Chapter Text
It’s four days until Sicheng is planning to leave and he is standing outside Yuta’s door, again. His tall frame almost swallowed by his gentle facial features and Yuta sucks in a breath when he opens the door. Why is he over here, at this time?
Big eyes seek him to let him know ”It was so cold, I could not sleep.”
Yuta’s face feels flushed from his own room temperature, so he frowns thoughtfully knowing Sicheng’s room had been quite the opposite. Still unsure of what exactly he wants Yuta refrains from saying anything.
“I don’t want to bother, but do you have a spare blanket?” Sicheng gently asks while looking down apologetically.
“Of course, you can also take a warm bath if you’d like,” Yuta offers from where he stands dressed in only a pair of long pyjama pants. His shirt discarded in the corner of the room because it had been too hot with it on.
Yuta swears he catches Sicheng eyeing him down and up before he looks shocked.
“A bath? You can do that?” Yuta turns around to gesture towards his en suite but Sicheng has already stepped out of his slippers and is now pushing his way past Yuta into the room. He mumbles something about ‘ damn capitalism’ when he’s introduced to Yuta’s personal bathroom.
“I take that as a yes,” Yuta laughs and turns on the faucet, Sicheng’s mouth hanging open slightly as he watches the water fill up the tub. “You don’t... Take baths?”
“Nope, we only have shared showers where I live, with cold water,” Sicheng explains and Yuta visibility flinches at ‘cold water’ because what the fuck. When the hot water reaches the brim, Yuta points at the pair of bottles standing on the counter, shampoo and soap, he explains. And just when he is about to turn around and leave, Sicheng grasps his arm.
“Where are you going?” he asks mildly.
Yuta stares at him with dire confusion and replies, “Out? I’ll wait in the room.”
Sicheng blinks sleepily a few times, and the flutter of his eyelashes catches Yuta off guard. Though he won’t admit that to himself, he won’t blow his cover because of some butterflies.
“Could you maybe ...? Can we do it together?” Sicheng hesitates since he isn’t the one to ask, Yuta has noticed. But his request isn’t something Yuta can decline, not when Sicheng’s doe eyes are lingering a little too long on his bare upper half, at least. Damn, this is hard.
“Of course.” Yuta supposes they shower together on the lower floors since they have shared shower rooms. This is what is normal for Sicheng, but Yuta can’t help but gulp when he undresses, feeling his cheeks heat up and heartbeat increase. He can tell that Sicheng’s bottom lip is quivering, his body not fully recovered from the cold and skin still covered in goosebumps. Yuta wants to hug him almost, squeeze him so tight that the coldness pours out and then continue to hug him. He doesn’t know why, but he has to stop himself from letting his eyes wander as Sicheng’s had.
“Well now I’m tired,” Sicheng concludes when they’re both sitting in the bathtub. His knees are pulled up loosely against his torso mirroring Yuta’s position.
“If you turn around, I’ll wash your hair for you,” Yuta offers while reaching for the shampoo bottle. Sicheng nods and spins around to face the wall, a bit of water spilling over the top while he does so. Yuta pours out a small amount of shampoo in his hand; Sicheng has short hair, so Yuta won’t need nearly the amount he uses for himself. He lathers it up between his two hands and gently massages it into Sicheng’s hair, and when he reaches his ears. Yuta notices one of them is slightly pointed, while the other is round. Sicheng is leaning into his touch, and his eyes are falling shut. But this time Yuta can’t help himself, he flings his arms around the man in front of him and pulls him into a tight hug from behind. Sicheng squeals out of surprise and flounders around to not fall back into Yuta’s grip, without success.
“Ahhhhhhh! So cute! You’re like a half-elf!” Yuta cries while resting his cheek on Sicheng’s nape.
He sighs but cannot stop himself from giggling and asks, “Are you done ?”
“Yes, sorry,” Yuta apologises and lets go of Sicheng, who is now laughing.
The water that was once burning and stinging at their skin is now comfortably lukewarm. Yuta’s limbs are twisted together with Sicheng’s underneath the foam and the room smells of soap. His back is still turned towards Yuta and whenever he turns his head to mention something his side profile is displayed; a small nose with a slight, barely noticeable bump and lips plump and tinted a muted pink tone. And when he stretches them into a smile and reveals his rounded teeth. Yuta is as one would say, whipped, doing nothing but feeding in to his selfish desires; letting his hands run all over Sicheng’s lean figure in excuse of helping him wash. His eyes once again losing focus and slowly closing as a response.
