Chapter Text
Jimin knew he was going down a slippery slope when he’d started replacing breakfast with just a coffee from the student café right near his morning classes. Things had been so hectic lately, that he’d started trying to sleep later and thus had less time in the mornings to worry about a proper meal. Plus, his classes started two hours before Jin’s and Jeongguk’s, so there was no one to worry about the change in his dietary patterns.
But his schedule had been so busy lately. Nationals were just around the corner (a week away!) and Jimin wanted to make sure his routines were perfect, that remembering to eat kind of fell to the wayside. Since his evenings were no longer free, Jimin spent the time between his morning and afternoon classes studying and finishing homework assignments instead of grabbing lunch. He’d spent later nights in the dance studio with the dance team, working hard. Since his afternoon class happened to end right before practice two times a week, Jimin had started just eating a protein bar on the journey from his class to the dance studio. By the time he got home, he just wanted to collapse in bed before he had to get up and do it all again the next day.
Jimin hadn’t realized how much of a problem it was until he was sitting on Taehyung’s couch, feeling oddly wary of the takeout food in front of them. It was then that he realized he hadn’t had a proper meal in weeks, and his old mindset was ringing alarm bells in his head. It would be so easy for Jimin to fall right back into his old habits, and he wouldn’t have much of a problem hiding it from everyone since this is the first mealtime Jimin’s had free and probably the last until after Nationals. At the same time, the thought of what happened at STAR reminded Jimin that not only was he risking his own health, but he was risking the dreams and hard work of the rest of the team, and especially Hoseok. Hoseok had been working them harder than ever, but Jimin knew it was because he was nervous about Nationals as well. The big entertainment companies would be sending their scouts, and while Hoseok had chosen a more ‘respectable’ major to please his parents (they insisted he have a contingency plan, which Jimin thought was ridiculous, because have they ever seen him dance? Contingency plan, who?), his dream was to get signed to one of them so he could choreograph for idols. Jimin refused to be the reason why Hoseok didn’t get to achieve his dream.
He’d gotten so lost in his thoughts that he hadn’t noticed Taehyung staring at him, and he jumped a little when he realized it. Despite the obviously serious atmosphere, Taehyung’s mouth still turned up a bit in a grin. Jimin couldn’t help but laugh a little at himself too. It was nice being around his best friend, especially since they’d both been so busy that they hadn’t had too many chances to see each other outside of the group number rehearsals.
“What’s going on, Jiminie?” Taehyung asks softly, as if he already knows. Jimin swallows. Even though he knows what he needs to do, it’s still hard to say it out loud.
“I… slipped up,” he admits quietly. His words linger in the air, and Taehyung reaches over to entwine their fingers and he squeezes Jimin’s hand. “I’ve just been so busy, it’s been so easy to miss meals,” Jimin continues. He feels a little ashamed at not realizing it sooner, at not being able to stave off this relapse. “I didn’t even realize until I was looking down at the food and my brain started screaming at me not to eat it.” Taehyung nods understandingly, and Jimin is hit with a wave of appreciation for Taehyung. “What do I do?” he finishes almost desperately.
“Well,” Taehyung says, his fingers playing with Jimin’s in an oddly comforting manner. “We could set up an appointment for you to see your old therapist if you want. I’m sure that couldn’t hurt. Plus, you’ve got hyungs and Jeongguk. I have no doubt if you asked, they would help you get back on track.” Hoseok, Jin and Taehyung had been so good to Jimin, and he knows that everyone else would too, but there’s still one thought at the back of his mind.
“I don’t want to be a burden.” Taehyung sighs, but not in an exasperated sort of fashion. “We’ve all been so busy, and I don’t want everyone to waste time worrying about me! And I don’t know how Jeongguk’s been doing with his own dietary problems and I don’t want to set him back if he’s been doing good,” Jimin rushes to finish before Taehyung cuts in.
“I highly doubt the hyungs would feel as though they were ‘wasting time’ to have lunch with you, cutie,” Taehyung says affectionately, reaching up to pinch at Jimin’s cheeks. Jimin’s face heats up a little more, and Taehyung’s smile comes back. “You don’t have to explain to Jeongguk-ah if you don’t want to, but inviting him to meals would probably give you a good idea of his progress anyways,” he suggests to Jimin. Now that Jimin thinks about it, he doesn’t think he’s seen Jeongguk since last week, and while Jeongguk gives them sporadic updates on his counseling, he still seems a little shy about all of it. Which is completely understandable.
“Okay,” Jimin nods. He still feels kind of guilty at the thought of his hyungs rearranging their schedules to accommodate him. “But only if it’s not an inconvenience,” he adds, and Taehyung squeezes his hand again before opening the old group chat they’d had before they’d made one with Jeongguk. (Jimin misses Taehyung’s hand in his.) He types out a quick message before closing the app, and motions to the food.
“What do you want to do about this?” he asks, and Jimin looks back over at it. He doesn’t want to eat it, but he knows he should. It’s also the first step to getting back on track, so Jimin tries his best to shove the thoughts of fat too many calories too much food you were doing so good and holds up a plate. Taehyung’s smile is more than worth it, giving Jimin a noticeably smaller portion than usual. “Eat what you can. What do you want to watch?” Even though he can see right through Taehyung’s distraction technique, Jimin’s immensely grateful that Taehyung seems to know exactly what to say to him.
Apparently, that did not extend to their hyungs, as no more than fifteen minutes later, Taehyung’s door was flung open. “Yah, Kim Taehyung, what the hell?” Yoongi demands, “you can’t just text us saying that Jimin needs us and then not answer any other texts.” Jimin’s eyes widen and he turns to look at Taehyung, who just grins sheepishly.
“We were eating,” he says by way of explanation. Namjoon facepalms, and Yoongi sighs loudly.
“You’re going to drive me to an early grave,” Jin mutters. Jimin’s touched that they were all so worried that they rushed over as fast as they could, as told by their slightly disheveled states. He really does have the best friends.
Once Jin, Yoongi, Namjoon and Hoseok are settled around Taehyung’s living room (with some fried chicken) and have visibly seen that Jimin isn’t dying or anything, Jimin explains to them that he’s had a bit of a relapse. He stares at his hands when he says it, because he doesn’t want to see if their reactions are more pitiful or disappointed. After he finishes explaining, there’s a beat of silence where the only sound comes from the drama that Taehyung had forgotten to pause.
“I’ll come bring lunch to the library and proofread your writing final projects,” Yoongi finally announces with a tone that leaves no room for arguments. Not that Jimin was planning on it. He lets out the breath that he didn’t realize he was holding.
“And if you can’t get food before practice, we’ll grab dinner after,” Hoseok adds.
“Ooh, count me in!” Taehyung says excitedly, and Hoseok nods and pats his knee affectionately.
“Yes, you, me, and Taehyung will grab dinner,” Hoseok amends, smiling at both of them. Jimin nods his agreement, too.
“I’m so glad you told us,” Jin says, abandoning his plate in favor of whipping out his phone. “I’m going to make a schedule right now based on when we’re all free. Does that sound okay?” He pauses in his task, and Jimin nods, too grateful for Jin to be able to say anything.
“Let me help, I know our schedules pretty well,” Namjoon offers, motioning to Hoseok and Yoongi. Jin nods enthusiastically, and Namjoon shuffles closer to Jin so he can give input.
“What about Jeongguk?” Jin asks after a few moments of comfortable silence, and Jimin grimaces a little. He hadn’t really thought about how he wanted to approach it with Jeongguk, or if it was even a good idea to. He looks over at Taehyung for help, and thankfully their weird mind connection allows Taehyung to know exactly what Jimin can’t say.
“Jiminie’s worried that he might trigger Jeongguk,” he explains, and by the looks of their faces, Jimin assumes they hadn’t thought to consider it.
