Chapter Text
Lt. Kim Kitsuragi is having a good day.
First thing in the morning, he gets up and brews a perfect cup of coffee, which he sips on his apartment balcony as he watches the sun rise over Jamrock. He loves these early-morning hours the most, with their quiet solitude and peaceful leisure. No crimes to solve. No criminals to chase. Just a good cup of coffee and a fresh, new day to do some damn good work.
He goes through the rest of his morning routine with methodical efficiency, all the while running through a mental checklist of the day’s agenda: The weekly touch-base meeting with the whole Major Crimes Division, then a solid two-hour chunk wherein he could type up his reports about the Missing Filament Case. Right before lunch, he can drop by the garage to check on the mechanics’ progress on his Kineema, which needed repairs after he’d gotten a bit too enthusiastic chasing after a fleeing perp last week.
Then, lunch with Harry.
Kim resolutely ignores the anticipation that flickers in his gut at the thought of that particular appointment.
The morning goes by as expected. The staff meeting is the typical slog of case updates and office announcements, and everyone in the room copes with it in their own way. Jean stands behind the podium and dutifully, if sullenly, executes his duties as the facilitator. Kim and Judith listen and take down notes. Trant takes in everything with enthusiasm and asks intelligent questions. Chester chews bubblegum while rocking his chair back and forth on its hind legs. Mack snores loudly in his seat. And Harry...
Well, he doesn’t seem to be doing anything strange, but Kim’s guessing that Harry is probably tuning out and hosting an internal disco party with the voices in his head.
At some point during the meeting, Kim glances over at Harry’s direction, only to catch the other man eyeing him too. Harry promptly looks away and pretends to be extremely interested in what Jean is saying about the questionable durability of their office staplers.
Kim looks down at his notebook and stifles a grin.
He knows that eventually, he and Harry would have to talk about this... thing between them. But for now, he contents himself with their subtle back-and-forth as they both try to navigate through this delicate and nebulous understanding that they've grown to share with each other
At around mid-morning, Kim is at his desk typing up one last report when he hears frantic footsteps heading towards his direction. He glances up just in time to see Judit, her face marked with worry and panic, skidding to a stop in front of his desk.
“Lt. Kitsuragi!”
“Patrol Officer Minot. How may I---?”
“It’s Lt. Double-Yefreitor Du Bois, Sir,” she reports anxiously. “I just overheard him asking Lt. Vicquemare to meet him on the roof, and...”
Kim’s mind finishes Judit’s sentence for her.
... and we all know what happened last time.
Harry, Kim thinks to himself as he runs towards the stairwell, what are you thinking?
COMPOSURE [Legendary: Failure] - What were you thinking???
YOU – You were thinking that after three days of ignoring you and generally making the entire squad miserable, Jean would be in the mood to talk things through.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] – Apparently, you were wrong.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – Even though he followed you up to the roof, Jean does not look happy to be here. He refuses to look at you, choosing instead to glare intensely at the ground in front of him like it had personally offended him in some way.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Easy: Success] – The lieutenant can’t bring himself to look at you because he’s too ashamed of what he’s done. Unfortunately, he’s an arrogant bastard, so he can’t bring himself to just apologize to you like a normal person.
SUGGESTION – It might be best to take the humble route. Apologize to him first, then maybe he’ll be inspired to follow suit.
COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] – Steeling your nerves, you stand up straight and look Jean in the eye.
YOU – “Jean. I---”
JEAN VICQUEMARE – “Harry, I---”
EMPATHY [Medium: Failure] – Whoops, that was awkward.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – The two of you gape at each other for a second before looking away at the same time. Jean coughs loudly into his fist in an effort to hide his grimace.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] – There is an extremely high probability that the lieutenant’s thoughts are going the same trajectory as yours.
Namely, “Shit shit shit.”
SUGGESTION – Don’t get bogged down by this. Try again!
COMPOSURE [Challenging: Success] – Clearing your throat, you try to project a semblance of nonchalance as you gesture towards Lt. Vicquemare.
