Chapter Text
Chapter Three
"A laugh and a kiss
A toast for the love and the memories we'll make
The waters you inspire, my burning desire"
- Desire by Hale
Tokyo - Iwaizumi’s Apartment
March 5, 2019
Two months later
“Iwa-chan!”
This voice is ringing inside his head again, calling out the strange name repeatedly. This time the voice is no longer laced with child-like innocence but much older and a little bit mature but it still carries the light tune. The childish whine of this stranger’s voice never seems to age.
“Hey, Iwa-chan are you listening to me?”
Iwaizumi blinked slowly and stared at his hands holding a volleyball, his shoulders draped with navy blue and white colors. Across from him is a figure standing in the middle of the volleyball court, wearing the same jacket but Iwaizumi can’t see the face of this person, just the silhouette. The school seal of the jacket stood out the most,
‘Kitagawa Daichii Middle School’
Iwaizumi briefly remembers ‘Mother told me that I used to study there, what’s going on?’
The same voice rung again like an echo in his memory
“Iwa-chan, I will always toss the ball to you.”
“We’re invincible together, Iwa-chan.”
“Things are changing and I promise we'll be together forever, Iwa-chan.”
Iwaizumi stood there trying to figure out who this person was standing in front of him, the figure was blurred out and almost impossible to recognize with his vision. Iwaizumi shut his eyes clutching the volleyball harder - his head feels like floating and spinning, turning into overdrive, he doesn’t understand where he is or who’s he with, the memory seems to be distant and detached from his present life.
“Is this a memory?” Iwaizumi wonder out loud.
The voice that never seems to stop ringing and echoing.
‘Iwa-chan’
‘Iwa-chan’
‘Iwa-’
Iwaizumi gasps as he sits upon his bed, his breathing labored and deep turned into shaken pants. He stared at his hands, trembling with a mixture of fear and uncertainty, pressing his fingers on his temples trying to calm the storm inside his head.
“Is this a memory? What the fuck is going on?” he mumbles to himself - glancing at the clock which indicates the time
3:00 AM
Too damn early to get ready for work or do anything semi-productive yet, he’s afraid of sleeping again. He’s afraid of other memories that might unravel in his dreams. Iwaizumi turned on the lamp next to his bed, grabbing his pen and small Moleskine notebook - a gift from Akaashi during Christmas. Dreams are the gateway to his memory. Maybe writing down his dreams can help him figure out who is this ‘Iwa-chan ’ and why is that name occurring and repeatedly appearing in his dreams.
Miyagi Train Station
March 5, 2019
Oikawa Tooru stood at the Miyagi Train Station heading for Tokyo, today is another gruesome training session with the Japanese National Team. He was finally scoured to join them ever since the word spread of his arrival back in Japan and no longer participating in the Argentinian league teams. It gave Oikawa a sense of pride and joy that the team he was desperate to join years ago - are now begging him to become their setter.
He visits Tokyo three times a week for his weekly training with the regular members, if he continues to improve on his performance he might have a shot on being part of their starting lineup then he will need to find an apartment near his training center and live in Tokyo for daily practices. The cold winter was slowly drifting away as spring was slowly seeping through their bones as the snow thawed in the outskirts of Miyagi. He stared blankly at the window facing towards the scenery of Miyagi and the blurred trees and mountains, a sense of despair aching in his throat as he remembered what happened exactly two months ago.
Flashback:
Miyagi - Two months ago
“IWA-CHAN!”
Oikawa screamed on top of his lungs at the streets of Miyagi, Hanamaki and Matsukawa spun around and quickly dragged out of the sidewalk. Oikawa pushed his friends away with harshness and frustration and screamed towards them “Fuck off!” As he madly dashed towards the main road hoping he can get a glimpse of the red car again. He was running like his life depended on it, his eyes were blurred out and his breathes were labored and shallow. No matter how good of a volleyball player he is, Iwaizumi or the thought of Iwaizumi always - always send Oikawa into an overdrive of emotions.
Oikawa stood in the middle of the street panting like a mad man, there is no sign of the red Lexus with a Godzilla and alien sticker - there is no sign of Iwa-chan. He placed his hands on his knees and released an anguished cry, like the voice in his throat webbed into deep broken despair, he’s gulping air like a drowning man except for this time Oikawa is drowning and needs Iwaizumi to save him.