“How about this,” Jin speaks up, “On the days Yoongi can’t meet you for lunch, you can text Jeongguk to see if he wants to get food. And if not, I can come by and bring food before my afternoon class.”
“You don’t have to go out of your way to—” Jimin starts, but Jin fixes him with The Look, and Jimin immediately snaps his mouth shut.
“It is most certainly not out of my way,” Jin insists. “Besides, I’m going to have breakfast with you every morning, so I’ll have more time in the mornings to get my assignments done so I’m not trying to finish them at the last minute. It’s a win-win, really.”
Jimin has never felt so thankful for the love of his hyungs. Taehyung connects their hands again, squeezing Jimin’s as if to say See? I told you everyone would want to help. Jimin squeezes back, and hopes Taehyung understands how lucky Jimin feels to have them all in his life. (Somehow, he thinks Taehyung understands perfectly.)
-
Yoongi had been doing so well for so long. He can’t really remember the last time he’d felt so listless that he couldn’t get out of bed, so he supposes he’s way overdue for an episode, as he’s started calling them. Of course, it would come at the busiest point of his year so far, he’s got three final Creative Writing papers due in just under four weeks and a meeting with a potential publisher in five. Not to mention, he’s still trying to figure out logistics for his family to come see him graduate, and he still has to get everything in order to travel to see his friends dance at Nationals in a few days.
But even though Yoongi knows he has a laundry list of things to do (he probably also should do his laundry, actually), he can’t muster the energy to get himself out of bed. It seems like a lot of work. He doesn’t think either Namjoon or Hoseok are home, both out being functional members of society just as Yoongi should be as well.
He hasn’t seen too much of them lately, the three of them running on almost completely different schedules. Yoongi has signed up for all afternoon and early evening classes this semester, and the afternoons he has off he spends working at the library. Hoseok’s full class schedule keeps him out from egregious hours in the morning to when he comes stumbling in after dinner with Jimin and Taehyung, and most nights he instantly crashes in his bed. Even Namjoon has been around a lot less lately, taking Jimin out for meals sporadically but working very hard as a TA and worrying too much about grad school acceptances while studying his ass off for exams.
Yoongi misses them.
He sees everyone else even less, as obviously they don’t live in the apartment and they also have a lot going on. They’re all busy, studying and dancing and working and what is Yoongi doing? Yoongi is laying motionless in his bed, wallowing in his own thoughts and loneliness. Logically, he knows he should call someone, but locating his phone also seems like a lot of work. He thinks he left it on the kitchen table with his laptop and assignments after he’d given up trying to write anything last night.
Coincidentally, Yoongi’s phone starts to ring from the floor, where he’d discarded his sweatshirt before getting into bed. That’s a lot more manageable than retrieving it from the kitchen. Yoongi can reach it without even getting out of bed. The display is an unwelcome bright light, a large contrast from the dark room Yoongi’s been laying in for who knows how long now. Yoongi’s eyes are still too blinded to read it, so he answers it without figuring out who it is.
“Hello?” he grumbles into the phone.
“Where are you?” Jin’s voice asks, no greeting whatsoever. Yoongi would make fun of him, but he doesn’t really have the energy right now. He wonders if he forgot to meet Jin for something.
“At the apartment,” Yoongi supplies, fumbling around with his phone to get an idea of what time it is.
“I’ll be there in ten,” Jin says, and promptly hangs up. Yoongi blinks at his phone. Did he imagine that entire conversation? Probably not. Yoongi could get up and shower before Jin comes over to do whatever, but Yoongi’s limbs do not cooperate with his thoughts and he continues to lay there. He hates feeling like this. Hates that he can’t make himself get up and function like he’s supposed to.
When Yoongi was in high school, he’d been diagnosed with depression. He’d hid it from his mom, knowing if she knew, she’d be too concerned to let him go away for college. His dad had been the one to get him a diagnosis, and even a prescription for antidepressants. But the antidepressants worked almost too well, Yoongi didn’t feel anything. Which meant he didn’t feel the crushing shame and loneliness and fatigue, but he also didn’t feel any of the positive emotions, either. Since then, Yoongi has tried his best to figure out the best way to mitigate it. Unfortunately, the best he can usually do is waiting it out.
“Yoongi-yah,” Jin’s voice slices through his thoughts, and Yoongi looks up, surprised. He didn’t think it had been ten minutes, but he also has mostly lost his grip on time at the moment. “When Jiminie said you didn’t show up for lunch, I knew something was wrong.” Oh, right. Lunch with Jimin. He was supposed to be supporting Jimin, but he couldn’t even get out of bed. What a great hyung he is. The bed dips as Jin sits down on it. “It’s a bad day, huh,” he says, more to himself than to Yoongi. “You want to try getting up?” Yoongi nods, because he really should be getting up and doing something. Jin helps him to his feet, and Yoongi feels a little ridiculous but also can’t find it in him to turn Jin away. Jin leads him to the kitchen and gently pushes him into the chair while moving his laptop and papers to the living room, out of his sight. When he comes back, he beelines for the coffeemaker, and once that’s going, he turns back to Yoongi. “Are you hungry?” He has to think about it, but once he focuses on it, he realizes that he is pretty hungry. Probably from not eating since lunch yesterday.
“Yeah,” Yoongi says, and Jin beams at him. He loves feeding everyone, and somehow it manages to help everyone feel better, no matter what. Plus, Jin’s food is delicious and Yoongi would much rather eat that than some ramen or some toast. Jin sets to looking around the fridge and cupboards for ingredients, all the while chatting away about some movie he’d stayed up too late watching the other night. Yoongi doesn’t have to pitch in, and he knows Jin doesn’t really expect him to. A mug of coffee is shoved in front of him, Jin not even pausing in his dramatic retelling of the movie. The hot mug helps Yoongi start to ground himself a bit, and the coffee starts to help him shake his lethargy. Before he’s even finished, Jin has refilled his mug and placed a bowl of kimchi fried rice in front of him, and sits down across from him with his own bowl.
“So, what are we doing today?” Jin asks him after they’ve eaten. Yoongi definitely feels more like a person now, and like he should shoo Jin off so Jin can return to whatever he was doing before he had to come and take care of Yoongi, but the selfish part of him wants Jin to stay and help him with the daunting list of things he has to get done.
“There’s a lot,” Yoongi warns, “if you have other stuff to do, you could probably go. Sorry you had to come all the way over here.” Jin rolls his eyes and gently smacks him upside the head, collecting their bowls and heading to the sink to wash them.
“All the way over here, as if I had to take a plane,” he scoffs, and Yoongi can’t help but laugh a little at Jin’s response. “I was just going to make myself dinner and figure out everything for Daejeon. Besides, I’ve studied enough today, and it’s Friday night and Hye-sook’s on duty. I have absolutely nothing to do that can’t wait until later.”
“I have to book stuff for Daejeon, too,” Yoongi says, and Jin smiles at him, standing up to retrieve his laptop from where he’d dumped his backpack.
“We should probably get Joonie’s tickets too. I think he’s forgotten that he needs to book all of that stuff,” Jin chuckles, clicking through to the webpage to buy bus tickets. “Jiminie, Tae and Hobi are traveling with the team and staying in rooms with them, so it probably makes the most amount of sense to share a room.”
“What about Jeongguk?” Yoongi asks. As far as Yoongi is aware, Jeongguk hasn’t returned to the dance team, which means he would be tagging along with the rest of them as a spectator.
“I haven’t talked to him about it in a little while,” Jin admits, sounding a little guilty. “He’s got a lot on his plate, and just getting acclimated to counseling and he’d told me he couldn’t really afford it. I didn’t want to press him or anything.” Yoongi frowns. In the past few months, Jeongguk has become a permanent fixture in the friend group, filling in some gap that Yoongi hadn’t even realized they’d had until he stepped into it. Jeongguk’s shy and sweet, and incredibly passionate and hardworking. Yoongi hates thinking that Jeongguk might have to miss out on anything that the rest of them are doing.