YOU – “Go ahead---”
JEAN VICQUEMARE – “You go first---”
EMPATHY [Medium: Success] - The embarassed silence that falls between the two of you is so thick that you can cut it with a knife.
RHETORIC – Are you sure that you’re both seasoned police detectives? Because you two really, really suck at this conversation thing.
LOGIC – At this rate, you’ll be stuck on this rooftop forever.
PAIN THRESHOLD [Challenging: Failure] – This is excruciating. Why are you doing this again?
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Godlike: Success] – Because despite all of the awful things that he said, Jean still stuck by you during the six years you spent as a self-destructive maelstrom of disco proportions.
Because even if he’s tired, angry, and fed up with it all, you know for certain that Jean Vicquemare can’t help but still care. And you’re not ready to lose him just because he threw a temper tantrum at you for horrible things that you actually did.
PERCEPTION (Sight) [Godlike: Success] – From the corner of your eye, you see the door to the rooftop crack open by the tiniest hair.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Godlike: Success] – You are suddenly overcome with a mysterious desire to make that crack in the rooftop door extremely proud of you.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – “Harry,” he says with measured civility. “May I speak first?”
YOU – Gulping, you nod.
HALF-LIGHT [Medium: Success] – Primed by the sheer unpleasantness of your previous conversation with Jean, you instinctively brace yourself for what he’s about to say.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – “What happened three days ago. I... shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I was feeling really shitty that day, but I shouldn’t have let it out on you.”
PERCEPTION [Easy: Success] – His shoulders are tense. His hands are in his pockets. He’s still unable to meet your eyes.
EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] – This is taking a lot out of him. He’s not used to being this open, this vulnerable in front of someone else. Especially in front of you.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – “I wasn’t thinking when I said said all of that, when I brought up all of those things from the past. I was just so...angry.”
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] – For as long as you’ve known Lt. Vicquemare, you have always sensed the rage that seethed beneath his skin. He has always watched over it with terrified vigilance, all too aware of the destruction that he could unleash upon the people around him if he let this rage take over.
He failed in this duty three days ago, and he has yet to forgive himself for that.
JEAN VICQUEMARE - “I guess... what I’m trying to say is,” Jean finally musters the courage to look at you, and you’re taken aback by the stubborn earnestness that fills his eyes.
“I’m sorry for acting like a selfish and insensitive prick towards you, Harry.”
DRAMA [Easy: Success] – Not the most elegant turn of phrase, but the lieutenant is telling the truth, sire.
EMPATHY [Medium: Success] – Jean’s apology sends a wave of relief coursing through you, and you release the breath that you didn’t know you were holding.
PERCEPTION [Medium: Success] – You didn’t think it was possible, but the lieutenant is even more tense now than before.
EMPATHY [Challenging: Success] - He’s laid down all of his cards in front of you, and he has no idea what you’re going with them.
Which is fair, since you don’t know what you’re going to do next either.
DRAMA – May I suggest the... melodramatic route, sire?
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – Or we could just, you know, hug it out with him. Just like what we did with---
HALF-LIGHT – I’m going to stop you right there, big boy. There’s absolutely no way that Jean will not knock your teeth out if you try to hug him right now.
YOU – It’s okay, guys. I can handle this.
INLAND EMPIRE – As you gather your thoughts, you plunge headlong into a recent memory. Once again, you inhale the scent of cigarettes and aftershave. Once again, the disparate pieces of your soul are gathered and held in place by gentle hands. Once again, you embrace and are embraced in turn, without judgment or condemnation.
You bask in this memory, and draw strength from it.
YOU – “Jean, I’m the one who should saying sorry to you.”
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Legendary: Success] – Despite his apology, the lieutenant definitely agrees with you on that point.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – He folds his arms across his chest, but he’s giving you his full attention.
YOU – “Even if you were angry, everything that you said was true. I've made a lot of people suffer. And they would have suffered more, if it weren’t for you.”
COMPOSURE [Legendary: Success] – This is the hard part. You take a deep breath to calm your nerves, and pray that your voice doesn’t tremble.