“What the fuck is wrong with you?!”
Matsukawa yelled at him grabbing his jacket and harshly dragged him off the street and towards the secluded part of the sidewalk, Oikawa lowered his gaze as he was slammed on the concrete wall next to the bakery. The sharp eyes of Matsukawa pressed towards him as the taller man yelled
“The fuck is wrong with you Oikawa? Are you insane? Running out there chasing a random car and you don’t even know-”
“Iwa-chan was driving the car Mattsun! I saw him with my two fucking eyes!” Oikawa screamed as Matsukawa grabbed his shoulders and slammed him harder on the wall and lashing out
“So?! What’s the fucking point of seeing him again? Rubbing on his face that your a fucking big shot volleyball player now?! You selfish bastard , you ruined him when you disappeared and went to Argentina without saying goodbye! You ruined him for making him choose between his life here and your fucking life there - you destroyed him and broke his damned heart!” Matsukawa pants harshly, his fists are quivering as Hanamaki places his hand on Matsukawa’s forearm and whispers
“Issei, calm down. Look at Oikawa.”
Oikawa heaves out deep shaky breaths, his cheeks are drenched with sweat and tears. His lips curled into an anguished grimace as he broke into desperate sobs and whispered
“I-I...I just want to see him again and apologize. I-I’ve been thinking about him everyday… even if I’m in Argentina. A-All the memories we shared made me miss him more. I-I..love-”
“Don’t you fucking dare say that you love him.”
Matsukawa quipped with a cruel glare on his eyes as he pulled away from Oikawa and staggered out the sidewalk and mutter
“You destroyed him, he doesn’t love you anymore Oikawa.”
Matsukawa walked away from them with his hands inside his coat and shoulders hunched down, the sky is no longer bleeding in orange, yellows and red hues - it’s dark and lonely. Hanamaki gave Oikawa a sympathetic glance and followed Matsukawa, their figures disappeared out of Oikawa’s line of sight as the January snow fell, Oikawa slid down on the wall, bent down and hugged his knees.
The pain he caused towards Iwaizumi might be impossible to fix.
Flashback end
‘Now arriving at Tokyo Station, again now arriving at Tokyo station.’
The announcement jostles Oikawa from his thoughts, he glanced around and stood up walking towards the exit of the train, his bag tightly slung across his shoulder. The crowded train station, the buzzing of employees, and workers all over the city with their quick pace rushing towards their officers and respective jobs. Oikawa stepped out of the station and leisurely walked towards Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium, his jacket wrapped around him tightly as he quickened his pace.
Standing pedestrian crossing waiting patiently for the green light as he scrolls through the contact in his phone, he texted Kuroo:
To Kuroo-chan:
Kurooo-chan!! I’m in Tokyo already, text me if the other teammates have arrived ty <3
From Kuroo-chan:
Oiks hey broooo, Ushiwaka arrived early talking about health shit article annoying ughh, Sakusa is here to been spraying some weird disinfectant shit
To Kuroo-chan:
Aw shucks :(( the locker room is gonna smell like a weird disinfectant again grr heard we got a new libero?? Deets??
From Kuroo-chan:
Yuhh, his name is Nishinoya used to train in Italy, he’s also Karasuno’s libero. Oiks broo, I need to bounce, Ushiwaka is saying some weird shit about fertile volleyball soil ttyl
Oikawa groaned in annoyance and rolled his eyes ‘Ushiwaka is such an annoying teammate, what a fucking piece of shi-’
While walking in the crossing he accidentally bumps on someone’s shoulder which causes the stranger’s folder and envelope falling on the pavement, this person quickly grabs his things and stuffs it back inside his leather bag. Oikawa bent down and handed him the folders and envelopes on the ground and murmured “I’m so sorry, I was distracted.”
The man shakes his head and replies casually “No, it’s fine. I was in a rush.” The man glanced up and his steel-grey eyes with long curved lashes and curly unkempt black hair, wearing a grey coat and blue turtleneck sweater as the man’s eyes widen and the color of his face drained out making him look paler than before, he grabbed his fallen items quicker than lightning. Oikawa stood away from him as the man stuffed more papers harshly inside his bag and bowed apologetically and whispered in a panicked voice
“I-I need to go now. Excuse me.”
