung up on Felix, so it must have been concerning when his frequent visits stopped abruptly. She tilted her head curiously for a moment to look at something past him, and when Sylvain followed her warm gaze, it led to Felix. He muttered a quick greeting, but was watching the scene unfold with a displeased look, lifting a brow when their eyes met as if to say, ‘really?’
Suddenly remembering who was watching, Sylvain laughed nervously and turned back to the lady. Clasping their hands together, he sweetly asked, “could I get two croissants?” and she stepped back behind the counter to bag up the pastries. Sylvain darted back to Felix afterward. He needed to explain himself if he wanted to avoid a misunderstanding.
Before he could even open his mouth, Felix sighed, “I can’t believe you. This is Ingrid’s grandmother all over again.”
“That was once, and you guys never let go of it!” Sylvain groaned as he ran a hand down his face in frustration. “This is just where I come to buy pastries, okay? That little old lady is a sweetheart and gives me extras, so I just kind of lay it on thick.”
“I’m going to be merciful, and not count this against our little challenge,” Felix shook his head slightly, but there was a faint trace of a smile on his lips. “It was… interesting to see. I might even call it pleasant. But that aside, you really spout all that flowery bullshit to get what you want, huh?”
“How did you manage to make that sound so bad?” Sylvain gawked at him. “It’s called common decency, but I guess you wouldn’t know much about that, huh?”
The most unimpressed stare was being directed at him. “Was saying, ‘hey there, baby, need some help drying off?’ common decency?”
It was so incredibly surreal to hear one of his lines being uttered by Felix that he nearly wasn’t able to comprehend it. Before Sylvain could poke fun at how the word ‘baby’ was said with enough malice to make a child cry, he realized something that made his face warm up in embarrassment. “Was that what I said to you?”
“Yes, you absolute whore. I still can’t believe you said that.” Felix scowled, a slight blush crawling up from his neck as he recounted the scene at the entrance hall again. “Do you really just hit on people like that? I’ve been around when you went off to flirt with someone, but this was just ridiculous.”
“Not usually? I don’t know what came over me, if I’m honest.” An uneasy feeling made Sylvain’s stomach churn as he tried to figure out the best response. He really didn’t know what spurred him on to approach Felix that rainy night. Even under normal circumstances he wouldn’t go so out of his way to hit on someone like that, so it made him wonder if it really was just an accident. Thinking back on it now, it seemed extremely unlikely that he wouldn’t recognize Felix even with his face obscured; they’ve practically been glued at the hip since they were toddlers. He supposed that even as a kid he’d admired Felix’s long silky hair and his small, lean frame, so he may have been aware that the person at the end of the hall was Felix to some degree. This just troubled him even more.
Just then, the lady called out to Sylvain with a small paper bag in hand. Thank the Goddess; he had no idea how what to say without provoking another gut punch reaction. He handed her a couple of coins and thanked her with a wink before leading Felix out. When he opened the bag to grab a croissant, he saw that the lady had snuck in two fruit tarts. He held it up to Felix, partly to brag and partly to stop further discussion about their little incident. “See? This is what you get when you’re nice and polite to people.”
“Oh, I’m sure you can get a lot when you flatter people like that.” Felix stuck his hand in the bag Sylvain was gently cradling and pulled out a croissant, all while shooting him a look that he immediately understood to mean a word Felix constantly called him. Sylvain didn’t know how Felix managed to call him that with just the intonation and look, but it was equally impressive that he actually understood it.
“Felix, my beloved friend. I’m so sorry, but if you think that kissing the back of someone’s hand is whoreish, I pity you.”
They kept bickering as Sylvain slowly led Felix to the next location. The marketplace. Truthfully, if he could, he would much rather be in a place without any girls to insure his victory. It wasn’t that he thought his eyes would drift to anyone other than Felix because that was just unfeasible by this point, but he was a little worried about running into an ex or something. Sylvain really didn’t want Felix to see one of his petty ‘lovers’ quarrels because there was a lot on the line. He wanted to keep making these trips into town with Felix, and maybe, if he could convince his stubborn friend, other locations that Felix chose for them instead. He sighed and rubbed his neck once he realized what he was mulling over; he didn’t even know how to navigate his feelings yet, much less tell Felix about them, and he was already daydreaming about future dates.
