Chapter Text
He liked to think he was ninja like and unnoticeable, but he wasn't. You were quite aware of him watching you when he did. You just never worked up enough nerve to say anything to him. After all he was Dirk Strider. Best friends brother or not, he was still pretty intimidating. Or maybe he wanted you to know that he watched you like a hawk staring down its prey or a cat getting ready to pounce. Honestly you wouldn't put anything past one of the Striders.
Though you didnt mind him watching. In fact it was just the opposite of minding. You started to view him as somewhat as a fantasy, creating scenarios in your mind as to why he always watched you when you were in the same room together. It was a bit wrong of doing so since he was a living breathing human being, but he intrigued you. It was healthy, you knew none of the fantasies in your mind would ever be true, anyways. That's what you told yourself and what made it justifiable in your head.
Though after a while of this going on, you got bored and all scenarios possible were played out. They were soon replaced with feelings for another.
Actually no. Replaced wasn't quite the word for it. More like unleashed, and you convinced yourself that the only reason you started to have a crush ( could it even be called a crush? ) on Dirk was because of your dormant feelings for your best friend, and his little brother. It would make sense, they were a lot alike in appearances. It took a while for you to come to terms with these facts. However you were not fully convinced on the matter.
At one point Dave confronted you about it. You freaked out and told him you weren't a homosexual. In a way it wasn't a lie, you weren't. Actually you didn't have a preference if you liked penis or vagina ( not just boys or girls, you've learned. ) and frankly you didn't really like labels. If you had to put one on yourself you'd say somewhere in the pansexual area, however.
But either way, that mess up resulted in all chances of you with Dave being flushed down the drain.
A few days later you walked in on him kissing Karkat. If your heart wasn't already broken, it sure as hell just shattered into a million peices.
You had just stopped over his apartment in hopes of salvaging any bits of relationship you could to try to see if maybe you could explain what happened. You had a date planned out if he said yes and the butterflies wouldn't leave your stomach. They sunk when you walked into Dave's room.
They didn't seem to notice you so you quietly closed the door behind you and made your way to the living room, slumping down against the wall. You were not going to cry. You were strong and could handle this. John Egbert would not cry over something stupid and trivial as seeing his best friend kissing someone else.
You weren't sure how long you were sitting there before you felt someone slide down on the other side of you. You glanced over and saw Dirk Strider sitting next to you, and you were surprised. You never really had a chance to look at him, but he really looked like Dave and if you squinted hard enough maybe you could pretend-
You stopped those thoughts immediately. You were a horrible person for thinking that, and you beat yourself up mentally for it. Dirk is Dirk, Dave is Dave.
The both of you remained in a silence that wasn't awkward nor comfortable. You didn't know what to say but you could practically feel the worry radiating off of him. Maybe you were more easy to read than you thought. Finally, after what felt like hours of just sitting there, you say something just above a whisper.
"He was kissing Karkat." You weren't sure if he heard you or even understood what you meant, but you couldn't stop the tears from overflowing as you grabbed at his shirt and clung to him as you sobbed. You felt Dirk stiffen but you couldn't give a crap at the moment because he smelled good and his arms wrapped around you and there was someone there and you needed him right now. You needed someone there. He soothed you and eventually you calmed down, listening to his steady heart beat. You're not sure when you fell asleep.
When you woke up, the first thing you notice is that are not in your own room. Your head was stinging slightly as you sat up and looked around, quickly remembering everything that happened the night before. You spotted Dirk, fast asleep in a chair beside the ( what you figured to be his ) bed. Your face turned red in embarrassment as you recalled how you quite literally broke down in his arms. He must have carried you in here after you quite literally cried yourself to sleep.
Without thinking, you get up and leave without waking him up. You already put him through too much, that's for sure. You can't bare to face him when he wakes up.
You're unaware that he punches Dave in the face later on.
Days slipped by and Dirk strider wouldn't leave your mind. You felt bad for not thanking him properly but you were so embarrassed. You knew you shouldn't have just left like you did but you didn't know how to thank him honestly. You couldn't just walk up to him and say "Oh hey Dirk thanks for letting me sob all over you because your brother broke my heart even though it's my fault to begin with." It just wouldnt work out, no matter how you played it out in your mind.
It ate away at you, so finally you worked up enough courage and knocked on his apartment door, hoping to gods that Dave wasn't home. You figured you just had to go for it and not think about it. You almost backed out of it but befor you could, he answered the door.
"I never said thank you for what you did." You manage to get out quickly, hoping it wasn't shaky or nervous sounding. He stares at you for a moment before replying.
"You didn't need to thank me, Egbert." You felt shy under his gaze, mostly because his shades were off so you could actually see him staring at you with those orange eyes. You took a deep breath before responding.
"No, I do! I mean I was kind of a mess and you didn't have to stay with me or put me to bed. So for that thank you."
You saw a smile light up on his face and you shrunk at the idea of him laughing at you, but a laugh never came. Your heart pittered in your chest at his words.
"To make up for ditching me after I humbly took care of you, you can make up for it by going on a date with me."
After a few seconds of thought and blushing deep red, you agree knowing you didn't really have a choice.
"It can't hurt after all."
