Chapter Text
“This is your home now.”
I had never imagined something so ugly coming from such a beautiful creature’s lips. Hours later and I can hardly wrap my mind around the notion of never seeing mu family and friends again.
On some level I’ve been hoping that this is a cruel fever dream, and acting accordingly my mind had taken to keeping me in a dream like state: just enough detachment to stay calm. The inn, the journey to Imladris – it’s all surreal.
But now, now?
There’s a buzzing in my bones, a fire in my chest that warmed my cold hands and freezing legs. It ignites my gut and it burns. I’m desperate for it to calm, for the pain to stop. I hadn’t asked for any of this: to walk around as a sack of bones, to lose a friend, to be the only one who could read Latin and Jesus Christ this was ridiculous.
My chest constricts and I can see my heart beating beneath my shirt. Something is rising to the surface and it’s gross and guttural. A scream tears from my throat and rips my throat on its way out. The sting of its rawness flies though my nose and head. I can’t be anything but this horrible sounds, this wounded soul, this clueless animal.
There’s no way out, there is only the dark when I close my eyes and the light of the terrible, terrible stars when I open them. The scream has tapered but in it’s wake leaves ugly sobs from my chest. Tears and snot paint my cheeks and chin, dripping mockingly, tickling my neck and coating my chest in a sick parody of release.
I heave and struggle for air, desperate to not succumb to an ultimate black. Uncaring if the strangers and stars above hear plea.