When Sylvain came to a stop in front of a merchant selling clothes, he slipped in front of Felix with a sly smile. “We might need to buy you a couple more things to wear. Unless… you’re planning on borrowing from me for the rest of your life? Personally, I don’t have a problem with that, but I imagine you do.”
Felix looked at him incredulously. “I do have a problem with that, but do you really want to spend an hour sifting through outfits again? Is that really what you want?”
Yes. “No.” After walking away, they passed by a blacksmith and Felix faltered. Sylvain gave him a disapproving look, smirking as he whispered, “when I win, you can come back here the next time I take you into town.” He got slapped on the back of his head for that.
As the day went on, he somehow felt bolder and more nervous at the same time. He took every chance to pester a smile out of the boy next to him with a stutter in his chest; Felix was slowly easing up and it was just too good to let it go to waste. It was a little embarrassing to say, but Sylvain’s face hurt from smiling and laughing so much that he even lifted his hand to rub the sore muscles in his face. As he happily walked beside Felix, it occurred to him that there was no use worrying about what how he would deal with this later. He would much rather spend his time cherishing every second of this date with Felix, even if the other boy didn’t know it. It would be a problem for tomorrow.
It was nearly evening when they both decided to take a break at a fountain, legs delightfully sore from exploring. The crowd had thinned out as merchants packed up their goods for the next day. Bathed in the warm sky, Sylvain sat cross-legged on the rocks and turned toward Felix, who sat with a leg folded on the surface with the other hanging down near the water. Sylvain watched with absolute adoration glinting in his eyes as Felix animatedly talked about a cat, who they’d spent 30 minutes petting in an alleyway. It took him years to get Felix to talk like that, and yet the cat managed to do it in a minute; Sylvain never knew he could get so jealous. When Felix realized just how much he’d gone on about it, his face flushed slightly, and he clammed up again. It was quite the sight; hiding his eyes behind a few locks of his dark hair, bashfully blushing like a maiden, all under the soft and dissipating sunlight. All of this thoroughly wrecked Sylvain’s heart.
As the conversation lulled to a comfortable silence, Sylvain realized he was exhausted in the best kind of way; the one where he just knew he would fall asleep soundly the moment he hit the bed. Humming contently to himself, he let his tired eyes close as he leaned back with his arms propping him up, enjoying the warmth of the setting sun.
“Sylvain?”
“Hm?” lazily opened his eyes and smiled at Felix.
“I… uh, I think I saw that cat again.”
Now that the hustle and bustle of people were gone, some stray cats had begun wandering in and out of the alleys, much to Felix’s poorly hidden excitement. Sylvain chuckled at the childlike wonder in his eyes; it had been so long since he saw Felix like that, so it was unbelievable how many times he had seen this expression that day. It felt like a blessing. “I’m tired so I’ll wait here for a while, Fe. You can go see the cats.” Felix gave him a glare with much less bite than usual at the nickname, but he didn’t object. Sylvain watched in amusement as Felix scurried after the cat into an alley not too far from him. Not much time passed before he heard footsteps approaching him, but he didn’t bother to look, thinking Felix was finally back.
“Sylvain?”
His eyes shot open. That was not Felix.
Sylvain’s gaze met with a girl that looked somewhat familiar. She clearly knew who he was, however, and was clearly furious with him. The bet he had with Felix impatiently tugged at the back of his mind, but he had to push it aside. “Hey… how, uh, how have you been?”
“You don’t even remember my name, do you?” Sylvain inwardly cringed at her accusation. It was terrible, but he really didn’t know. Tears started prickling in the corners of her eyes as Sylvain awkwardly and slowly lowered his legs off the fountain’s stones. “Are you here with another girl?”
“No, no,” Sylvain replied with a nervous laugh, completely forgetting how he usually handled these situations. Though, his usual way was probably to bullshit his way through it, which he didn’t have the energy for. “I do… have to get going now, though. It was great seeing you again?”
He saw her hands curl up into fists and his eyes widened. Oh, Goddess, no. It was unfortunate to say, but he got hit a lot during these confrontations. Most of them were well deserved. However, rather than hit him, the girl began tearfully yelling at him about the things he had supposedly done. He really didn’t remember those either. Suddenly, a group of girls that had been walking by all stopped to listen to the commotion, eyes slowly lighting up with recognition and animosity as she detailed his misdeeds.
“Wait, isn’t that the guy who cheated on you?”
