Chapter Text
“Do you need money?” Taehyung asked, once they were all sitting down in the living room.
“What?” Jimin asked. “Why would you think that?”
Taehyung held up his phone. “You said it was urgent.”
“I could take out a lone?” Jimin said blankly, uncertain why he was engaging with this. “I have a great credit score.”
“What’s going on, Jimin-ah?” Seokjin asked. He scrutinised Jimin closely, eyes uncomfortably knowing.
The seven of them were scattered around in varying states of undress and awareness. Namjoon hadn’t blinked in three minutes and was staring at the wall very intently. There was a toothpaste stain on his shirt that everyone had refrained from pointing out.
“The media got a hold of some pictures of Jin-ah and a girl,” Jimin blurted out.
“Were they… smoking?” Hoseok asked uncertainly. “Getting tattoos?”
“They were kissing,” Yoongi said, looking up from his phone. “Fuck, poor girls.”
“Yeah,” Jimin said on the exhale.
The room was quieter than he expected – Seokjin and Namjoon both looked mutely furious, and Hoseok seemed too sleepy for emotions.
“What do you want to do?” Yoongi wanted to know. He sounded genuinely curious.
His heart was in his fingertips and his breath was in his feet. He wanted to run, a little bit. Maybe hit something. In the corner of the couch, Jeongguk was curled up in an oversized jumper with wide eyes. He was gnawing on the edge of his cuticle.
“So,” Jimin said. “I kind of wanted to share something. The whole thing, with me getting a fake girlfriend – the rumour wasn’t exactly false.”
“You’re very pretty,” Hoseok agreed, yawning. “And so well in touch with all parts of your style and identity.”
Jeongguk rolled his eyes just a little bit, and gave Jimin a smile that had a lift of encouragement in it.
“Thank you, hyung,” Jimin said. “I was actually talking about the fact that I’m bi, but I appreciate that.”
There was a little bit more silence.
“Thank you for telling us,” Namjoon said, eyes locking on Jimin, suddenly heartbreakingly sincere. He looked tired. Late nights had left loving hands on him, dark thumbprints under his eyes, but he looked at Jimin and smiled and Jimin was warmed through. “We love you, Jiminie.”
“We do,” Yoongi agreed, and Hoseok nodded hastily, crawling across the floor until he could tip himself into Jimin’s arms and bowl him over across the carpet. Seokjin reached down from the couch to tug at Jimin’s hair fondly, and Taehyung joined the cuddle pile. Jimin looked at Jeongguk, and offered him a slice of a smile.
After some hugs and more reassurances, Jimin righted himself.
“I actually had some more stuff to say,” he confessed. “Is it ok if we’re a bit late today?”
“We’ll make it ok,” Namjoon reassured. “Say what you want to say.”
“So,” Jimin said. “Jin-ah’s going to be completely fucked if I don’t say anything, if I let the media think she was just cheating on me. But we were both lying.”
He glanced around the room, trying to gauge reactions. After seven years of scrutiny, they had all perfected the poker face.
“I want to come out,” Jimin said. “Now, before the company can stop me. I wanted to do it earlier, honestly, when this whole mess started, but I was afraid of what they’d do to you all. It’s not just for Jin-ah or anything; it’s for me, too. This is just some motivation.”
He lingered on Jeongguk, warm and soft and sweet.
“I’m still afraid,” he told them. “They can’t do much, we’re too valuable, but they can still hurt us. I won’t do it if you don’t want me to.”
“You should do it.”
It was Yoongi, and Jimin looked at him closely, wondering. Yoongi was thoughtful and careful and discrete but right now there was something bright and burning on his face.
“I agree,” Taehyung said. “It’s not fair. And if anyone’s going to do it… we’re probably the ones who can get away with it.”
“That’s true,” Seokjin said. “We’ve got a lot of leverage if we consider the overseas audience. The company will want to handle it carefully. They can’t do much.”
Namjoon was frowning, but nodding, looking like he had possibilities running behind his eyes.
“I’m in,” Hoseok said. “I’m with you.”
Everyone looked at Jeongguk.
“Why are you all looking at me?” he demanded. “Obviously I support Jimin-hyung. Why was that a question?”
It dissolved the tension, and Yoongi petted Jeongguk’s hair affectionately, the younger still scowling irately. Jimin’s face was hot, and with horror, he realised he was close to tears. He cleared his throat and tried to sniff discretely.