Oikawa stood there in shock and whispered to himself “He looks familiar.” He shrugs and walks towards the gymnasium, hands-on his pocket as his thoughts drifted away.
Tokyo - JUMP Publishing House
Akaashi pants deeply inside the elevator like he was being chased by dogs, he leaned his back and slipped down on the cold elevator walls and closed his eyes almost praying that this was a nightmare.
‘No, this is not a nightmare. That was Oikawa Tooru, I’m certain.’
He whispered as he released a shuddered breath, his anxiety was peaking into an all-time high he couldn’t control the shaking of his hands and the harshness of his breath. The elevator feels suffocating and closing him in, his chest is constricted with whatever damned panic rising above him and the urge to vomit was so strong. His lips are trembling and chapped from biting it too hard, he can’t hear anything, everything is static and his senses are numbed out. He pressed his fingers on his teeth, biting it harshly so that it drew blood out.
Ping
The elevator door opened, Akaashi couldn’t see what or who embraced him and carried him out of the elevator with tenderness. His eyes shut down as tears silently fell on his cheeks, the scent of woody musk and brewed coffee filled his nose and a deep calm voice that snapped him back to reality.
“You’re always taking care of me Keiji, that you forget to take care of yourself.”
Akaashi looks up and saw Iwaizumi carrying him out of the elevator, his green eyes usually guarded and walled are now soft and kind, he gripped Akaashi tighter pressing him closer into his chest as they headed towards the office break-room, away from the lingering gaze of their co-workers and the curious stares of Tendo who was holding a cup of coffee. Iwaizumi sat him down on the couch and grabbed a water bottle, giving it to Akaashi.
No words are exchanged or nosy questions released just comfortable and calming silence. Iwaizumi grabbed his first aid kit and took band-aids out, he gently placed Akaashi’s bleeding fingers on his lap and dabbed cotton balls soaked in alcohol, wrapping his fingernails with a small Godzilla designed band-aid, he commented “I don’t understand why my past self is so obsessed with Godzilla, I have too many Godzilla merchandise at home.”
Akaashi nodded and wiped his tears with a tissue and replied “I-If you want, we can watch the original Godzilla movie. It might help you remember.” Iwaizumi quickly smiled and said “Someday, it’s just... Today I want to take care of you Akaashi. You’ve done so much for me, too much I don't know how to repay you.” Akaashi can feel another tidal wave of tears swelling on his eyes ‘Tears of guilt.’ his brain supplies as he can still remember the expression Oikawa gave to him when they bumped on the street and he choked out
“I..I don’t think I deserve your kindness Iwaizumi, I-I haven’t been-”
“Stop with this nonsense, you are the single most selfless person I’ve met. Three years of helping me regain my memories, three years of you holding my hand when I’m lost, three years of actually genuinely caring for me. I want you to know that I’m here for you, no bullshits.” Iwaizumi firmly replied with a small quirk on his lips, he stood up and grinned widely like the world orbits into Iwaizumi’s smile and said
“Whenever you're ready, you can come back to the office. Right now, just take your time.” he turned around and was about to leave the room when Akaashi said, “You're not curious why I had my panic attack earlier?”
Iwaizumi leaned on the doorway and thoughtfully said “You don’t have to explain anything to me Akaashi, nobody owes you an explanation for you to feel that way. I trust you, and I know whatever happens - it was for a reason.” Iwaizumi waves his arm and leaves the room.
Akaashi sat on the couch drowning in both guilt and unfiltered feelings of love and admiration. The weight on his chest feels lighter now as he touches the Godzilla band-aids covering his bleeding finger, he wants to keep Iwaizumi’s smile for himself - for he helped build back Iwaizumi into who he is now.
Tokyo - Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium
Oikawa arrived at the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium with a small cheeky grin on his lips, he waves good morning towards Kuroo and Sakusa and he rolled his eyes childishly towards Ushijima. Nishinoya their newly scouted and super energetic libero bounced towards Oikawa with a wide grin on his face and exclaimed excitedly
“Dude, you went to Argentina huh?”
