Chapter Text
7:30 AM
He wakes up to Mary-Jane sobbing and laughing at the same time. In his room. His sleepy eyes not entirely open yet, Jeongguk sees the outlines of quite a lot of people. In his room. They’re all saying something. Why are so many people in here so early in the morning? And why the hell is MJ crying?
“Mary-Jane? What’s happening?”
“Ggukie! So sorry kid, did we wake you up?”
Jeongguk recognizes this voice. He rubs his eyes and sits up properly, stretching his arms while letting out a big yawn.
“Ahhhh…..h-hyung???”
He can clearly see the people in his room now. Mom and dad are there. Namjoon is there. And of course Mary-Jane is there, sitting on the chair next to his bed, crying into the tissue on her hand. She looks happy though. Jeongguk sighs. What the hell is happening?
“Why are you all here? Am I… you know,... dying soon? Haha”
“Are you out of your mind, Jeon Jeongguk? Don’t joke about that.” - his mom disapproves of her son’s lightheartedness. He doesn’t know why they are there yet and is probably confused out of his mind right now. She nudges her husband’s elbow. Jeongguk’s dad should be the one telling his son this big news. Very big in fact.The old man finally picks up on it, after some more aggressive nudges from his mom. He clears his throat, trying not to let the happy tears flow out, crossing his arms and straightening his posture.
“Ggukie-ah. We’re so happy for you, son. They found a donor for you! You’re getting new lungs!! You will be healthy again, my son.”
Holy. Fuck. Is this what the wishing star brought him? A silence fills the room as Jeongguk tries to compose himself. Everybody is waiting for his reaction.
“...You’re not kidding right? I just wished upon a wishing star last night. What the fuck is this voodoo shit?! Hahaha”
Namjoon smiles and shakes his head. Why can’t this kid be serious for once. Their mom wipes her tears away and starts talking.
“First of all, language, young man. Second of all, can I please give you a hug? Actually, can we all? We missed you so much at home, little one.”
They all come in for a big family hug. Mary-Jane joins in with her happy tears too.
“You are seriously lucky they found a fitting candidate. Whether it was the wishing star that made this happen or not, you’re incredibly lucky. Many people have to wait years and years for a fitting organ.” Mary-Jane wipes her tears away. “Also, I didn’t know a kid like you would believe in that stuff. Y’know, wishing stars and stuff.” She jokingly adds.
Jeongguk is happy he has a loving family. They stayed for a while to ask him about things and to remind him to listen to what the doctors tell him to do. After they all said goodbye to each other it was time for lunch. Jeongguk takes his equipment to help his breathing and his laptop with him. He wants to eat at the cafeteria today, just a gut feeling.
Wow. It’s crowded today. Oh, right. It’s Monday. He goes to the vending machine to get some banana milk. They also have cookies today. Sweet. Cookies and banana milk for lunch today. He’s happy.
Looking around, the tables look like they are all packed with people. He stands there, trying to spot a free table. Jeongguk checks his phone - it’s 1:11 PM already. He needs to get back for his daily check up soon. His thoughts get interrupted by a high-pitched, soft voice coming from the table on his right.
“Are you looking for a table? You can sit here if you like. All the other tables look like they’re taken.”
Jeongguk looks to his right. A kid around his age. He’s smiling softly at him. The kid has a similar accent to his. Jeongguk sits down to the seat in front of this person. He starts the conversation.
“Thank you. I didn’t know it would be so crowded today. I rarely go to the cafeteria. I’m sorry, what’s your name?”
“It’s alright. I’m Park Jimin. What’s yours?” Jimin reaches his hand out to shake the banana-milk-kid’s hand, a smile forming on his lips.
“Jeon…” This boy’s smile makes his heart sink. What the hell?
“Um… Earth to Mr. Jeon...?”
“Sorry. Jeon Jeongguk.” Jeongguk awkwardly answers. He adds a question to cut the tension. “So… uh… I’m 17. How old are you? And, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s the reason you for being here?” Jeongguk panics. What in the fuck is this conversation. Why is he phrasing things so weirdly. Why is he even nervous at all? His heart is beating so fucking fast right now.
“Haha I don’t mind. I like your name by the way… Jeon Jeongguk...” Jimin repeats Jeongguk’s name. “I’m 18. I’m a cancer patient. I was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. They didn’t discover it soon enough so now I’m on stage 3 already. It’s whatever now. It is what it is. I live by the motto “Things get worse before they get better.” I only know that it can only get better now haha.” Jeongguk’s heart drops again when Jimin laughs. His eyes form a crescent moon shape when he laughs. Quite adorable.
“I’m really sorry to hear that, Jimin.. I have cystic fibrosis, but luckily I’m getting a lung transplantation soon. They just informed me today.” Jeongguk pulls his laptop out, opening his notes, checking the first task in the to-do list today. He feels accomplished. He took his meds right after mom and dad left.
“You should try writing the list by hand in a journal. You wouldn’t have to carry your laptop around all the time, and it’s quite meditating too. I keep my own journal to document whatever exciting going on at that moment. You can doodle in the journal, and stick photographs in there too!” Jimin pulls out his phone to show Jeongguk his drawings.
They continue to talk. Jimin’s energy feels warm and welcoming. It gives Jeongguk a strange feeling. His new friend doesn’t seem pessimistic at all for somebody who has stage 3 cancer.
They say their goodbyes to each other after the lunch session and go back to their rooms.
“Oh. MJ? Do you know if you could give me this kid’s dorm number? His name is Park Jimin.” Jeongguk blushes slightly as he says the name out loud. “He’s a cancer patient. Pancreatic. We made friends today at lunch and he seems really cool. It would be nice if I could hang out with him.”
“Sure thing, kid. Give me a second. Here you go.”