Sylvain made a run for it.
He didn’t know where he was going, but he knew he needed to lose them in the winding roads between buildings. Without thinking, he headed into the same alley Felix disappeared into. A breathless grunt escaped him when he realized he could be leading them straight to Felix, but the cacophony of footsteps behind him told him there was no turning back now. He took a couple of sharp corners, slowly gaining some distance between them, but the next one caused him to crash into someone. They tumbled to the ground and the other person grunted as a bag was knocked out of their hands. Sylvain quickly scampered up, profusely apologizing when he realized it was Felix. The dark-haired boy picked up the bag he’d dropped and got back on his feet with an annoyed huff. “What the hell are you doing?”
Sylvain roughly grabbed Felix’s shoulder and frantically whispered, “I’m being chased. We need to go.”
His friend opened his mouth to undoubtedly demand an explanation, but he was cut off with a distant chorus of angry girls yelling Sylvain’s name. The look Felix had on his face was a mixture of disappointment and anger, but Sylvain didn’t have the time to beg for forgiveness, so he settled on a pitiful expression instead. Much to his surprise, Felix lifted Sylvain’s hand off his shoulder and squeezed it tight. “You whore,” Felix sighed, tucking the bag he was holding under his other arm. “You’re such a pain. What am I ever going to do with you?”
Suddenly, Sylvain was being pulled along the alleyway with Felix’s hand firmly in his. His focus should’ve been on getting away, but he couldn’t calm his erratic mind screaming at the contact he’d been longing for all day. He didn’t know where they were going, but in that moment he couldn’t care less. All he could think about the warm grasp that was refusing to let go no matter how much of a dead weight he was. Hand in hand, they ran for so long that even Felix, the boy who trained tirelessly every day, was breathing laboriously. The sound of their pursuers slowly fizzled out, but they just kept running.
Finally, they came to a stop past the town entrance and off to the side of the road, collapsing onto the soft, grassy ground. Felix hadn’t planned to crumple onto his knees, but Sylvain took him down with him when he sprawled out on the ground in a breathless heap. Sylvain’s eyes were a little bleary as his lungs desperately tried to supply him with air, but they were still affixed onto Felix, who looked as if he’d just lost a fight to the wind. For quite a while, all that could be heard was the sound of their strained breathing. As they tried to recover, Felix leaned in over Sylvain’s face to look down at him with an inscrutable expression, loose hair cascading down all around him to form the most gorgeous view Sylvain had ever seen. After a shocked second spent gaping at the boy hovering over him, Sylvain let out a pained moan along with a breathless laugh. “Oh, Goddess, no. Don’t-Don’t look at me right now, Fe. My lungs have suffered enough for today.”
“Your lungs?” Felix’s brows furrowed together, lips drawing themselves into a tight frown. “I have no idea what you’re talking about, but-“
Suddenly, Sylvain was startled back to reality with the sting of a slap across the face. He stared, slack jawed, at his friend who was gingerly shaking off the pain in his own hand. “What the hell was that for? I’m delicate!”
“That’s for being a slut,” Felix muttered with an unimpressed look. “I thought you weren’t going to pull this kind of shit today.”
“It was just a coincidence, Felix, I swear!” He brought his hands up to cover his face, exasperated with himself, when he realized that one was still locked onto Felix’s. They noticed at the same time and let go as if they’d just been shocked. Felix stared down at his hand, cradling it with his other with an uncertain look. Clearing his throat slightly, Sylvain peered up at the face above him and asked in a small and raspy voice, “were you serious about not coming back here with me if I lost?”
“Yes.”
Sylvain’s heart sank. “I didn’t mean for it to happen.”
“How did you not see this kind of thing coming?” Felix’s face was pulled into a scowl as he glared down at Sylvain. “You do realize that this is a direct consequence of you fucking around, right? You can’t just toy with people’s emotions like that. You can’t-“ He let out a weary sigh and pinched the bridge of his nose, eyes squeezing shut. “You can’t just make someone care about you then leave when you’re bored. You can’t expect them to be fine with that.”
“Felix?” Sylvain clumsily pulled himself back up to a sitting position, an unsure hand lingering in the small space between them. “I don’t understand, I-are you talking about us?“ he hesitated when Felix’s eyes opened to a piercing glare but continued when he realized that the other boy was more upset than angry. “I never left you.”
