Chapter Text
He definitely wasn’t expecting Nie Huaisang to appear. And it was embarrassing as hell.
“What a lovely day to see you.”
That wasn’t supposed to happen in the slightest to begin with.Jiang Cheng was trusting the rumors of Nie Huaisang being practically a hermit crab that wasn’t walking out of his own chambers anytime soon, but luck wasn’t by his side once again.
He had laughed despectively at Huaisang on the first week of him hearing the gossip, as he thought that he was absolutely weak and that he had lost way more than him yet he rebuilt Yunmeng Jiang from scratch and was doing good with it. He wouldn’t trust Huaisang and his political power; maybe Nie Mingjue was too good to be true and a sudden change was weird, but yet it wasn’t excusable for a Sect Leader to be that weak. Come on! If you are your own last family member and the local Sect Leader, embrace it and do your best out of it. There was no time to cry upon spilled milk, alliances had to be restored and that had to be done as quick as possible. As he watched the fragile lotuses wither in the late summer sunset, he had reinforced himself the thought of not letting his emotions get him. There was enough remaining chaos outside of him, he could deal with his inner issues later. His people needed him, there was no time to be so stupidly selfish!
That’s what Jiang Cheng used to firmly think, until he slowly started to break within the following months. Jin Ling telling him about his night hunting adventures at Gusu with the Lan juniors, specially Sizhui —Wei Wuxian and Lan Wangji’s son and of course, his nephew’s best friend— made him feel weird in the stomach. Imagining Jin Ling arriving back at Cloud Recesses, eating food along with his br- no, Wei Wuxian, them smiling at each other, Wuxian’s rascal antics and stories being told, the juniors laughing or staring in awe, Wangji staring from his side and everything seeming like a usual family dinner, made his already turmoiled mind go even more cloudy. It was a punch in the gut, imagining a happiness that was so foreign to him yet he could easily grasp it in the shape of tender memories of Wuxian bragging about his mischief, Jiang Cheng himself scolding him and Jiang Yanli laughing as prettily as she was while Madame Yu tried to calm herself, all of that while his father Fengmian praised his cleverness. Something he used to have, something he didn't have anymore.
Why couldn’t he add himself to the fun, even though Jin Ling and Wei Wuxian have invited him countless times? Why couldn’t he gather the courage to ease his temper whenever his nephew mentioned him? (“I told you not to say his goddamn name!” “Uncle, get a grip and get over it!”) Easy answer: his mother had taught him three things. One, not to beg for anything; two, trust no one, and three, expect nothing from no one. Forgetting meant a part of you would be lost. And forgiving meant he didn’t care anymore, he’d lose the battle! … However, he never stopped caring. Unfortunately, because he never stopped caring for his dead loved ones yet he’d never stop caring about the brother who was always better than him.
And thus, with his constipated, confused and of course grieving heart, he didn’t know what to expect about Nie Huaisang. He was always unpredictable inside his predictable self; as he was usually carefree and delicate but mischievous and sly, he never could 100% read his eyes when they were teenagers. The trio got along on those times and had lots of fun, but that didn’t last that much because of Wei Wuxian screwing up over Jin Zixuan —he deserved it, Jiang Cheng didn’t have a doubt about that, but jeez — and they didn’t quite have the time to send letters to each other as everything escalated quickly over the months. But in all the years of the Yiling Patriarch’s absence from this world, Jiang Cheng and Nie Huaisang exchanged letters, but barely a few times a year though, just because of political stuff. Yet they sometimes added some postscripts related to each other’s lives, just as a light way to get in touch. “I’m getting stronger!” Huaisang would say in his beautiful calligraphy, “da-ge praised me for my martial art ability and didn’t frown at my new artworks even though he’s getting really moody these days...” and Jiang Cheng would secretly hope that for the next letter, he would still conserve his spirit. At least he wasn’t as broken as he was , he used to think, until the Nie Mingjue incident.
In that year, there weren’t any letters. Nie Huaisang barely spoke during the following conferences after his brother’s death, and whenever someone approached him to give some condolences, he would flinch. He looked so… devastated, but Jiang Cheng didn’t know what to do to comfort him. His inner Yanli was telling him to use the old bond they used to have and embrace him, just a little, but his pride, as always, was first; so it would end up in Jiang Cheng watching Huaisang weep quietly from afar, angry at the situation and at himself for, once again, being not enough. He tried to internalize his thoughts to the “he should act instead of cry and do nothing” as he wanted to forget his pain of never getting to be there for the people he cared about.