Jeongguk sits on his bed, with Jimin’s dorm number on a sheet of paper given by Mary-Jane. He keeps staring at the paper, replaying Jimin’s smile in his head over and over again.
Why is a boy making him feel this way? He was only interested in girls, well, up until now. This is a strange feeling he still can’t process. But it’s weirdly exciting. “Park Jimin…” He murmurs. “...Pretty name...”. Park Jimin is pretty indeed.
Jeongguk pulls out his camera and films today’s update for his YouTube channel. He decides he wants Jimin in it too. He wants to introduce his viewers to his new friend, and his new friend to his viewers.
He jumps out of bed, walking quickly to the door, but stops midway. He needs to freshen up. He looks so messy right now. Too messy. He didn’t even do his hair before lunch. Jeongguk jumps to his closet, changing into cleaner clothes. He settles on a black oversized sweater and gray sweatpants. Comfy and effortless. He rushes to the bathroom to brush his teeth again and do his hair. Most of the time he just lets his hair do whatever it wants that day. But today isn’t the day. He needs to look presentable. Why is he doing all this for a boy he just met? The thought passes Jeongguk’s mind, his hands still busy fixing his messy hair, making sure he looks his absolute best without seeming like a try-hard.
Alright. He’s effortlessly cute now, as people say it. Jeongguk reaches for his laptop, but remembers Jimin’s suggestion and grabs the notebook in the cupboard next to his bed and puts his laptop back. He never even touched the notebook more than twice, but trying out something new wouldn’t hurt. With the notebook in one hand and his vlog camera in the other, Jeongguk walks to the pretty boy’s dorm. Park Jimin’s dorm. Jeongguk is nervous.
He takes a few deep breaths before knocking on Jimin’s door. It didn’t take a third knock for the door to be opened by Jimin. Jeongguk’s eyes widened, surprised by how quickly Jimin came to the door.
“Come in, Jeongguk! Mary-Jane told me that you asked for my dorm number.” Again, a smile forms on his lips. God fucking damn it. Jimin is so pretty. Jeongguk feels like his head was about to explode.
Jimin takes Jeongguk’s hand and shows him around the room, leading the kid to every corner of his neat dorm. Jimin’s room smells nice. Like a cool morning’s sunshine, if that makes sense. He’s not sure if you can smell sunshine, but that’s the best he can decide what the subtle scent makes him feel like. Probably because it’s quite chilly in here. Now and then Jeongguk catches Jimin’s gaze on him. They’re short, but still noticeable. Jimin shows him his plants on the window still. Jimin calls them his pets. He also shows Jeongguk a drawing he’s working on.
“I just started working on it after lunch. Do you like it?”
Jimin hands Jeongguk his cartoon style sketch of a little boy with bunny ears and doe eyes. Again, Jeongguk feels Jimin’s eyes on him - on his hands, to be precise.
They sit back down on the side of Jimin’s bed, facing each other.
“I like your hands.” Jimin blurts out, casually. He takes Jeongguk’s hand and holds it against his. Jeongguk freezes. The size difference between Jeongguk’s big palm and long fingers and Jimin’s small chubby hand makes Jimin chuckle, which makes Jeongguk’s heart beat even faster. It feels like time is freezing, as if it’s just him and Jimin in the moment. Jeongguk takes the bold move and intertwines his fingers with Jimin’s. Soft and warm. The kid still isn’t bold enough to look into Jimin’s eyes. His eyes are locked with the tiles on the floor.
“Move closer.”
“Hm?” Jeongguk looks up. Jimin wants him to move closer?
“Come closer. It’s cold. You’re warm, Jeonggukkie.” Jimin says softly, smiling again.
Jeongguk’s mind goes blank. Completely blank. He gave him a pet name. Park Jimin called him a pet name. And wants Jeongguk to move closer to him. Jeongguk scooches in, Jimin’s face so so close to his. Jimin smells like strawberries.
“...Jimin?” Jeongguk is nervous. “ ...Your smile is really pretty.”
Jimin responds with a smile. He cups Jeongguk’s face with his hands and pulls him closer.
“Wh- What are you doing??’ Jeongguk flinches, jerking his whole body back. “Don’t misunderstand my intentions. This- ...this is disgusting! I’m not gay, Park Jimin.” He yells at Jimin, blood rushing to his face, making it bright red. He stands up and runs out of Jimin’s room. Jeongguk runs back to his dorm and slams his door, burying his face into his pillows.
Jimin was about to kiss him. Park Jimin was about to kiss him - and he ran away. He doesn’t understand why all of a sudden his heart started beating so fast for a boy. He couldn’t understand why every smile of that boy made him weak in the knees. He couldn't understand why this boy’s words were so captivating. The first time they met and Jimin already made Jeongguk so nervous his mind went blank. The faint sweet scent that hung on his clothes made Jeongguk want to hold him as tight as he can and inhale it until his lungs explode.
What was wrong with him?? Everything was perfect up until that point. The only thing was he never knew about this new side of him. Jeongguk’s whole body stiffens as he remembers the words that came out of his mouth. ”This is disgusting.” His own voice echoes in his head. Jeongguk freezes as he remembers the expression on Jimin’s face. Jimin had tears forming in his glossy eyes. He was biting down on his lips so hard it looked like his lips could bleed any time soon. The more Jeongguk thinks of Jimin’s face at the moment Jeongguk yelled at him the heavier his heart felt.
Confusion.
Guilt.
Jeongguk curls up in his bed, shrinking himself into his oversized sweater, tears streaming down his red cheeks. Every time he breathes in he can still smell the faint scent of Jimin's room in between the threads of his sweater. It hurts to think of the painful words he let out so easily. He cries even louder.
He likes Jimin.
Jeongguk really likes Jimin.