Oikawa removed his shirt and nodded “Yes I did Noya-chan. Playing for the Argentinian league team isn’t half bad, makes you learn new things every day, and gain experience too.” Oikawa flips his hair dramatically as Nishinoya places his hands on his hips posing like a superhero and asked with curiosity
“You’re insane for doing that! Literally! Don’t you have a boyfriend or something? That dude from Seijoh, the super awesome ace! Did he go with you to Argentina?” Oikawa paused and stared at the libero’s honest question, he does not know how to respond and how did this little libero know about his previous relationship with Iwa-chan, Oikawa nervously chuckled and responded
“W-Well, before I left Japan Iwa-chan and I got into a fight. Nothing too serious-”
“It was serious enough that the two of you broke up.”
Ushijima interrupted the conversation, dressed in his training gear and his eyes bore towards him like spotlights judging every single movement, Oikawa growled “You don’t seem to be a type of person who listens to gossip Ushiwaka-chan~” Oikawa’s voice was laced with fake sweetness, Ushijima raised an eyebrow and responded, “Actually, it was Tendo who told me about it.” Oikawa stepped towards Japan’s ace and points his fingers angrily at him and punctuated his words with a murderous glare “You don’t have a fucking place to say that, you don’t even understand what a relationship means. Do me a favor and fuck off.”
“What I do understand is that if you truly love someone, you won’t suddenly book a flight to another country without saying goodbye.”
Ushijima replies calmly with his ‘no-nonsense’ tone, there is no jab or sarcasm laced on his voice, just cold hard truth. Japan’s ace left the locker room while the other players stood awkwardly trying to ease the tension inside the room, Oikawa looks down on the tiled floor - he does not have enough words to defend himself.
“Oikawa!! You’re playing differently today. Is there something distracting you?”
His national team coach approached Oikawa with a stern look on his face, Oikawa wiped the sweat off his forehead and shook his head “No, coach I’m fine. I’ll improve myself, train harder, and be better next time.” He promises with a determined look on his eyes. His coach nods and blows the whistle signaling the end of their morning training, as his coach continues “You better improve Oikawa or else you might not be our starting setter for the upcoming exhibition match with the South Korean volleyball league team.”
Oikawa stood there gaping with the information given to him as he slowly replied with excitement rushing on his exhausted muscles “I’m going to play as the setter for the upcoming game?” His coach gave a small grin and nodded “Hell yeah. That’s why you need to pack your stuff in Miyagi and transfer here in Tokyo. We’ll be having more training to boost your performance, this will be your debut match. It better be damn worth the shot.”Oikawa felt the pride swelling in his chest and a large smile blossoms on his sweaty face, he knows - he just knows that this is one of the moments he was waiting for. All the sacrifices he made, all the tears he shed, all the heartache from leaving Japan to Argentina, all the loneliness and nights of overworking himself into the brink of exhaustion. This moment his grand debut as the rising star setter of the world-famous Japanese National team and he replied with fervor and determination
“I won’t fail you, sir!”
“Someone’s happy~”
Kuroo exclaimed in a sing-song voice as the team gathered inside the locker room changing their sweaty uniforms into cleaner casual clothing. Oikawa closed his locker and gave a cheeky grin “Of course I am! Coach told me I'll be the starting setter for our upcoming exhibition match with South Korea, my debut match and the whole world will be watching me!” he grabbed his phone and unlocked it excitedly, Kuroo tries and miserably fails to tame his messy bed hair and commented
“You know, when I first heard I’m going to be part of the starting team on my debut match I immediately knew deep down who will be the first person I want to share this news with.”
Oikawa lifted his head and stared at the taller man with curious eyes, as Kuroo continued looking fondly at the lock screen of his phone - a picture of Kuroo, Kenma, and their 2 cats. “I immediately called Kenma because I know he’ll be genuinely happy for me. It’s strange but I just want his assurance, you know?” Kuroo turns around and smiles widely, his cheeks hinted with a faint shade of pink to show a bit of bashfulness. Then he said “Oiks, when you first heard of this news who is the first person that popped into your mind? Who do you want to celebrate this moment with?”
Oikawa stood in the middle of the locker room unsure what to say, his hand clutching even tighter on his phone with his head lowered dazing down on the dull floors. He knows deep down who he wants to talk to but he’s not sure if this person still wants him - as much as Oikawa desires to be with him again.