When your date day approached you quickly took a shower and put on some of the best clothes you had that were casual, but fancy enough that you wouldnt feel out of place. That meant an all black, long sleeve tee-shirt ( one of the ones that had the design print of a suit on it, hoping that Dirk would get a kick out of it at least ) that was tight, but gave you enough room to move freely, a pair of darker skinny jeans, and your favorite pair of sneakers that were blue with a lighter breath symbol on the sides. It gave your outfit some color to make it pop. You couldn't really do anything to your hair to make it look good, so you let it air dry and left it alone.
Dirk showed up at you door eight minutes after you finished brushing your teeth. He stared at you for a while ( you totally didnt stare back, not at all. Just because he looked great with that actual tie meant nothing. Suddenly you felt a little underdressed though ) before helping you to his car. What a gentleman.
The date wasn't anything spectacular, but you had a great time. He let you pick the movie and in exchange he picked where the two of you had dinner. Quite a facy place he picked, but he told you his date idea, he pays. You oblige hesitantly.
You can say that you were a little sad once the date was over, but like a great man he is he walked you to your door. With a smile you turned to face him.
"Maybe we can do this again." You didn't wait for his reply before shutting the door behind you. You stayed there until you heard his car pulling away. You thought maybe your crush was coming back, but you quickly put those thoughs on the back burner, metaphorically, because you didn't want to see Dirk as a replacement for Dave.
You actually try avoiding him after that. And it worked for quite some time.
During that time, Dave had approached you with flowers and asked if you would forgive him. You didn't understand why until he explained what Dirk did and that Dave felt awful for making you cry. You countered with the fact that while you didnt mean to, you rejected him at first and Dave had every right to be kissing whoever he wanted. You accepted his apology and he pulled you in for a kiss.
You return it happily. He asks if you wanted to give dating him a shot.
This time you didnt freak out, and replied with a simple yes.
You don't see Dirk for quite some time after that, and to your misfortune the next time you see him you're pressed against Dave's apartment living room wall, Dave on one side and the wall on the other. The two of you were quite literally eating each others faces, or well making out is the proper term. Dave had said Dirk wouldn't be home, but apparently he was let out from his job early.
Dave boldly tells Dirk that the two of you are dating. Your face turns red in embarrassment of being caught, but also because you felt like you were betraying Dirk somehow. But that was silly. You're dating Dave. He walks further into the apartment and that was the last time you see Dirk Strider for quite some time.
He all but fades from your mind. Life moves on. Dave gets a place to himself and asks you to move in with him. A year of living together later, Dave proposes to you. You're the happiest man alive and you say yes. The year following that, you walk down the asile escorted by your father. You try not to cry as you see Dave standing at the alter, dressed in an all black suit with a red tie, just like yours even if yours was all white with a blue bow tie.
You say I do shortly after that and then suddenly you're John Strider. There are no regrets in your mind as you're pulled into a kiss with your new husband.
You see Dirk for the first time in years later that evening. He looked like he aged five years in only two, but you try not to focus on that as you glide on the dance floor with him. You feel bad for stepping on his feet a few times but he doesnt seem to care. The dance soon ends and he excuses himself quickly.
You feel like your heart just broke but you have no idea why.
Time moved on and you and Dave decide you want to adopt a child. Naturally, soon a beautiful little girl who the two of you name Casey, becomes part of your small family.
She was only two when you adopted her so you could still properly raise her out of the orphanage.
You want Dirk to be the god father, even if the Striders weren't religious. Dave agrees and brings Dirk over to discuss it. Dirk lights up when he sees Casey, and agrees immediately. You smile and thank him, feeling relieved. You can tell he loved her already.
Your twenty-fifth birthday passes and soon Casey's birthday steadily approaches. You throw a big birthday party for her, after all it wasn't that often that your little girl turns three.
Dirk ends up showing up with a present that even outstages her parents gift. You cant help but feel a little annoyed at that but quickly is forgotten when Casey tells you she's really happy. She's a smart girl for her age. You raised her well.
You don't really remember much after that. You remember doing your normal chores around the house as Dave was in the next room playing with Casey. It had been a few months since her birthday and everything seemed to be going good, great even.
Then suddenly you feel a welding pain in your chest, choking, eyes going wide. You felt your head hit the floor and screams of your name before the world around you went black.
You were in total darkness that could only be described as nothing. Everything was numb, all besides a constant beeping noise that happened every few seconds. It soothed you and lulled you into comfort. Sometimes you heard voices as well, voices of people you think you knew. You weren't sure though. There was no one there.
"-m so proud of you Jo-"
"-ake up please egbert I nee-
"-u can let go if you w-
"-h im so sorry-"
Each voice was different but you couldnt place a voice with a name or face. You were too tired to do that. You were so tired and just wanted to sleep.
So you did.
When you woke up, you were still in the blackness but you felt different. You heard another voice, an unfamiliar one.
No. You knew who it belonged to.
You turned around and you saw Dirk Strider standing at a stone. At first you were confused, so you walked to him. Then suddenly you figure out what was going on.
You died.
You sat down next to him and stared at your grave.
"Did you know John.." His words were muffled, as if you were under water. But you listened to him closely, wanting to wipe away his tears and hold him like how he held you all those years ago.
You remained still.
"I love you. It wasn't love at first sight but it was close enough."
And suddenly everything went back to being black. You wish you could of have told him that you loved him, too.
But dead men tell no tales.