“What if we paid?” Yoongi asks hesitantly, remembering how it had gone that time Jeongguk had been offended when Yoongi tried to insist he didn’t need to chip in for dinner. He thinks they’ve become close enough that it would be received better, hopes that Jeongguk would recognize that it comes from a place of friendship. Jin stares at him for a minute, before he slowly starts to grin. Yoongi feels a little unnerved.
“That’s such a sweet idea,” Jin coos, and Yoongi automatically scrunches up his face at the tone of Jin’s voice.
“Do you think he’d get upset, though?” Yoongi wonders, and Jin immediately shakes his head.
“Things are different now, Yoongi-yah. Gukkie trusts us. Plus, it’s really not that expensive and if he gets shy about it, we’ll just tell him that it’ll make Jiminie, Tae, and Hobi happy and he’ll shut right up.” Jin’s fingers fly across the keyboard, no doubt booking everything this instant. Yoongi is kind of impressed with Jin’s way of getting people to do whatever he thinks is best. “That was a really good idea,” Jin emphasizes, and Yoongi feels self-conscious for some reason.
“Thanks, hyung,” Yoongi says, but he doesn’t just mean for the compliment. He wants to thank Jin for coming over as soon as he realized something was off and helping him get up and moving again when he couldn’t do it himself. The words get stuck in his throat. He doesn’t think there’s any way he could possibly tell Jin how much it means to him without crying or sounding like a huge sap or both. Jin must sense the hesitation, because he leans over and smacks a kiss onto Yoongi’s forehead. “Ew, gross,” Yoongi grumbles, but he doesn’t really mean it, and by the smile on Jin’s face, he knows it.
-
This is it. This is the competition Hoseok has been working toward for four years. Scratch that, Hoseok has been working toward this dream since he was old enough to know what dreams were. Nationals. There was nothing else to do now but watch his hard work unfold as the handful of dance team members that had qualified to compete as soloists danced to the routines he’d poured his blood, sweat and tears into choreographing perfectly to suit each of their strengths. He’s been trying to sneak peeks at the judges’ faces from where he’s standing in the wings, but they’re all very good at keeping their expressions perfectly neutral. Hoseok has also been trying to spot anyone who might look like they’re there to scout, but it’s hard to make out any faces in the audience from here. He’s not even sure where his friends are sitting, although it does comfort him to know they’re out there.
The team had done well during their group numbers the day before, and Hoseok didn’t want to jinx anything, but he’d thought they’d might have done well enough in their three performances to place, which is the best outcome Hoseok could possibly hope for. Most of their team members had shown up to support the few of them competing today, which meant a lot to Hoseok. When he was a freshman, the team captain had not encouraged even a modicum of camradarie. Seeing everyone willingly come out to support each other means Hoseok had done something right.
“Hyung, this is it,” Taehyung suddenly appears next to him, reaching over to interlock their hands. Hoseok shifts his gaze from the audience to the stage, the lights dimming for the next performance. It must be Jimin’s performance. He’s the last soloist from their dance team to compete, Hoseok had gone much earlier in the morning, and the rest of their soloists had been sprinkled somewhere in between the two of them.
“Contestant 372 in the soloist category, ‘I Need U’,” the announcer introduces, and all of the stage lights shut off. The opening notes ring out over the auditorium. Taehyung squeezes his hand, and Hoseok holds on as tightly as he can. Jimin’s piece had taken a lot more time than others, as Hoseok was probably most unfamiliar choreographing contemporary routines. Even so, Jimin had thrown himself into the rehearsals practicing as hard as he could for Nationals, sharing with Hoseok one night that he wanted to make Hoseok proud.
One spotlight flickers on, and Jimin rises from the ground, dressed in flowy white and barefoot. Hoseok is blown away by how ethereal and beautiful Jimin looks. He’d allowed the soloists to choose their own dance costumes, and they’d all been grateful for the creative freedom they’d been allotted as another avenue to express themselves. Jimin had been super shy about showing Hoseok his costume, swearing that it was perfect and that Hoseok just had to wait and see for himself. Jimin certainly did not lie. The costume flows beautifully as Jimin walks to the middle of the stage, and pulls a matching white scarf from his shoulder (that Hoseok had honestly just thought was part of his shirt) to incorporate into the dance as he starts to move effortlessly. He never would have thought it would look so elegant and so clean, as if the routine had been designed around Jimin. The way it flies behind him as he performs the barrel jumps flawlessly reminds Hoseok of an angel. Next to him, Taehyung looks just as amazed as Hoseok feels. He kind of wishes he could see the looks on the rest of their friends’ faces. He has no doubt they’d all look pretty similar to Taehyung.
Jimin continues on with the routine and Hoseok gets lost admiring the passion Jimin brings to the piece. He’d seen Jimin practice ruthlessly day in and day out, but somehow being here, in the perfect costume with the perfect lighting and the kind of adrenaline only a performance brings makes it seem that much more stunning. The music winds down much too soon, and Hoseok faintly thinks he should have made Jimin’s routine seven times longer. As he throws the scarf up in the air and strikes his final pose, everything stills in the auditorium in that moment. Hoseok swears he can hear Jimin sigh, although that might have been Taehyung next to him, letting go of Hoseok’s hand to clap loudly as the audience overcomes their shock and bursts into applause. Jimin makes his way off the stage, completely composed until he’s fully in the wings and launches himself at Hoseok and Taehyung.
“How did I do?” he asks, although Hoseok thinks it’s a ridiculous question as he can still hear the audience cheering and clapping. Even over the dim, he can hear Jin shouting about how beautiful it was, and he can’t stop the smile that spreads across his face as he pulls Jimin and Taehyung into a big hug.
“Minnie, I don’t even know where to start,” Hoseok says, which is completely the truth. He is literally at a loss for words. “It was just so…”
“So perfect!” Taehyung jumps in, smacking a loud kiss against Jimin’s face. “Jimine, you were amazing! Please teach me your ways!” Jimin’s smile is so bright that Hoseok can’t keep his smile from getting much bigger.
“Next year, you’re going to be right up there with me,” Jimin swears, squeezing his one arm around Taehyung’s shoulders and the other around Hoseok’s. While Taehyung hadn’t been able to qualify for Nationals this year, Hoseok has no doubt that Taehyung will absolutely make it next year.
“Come on, I think the rest of the team wants to congratulate you,” Hoseok ushers them away from the wings, smiling apologetically at the other dance teams who are trying to get closer to watch their own teammates compete. As soon as they make it to their allotted room, everyone starts to swarm Jimin to tell him how well he did. Hoseok and Taehyung stay off to the side to allow Jimin to have the attention he so rightfully deserves.
“If he doesn’t win this whole thing, I’m going to sue,” Taehyung tells Hoseok seriously, and Hoseok tugs Taehyung into a side hug, ruffling his hair.
“Oh, he’s definitely going to win something,” Hoseok reassures Taehyung, clearing his throat and ignoring Taehyung’s questioning look. The other dance team members quiet down and give Hoseok their attention. Hoseok waves the other seniors forward, who come stand next to him. “Since this is our last competition this year, it’s time for me to step down.” The team boos rowdily, and Hoseok can’t help but feel like he’d done a good job leading this team. “I think this is the perfect time to announce our team’s next captain. All of us,” Hoseok gestures to the rest of the seniors, “have had a bunch of serious conversations but our votes were unanimous. Jimin-ah, congratulations!” Hoseok and the seniors lead the room in the loudest round of applause that Hoseok thinks he’s ever heard. Taehyung launches himself at Jimin, who still looks too shocked to say anything.