But he never expected that within time, Nie Huaisang actually did something. He- he literally plotted something so devilishly detailed and delicate, just as he was, to the point he got to avenge his family. And Jiang Cheng wasn't going to lie; his revenge feelings at the Sunshot Campaign were bursting by self satisfaction and fueled by pain as well; yet that didn’t ease his resentment at all. If anything, it just left an empty void in his chest. And the fact that he couldn’t just kill the brother he hated to see alive yet he had missed furiously on those years, was way worse.
But with everything that happened at Guanyin Temple (and him half dying in the middle of it), he no longer knew if Huaisang whether was in a better state of mind than him or a worse one. Who was the emptiest of the two? Who was the most alive one? Jiang Cheng had technically recovered one family member and still had his nephew, but he wouldn’t let the grudges go. Nie Huaisang, instead, let everything go after his revenge yet he didn’t recover anything. If he got to even step out of the Unclean Realm and face the world again with all the broken shards and what he has rebuilt not of the Sect but of himself, he definitely was stronger than Jiang Cheng, or so he thought. And knowing they’d do anything for their loved ones yet they still lost so much and endured so much pain, was the reason why Jiang Cheng couldn’t get completely mad at Huaisang.
Yes, he was unpredictable, he could poison his soup one day and he wouldn’t find out, but he found himself putting his pride apart and embracing the eternal winter that was his heart, opening it a little and realizing that if he had gone through all the pain and loneliness Huaisang already had when Nie Mingjue was alive, adding his pride and bad temper, he would’ve had gone insane and probably dead from a qi deviation. Huaisang didn’t succumb at rage, though: he transformed it into something deviously useful.
Jiang Cheng’s morals were so confused at this point he didn’t try to process it anymore. It had happened already, so it was better to forget. He already had a lot of inner stuff to deal with. So here he was, at the market in Qinghe, facing the man he was confused at yet couldn’t easily hate. He had decided to go to the city for the day in an attempt to be casual (which… he never really was), hoping that the news of his presence on that day would spark enough interest for Huaisang to write him letters again so they could sort of “make amends” over the past times and… maybe re-start and improve their bond, hoping to be a shoulder he could lean on...
And yes, he was a coward. Too proud to directly walk into the Unclean Realm, even though Jiang Cheng himself was a Sect Leader so he could assign an audience with him at the snap of a finger. So, being caught at an embarrassing situation in the middle of his cowardry, in the other man’s city, was a cry for the earth to swallow him whole .
“What are you trying to say?” he barked back at Huaisang, before realizing he was the one interrupting, he was the outsider disturbing other people’s peace. In the end, he still had issues with his defensive impulses.
The other man, delicate as ever, smirked ever so slightly and fanned himself. “Nothing. Just glad to see you… and seeing you buy our high quality accessories. That’s always a delight.”
Jiang Cheng frowned. “Are you making fun of me?”
“Not at all”, Huaisang said while shaking his head. When did his hair grow so long yet still managing to look so silky? “It’s good for me to have a visitor… ah, only if you were going to my place, I meant”, he corrected himself sheepishly. “How arrogant of me to assume you were going to visit me. My apologies, maybe you were just strolling around and nothing else.”
His voice was open and warm at the beginning, but after his realization it turned into cold, polite ice. And Jiang Cheng wasn’t going to freeze again after barely being able to break the ice he created to isolate his heart from his very existence.
“Who told you I wasn’t?” he asked with faux confidence and straightening his back, while asking himself what on heavens was he doing. “You think I’m that impolite to not visit the local Sect Leader?”
Stupid, stupid, stupid . His words were completely far from what he was intending in the first place! Huaisang would leave him, raise an eyebrow, talk back and—
“Of course you’re not, Sect Leader Jiang.” Uh. “I know you, you always respect protocols as much as you can and you wouldn’t waste your time in things you don’t consider worth it. That’s why I was asking.”
Huh? Did Huaisang just assume that Jiang Cheng didn’t think of him as someone worth his time? Who did he think he was?
But before snapping again, he breathed and exhaled. He got to control his temper for once, doing his best to put himself in Huaisang’s shoes. Wow . Feeling that was strange, really odd. Was this the less spiritual/cultivating way of Empathy? Probably. That’s why it’s called like that, dumbass.
Ugh! He needed to get over his panic.
“You… you’re worth my time!” he exclaimed a bit too eagerly, as if he had received an order. It made Huaisang flinch, as well as some people passing by. Shaking his head as he felt he was losing face with each second that passed, Jiang Cheng didn’t back down. “Who do you think I am? Let’s get going immediately and have some tea, and it better be the best tea you can give me!”
If Wei Wuxian saw this, he probably would’ve laughed until his lungs exploded.However, Huaisang quirked an eyebrow, somewhat surprised yet still smirking. “Oh? You suddenly act very confident, my old friend. But… don’t you have some pending business behind you?” he asked in a soft voice, signaling the fan craftsman he was about to slaughter five minutes ago.