“Alright,” he said. “I’m going to go do a live, ok?”
“Do you want us with you?” Taehyung asked. He was smiling, hair in his eyes, cheeks bright with a beam.
Jimin shook his head. “I think I have to do it alone, Tae. Thank you.”
He was in his bedroom, staring at his phone. Go-eun had tried to call again and he’d blocked the number, taking a small bit of joy in that. He pictured her in her pale yellow office, roses by the window, stabbing at her phone with those sharp pink nails.
He hit the button to go live, and waited.
He chatted idly for a while, talking about the comeback and the other members, watching the numbers creep up, blithely ignoring the comments about Jin-ah – some confused, some concerned, some pure vitriol. Finally, he trailed off.
For the first time in a long time he knew what he was going to do. Jimin could see a neatly laid out path in front of him. It was the way he felt on stage, with every beat sunk deep into his muscle memory, just waiting to do what he knew. It was still scary.
The twist of distaste deep in his stomach that woke at the idea of naming it was still there. He could still hear a little voice raging away in the back of his head, screaming about perverts and degenerates and disgust was quieter, but present. He let it sit there and scream itself hoarse.
“I have something to share,” he said. “I wanted to tell you earlier, but my company said I couldn’t. I listened because I was scared, and I still am, but this is more important. I’m bi.”
He let it land, knowing how pauses worked. He knew how to work an audience.
“I like women,” Jimin continued. “But I also like other people. There was a lot of speculation over whether I was gay or not, and my company got scared. They set me up with a woman – Jin-ah, to make me look more acceptable.”
The comments were flying too fast to read, and Jimin didn’t try, knowing he didn’t want to see any of them before he could finish. He blinked hard, hoping for a convincing tear. He didn’t want to look messy, just a bit sad. A single tear slowly crawled down his face, perfectly timed.
“I’m sure you’ve all seen what happened with her, and I’m not going to comment on that, because it’s not my business. But I want to say that what happened to her was horrible and it shouldn’t have happened. No one should have their privacy violated like that, it’s not ok. I’m really angry about that.”
His heartbeat was picking up, mouth drying. The initial calm and purpose felt like it was falling out of his mouth along with his words.
“Our relationship was fake,” he went on. “It was a contract drawn up between our agencies. She didn’t cheat on me because we were never really together. They don’t know I’m doing this right now and I’m probably going to be in a lot of trouble, but I really wanted to say this. I’m really sick of pretending like it doesn’t bother me when my agency treats this like a dirty secret, or when they try to change how I look to make me more palatable. I like who I am, I think I’m a good person, and I’m still the same person you knew.”
Jimin tried a smile, knowing it was watery and wobbly and scared. “I just have a little more love in me than you all thought, that’s all.”
He reached out and switched off the live. It had taken all of ten minutes.
Someone knocked at his door then, like they had been waiting for the live to end.
“Come in,” Jimin called, and the door burst open.
The entire group spilled in, Jeongguk at the forefront, a fierce, fond look on his face.
“I’m so proud of you!” Hoseok cried. “The last bit’s going to make me cry!”
It was true – his eyes did look teary, and Jimin could see a single tear track along his cheek. Seokjin was sniffing unashamedly, leaning into Namjoon’s side for comfort, and Yoongi was smiling widely at them all.
“You did really good, hyung,” Jeongguk murmured, sitting on the floor by Jimin’s feet. He set his chin on Jimin’s knee as the rest scattered themselves around the room.
“Go-eun’s been calling me for the past five minutes,” Namjoon commented, waving his phone. “I blocked her, it felt great.”
Taehyung let out an enthusiastic cheer, clapping his hands.
“You did well, Jiminie,” Namjoon reassured.
Jimin felt a wash of fondness for them, the tears threatening again. He really didn’t want to cry. He’d done his makeup for the live and he’d finally managed to get the liner even on both his eyes.
“We’ll deal with it as it comes,” Seokjin said. “Try not to worry too much. We’re going to be behind you – we should have been behind you from the start.”
Hoseok nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry, Jimin-ah,” he said. “We should have done more. We shouldn’t have let it get this far.”
To his horror, there was a murmur of agreement, Taehyung nodding, Jeongguk hugging his leg tighter and whispering his own apology against Jimin’s skin.
“No!” Jimin cried. “You all were wonderful, there’s nothing wrong with how you handled it. None of us knew what to do.”