“You did good,” one of the other seniors says with a clap to Hoseok’s shoulder and a genuine smile. “Not just with this, but with the team this year.” His eyes flicker to the door, where an unfamiliar man is lingering. “I would bet I’m not the only one who thinks this.” The senior corrals the rest of the other seniors over to where the rest of the team is celebrating with Jimin, and Hoseok takes this moment to approach the man at the door.
“Are you looking for something?” he asks politely, and the man looks at him scrutinizing.
“I hope I’m not interrupting anything,” the man says, and Hoseok shakes his head, looking warmly back at the rest of his team. Taehyung catches his eyes and shoots him a thumbs up with the hand that is not attached to Jimin.
“Not at all,” Hoseok replies.
“Fantastic. My name is Kwon Hyunwoo. I was sent to this competition by my company, Blue Side Entertainment. I wanted to introduce myself before you get any other offers.” Hyunwoo hands Hoseok a card with his contact information on it. “We’d love for you to come work with us when you finish your studies.” The rest of the room has fallen mostly quiet again, obviously trying to eavesdrop on their conversation, and Hyunwoo smiles at all of them. They all busy themselves, striking up conversations but still obviously listening. “I won’t keep you any longer, Hoseok-ssi. Thank you for your time, and I hope you’ll think seriously about our offer.” Hoseok manages to bow to Hyunwoo before he leaves, and then the room explodes in noise again.
“Hyung!” Taehyung cheers, “You did it!” The team members gather around Hoseok so he can give them the play-by-play of the conversation, even though he knows most of them heard most of it. Jimin and Taehyung plaster themselves to his side, and Hoseok doesn’t think he’s ever been happier than this exact moment. They just have to wait for a competition officiant to come around and let them know if they’ve placed so they know if they need to stay for the awards ceremony or not. The rest of the group scatters after time, those who didn’t compete heading out to explore the city and grab food, and the others to go call or meet up with friends and family.
“You all really think I can do it?” Jimin asks Hoseok, eyes shining. Even so, Hoseok can see a little bit of doubt in Jimin’s expression, which Hoseok thinks is ridiculous. If anyone was going to be able to lead the team next year, it’s going to be Jimin.
“Of course, Minnie, you’ve worked so hard. You deserve it,” Hoseok reassures him, and Taehyung nods his head eagerly.
“You do too!” he squeals, waving Hyunwoo’s business card in Hoseok’s face. “You guys are going to do such amazing things next year; I absolutely don’t doubt it! You have an offer from one of the big entertainment companies!”
“Ah, I was hoping to make you an offer first,” someone says from the doorframe, and Hoseok looks over to see another man dressed in a suit. Next to him, Taehyung’s jaw drops, and Jimin gently pushes Hoseok over to the door.
-
Taehyung is so screwed. He knew he had a lot of schoolwork to do, but after Jimin and Hoseok had placed at Nationals, as well as their group routine, he couldn’t turn down going out with the dance team one last time for the semester to celebrate. But now he’s panicking, because he has a game demo due next week and a final the week after that he hasn’t even started studying for. And now he’s freaking out. His mind is racing so fast that he doesn’t think he could even focus on either issue right now, but he doesn’t know who to call. He knows everyone else is busy as well, and normally he would call Jin or Jimin, but both of them haven’t responded to his Snapchats from a few hours ago, meaning they’re deep in their own studying. Hoseok is probably still on an euphoric high after their amazing showing at nationals and researching the six (!!!) companies that he’d been given offers from. Jeongguk’s schedule is so confusing that Taehyung has no doubt that he’s busy, and Yoongi usually isn’t awake this early in the evening. That leaves one other person who he considers bothering.
He doesn’t wait very long before calling Namjoon, swearing to himself if Namjoon says he’s in the middle of something, he’ll just tell Namjoon he missed him and face this panic by himself. Namjoon picks up on the second ring, although Taehyung can hear him fumbling with the phone a bit before he actually greets Taehyung.
“I was just going to call you,” Namjoon says with a bit of a laugh. “It’s too bad you and Jimin are already telepathically connected, I think we could have been an unstoppable force.” Taehyung manages a laugh, fingers gripping his phone a little too tightly. If Namjoon was going to call him, he’s probably not busy, right? “Do you want to go grab dinner? I feel like it’s been a little while since you and I have hung out just the two of us. Plus, I still haven’t congratulated you on your nationals placement.”
“Hyung, I didn’t even compete as a solo artist,” Taehyung reminds him, and Namjoon huffs on the other end. Normally, Taehyung would smile at that and tease Namjoon for acting like the maknae that Jin claims he still is (much to Namjoon’s chagrin). But he’s too stressed out, too worried, his laptop is right there and he has so much to do…
“That doesn’t mean you didn’t contribute to the team’s placement,” Namjoon points out matter-of-factly, shaking Taehyung out of his thought spiral.
“I wish I could, but I’m –” the rest of whatever Taehyung was going to say disappears. What is he? Busy? Panicking? Completely lost? He’s not sure what to say, or if he should lie to Namjoon since it seems like Namjoon is in a decent mood and Taehyung doesn’t want to bring him down.
“Taehyung-ah?” Namjoon asks concernedly, and Taehyung can’t help but start crying, completely overwhelmed by everything. “Where are you?” There’s more fumbling on Namjoon’s end while Taehyung tries his best to compose himself to answer Namjoon. “Okay, hold tight, hyung’s going to be there soon. Do you want me to stay on the phone?” Taehyung nods before realizing that Namjoon can’t see him.
“No, it’s okay, you don’t have to come,” Taehyung says instead of what he really wants to say, which is Please come immediately and help me. Namjoon scoffs on the other end, although it sounds kind of breathy.
“I’m already on my way. Don’t even think about leaving, because I’ll just go wherever you go,” Namjoon threatens. Taehyung had completely forgotten they all have their locations shared with each other after a late night incident where drunk Taehyung and Jimin needed a ride home from a party but were too inebriated to tell Jin where they were. Jin had driven around for an hour with Hoseok and Yoongi before he’d found them a block away from the party, flopped over on someone’s sidewalk. The next morning, Jin had insisted everyone share their locations to prevent another incident, and no one had a valid argument against it.
“Okay, hyung,” Taehyung acquiesces, secretly relieved but also feeling like a burden at the same time.
“I’m not that far away, I was at the library,” Namjoon says in between huffs, and it’s only once someone is knocking on the door that Taehyung realizes Namjoon must have run here. Taehyung pulls himself up off the chair he’s been stuck at and opens the door to see Namjoon on the other side looking understandably flustered. “You’ve been crying,” Namjoon says as soon as he sees Taehyung, ending their phone call and sliding his phone into his pocket. Taehyung vaguely gestures towards the table where all of his study materials are scattered around, and Namjoon’s expression softens.
“Oh, Tae-baby,” Namjoon says, and then immediately blushes. Taehyung finds it really endearing, and to prevent Namjoon from becoming more embarrassed and retreating into himself, he throws himself full bodily into Namjoon’s arms for a hug. Namjoon, already used to Taehyung’s need for hugs from anyone and everyone all the time, catches him and lets Taehyung sniffle against his shoulder.
“There’s so much to do,” Taehyung tells him, voice muffled by Namjoon’s t-shirt. “I know I should have been more responsible but now there’s too much I need to study and not enough time –” The panic rises in his chest again and his eyes well up even more, and Namjoon scoops him up effortlessly and drops them both down on the couch.
“Shhh, it’s going to be okay,” Namjoon reassures him in a soothing tone of voice. “Are you tired?” Taehyung nods through his blurry vision. Namjoon reaches up and wipes some of the tears that are falling down Taehyung’s cheeks. “How long have you been studying?”