You would think they’re kids, taking a bath together like this and causing the water overflow as they shifted around. But, they’re not kids anymore. Not experiencing a proper childhood doesn’t result in immortality, Yuta thinks, much to his own disappointment. His mind is foggy, just like the bathroom mirror and he can’t tell what’s happening to him. Why does he feel like this? It’s like his skin has become thin and he’s too vulnerable. Sicheng has turned around by now, facing Yuta and looking at him from lidded eyes.
He says, “Yuta come with me,” and then tips his head back, letting his hair soak with water once again.
Yuta just observes him, his whole body practically aching as he nods, mesmerised, if he could , he would do anything for Sicheng. And Yuta knows too much, he knows things that he wishes he didn’t. He would tell Sicheng if he could.
Sicheng walks out of Yuta’s an hour or so later, with pruned fingertips and damp hair. He can literally feel how much the security guard who let him in judges him. Rightfully so though, he’ll admit it doesn’t look great. He smiles awkwardly at her while pursuing his walk of shame back to his room. Yuta had offered him to stay over; he declined, however. That bath was enough intimacy for another year or so. He laughs at that and receives an odd look from a bypassing janitor. He wonders if Ten is back yet, he typically came around a few hours after midnight. Sicheng almost wished he would be out for a little longer, having to explain where and with whom he was, feeling kind of embarrassing. Not that Ten would hang up banners with the words ‘ welcome home cheater’ or anything, it just feels rude to rub someone else in his face, he doesn’t want to hurt him after all.
No one gets hurt, Sicheng makes the bed with his newfound blanket and slides under the covers. He falls asleep.
Their last meeting takes place the next day; Yuta has got some explaining to do, to say the least. He shows up with a new facade, this one more shy and his hands almost tremble when he waves at Sicheng.
“Are you sure you’re coming?” Sicheng questions with a raised eyebrow.
Yuta seems to catch on to what he’s talking about without it being mentioned, “I just said I would because of that...." He looks around as if he’s searching for the right word “ Situation.”
Sicheng hums unamused. He really isn’t allowed to be disappointed at Yuta not wanting to die for him, but he can’t help it.
“You know... My blood was in other places than my head,” he chuckles, “you could’ve told me to drown myself in that tub and I’d do it.”
Sicheng knows what he’s getting at, and he must understand. Men are stupid like that, they don’t think with their heads a lot. But really? Drown himself? A bit over the top even for Sicheng, who happens to be a man as well.
Yuta grins at him like he’s concealing something and Sicheng’s room, falls silent.
“But I meant it that time, I’m coming with you.”
He finds himself staring at him with big eyes and doesn’t even flinch when Yuta yanks him into a hug. Sicheng asks if he’s sure two times, and then he asks if he’s really sure once more.
“Seriously though, I don’t think anyone has anything here anyway,” he whispers into Sicheng’s neck while rubbing circles into his shoulder blades with his thumbs.
Yuta suddenly let’s go, he says, “So, tell me the details.”
Sicheng is leaving in a day, and he will get out this time. He limits his interactions with Yuta to only a few shared glances in the cafeteria to keep any suspicion away. Yuta mostly hangs around with his friends; people Sicheng can’t recognise and they are always loud, always making a scene. Sicheng rolls his eyes, and he wishes everyone was like him; reserved. Yuta is smirking while telling some kind of story to his friends, they listen eagerly with hungry eyes as Yuta explains something Sicheng doesn’t understand. Honestly, Sicheng finds Yuta to be a weird guy, and he probably should not trust him the way he does. He ignores it. Yuta will die for him, that is pretty trusting. And he will admit that Yuta’s hands felt rather thrilling on him and he will probably show up at his doorstep again, asking for more. More soap and more touches.
It’s too late for that. Because Sicheng feels it, he feels his heart twisting and turning. It is the first time since Ten.
They meet at midnight in the greenhouse. Sicheng cannot believe he will finally be able to leave. And with Yuta. Sicheng’s bag has been packed since the night before, and it feels heavy on his shoulders. He notices Yuta’s lack of one.
“Yuta? Where is your bag?” Sicheng asks with suspicion.
Yuta seems to be detached from reality before he finally brings himself to look at Sicheng with a blank face.
