Chapter Text
Year35ABY, SM N6 W4 Taungsday
Dear Supreme Leader - Kylo Ren – Ben – General Ben – My love
Where do I start my last report? I can't believe this is the last time I'm going to write to you, I've come to love these times of day. Would you rather I keep the usual fun tone or do you expect me to be a little upset?
Maybe I'll let a little bit of my Happiness appear between the lines and in capital letters, because that's what I feel now that you've finally revealed your face and there are no masks between us anymore. You can't see me while I write, but I promise you will soon. I'm counting the minutes!
I'll start at the beginning, then. I'll be faithful to my brilliant storytelling skills with which I've managed to conquer your heart almost without intending to.
I felt very anxious last night after sending you that letter. I took a last chance but I couldn't do anything else, I was on the verge of resisting. And I needed to believe in my instincts, I needed to believe in you.
I wouldn't mind suffering a punishment, I'm not even afraid of death. But I would have felt mortified if you didn't come, if you weren't able to come to my call because you didn't feel the same way I did or simply because you didn't understand my feelings.
Minutes after sending it, someone knocked on my door with three barely audible knocks.
The Supreme Leader himself, knocked on my door at Chandrila when he should have been aboard the Supremacy, in his black suit and his much-feared mask. Just like that day in Jakku, when we met for the first and last time.
I was shaking from head to toe, his presence could mean many good and bad things, but I tried not to think of the latter as a self-preservation tactic.
I gestured to him to enter, unable to avoid surprise and almost voiceless. I could sense some doubt in him too, it was strange, everything was very strange. I was no longer that girl from Jakku, alone and full of spite, nor was he the tall, mysterious man I met that day.
He was still tall, of course, but behind his mask I could feel exactly the same fear I was feeling.
He stood in front of me for long minutes, but now that I think about it, it was only six, I am not sure. It felt like an eternity.
And then I held my breath because he was bringing his hands to his head to take off his mask.
I panicked. And I'm not going to deny it. So I stopped him.
Yes, I was afraid that my fantasies would fall apart and I couldn't tolerate it, afraid that he wouldn't be the person I wanted him to be. I couldn't bear the shame of being wrong about something I wanted so badly.
But he spoke. He told me not to be afraid, that he can feel it, too. And it was true, his hands were shaking when he took mine.
The same thoughts that I had at that moment must have crossed his mind. He knew everything, absolutely everything about me, but what if I didn't accept him?
I mustered all the courage I could and went to him to take off his much hated helmet with my own hands. Kylo bent over to give me permission.
The most beautiful eyes in the galaxy fell on mine, and we were both suspended in time, contemplating the miracle.
Ben
All this time, it was you.
All these weeks, always by my side, invisible witness to my feelings.
I can't imagine the emotions you felt reading what I was writing.
I won't forgive you for having deceived me, I won't forgive you for not having shown yourself before. But I will never hold a grudge against you for that. Your life was not easy. It's not easy now and it may get even more complicated.
You know very well that I'm not perfect. But I don't care about perfection.
What I want is to make things work between us, who are like the wreckage of those ships in Jakku left to die and destroyed, but with the potential to be happy and fly through the skies again or be traded for food.
I think the metaphor is inadequate, but I could not find a better analogy.
What I am trying to say is that if you accept me I will be with you always, defending you with all my heart, seeking the balance of your soul and mine. We will learn together to deal with our miseries.
You have been gentle and patient, you have endured my fits of anger, you have endured my criticism and you have rewarded me with your silent approval, you have let me show myself as I am. You have found a way to make your way to me, although let me tell you that your methods are quite complex. No one could say you lack creativity, I'll give you that.
The circumstances that brought us together were exceptional but I'm sure we would meet again a thousand times no matter what.
Will you accept this former scavenger who has become a frustrated writer as a travel companion?
What am I saying? You don't have a choice anymore. You asked, and I said yes.
Now you can never get rid of me!
I love you, Ben.
I love you, Kylo-Long Legs.
REY
P.S. I think that after having sent you so many letters I deserve one from you, with that beautiful handwriting you have. Would you do it?