Yoongi nodded but looked unconvinced. “At least now it’ll probably be easier if any of us also want to come out,” he pointed out. “We could draw up a schedule.”
“A coming out schedule!” Taehyung said. “That’s cute, can I go next month?”
Everyone stared at him. He shrugged. “Not a big deal,” he told them. “Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. Who knows?”
They’d all slowly trickled out, deciding unanimously to hunker down in the dorm for the day and wait for someone from the company to come beat the door down. Hoseok had been maybe a little too gleeful about that idea.
Jeongguk had stayed – he was still sat quietly at Jimin’s feet with an arm wrapped around his calf and a chin on his knee.
“I’m really proud of you,” he whispered after a while. Jimin could feel the words pressed into his skin as Jeongguk’s jaw moved. “You were really brave. I don’t think I could be that brave.”
Jimin hummed in agreement, still in his desk chair. He sunk his fingers into Jeongguk’s dark curls, longer now, and soft. “It wasn’t fun. I’m glad you’ll never have to do it.”
“What do you mean?” Jeongguk was looking up now, eyes big and curious.
“Just, the whole coming out shit.” Jimin waved his hand in illustration, making a face.
“Why wouldn’t I have to do it?” Jeongguk asked. His fingers dug into Jimin’s leg a little bit, sharp.
“Cause you’re – straight?” Jimin said uncertainly.
Jeongguk had a serious expression but his mouth had a little quirk that suggested he found something funny.
“What gave you that idea?” Jeongguk wanted to know. He was definitely finding it funny.
“Societally enforced heteronormativity?” Jimin offered.
Jeongguk’s mouth hung open. “Too much time with Namjoon-hyung,” he decided.
He used Jimin’s leg as a handhold as he clambered to his feet and leant over, two hands on Jimin’s knees, gazing down. His hair was in his eyes and Jimin had to fight the urge to smooth it back so he could see his face.
“Does that change anything, hyung?” Jeongguk asked. His hands were so broad that they wrapped around his knees and dug into the spot underneath. If he hadn’t looked so intense, Jimin would have assumed he was going to start tickling him.
“I-”
Jimin wanted to say, yes, absolutely, it changes everything. Jimin wanted to say, of course, I know exactly what you mean. Unfortuntely, Jimin didn’t know what the hell he was talking about, so when Jeongguk leaned in closer all he said was –
“What?”
Before Jeongguk’s mouth was on his and Jeongguk’s hand was braced on his jaw and Jeongguk was kissing him.
“Mmph,” Jimin said.
It was a good kiss, he was able to realise, in a distant sort of way. Jeongguk’s mouth was warm and firm on his, and his hand was cradling Jimin’s cheek like he was something important and it felt good and right and the space between them wasn’t harsh or dry, it was unnecessary and unwanted so Jimin brought up his hands and set them at Jeongguk’s waist and then Jeongguk was clambering into his lap without breaking the kiss.
“Oh,” Jimin said, when Jeongguk pulled away to gaze down at him in an expectant kind of way. “Oh, ok. That changes things.”
He pulled Jeongguk back down and was met half way.
It took a while for them to leave Jimin’s room. They had migrated to the bed at some point, Jeongguk sprawled over Jimin and pressing him down into the mattress with slow, easy kisses that seemed to scoop the fear out of him like someone had taken a melon baller to his amygdala.
“How long have you liked me?” Jimin asked, as Jeongguk kissed him under his ear and on the tip of his chin. Jeongguk paused thoughtfully, hair in his eyes again. He arranged himself overtop of Jimin so his chin was propped on the middle of Jimin’s chest, and he straddled Jimin’s thighs. He was heavy, but Jimin wasn’t complaining.
“Since forever,” Jeongguk said. “Since you came out to me. Since right now.”
He tipped his head to press a kiss to Jimin’s collar bone.
“Yeah?” Jimin whispered, combing his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair. “That long?”
Jeongguk smiled. “It’s not really that long. I would have waited longer.”
“You shouldn’t have had to,” Jimin told him. He reached down to pull Jeongguk back up above him. “I’m sorry I’m stupid.”
“How long have you liked me?” Jeongguk asked, teasing. His kiss was teasing too, biting and quick.
“Since forever,” Jimin repeated. “Since right now.”
Jeongguk laughed and kissed him again, fleeting.
“I think I always liked you,” Jimin confessed. “I always loved you, Guk-ah. But it was so much and you were so young and I was so scared and I think the way I hated myself was a lot louder than the way I loved you.”