YOU - “You were the one who kept the precinct together when I was busy tearing it apart. You were the one who comforted ... her when I was dead-drunk in our apartment.
“You were the one who didn’t abandon me, even when I had already abandoned myself.”
JEAN VICQUEMARE – The lieutenant stares at you.
PERCEPTION (Sight) [Easy: Success] - His eyes are wide. His jaw is slack.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] – In his entire career as a detective, Lt. Jean Vicquemare has learned to expect the unexpected. But even with that, he could never have prepared himself for what you had just said.
EMPATHY [Legendary: Success] - You’ve caught him completely off-guard. Go on!
RHETORIC [Easy: Success] – The next words come easily to you, and you say them without hesitation.
YOU - “I’m sorry,” you say, with all the sincerity and courage that you can muster, “for not being the friend or partner that you deserve.”
A stunned silence rings out over the rooftop.
COMPOSURE [Legendary: Success] – That... took a lot out from you. You blink away the wetness from your eyes, but you manage to keep a relatively straight face.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – Jean looks devastated. As if you’d just punched him in the gut.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] – He didn’t think that you could apologize enough for what he’s been through. Now, he realizes that he might have been wrong.
YOU – But you’re not yet done. There’s still something more that you have to tell him.
“Jean,” you say hoarsely, “I want to stop running away from the animal I’ve become.”
JEAN VICQUEMARE – He blinks and frowns at you in confusion. “What?”
YOU – “Back in Martinaise, witnesses claimed that before I blacked out, I shouted, ‘I don’t want to be this kind of animal anymore.’”
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] – The lieutenant isn't sure where you’re going with this, but he knows you well enough to realize that he doesn’t really have a choice but to let you ramble on.
YOU – “I didn’t understand why I said that, but now I do. In the six years since Dora---”
PAIN THRESHOLD – You steel yourself for the pain that comes at saying her name...
But it never comes.
YOU – “---left me, I’ve hated myself, Jean. Even when I was hurting everyone I cared about, even when I was destroying my entire career, my entire life, I knew that I was doing it. And I hated myself for that. And the more I hated myself, the more I wanted to destroy everything around me.”
JEAN VICQUEMARE – He opens his mouth to interrupt you, but you press on.
YOU – “I want to stop hurting people, Jean. But to do that, I have to stop hating myself first.”
EMPATHY [Legendary: Success] – Understanding begins to dawn in the lieutenant’s eyes. He’s floored by the level of self-awareness that you’re displaying right now.
You don’t blame him at all. You’re pretty amazed by yourself right now too.
AUTHORITY [Challenging: Success] – Six years have passed since the last time that Lt. Jean Vicquemare has felt any stirrings of esteem or respect towards you.
He is feeling those again for you now.
YOU – “This is my chance to start over again, my chance to do things right. But if I try to do this alone, I’ll just turn into that animal again.”
DRAMA – It is time for our trump card, sire.
YOU – You extend your hand towards him.
“Jean. Please.”
EMPATHY [Godlike: Success] - Don’t give up on me. Give me another chance. Trust me.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Godlike: Success] – The unspoken litany passes between you and the lieutenant, weighing the air with silent desperation.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – For a few moments, Jean just stares your outstretched hand.
COMPOSURE – The thought that he’ll leave you hanging here like a rejected charlatan fills you with so much dread and anxiety that you’re tempted to withdraw your hand.
VOLITION [Godlike: Success] – But you keep it there --- An open invitation, a hopeful petition, a desperate plea.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Challenging: Success] – The lieutenant is recalling the aftermath of your previous two blackouts. He thinks of the other two chances that you had to redeem yourself from the animal you had become. He thinks of how miserably you had failed in both instances.
He wonders if things will be any different this time.
SUGGESTION – Yes. It will be different.
VOLITION – Because if it is not, then you do not know how you will be able to live with yourself.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Godlike: Success] – Then, he remembers the man that you had been, before police work turned you into a self-loathing thrall of booze and drugs. He remembers being shocked to see that man again on the dock in Martinaise, when he had already abandoned any hope that the Harry he knew, the Harry that he admired and respected, could still come back.