“Kuroo, I hurt this person so badly, I was selfish.” Oikawa whispered, then continued “You remember what Ushiwaka said earlier this morning? All of it was true, I left when shit got tough - I ran away. I was a coward.” Oikawa confessed.
Kuroo places his hand reassuringly on Oikawa’s shoulder and patted it with brotherly affection, “You’re being a coward if you continue to let your guilt control your decisions. Face it head-on, tell him what you feel.”
After that Kuroo closed his locker shut and grabbed his sports bag and said “Well, I need to bounce Kenma and I are going to have lunch together. I hope you get your shit sorted Oiks!” He waves politely and bows goodbye to the rest of his teammates. Oikawa stood in the middle of the locker room, heart pounding as he grabbed his phone and tried to type a text message. His first message was left on read and never replied after 2 months of waiting. Then he deletes his message, then types again and deletes again. He was nervous and anxiety-ridden, unsure he could message Iwaizumi again after pushing him away in his life and packing his things and leaving without saying goodbye.
“I’m a coward.”
He murmured as he pressed his palms on his face and breathed deeply as he sat down on the bench with his hands and phone pressed on his forehead, nervously deciding if he should message him or not.
‘Maybe he won’t respond, he’ll leave me on read like last time?’ His thoughts weigh heavily on his shoulders - over one stupid text message.
‘He’s ignoring me, he has every right and reason to do it.’ Another one of his internal voices echoes inside his head.
It doesn’t matter to him anymore, he won’t be controlled with his guilt. Oikawa quickly types out a message and presses sent. Even if it will take him a hundred or thousand text messages for Iwaizumi to reply - he will still do it in a heartbeat.
Toyko - Umetaro Cafe
From: Unknown number
‘Iwa-chan, I’m so happy!! I’m going to be the starter setter for the upcoming exhibition match against South Korea. You better be there cheering for me or else I’m going to throw away your Godzilla collection~ I hope we can see each other soon!’
Iwaizumi glances at the text message on his phone. He was standing in the counter waiting for his order at the cafe that is a 10-minute walk from his office which is conveniently across the Tokyo Metropolitan Gymnasium and their National Park. He was craving for milk bread and roasted black coffee, as this cafe is popularly known for their sweets. It was strange since his friends told him that he used to dislike milk bread but now Iwaizumi craves for it - as if milk bread can help him find an answer to unlock his memories. His close friend and coworker Akaashi was in the bathroom as Iwaizumi patiently waits for his order and reading the text message twice and thought,
‘It’s this unknown phone number again.’
The word ‘ Iwa-chan’ was ringing in his head bothering even in his sleep, the word that is constantly present ever since he received the first text message two months ago. It never failed to bother him and give him this aching feeling that something is missing - a big puzzle piece in his life that he completely forgot about, as if wiped out from his memories.
‘Iwa-chan’ seems to be significant in his memories but Iwaizumi no matter how desperately hard he tries to remember he really can’t recall who said that word constantly ‘Is it the name of my high school friend? Do I have a friend named Iwa-chan?’ he ponders even more as he was about to type out a reply to the unknown number when his order was called
“One black coffee and milk bread on the go for Iwaizumi!”
Iwaizumi raised his head and slipped the phone inside his pocket opting to ignore the text message and went to the counter to grab his order and politely thanking the barista. He turns around and bumps onto someone, this man - this lunatic forcefully grabs Iwaizumi’s shoulders with a trembling strength and shaky hands.
The beautiful stranger who was an inch taller than Iwaizumi with perfectly styled chestnut brown hair that looks airy and fluffy, his eyes are blown wide and in a light shade of brown but there is a hint of glassiness and glistening with tears ready to be shed. Pale skin with cheeks flushed from a combination of sweat and anxiety, lips are trembling as the words spill out his mouth like a fervent prayer and a whisper
“Iwa-chan… I-I miss you.”
Iwaizumi Hajime politely pulls away from the stranger’s touch as if the man burned his skin. Iwaizumi’s hands are cold, formal, and distant. He pulls his body a foot away from the stranger, a year's worth of distance between them. His words are sharper and much more painful than a knife piercing into an open flesh wound multiple times, Iwaizumi asked with sincerity and honesty looking at the stranger with no hint of recognition in his sharp forest green eyes.
“I’m sorry, but who are you?”