“I… haven’t,” he admits quietly, almost afraid that Namjoon might start lecturing about how he brought this upon himself. “I’ve just been – sitting here? Trying to figure out where to s-start, but I can’t –” his breath hitches and Namjoon shushes him a little bit, rubbing Taehyung’s back.
“I think you’re too worn out,” Namjoon tells him honestly, “and too high-strung and I don’t think you’re going to get anything done right now.” Taehyung almost sobs, because that’s absolutely not what he wants to hear, he wants Namjoon to shake him out of whatever panic this is and help him get right to studying like he needs to be doing.
“But–”
“Nope, hyung is talking,” Namjoon interrupts him, but he taps Taehyung’s nose to show that he’s not upset by Taehyung trying to cut in. “I think you need a nap.” A nap is the last thing Taehyung needs, a nap is a waste of time that Taehyung could be using to study or code. Taehyung is wasting time right now being emotional, he just has to get up and sit himself back down at the table and force himself to concentrate and do something productive. He doesn’t even realize he’s started to rise up until Namjoon pulls him right back down onto the couch. A noise of protest escapes Taehyung’s mouth inadvertently, but Namjoon shakes his head. “Do you trust me?”
And what kind of question is that? Obviously, Taehyung trusts Namjoon. He has a special relationship with all of his hyungs (and Jiminie, of course, and Jeongguk now), but his relationship with Namjoon has always seemed just a little bit softer around the edges than the other ones. While Taehyung likes to tease Namjoon just to see him get a little flustered from time to time, he also loves when Namjoon stops by the greenhouse with a new poetry book and reads to Taehyung while he waters the plants. Loves the stargazing they engage in some late nights when they’re all sleeping over but Taehyung and Namjoon manage to stay up a little later than everyone else. Namjoon has always treated Taehyung a little sweeter than the other hyungs. Taehyung would probably kill someone for Namjoon, and he has no doubt that Namjoon would do the same for him.
“Of course,” Taehyung tells him, and Namjoon smiles back at him, dimples prominent through his cheeks that Taehyung can’t help but poke at.
“Then trust me on this, Tae,” Namjoon says almost pleadingly. “You’re not going to do any productive studying right now. You might read the concepts, but they’re probably not going to stick. You need some rest, and then with a fresh mind we can develop a studying plan for the next few days.” While Taehyung definitely wants to argue with Namjoon until he’s blue in the face because everything in his mind is screaming at him to get up and start studying, he knows that Namjoon will eventually wear him down (his dimples should be illegal) and could probably counter every one of Taehyung’s emotionally charged, panicked arguments with a thoughtful, logical, eloquent rebuttal. And a nap sounds good right now, anyways. He feels a little worn out from crying and panicking so much, and so Taehyung nods mutely.
Namjoon stands up and holds out his hand for Taehyung. Taehyung reaches up to take it, and Namjoon effortlessly pulls him up. They make their way to Taehyung’s bed, Namjoon helping Taehyung under the covers before climbing into bed on the other side.
“You’re too far away,” Taehyung half complains, turning over to face Namjoon. Namjoon chuckles, the action making the mattress move a little bit. He tilts his phone so Taehyung can see the screen. He’s setting an alarm for them to get up later.
“How’s an hour sound, is that enough?” Namjoon asks, and Taehyung nods, glad that he’d thought of that since Taehyung probably would have just slept until he woke up again, ruining his entire sleep schedule for the foreseeable future. Namjoon finishes up with a few swipes on his phone before setting it to the side, pulling Taehyung a little closer and pressing his lips to his forehead. Taehyung can’t help the contented sigh that escapes his mouth right before he drifts off into a calm sleep.
-
While choosing to do his Master’s degree as the end part of his Bachelor’s seemed like the most cost-effective choice when Jin had applied to the co-term program, he finds that he’s never quite had an end of semester rush like this year. He’s nearly finished with his thesis, but his advisor had sent back a bunch of edits that would surely take a while to fix. Not to mention the finals he has to study for as well, and he’d been looking for an apartment big enough for the four of them if they all decided to move in together.
So the last thing Jin wants to be doing right now is writing a report about a room party that he had to break up, but he doesn’t really have a choice. It’s his duty night, which he’d been planning on using to revise his thesis while listening to some old lectures for his statistics class. But he couldn’t ignore the thumping bass coming all the way from the third floor, even though he’d tried really hard. One of the meeker freshmen on the second floor had walked down as asked Jin if he could do something since he was trying to study, and Jin knew at that point he couldn’t pretend to ignore it anymore.
As he’d climbed the stairs, the stench of marijuana had become more apparent, which meant that there was going to be a lot more work involved for Jin than just asking them to turn down their music. He’d had to take down names and ID numbers, and then he had to take notes to be able to accurately write the entire incident down for the report, complete with times and conversations. After he’d made sure the kids that did not live in at room went back to their own rooms or dorms, Jin had dragged himself back downstairs to type up the report.
Now, an hour later, Jin is almost done but the niggling pain in his head is preventing him from getting anything done much faster. He sends a text to Jimin and Jeongguk to see if they’re hungry, because he’s starving but doesn’t feel like making food just for himself. Jeongguk responds that he’s at work, which causes Jin to frown. It’s a little past midnight. Finals are literally next week, Jeongguk should not be working himself to the bone. He should be going to bed at a reasonable time and spending his free time studying without distractions and eating properly and – aish, what is he going to do with Jeongguk? Jin makes a note to self to drag Jeongguk out for a proper meal before finals week officially starts.
His phone buzzes with a text from Jimin, who says he and Hoseok will are on their way and will pick up food so Jin better not be trying to cook something. Jin smiles at the mock-angry emoticon that Jimin sends. He feels like he should really finish up the report before he eats with his friends, so Jin quickly fills out the information on the students and inputs their ID numbers before submitting the report without proof-reading it. If there’s any spelling errors, Jin feels as though his AD will be forgiving, as it is the weekend before finals week and Jin really does have more important things to be doing than busting some kids for smoking weed. He stands up and stretches -- finally -- before responding to Hoseok’s text asking for his food order.
Jin should probably plan out the rest of his night, although with it getting so late, Jin thinks he probably won’t be too productive at this point anyways. His thesis revisions set on the corner of his desk, red ink littering the pages and mocking him. Jin sighs and shoves it into the front cover of one of his textbooks so he doesn’t have to look at it. Tomorrow, he has apartment showings in the morning which means he’ll have to get up at a ridiculous time. His afternoon will have to be spent making as many revisions as possible while also simultaneously studying for his stats exam. Which is definitely not possible.
There’s a knock on his door, and Jin walks over to open the door, praying to the universe that it’s not another resident with another problem. Not that he dislikes any of his residents, they all seem really nice and like him and his RAs a lot. But having to settle conflicts or crash parties or anything of the sort in the middle of the night is one thing that Jin is not going to miss when he graduates. Thankfully, Hoseok stands on the other side of the door, smiling at him brightly and pushing past Jin to plop down on his bed.
“Hello to you too,” Jin teases with a smile, taking Hoseok’s shoes and lining them up neatly by the door. “Did you lose Jiminie? And the food?” Hoseok sticks his tongue out at Jin who reaches over to swat him lightly.
“Minnie’s still getting the food, but he sent me on ahead to check on you,” Hoseok explains, throwing his arm around Jin’s shoulders to prevent him from actually hitting him. “You’ve been kind of quiet in the groupchat, you know. Even Yoongi has been asking about you.” He raises an eyebrow, and Jin smiles at the sentiment. Yoongi is probably the least vocal about his affection for his friends, but Jin never doubts that Yoongi loves them all. Even so, whenever Yoongi does acknowledge it, it makes Jin happy.
“I’ve just been busy,” Jin says with a little bit of a sigh. “My advisor wants me to make revisions on my thesis but they’re not just grammatical errors, they’re like actual content errors. Which doesn’t make sense because he said it was pretty accurate last time I submitted it.” Hoseok frowns.