He looks at you now, and he sees that man again.
Inside the lieutenant’s mind, a dam breaks.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – “Ah, fuck it,” he whispers to himself.
When he finally reaches over to grab your hand, it feels like absolution.
PHYSICAL INSTRUMENT – The lieutenant’s grip is firm and strong, and it conveys several things at once.
EMPATHY [Legendary: Success] – I believe in you. Don’t f*ck this up. I trust you.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Medium: Success] – Still gripping your hand, Lt. Vicquemare stares at you with wonder and renewed respect.
But there’s something else in his gaze too, an analytical glint, as if he’s trying to put his finger on something that he can’t quite identify.
Then, it hits him.
JEAN VICQUEMARE – “Damn,” he mutters with an awed, but victorious, smirk. “You’ve really got it bad for Kitsuragi, don’t you?”
YOU – The giant, happy grin that’s plastered on your face freezes as you try to process what he just said.
COMPOSURE [Legendary: Failure] – Oh.
My.
God.
YOU – “WHAT???” you splutter as you propel yourself into the air out of sheer shock and mortification.
ESPRIT DE CORPS [Legendary: Success] – You sense a distinctly embarrassed, but amused, silence emanating from the crack in the doorway to the roof.
ELECTROCHEMISTRY – Kitsuragi? Did someone say---
YOU – PLEASE GO AWAY.
The rest of Kim’s day goes by smoothly.
After finishing his report, he drops by the garage and receives the excellent news that his Kineema will be up and running sooner than he expected. “Don't you worry, the damage was mostly cosmetic,” the head mechanic tells him. “We’ll get this lady looking like her usual gorgeous self before you know it.” Kim thanks him profusely, and promises to drop by and help out with the repairs the next morning.
On his way out, the head mechanic calls his attention again. “You’re a lucky man, Mr. Kitsuragi!” the old man yells out mischievously, jerking a thumb at Kim’s sweet ride.
Kim pauses thoughtfully.
Then, he grins.
“Yes, I am!” he yells back.
And with that, Kim Kitsuragi heads out for lunch.
He meets Harry at a nearby Mesque cantina, which has quickly become their favorite food joint ever since Kim joined the 41st. They order their usuals, a giant burrito with a side of nachos for Harry and a set of soft-shelled tacos for Kim, and grab their usual table. As they dig into their meal, Kim observes Harry’s mood. The other man is practically radiating with joy, and Kim feels only slightly guilty for knowing exactly why Harry’s so happy. He feigns ignorance when his partner recounts what happened between him and Jean on the rooftop, but the smile on his face when Harry finishes his story is anything but made up.
“Harry,” he says, relieved that he finally gets to say this after watching Harry and Jean’s exchange with a full heart. “I’m extremely proud of you.”
Harry’s face slowly turns a brilliant shade of crimson, and if Kim could blush, he’d be turning red now too.
But he can’t, so Kim decides to take advantage of the situation by stealing the last nacho from Harry’s plate.
Kim is packing away his things and getting ready to head home when someone clears their throat beside his desk.
He looks up, and is not at all surprised by whom he sees.
“Hello, Jean.”
“Kitsuragi,” the other man greets, and Kim detects a teasing lilt in his tone.
“How may I help you?”
For a long moment, Jean just looks at him with an assessing gaze. And, since Kim has always been terrible at backing down from a challenge, he steadily maintains eye contact with Jean all throughout.
Seemingly satisfied, Jean huffs and steps back from Kim’s desk.
“Take care of him for me, will you?” he says.
It does not take Kim very long at all to figure out whom Jean was referring to.
“He’s capable of taking care of himself, Lieutenant,” he answers quietly.
He follows it up after a beat. “But... I’ll make sure he doesn’t get into too much trouble.”
Jean gives him a grateful smile. “I’m going to hold you to that, Kim.”
As Jean walks away from his desk, Kim Kitsuragi gets the unshakable feeling that like him, Jean Vicquemare just had a pretty good day too.