Chapter Text
Where she sat couldn’t be any more ironic. Wincing, she tried to sit up, doing her best to not get sand in the large gash in her abdomen. Her vision was going spotty and her senses seemed to dim. The normally silent waves of the sea crashed and echoed with rage in her mind. She hated it.
If she was going to be wounded or hurt by a suspect, of course it would be on a bloody beach below those godforsaken cliffs. She wondered if the suspect, who was long gone by now, would make it look like an accident. She wondered if her death would be one like Danny’s.
But, then again, it could never. What Danny had to go through was so much worse. Maybe this was her punishment. Maybe this was God’s way of making things fair. Her husband killed Danny and the brilliant copper wife was laying next to the murderer, unsuspecting and faithful to her husband.
She hated the way she thought sometimes. She hated her thoughts in general, sometimes.
Call someone! You have a phone! Call an ambulance! Now! You have time!
But did she really? What time did she have? If the knife had been left, she might’ve had the chance, but she knew she didn’t. The knife had been pulled out. The second she left pressure off of the wound she would be dead. Even with the pressure, she’d be dead in minutes.
She wanted to wail, to scream for someone, but even trying to take a large breath hurt. So, instead, she sat on the beach with silent tears strolling down her face. She needed to tell someone. Anyone. She didn’t want to die alone.
She fumbled to find her mobile. Every second of movement was excruciating. Once again, her vision darkened, this time for longer. She shook her head as if it would shake away the darkness consuming her, and thank God it worked.
She carefully typed in a set of numbers and pressed the call button.
“Miller? What are you doing up this late at night?”
The second she heard the rough Scottish voice on the other side she wanted to let out a laugh. Was she really doing this? Was her last call really going to be with the cold and grumpy, thin and grouchy, job-stealer detective? But that was her problem. She’d learned to love someone everyone rejected. She’d learned to love a person everyone said was broken, even more than herself. She’d learned to love someone who had a broken heart and someone who wore a mask to cover his true self. And, of course, she’d learned to love someone who couldn’t love her back.
“Miller?” he asked again, sounding tired but concerned.
“Yeah,” she managed to say. She tried to clear her throat. “What are you doing up then, wanker?”
She heard some sort of groan on the other end of the line. “You woke me up, then, just to call me a wanker?”
“So you – you were sleeping?” she asked, keeping a tight smile on her face despite the pain rushing through her body.
“What do ya need?” he asked.
Ellie didn’t have a response. She needed an ambulance. She needed love. She needed someone to talk to. She didn’t want to be alone.
“Miller, are you alright?” the voice asked again, this time sounding more alert and awake.
“Don’t,” she said. “I need to ask you something, alright?”
“Out with it then, Miller,” he said.
“Ok… more like tell you – tell you something…”
There was silence on the other end.
“The case. The case. The suspect,” she said. Once again, her vision was darkening and her thoughts dissipated to the unknown. She tried pushing down on the gash again, this time with more force. She winced. “We need to check the boy… the seventeen year-old. And his father.”
“Where are you getting this?”
“Just. You’ll have everything you need… tomorrow.”
“Miller, stop being so vague and so bloody enigmatic. You’re sleep deprived and not thinking properly. We can talk about this tomorrow, alright?” he said, but in a softer tone. A lighter tone. A kinder tone. She loved it.
“Tomorrow? Okay?” he asked.
No! Don’t go!
“Wait!” she cried out. And even though she cried it out, her voice was barely audible.
“What? Miller, I think you’re breaking up.”
“Tom and Fred!” she said. And then it hit her. Tom and Fred would have no one. They wouldn’t have a dad or mum. Not any more. She cried. This time, she properly cried.
“Ellie? Woah, woah there. It’s alright. Just, unlock your door. I’m on my way.”
“N-No!” She let out a wavering breath, trying to calm herself and let out a fake laugh that made everything sound worse. “I just – I don’t… No. I’m f-fine.”
“You’re obviously n- what’s that noise?”
“What noise?”
“The – Ellie I swear… are you at the beach?”
“It’s a nice – nice night,” she said. She looked up at the stars above her. It was true. The skies were clear. Mostly. The small dots that painted the sky blurred into bright glowing orbs. “Needed some air…”
“What about Tom and Fred?”
She tried not to cry again when he said their names, but she couldn’t. “I just… the sky is s-so nice o-out. You should look out too.”
“Ellie, whatever it is you need, please. Just tell me. I want to help – agh. You know I’m not good at these things! Just… you’re not alone. If you don’t want me you have so many friends. Call the Latimer’s or you’re sister. You’re crying and you are not okay. So let someone help you.”
She stayed silent for a long time. Too long.
“Miller?”
“Look. Look at the stars. Tell me what you see.”
“Ellie. I don’t…”
“Just… please…” she sighed. She could feel her body weaken as her arm started to slide and her eyes started to close. She did her best to look up. The night was truly beautiful.
“Tell me what you see.” Her voice came out as a whisper.
“I -” he cleared his throat. “Stars. White. Bright. Glowing. Some are twinkling, I suppose. There’s a red tinted one just to the right of the Big Dipper. Erm. Yeah. Bright balls of hot gas.”
She managed to pull a smile at that. “Keep going. Please.”
“What do you want? A bloody Charles Dickens novel about the stars?”
She wanted to laugh again. Maybe that’s how she wanted to go. She wanted to die happy. If she was going to die today, she wanted it to be now. She wanted it to be with happy thoughts. And if she couldn’t be talking to her boys, she wanted it to be with Alec Hardy.
“Yes.”
“You should have called Latimer…” he paused, “but if that’s what you really want, I’ll do my best.”
“Alec. Alec. You know that I… I…” She paused. Why break his heart now? The man had gone through so much. Telling him she loved him now would be even worse than not saying anything at all. He didn’t deserve any more heartbreak. She silently finished her thought and looked up at the night sky. Ready, she let go. The last thing she pictured was a happy image of her, her boys, and Alec Hardy. Maybe that could have been her future. But it wasn’t. She had to be content with what she had.
Alec waited for a response he never got.