“That doesn’t seem right,” he says, which Jin totally agrees with, but there’s really nothing he can do right now, or wants to do this close to the end of his last semester for now, and maybe hopefully forever.
“I guess not,” Jin hums, leaning into Hoseok’s embrace. “Have you chosen a company to sign with?” Hoseok shakes his head, smiling sheepishly. After the team’s amazing showing at nationals, Hoseok has been spending his last few weeks researching each entertainment company that extended him an offer. He’s insisted he’s going to stay in Seoul, which rules out one company based in Daegu, but that still leaves him with five others.
“I’ve narrowed it down to two of them, but they both seem equally as exciting and impressive so I can’t just make a decision.” He grins at Jin, bumping their shoulders. “I’m really excited to be living with you again next year. I hope Joonie ends up staying with us too.” Jin nods in agreement, thinking about how stressed Namjoon’s been recently. He knows Namjoon’s having a hard time deciding what to do in the fall, even though he won’t talk about it too much out loud.
“Hyungs, I come bearing gifts!” Jimin’s voice calls from the hallway before he flings the door open. He holds bags that smell greasily delicious, and Jin’s stomach growls loudly. He’d been so worried about his thesis that he didn’t even realized he just had a snack instead of dinner.
“You’re an absolute angel and I love you.” Jin snatches one of the bags from Jimin’s hands, reaching over with his other hand to pinch at his cheek. The bag is unfortunately not his order, so he passes it to Hoseok, who’s laughing at him, and Jimin hands him the other bag.
“Jeonggukie’s working again?” Hoseok asks in between bites of his food.
“Apparently,” Jin sighs, “this boy is going to work himself to death. Has he said anything about to either of you about the summer?” Jin, Hoseok, Yoongi and Namjoon had embarked on a summer-long trip around South Korea to meet each other’s families finally and have some adventures before they graduated and had real responsibilities. But Jin is the only one who has something absolutely lined up, and that’s not even until mid-July. So for now, they’re planning on spending June doing the hometown tour, this time with stops at Taehyung’s and Jimin’s and Jeongguk’s, if he’s available.
“No,” Jimin says somewhat sadly. “I was hoping Taehyung and I could spend time with him this summer –” Oh, right. Jimin and Taehyung, usually attached at the hip here were somehow even more attached at the hip in the summers, spending alternating weeks in Daegu and Busan. “—but he just keeps talking about working at his family’s restaurant.” They all fall silent for a little moment, thinking about little Jeongguk working his summer away miserably.
“Well, we’ll be spending some time in Busan, so we’ll definitely see him, even if that means I have to drag him out myself,” Hoseok says, cracking his knuckles in a way that’s supposed to make him look threatening but Hoseok is not relatively threatening in the slightest. He’s like a giant teddy bear, and Jimin must think the same because he giggles into his burger, ignoring Hoseok’s indignant look.
“Don’t worry, Hoseok-ah, I’ll help,” Jin promises, leaning over to steal one of Hoseok’s fries, dodging Hoseok’s hands trying to slap at his own.
“Anyways, Jinnie-hyung, are you going to spend tomorrow working on your thesis?” Hoseok asks, changing the subject after sticking his tongue out at Jimin. Jin groans, flopping onto his back on the floor and narrowly missing his food, which Jimin has the foresight to yank out of his way.
“In the afternoon, probably, but I have three apartment showings tomorrow morning that I’ve already had to reschedule once and I really can’t back out again, or else they might stop working with me. Especially since the prices are so good, if one of them is the one, I don’t want to miss out on it.”
“Ooh, let me come!” Hoseok cheers, “I could use some time away from the textbooks and the company research and I want to help pick our apartment for next fall!”
“I’m coming too!” Jimin adds, pulling Jin back up to a sitting position, “we can get coffee and breakfast and then we’ll all be appropriately caffeinated and fed to study tomorrow! Tae and I are going to study tomorrow afternoon, you guys should totally join us.” He and Hoseok look at Jin with such large smiles on their faces that Jin feels an overwhelming fondness for his dongsaengs, who always know how to keep him going.
“I would love that,” Jin says fondly to them, not missing the way they exchange a smile when they think he’s not looking.
-
Looking ahead at finals week, Namjoon has a lot to do. He’s almost certain he’s taken on too much as he looks at next Wednesday where he has two finals to sit for and one to TA for. Then he’s probably going to end up staying up later to study more for his finals on Thursday and the last one on Friday. Luckily, everyone else is going to be finished Friday as well, and so they’re going to finally spend some time together before graduation, and before they all split up for the summer. There’s been talks of visiting each other’s hometowns, but they haven’t been able to make any concrete plans yet in the midst of finals and graduation preparations.
Namjoon still doesn’t have any solid plans lined up for the fall, and that makes him nervous. He’s applied for a few jobs, as well as some grad school programs, and he knows he has to make a decision soon if he wants to do something in the fall. He just can’t decide whether or not he wants to continue on with his education or get some experience first. He’s talked to his parents, talked to his friends (when he manages to get ahold of them), but he’s still unsure but feeling more pressure every day to commit to something. Especially since everyone seemed to view Namjoon as the most intelligent, the one who had his life together. TAing, graduating summa cum laude, always having a logic-based opinion or argument to add to a conversation. And yet, all of his friends know exactly what they want to do next, and Namjoon is still deciding.
Jin’s gotten an offer from a firm to be an industrial engineering manager, Yoongi’s fully planning on dedicating his time to his novel while working enough to pay the bills, Hoseok’s still deciding between two entertainment companies, and the maknaes are going to be continuing on with their education. Jimin’s even going to take over the dance team. And Namjoon still feels incredibly lost.
Going to grad school would be great in order to get a jump start on his master’s degree in mechanical engineering and set up him for more than just an entry level job when he joins the work force. At the same time, while Namjoon’s family had been more than willing to help support him financially and give him some money towards his rent each month, Namjoon knows he won’t ask them to help him through his Master’s, meaning he’ll have to find a way to supplement his income anyways. Working with a firm would most likely be too much to take classes with, but Namjoon isn’t sure he wants to start serving coffee at some café while he takes night classes to get his Master’s.
He’s been so deep in thought that Namjoon doesn’t realize his feet have taken him to the convenience store that Jeongguk works at, rather than the one he should have walked to to get his Sunday paper. It’s early enough that he thinks Jeongguk might still be working, especially since the sun hasn’t even started rising yet. Namjoon had woken up so early but his brain immediately started racing and he hadn’t been able to fall asleep. He’d thought a quick walk might tire him a little bit, but hadn’t paid attention to which way he’d gone. He’s here, he might as well go say hi to Jeongguk since they haven’t seen each other in a while.
The store is mostly deserted, as to be expected at five in the morning. Jeongguk seems to look his usual amount of tired, which in Namjoon’s opinion, is too tired. He knows Jeongguk’s course load stresses him out, especially as it’s two subjects that Jeongguk has literally no interest in studying either. He’s admitted to Namjoon (drunkenly) that he never does too hot in his major related classes, that his electives carry his GPA and he has to spend significantly longer studying for his technical classes than he thinks most other students spend on their major-related classes. So Namjoon is not surprised in the slightest to see Jeongguk reading a textbook while slumped over the counter. He must see Namjoon out of the corner of his eye, because he shoves the textbook to the side and straightens up while punching in his code for the register, and Namjoon feels kind of bad for making him think there was an actual customer.
“Hi, Jeonggukie,” Namjoon greets him, and he sees the moment where Jeongguk realizes that it is, in fact, Namjoon standing in front of him and Jeongguk slumps back against the counter. Namjoon has half a mind to march back to wherever Jeongguk’s supervisor is and give him Jeongguk’s two weeks and then wrap Jeongguk up in a blanket on their couch and refuse to let him leave until he’s gotten more than enough sleep.