“Bullshit,” When Felix spat this out, Sylvain felt a lurch in his chest and quickly retracted his hand. “You couldn’t even bother looking in my direction after-“ he took a sharp intake of breath as he grimaced, pulling his knees up to his chest and crossing his arms over them. “Sure, you were next to me, but you weren’t there. You might as well have left. Honestly, it would’ve been better if you’d just wandered off completely. Instead, I had to watch you trail after every woman in sight, and watch you nonchalantly walk back to me as if nothing had happened. I tried to get away from you after that, but Goddess be damned if you weren’t persistent. I never understood why you always came back despite it all.”
“Because it’s you, Felix. We’ve been next to each other, for what, our entire lives?” Sylvain swallowed hard, his voice becoming thick with emotion. “I’m… an idiot, but one thing I’m always sure of is that you are a part of my life. I trust you more than anyone else in the world. It’s just… after Glenn died, you started keeping everyone at an arms-length. I wanted to be there by your side, but I just didn’t know how. And… this is going to sound embarrassing, but you stopped looking at me like you did when we were kids. You used to look at me with so much… tenderness. It left me… a little lost without it. Though, that’s not an excuse for what I did for so many years. I guess after that, I was just trying to find that fondness from somewhere else.”
Felix had buried his head in his arms, and Sylvain watched as the same sad, glassy eyes from his childhood gazed back at him through dark locks of hair. “And? Did you ever find it?”
“Never.” It was spoken so softly that the gentle evening breeze nearly drowned it out. “I never found it anywhere else.”
For a while, Felix simply studied his features with an incredulous look. He bit his lip, deep in thought, before finally looking away. With his face turned to the side, he quietly asked, “so what do we do now? We’re still… friends, right?”
“Yeah, of course,” Sylvain felt a bittersweet jolt in his chest, but shoved it back down. “Felix, that’s not even a question.”
A pair of tired eyes flickered up to meet his. “I don’t know. Things are different now.” Felix’s voice lowered to a tentative murmur. He was right. Things were different and neither of them knew how to move about after being thrust into unknown territory. Sylvain, with a lump in his throat, moved to the spot next to Felix and sat down. Their shoulders were pressed together as he tried to find his words. After not talking about things like this for so long, he had to fight for every word he wanted to say, but he had an idea that could make it easier.
“Fe, I’m going to tell you a little story so just bear with me, alright?” The other boy cast him a sidelong glance to show that he was listening, and Sylvain felt a nervous smile pull at his lips as his heart screamed distractingly. “Say I have this friend-“
“You’ve lost me.”
“Wow! Very funny.” The corners of Felix’s mouth tugged up slightly, lightening the mood slightly as Sylvain continued. “Anyway, say I have this one friend who is a bit of a flirt. He’d gotten into plenty of trouble because of it, but it never deterred him. But one day, this asshole mistook his friend for someone else and hit on him.”
“Sounds like a dumbass.”
“He is. It was a ridiculous situation that was so easily avoidable. But…” a slight panic was causing Sylvain to struggle while talking again, so he had to pause to clear his throat. “it caused him to see his friend, who’d been by his side his entire life, in a new light. Something changed and he realized that he… what he felt toward his friend was different. He couldn’t quite figure it out, but he knew he wanted that friend to feel the same way.”
He peered over nervously and met Felix’s eyes, but Sylvain broke their gaze almost immediately because he got flustered. They stayed quiet for a long time afterward, both mulling things over in their heads as they leaned up against each other. Eventually, Felix sighed deeply and turned his head to Sylvain. “I’ll never understand how you can bring yourself to say such sappy things.”
“Believe me when I say I’m dying inside with every word I utter right now.” Sylvain lightly pushed the other boy’s shoulder with his, chuckling quietly. Suddenly, Felix’s hand came to rest on the side of his face, turning his head. All Sylvain could do was watch on in shock as the dark-haired boy’s exasperated expression came into view. Felix drew in closer, impatient eyes flickering down then up.
“Then don’t talk.”
Felix leaned in and hesitantly brushed his lips against Sylvain’s, who could only watch as his beloved friend bridged the gap that had been present for so long between them. It was quite possibly the most unsure kiss he’d ever shared in his life, but his heart didn’t seem to care as it threatened to give out. Much to Sylvain’s dismay, less than a second passed before Felix pulled back. He blinked dumbfoundedly, hands frozen on the other boy’s waist.