“Love?” Jeongguk asked. His eyes were huge.
“Too much?”
“Just right,” he said, and kissed him again and again and again.
When they finally did leave, Jimin looked at his phone for the first time in hours and felt a wash of guilt. There were more missed calls from Jin-ah and piles of texts.
Jin-ah: Oppa!!! You shouldn’t have done that, are you stupid???
Jin-ah: why are you so dumb, why would you do this
Jin-ah: we didn’t need to both ruin our careers
Jin-ah: cute coming out speech tho, 10/10, good use of dramatic pauses
Jin-ah: also can you teach me to fake cry
Jin-ah: unless those were real tears, in which case whoops, nvm
Jin-ah: I rewatched, those were fake as hell, nice job
Jin-ah: call me, idiot
He called her. Jeongguk was still tucked into his side as they slowly made their way to the living room, and it was nice. The touch was the same. The intimacy was new, the hands on his hips, the breath on the back of his neck.
“Idiot!” Jin-ah screeched when she picked up. “Stupid, self-sacrificing moron! Why are you so dramatic? Why must you do these things to me? Why do you never answer your phone?”
Jeongguk looked almost impressed at the tinny shrieks coming out of the phone. Jimin just held the phone away from his ear and let her shout herself out.
“See if I ever get you another reservation, Park Jimin! You can eat convenience store kimbap for the rest of your life, for all I care!”
“Are you done?” he asked. They had paused in the hallway, both slightly alarmed by Jin-ah’s decibel levels.
“No!” she yelled, and fell silent.
“Ok,” Jimin said. “Are you alright? What’s your manager saying?”
“He says you probably saved my career,” Jin-ah admitted grudgingly. Jeongguk grinned, kissing Jimin lightly under the ear and making him shiver.
“Good,” Jimin told her. “Then it’s fine. We’ll sort out the rest as we go, yeah?”
“Yeah,” she said meekly. “Fine. I’m sorry for yelling.”
“It’s ok,” he said. “It’s been a mess of a day.”
“Yep,” she agreed, sighing. “Ok. Thank you. I’ll let you go.”
“Bye Jin-ah.”
“She’s ok?” Jeongguk asked. He wrapped his arms around Jimin, squeezing tightly.
“Mm,” Jimin sighed, leaning back into his hold. “Did she make you jealous?”
The arms tightened. “A little bit.”
“I’m sorry.”
“It wasn’t your fault. It made me admit what I was feeling.”
Jimin turned in his arms and tipped his head up. The kiss was slow, Jimin licking into his mouth and taking his time with it, tracing the contours of teeth and cheek and lip. Jeongguk relaxed into his arms, letting Jimin press him back against a door, making little noises in his throat that sounded tiny and happy and helpless.
“Still a baby,” Jimin whispered when he pulled away. He darted up to kiss Jeongguk right on the forehead. “Still my baby.”
Jeongguk’s eyes were dark and shiny when he looked down, and he sank back against the wall, pliant and soft under Jimin’s hands.
They stayed like that for a moment, a breath apart, waiting for something – until Namjoon walked down the hallway, whistling. They sprang apart.
“Oh,” Namjoon said. “Huh. Is this a recent development?”
Jeongguk nodded furiously. He seemed to shake whatever fog he’d been under off, as he went bright red under Namjoon’s curious eyes.
“Cool,” Namjoon told them. “Congrats.”
He shot them a double thumbs up, which made Jimin wince. “I was actually coming to tell you – PD Bang called. He says everything’s fine. He’s not thrilled, but he’s not as mad as Go-eun is. She’s throwing a huge fit. He actually had to tell her to calm down and go home, she was causing such a fuss.”
“I’m – ok?” Jimin breathed, not quite feeling it yet.
“You’re ok,” Namjoon confirmed. “They’ll probably make you do an official statement at some point to apologise for the whole Jin-ah thing, but you’re ok. We’re ok.”
“We’re ok,” Jeongguk repeated, grinning. “Hyung, we’re ok!”
Right in front of Namjoon’s most likely scandalised eyes, he grabbed Jimin and kissed him soundly, smiling against his mouth.
It wasn’t a perfect ending. There was a whole online world exploding, a whole outside world turning itself inside out over something he had said, but he was safe in this house, and safe in Jeongguk’s arms, and safe with his friends. Jimin kissed Jeongguk back, and smiled against him, and let the voice in the back of his head run out of air.