“Hi, hyung,” Jeongguk replies, rubbing at his eyes. “Why are you up so early?”
“Couldn’t sleep,” Namjoon shares ruefully, and Jeongguk gives him an empathetic smile. “There’s a lot on my mind with the future and all.” He motions around the empty store. “Do you think your supervisor will mind if I hang out until you get off?” Jeongguk casts a look toward the back, and then shrugs.
“I guess not, since he’s not here,” he shrugs, pulling his textbook back in front of him. Namjoon frowns, because there should definitely be at least someone else in the building, right? What if Jeongguk gets confronted by an aggressive customer and he’s the only one here? Isn’t that dangerous? Before Namjoon can say anything, Jeongguk continues on. “I’m not going to be a ton of fun though, I’ve been trying to get through this chapter for like, hours.” He stabs a finger at one of the paragraphs. “I don’t think any part of this section got through to me and I’ve been staring at it for at least half the time.”
“You probably need a break,” Namjoon advises, feeling a sense of déjà vu from when he’d stayed over at Taehyung’s last week. But while Taehyung was more anxious, Jeongguk seems to be more resigned to cramming as much information in his head as possible, no matter what. “You want to get breakfast after this?” Jeongguk doesn’t look up from his textbook, but his cheeks tinge pink, and Namjoon remembers that Jeongguk doesn’t have the same spending money as the rest of us. “At the apartment,” Namjoon adds quickly, in order to not let Jeongguk become more embarrassed (even though they’ve all told him repeatedly that there’s no reason to be).
“I don’t know, hyung, I really have a lot to get through,” Jeongguk says, the corners of his mouth turning down in a frown. While Jeongguk has become leagues more comfortable with them, he still closes in on himself sometimes when he’s particularly stressed or anxious. What’s even more concerning is that Jeongguk is getting off of a night shift and planning on going straight home and continuing to study.
“You know you have to sleep sometime, Gguk,” Namjoon reminds him gently, reaching over to put his hand over Jeongguk’s, which is still lying on the top of the paragraph that he’d pointed out. Jeongguk sighs, and he looks even more tired.
“What about you, hyung? What about the future is keeping you up?” Namjoon is not oblivious to Jeongguk’s deflection, but he really would like to get some things off his chest and he’s tired so he’s just going to let the discussion about Jeongguk’s own sleep habits for now.
“I feel lost,” Namjoon admits, going to pull his hand back, but Jeongguk only holds on tighter, intertwining their fingers. Namjoon feels a little better, cracking a smile at Jeongguk. “Everyone knows what they’re going to do after college, but I still can’t decide between a full-time job or grad school. I’ve gotten into a few great programs, but…”
But Namjoon doesn’t even know which one he’d want to pick if he’d chosen grad school. There’s pros and cons to each of them, and he’s been doing diligent research into each program, hoping something would be so fantastic that he’d know instantly that there that was the right choice. When that didn’t quite work, he’d done some research into the benefits and company cultures at the few firms that had extended offers to him. Namjoon can’t decide what to do because none of his options seem particularly exciting. Jeongguk hasn’t interrupted him, just waits for him to speak again. Namjoon appreciates him for this, since the rest of their friends quite frequently pull Namjoon out of his thoughts before he’s finished thinking everything through. “I just don’t know.”
“You don’t have to know,” Jeongguk says gently, and Namjoon looks up at him, surprised. “I know there’s a lot of pressure and stuff to figure out what you want to do, but your future is wide open.” He looks a little wistful when he says this but continues on before Namjoon can analyze it anymore. “I mean, I know there are like decisions to make but, I don’t know, you could pick a program and sign up for the fall. You have all summer to think about it, and if you change your mind you just withdraw. Or vice versa, with work.” Namjoon hadn’t even considered that. Why hadn’t he considered that?
“That’s a really good idea, Gukkie,” Namjoon acknowledges, squeezing Jeongguk’s hand with his own. “I forgot I have a whole summer to really consider everything. But which one do I choose to accept for now?”
“Well, why do you want to get a job instead?” Jeongguk asks. Namjoon opens his mouth to answer, and then closes it. The only thing he can think to say is ‘the money’, which he thinks shouldn’t be the reason he chooses one over the other. He has the rest of his life to worry about the money, and once he starts get promotions, Namjoon thinks he might be less likely to go back to grad school if everything in his life is steady.
“I– don’t think I do?” Namjoon questions, “I mean, I still don’t know, but–”
“Namjoon-hyung,” Jeongguk interrupts him this time. “You’re rambling, and you’re definitely overthinking this. If you’re leaning more towards grad school, then sign up for that. Again, you’re able to change your mind later.”
“You’re so smart,” Namjoon says, reaching up to squish Jeongguk’s cheeks between his hands, which always causes Jeongguk to laugh and push his hands away, even though Namjoon knows he doesn’t actually mind it.
“That’s you,” Jeongguk sticks his tongue out. Namjoon laughs at him, and a big yawn escapes his mouth. He suddenly feels really exhausted. “You should get to bed, hyung, you look like you’re going to fall asleep on your feet.”
“See? Smart,” Namjoon manages through another yawn. “I guess I will head out. I’ll see you later?” Jeongguk nods, even though neither one of them know when exactly later is, and waves Namjoon out the door with a sweet smile.
-
Jeongguk can’t stop staring at the pieces of paper in his hand. His counselor had given them to him right before they’d parted for the summer, since there was no way Jeongguk would be able to travel to Seoul for anything, and he really wasn’t comfortable talking on the phone with her when his parents could hear every word. He would never tell his parents that he was seeking help. He could barely talk about it with his friends, who’d been so supportive to him and helped him get to counseling in the first place. He’s positive that his parents would be not be supportive in the slightest, and Jeongguk doesn’t even want to think about what they might do to punish him for it. He really can’t afford to lose their help with tuition, even if he hates the degree he’s getting, he still thinks it might help him get out of the family business someday.
He’s standing right outside the pharmacy, unable to will himself to go in. His counselor had given him a prescription for antidepressants, explaining that it would be the most subtle way to manage his depression (which Jeongguk still hasn’t wrapped his head around) while being home. But he feels like he’d be admitting weakness by relying on medicine to make him feel better. The other pages are tips for Jeongguk to continue working on his eating habits, even though Jeongguk thinks it’s just going to go down the drain as soon as he gets home and his parents immediately start criticizing his weight as they do every time he goes home.
Rationally, he knows the antidepressants will most likely make him feel better emotionally and might actually make things easier to deal with when he goes home, where he arguably feels worst. He’d much rather be working himself to death with long library shifts and graveyard convenience store shifts and a degree that he abhors than running the restaurant. But Jeongguk is not good at thinking rationally, too used to wallowing in his own thoughts and emotions than trying to make a logical decision. So Jeongguk does the only thing he can think to do: he walks to his hyungs’.
It doesn’t take him very long to get there, and once he hikes the stairs up to the apartment, he can smell something delicious wafting through the hallway and as he gets closer to their door, can hear the voices of his hyungs. Jeongguk can’t help but smile to himself as he reaches to open the door without knocking, something that he definitely wouldn’t have been comfortable doing months ago. Walking inside, Jeongguk can immediately see Jin bent over some pots and pans in the kitchen while he simultaneous shoos Jimin and Taehyung away from where they’re trying to steal bites of food when Jin’s not looking. Jeongguk doesn’t ever think he’s caught Jin slipping, but Jimin and Taehyung still try regardless. Yoongi and Hoseok are competing on some video game that Jeongguk can’t see from here, while Namjoon is curled up on the other end of the couch that they’re not occupying. While he’d seen all of them at Nationals, he hadn’t really gotten to spend a lot of time with Hoseok, Jimin and Taehyung as they were out celebrating, so this is the first time in a long time that they’ve all been able to hang out. (And probably the last until next semester, but Jeongguk doesn’t want to think about that right now.)