“There is something I need to tell you.”
Yuta’s favourite flower is lavender, he knows that because when they went outside yesterday, he had picked an entire bouquet of them. Sicheng thinks they smell bad, but he had kept that to himself. Just like Yuta had kept to himself that he doesn’t like cheesecake.
And they live together now, just the two of them, in an old mansion that they had found abandoned when they just got out. Sicheng enjoys their time together, even though it’s running out. The toxins and radiation in the air are starting to get to them.
” I’m still sad that you didn’t get to see the ocean,” Yuta says one day when they’re sitting on the porch. The coast is too far.
Sicheng looks at him, “some things we cannot have, I suppose.”
Yuta chuckles, “you can dream about the ocean, then.”
“I’m not talking about the ocean.”
Sicheng takes a deep breath, one that is filled with the different scents of the earth. It’s like he had always hoped. The woods in their backyard doubles as a hide and seek arena and Yuta always wins. He watches Yuta search with his gaze until he notices him.
“Found you!” Sicheng laughs and curses before he stills.
“Yuta, can we kiss?”
And oh does Yuta kiss him, it’s more than just a kiss. He tugs at Sicheng’s shirt like there is no tomorrow and runs his hands up his bare sides. Sicheng is pressed up against a tree, and the moisture from the moss is slowly seeping into the shirt he took from the previous owners of the house. He doesn’t mind. His hands grasp at Yuta's shoulders now that his mouth is travelling down Sicheng’s neck. Yuta pulls him close and runs his fingers through Sicheng’s hair, and tugs a little.
“Let’s go inside.”
If you’re standing on the driveway, you can see the ghost city and if you take a left and walk for a few minutes, there’s a field. It is covered in flowers, and Sicheng will sometimes pick some lavender flowers and give them to Yuta, who’s eyes always light up the same. Sicheng loves the outside, and he will never regret leaving. Not even when Yuta falls sick. They learned about this in school. First comes the fatigue, then the nosebleeds. And after that, you just won’t wake up one day. Sicheng knows their fate, so does Yuta and shortly after that Sicheng falls ill as well.
They are both stargazing on their last day. The stars are bright and clear, now that the earth is dark. Sicheng and Yuta lay on the grass side by side while they wait for the sun to set; the light is still golden and warm. Sicheng wants to say it, almost. The forbidden words; I love you . Why is it so hard to say? When words are just words and there is no tomorrow, It will not matter. Or perhaps, that is exactly why it would matter. If this time is all that they are left with, words like those would just hurt, make them regret waiting so long.
“How are you, Yuta?” Sicheng asks instead.
He thinks long and hard, his life is coming to an end. And Yuta doesn't really want to die, neither does Sicheng, or at least so he believes. He glances over at Sicheng, who's skin is glowing in the golden sunlight. And maybe, just maybe, Yuta would be okay with dying like this. He sits up instead, the sky is turning darker.
“I’m so sorry, Sicheng, I never wanted to hurt you,” he says while his sight becomes blurry from tears, “ We can try again.”
“Okay.”
They fall asleep soonly and the stars watch them from space.
The sun rises over the landscape, and the dew on the grass reflects the morning sun like particles of glitter. It’s a slightly foggy morning and a very silent one. It remains that way; silent. The house stands empty once again and the lavenders grow back in the field that you can see if you take a left and walk for a few minutes. The woods in the backyard are quieter than ever and the master bedroom on the second floor is empty.
It’s one of those days again, when Sicheng can barely breathe. He will never be able to breathe probably, not here at least. If only he got out. He despises Yuta for what he did. But he still loves him, he’s the only one Sicheng has ever loved and now he can never forgive him.
The four concrete walls caging him in are suffocating, and he will just drift away. Away into another world where the pain is less painful and where there are no walls like these. He finds himself slipping back into the same image every time. It’s him and Yuta; they walk together on a grass field and they live in an abandoned mansion in the countryside. They play hide and seek in the backyard forest and their home smells of lavender. Sometimes they will make love on the king-sized bed in the master bedroom upstairs and sometimes they just sit on the porch and talk. When they run out of food, they will ride some rusty bikes into the dead city and grab conserves from the supermarkets there. The stories in Sicheng’s mind always end the same, however. But he will never forget that day he got a letter slid under the door of his cell.
It was from Yuta. A poem, titled Cheesecakes & Escapes.