Jiang Cheng felt his face heating up. Huaisang was definitely doing this on purpose, he was sure, he knew about his pride and that he hated apologizing. He was about to throw hands at this shameless Headshaker, until he got to restraint himself again. No. If he came all the way to see him, got to see him, and screwed up in his city, it was too bad but he had to apologize. Ugh. He was at the loss in this round, and gods he hated losing, even more when it wasn’t about something that deep, it was a misunderstanding as he was all peaceful at the shop until people started whispering things and got too nervous.
But as he glanced to Huaisang, his stare wasn’t cryptic or hard to read. Instead, his expression was clear as water. There was no scheming behind it, just expectation. And was Huaisang making puppy eyes at him —
This was ridiculous.
“I…” Jiang Cheng started. “I’m deeply sorry, Master Wu. I was asking for a specific fan of yours to buy, but I lashed out at you when I wasn’t in my right to do so. Please, accept this compensation.” He deeply bowed while closing his eyes and after that, he gave the still shocked craftsman a bag with golden coins, a small fortune. Jumping from where he was standing, Craftsman Wu went back to his shop and gave him a somewhat large fabric bag, leading to the bickering of “here’s what you asked for, Sect Leader Jiang” and “no, I don’t deserve so!”
Huaisang laughed silently behind his fan at Jiang Cheng’s flushed face. It’s been so long, yet he didn’t change at all. Bad at apologizing, bad at receiving compliments, yet yearning for them. Ah, yes, this was his old friend. This was his Jiang-xiong.
When Jiang Cheng went back at him, his face was burning red and had the fabric bag hanging from its cord on one hand. “Don’t you dare tell anyone about this” he threatened.
Huaisang chuckled, closing his fan. “I don’t even know the context of what happened, so it’s no use for me. Besides, it’s not like I have anyone to gossip with” he finished with a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes.
Jiang Cheng felt a pang of sorrow in his chest. He definitely couldn't get mad, still feeling constipated but now because of trying to understand the mourning loneliness Nie Huaisang was bounded to live with. Did he deserve this at all…?
As he saw Huaisang slowly sadden more, he reacted quickly, grabbing his forearm and telling his men to follow them. “Whatever! Let’s go to the Unclean Realm. You owe me tea after all you made me go through!” he told Huaisang as he shook his arm lightly. He couldn’t get weak in public, but he already had let loose with this awful attempt at a surprise visit. “Hey. What are you thinking about? Snap out of it. I’m feeling really ashamed because of you. Fix this” he mumbled at the end, not angry anymore. His voice gradually changed to something… tender. Warm.
Huaisang looked back at him, a bit surprised of his gentle tone over his usually sharp words. He was talking as if a little kid had broken something with zero intentions of doing so, probably Jin Ling heard that voice along with his usual yelling in his childhood. He really looked like a familiar figure. Like his brother after seeing him exhausted.
Fighting the urge to cry even though there was barely two people in the street, he got to smile again.
“Yeah. Let’s go. I have a really delicious jasmine tea you’ll like.”
“Gross. That’s too sweet” Jiang Cheng answered back but with no bite, as they started walking back to the Unclean Realm.
“Huh? So you prefer wine, then?” Huaisang teased, while poking the other man with his closed fan and silently realizing that Jiang Cheng hadn’t released his grip from his forearm yet, but no commenting on it.
“What?! Of course not, that’s for banquets only!”
“Hmm, you didn’t say the same back at Cloud Recesses, my dear Sect Leader…”
“Ah— Wuxian bribed me into that and you know it!” Jiang Cheng argued back.
Meeting each other was a complete disaster, their separation and tension in those years was a mess as well. It wasn’t that much of a surprise to reencounter in a chaotic situation once again… but if anything, the light bickering while walking and holding the other’s forearm for him not to escape made Jiang Cheng feel oddly at peace. Tranquil, as if with Nie Huaisang’s presence his inner snowstorms had suddenly halted, giving space for a tiny ray of sunshine to filter through the clouds and announce that, in less time that he had expected, the seasons in his soul would change for the better. And seeing his old friend laughing while dramatically gesturing with his fan was a fresh spring breeze, as well with his genuine, nostalgic smile. Reminded him of better times, and a new chance to get them back to him, to heal from all the deep, unattended wounds he left rotting in his body due to him thinking they’d help him live. He was utterly wrong, and he only had realized when this tender feeling accomodated in his chest, permitting him to take a deep breath and exhale without and pains in his ribs or back.
Something had bloomed timidly, over the thick layer of snow and ice.