Jeongguk stands in the doorway undetected as long as he can, trying to cement this picture into his mind. Not only will he not be able to join them on their ‘Hometown Tour’ as the hyungs have started calling it, but next year he’s going to be the only one left living on campus. Jimin had saved up enough money between holidays and birthdays to be able to move into an apartment with Taehyung, and the rest of Jeongguk’s hyungs weren’t even going to be attending the university anymore. He doesn’t know where in Seoul they might end up, but Seoul is huge and Jeongguk’s so busy during the weeks, walking the two blocks to his hyungs’ made it easy to stop in for an hour or two in between shifts or after work.
“Gguk-ah!” Hoseok calls, finally spotting him. “Jeongguk-ah’s here!” Jeongguk blushes under the attention of everyone as they turn to where he’s standing.
“Hi, little one,” Jin calls from the kitchen, accompanying the greeting by blowing a kiss and with a wink that Jeongguk swears makes him blush even more. He’s too flustered to even be able to argue that he’s not even the shortest one. “Dinner will be ready in a little while!” Taehyung and Jimin spare a moment from trying to outwit Jin to smile and wave at him, and the rest of his hyungs scoot over to make room for him on the couch.
“Did you come from counseling?” Namjoon asks, pulling Jeongguk down so he’s squished in between him and Hoseok. Jeongguk nods, hoping that the fatigue he feels from the session isn’t showing. While he definitely wants to talk about it, he doesn’t want to do it right now. There’s almost definitely alcohol planned for later in the evening, and if Jeongguk has to rehash everything, it’s definitely not going to be sober. So, he leans into Namjoon’s brace and throws his legs over Hoseok’s lap and lets himself get swept into Hoseok’s and Yoongi’s video game feud while Namjoon’s chin comes to rest on his shoulder.
Later on, after dinner, Yoongi does break out the alcohol and they all let themselves go to celebrate the end of the semester. Jeongguk can tell there’s still some residual stress from his older hyungs that aren’t sure about the decisions they’ve made, but Namjoon is planning on grad school in the fall and Hoseok has a meeting with Blue Side entertainment to hopefully commit to them before he embarks on the Hometown Tour. With the stress of finals behind them, it’s so much easier to finally relax and focus on being with each other.
The paper that Jeongguk has shoved into his pocket is on the forefront of his mind, and he’s still not sure what to do about it. He wants to feel better, but he doesn’t want to feel weak. Jeongguk can almost hear the disappointment in his appa’s tone if he found out Jeongguk was seeing a counselor, let alone taking medication to improve his mental health. He hasn’t realized that he’s completely withdrawn from the conversation until Jimin next to him elbows him a little sloppily in the stomach and Jeongguk blinks at everyone through his slightly hazy vision that comes with being a bit inebriated. They’re all looking back at him with various levels of concern that are inversely related to how drunk they are. Hoseok, for example, is leaning against Jin with his eyes mostly closed, but Namjoon (always more cautious about drinking than the rest of them) is looking at Jeongguk with an amount of worry that Jeongguk hasn’t seem on Namjoon’s face in a while.
“What’re you thinkin’ about so hard, maknae?” Yoongi asks, throwing his arm across Jimin in an attempt to reach Jeongguk’s hand but ends up hitting Jimin across the face and then Jeongguk’s leg. Normally Jeongguk would whine at Yoongi’s new favorite way of addressing him, since Jeongguk is barely the youngest thank you very much, but his brain is too preoccupied with everything else to even really have registered the pet name.
“I’m depressed,” Jeongguk blurts out, and then immediately claps his hand over his mouth. No one says anything for a moment, and then Namjoon reaches up from where he and Taehyung are on the floor in front of them to take Jeongguk’s other hand, which Jeongguk grips like a lifeline.
“Okay,” Jin says slowly, blinking a few times as if to process the information. Jimin pries Jeongguk’s other hand from his mouth but doesn’t let it go, and Jeongguk feels a little less anxious with Jimin holding one hand and Namjoon, the other.
“My counselor says so,” Jeongguk adds when it becomes clear no one else is going to speak. “She wants me to… take medicine, but I’m scared.” The last part comes out much quieter than the rest of it, almost like a whisper. He doesn’t want to see everyone’s faces, so he turns and buries his face in Jimin’s shoulder as best he can without letting go of his friends’ hands. Jimin coos, and someone’s hand comes up to pat his head. It’s probably Yoongi, since the person seems to end up cuffing Jeongguk’s ear a bit before clumsily stroking the top of his head.
“Scared of what, baby?” Jin asks next, his voice soothing and calm even though Jeongguk feels the exact opposite. He doesn’t know what to say, doesn’t want to admit that it makes him feel weak to the boys who helped him get to counseling in the first place. He’s been so good about going by himself, only asking Jin and Jimin to accompany him to the first appointment and then forcing him to go each week by himself. He doesn’t want his problems to impact his friends any more than they already have, and if he tells them how he feels, they’re going to feel as though they failed him when in actuality, he’s failing them. But the amount of alcohol in him causes him to think all of these thoughts out loud, which he only realizes once he hears a small gasp from who he thinks is Taehyung. Jeongguk risks pulling his face away from Jimin’s shoulder to see everyone looking at him with sad eyes. This is exactly what he wanted to avoid. Before he can figure out a way to backtrack, he suddenly has a lap full of Taehyung, who wraps his arms around Jeongguk’s waist as best he can in a very poorly coordinated hug.
“You’re so brave, Gukkie,” he says, voice muffled since his face is probably stuffed into the couch back. “I don’t know where you got this stupid idea that medicine makes you weak, and I know me telling you it’s not true isn’t going to magically change your mind, but I think you’re brave, and I’m super proud of you.” Taehyung finishes this speech by pressing a small kiss to Jeongguk’s temple before returning to his spot on the floor. Jeongguk had seen the other members be openly affectionate with each other from time to time, seeing the hyungs kiss their dongsaengs’ foreheads and even having received a few from Jin during sleepovers, but this is the first time any of the others have done so with Jeongguk.
“I’ve taken them,” Yoongi admits to Jeongguk, sounding a lot more sober than a few minutes ago. He looks around Jimin to make eye contact with Jeongguk, placing his hand (after a few tries) on top of Jeongguk’s and Jimin’s intertwined hands. “It doesn’t make us less weak, Jeongguk-ah. It makes us strong.”
“I love you, Jeongguk-ah,” Hoseok pipes up sleepily from where he’s completely slumped against Jin, but he makes eye contact with Jeongguk anyways. “I just want to see you happy, and if the medicine can help you get there then that’s a win in my book.”
“Anything’s worth it to see a smile on this face,” Jimin adds, using his free hand to squish Jeongguk’s cheek so he can also press a small kiss to it. “You deserve so much, Gukkie, happiness is just a drop in the bucket.”
“Besides,” Namjoon chimes in, squeezing his hand again, “even if it does make you feel weak, you have all of us to help support you. No matter what. You never walk alone, not when you have us to keep you company.” Jeongguk can’t help but sniffle a bit at the sentiment, flinging himself off the couch to give Namjoon the biggest hug in the entire world.
“Hey, that’s not fair, I want a hug too!” Jimin pouts immediately, jumping down and pulling Yoongi with him to the floor. Yoongi squawks indignantly, rolling over to wrestle Jimin in retaliation. In no time, all seven boys are on the floor in a tangle of limbs and soft smiles and Jeongguk can’t tell where he ends and the rest of them begin. He knows his problems are far from over, and he’s still anxious about starting medication, but he also knows it will be infinitely easier with the love from his friends.