“Why the fuck did you have your eyes open?”
The minor verbal abuse snapped Sylvain out of whatever trance he was in, and he quickly placed a hand behind Felix’s head to desperately urge him back in for another kiss. His other hand came to rest on the small of his back as their lips met again. This time, Felix didn’t immediately pull away; he wrapped an arm around Sylvain’s shoulder to press even closer, a hand running through the redhead’s hair before cupping the side of his face. They practically melted into the other’s hold, relieved that their feelings were reciprocated. Relieved that they still had each other after all these years of turmoil. Even after their kiss ended to catch their breath, they didn’t let go of each other.
“Holy shit,” Sylvain broke the silence unceremoniously with a breath of incredulous laughter. “I can’t believe you did that.” He was practically shaking as he finally, finally, held Felix in his arms, running his fingers through his long, dark hair.
“Yeah. I have to do all the work around here, huh?” Felix scoffed, but leaned into Sylvain’s touch. His hair was already disheveled before, but with Sylvain’s needy hands, the tie holding the last few locks of hair was completely gone. Sylvain kept absentmindedly fiddling with Felix’s hair, arm still tightly holding them together when the other boy hummed amusedly. Curious, he stopped for a moment to meet Felix’s eyes. He smirked at Sylvain, although it didn’t carry the usual level of smugness, and chuckled, “I guess you lost?” The realization hit Sylvain and he let out a soft, but disappointed, ‘noooooo.’
“Fe,” his reactions to the nickname had melted down to just an eye roll, so Sylvain took that as an okay to use constantly. Sylvain then effortlessly pulled Felix onto his lap, much to his chagrin, and began peppering in small kisses along Felix’s jaw and neck. He felt Felix shiver, so he pulled back with an innocent look. “Forgive me, please.”
A pleased smile appeared on Sylvain’s face when Felix pulled away to cover his mouth, seeming to come slightly undone. He noticed that Felix was rubbing the spot he’d just kissed, and he remembered how the dark-haired boy had done the exact same thing when they inadvertently touched each other earlier that day. It finally occurred to him that Felix may have been getting flustered by the contact as well, which was just adorable. When he eagerly went to tease Felix again, he was stopped with a light smack to side of his head. Felix rolled his eyes at Sylvain’s pout and muttered, “even though you didn’t win I still got you something to… show my appreciation for today.” He turned to his side and seemed to rustle with the bag that had been knocked to the ground earlier, then he threw it onto Sylvain’s chest.
Sylvain lifted the lump of fabric to his face, and a guttural wheeze escaped him when he realized what it was. “Oh, oh no. Felix. I’m so sorry,” was all he could manage before helplessly clutching his side and laughing. He heard a frustrated noise from above.
“What’s so funny?”
“I just…” Sylvain was breathless again, desperately trying to keep it together. He held up the gift toward Felix. “I don’t actually like these. I just wanted to see you in it.”
“I fucking knew it!” Another round of laughter coursed through him as clutched onto the turtleneck. Felix fumed, a pretty blush settling on his cheeks. “I fucking knew you wouldn’t wear something that covered your collarbones, you dick!”
“Woah!” Sylvain was wrestling back Felix’s hands again, but they were much less forceful than last time. “I thought you’d look good in them! And I was right!”
They struggled for a while, but Sylvain took an opening to wrap his arms around Felix’s waist to pull him in for another kiss. Felix seemed to caught a little off guard by it, initially freezing when he felt Sylvain’s smile against his lips, but he quickly adjusted and kissed him back. When they pulled away and he realized that Sylvain had effectively pacified him with a kiss, he scowled. “Just know that I’m going to make you wear this even if it means carving it into a V-neck while it’s on you.”
It was odd how Sylvain considered these threats to be endearing, but that was because he knew now, more than ever, that Felix found comfort in his presence. He couldn’t believe how long he’d spend reeling from the barrage of emotions he felt toward Felix, the person he’d promised as a child to stay beside forever. He was happy to have realized it now, and more than happy to uphold that promise. Sylvain chuckled quietly, lips barely grazing the crook of Felix’s neck as he realized just how long he had already been utterly devoted to the boy in his arms. Grinning, he leaned back to plant a quick kiss on Felix’s lips before he whispered, “have I ever told you that you’re hot when you’re angry?”
“I’m never fucking kissing you again.”