Chapter Text
Asahi stares at the old gym.
Is he really up for this?
He doesn’t know. But it’s too fucking late at this point.
His feet take slow, anxious strides towards the doors, and memories flood back like rivers in his head. Everything feels a bit familiar, but in a far away sense. He feels detached from all of it.
He still feels a distant warmth that pulls him towards the gym.
The doors are open, and Asahi’s eyes brighten up when he sees faces he hasn’t seen for years.
He catches Daichi chatting with Kageyama, Suga grabbing a drink, Hinata giggling with Yamaguchi and Yachi while Tsukishima smiles with Kinoshita and Narita. Kiyoko walks up to Suga, but her eyes are fixed on Yachi from a distance before she focuses her attention on Suga entirely.
The familiar faces all turn to Asahi, who smiles as several start approaching.
“ASAHI-SAN!!” Hinata is still very loud.
Daichi, Suga, and Kiyoko follow not so far behind, while the others trail with warm welcomes behind them.
It’s all happy hello’s and excited hugs and some tearful greetings, but not long after Asahi has arrived, everyone sort of goes back to before. Some are in small groups, talking about God knows what, and others are busying themselves with food or looking for others to catch up with.
Asahi feels at peace, especially as he talks with Kageyama about college and what they ended up doing, etc.
Everyone seems to look different. Kageyama has a shorter hairstyle, although it’s not so different from high school, and he looks much stronger than seven years ago. He’s almost as tall as Asahi by now, and he also has his nails painted a crisp blue. It’s a good look.
“Hinata and I still play beach sometimes, but we bought a small house a while back,” Kageyama smiles. He also smiles. Quite a lot. “We have a cat named Miso, so we try not to leave him alone too much.”
Asahi suddenly connects what Kageyama is saying.
“Wait, you two are together?” he asks, clearly surprised.
Kageyama nods, giving Asahi a look that asks ‘Didn’t you know that?’
“We got together in our third year. Everything sort of worked out.” Kageyama looks to Hinata, who is brightly giggling with Yachi and Yamaguchi again. Asahi sees a devoted love in Kageyama’s eyes and gets a pang of understanding sadness.
He’s happy that they are happy together, but Asahi feels the loneliness of being single bite back at him. Then he remembers Noya, who should be showing up soon—
“What’s up, you old bastards!” Tanaka’s voice shouts through the gym. Asahi grins as he hears the past rebel barge in with a clear platonic love in his enthusiasm.
Tanaka has also changed. He’s wearing silver and gold chains, and Asahi definitely notices some silver teeth shining in the shitty gym lights. Is there some kanji tattooed on Tanaka’s neck?
Ennoshita goes over and lays one on him, and Asahi staggers in a state of shock.
Tanaka... and Ennoshita are together?
“Why are you so late?” Ennoshita scolds him, but there’s a smile that Asahi notices shining through.
“Sorry,” Tanaka scratches the back of his head, which has stripes shaved into the sides. “Saw someone on the street and we got distracted.” It looks hilarious when Ennoshita begins scolding a tough and rugged looking Tanaka like a child, and Asahi figures their relationship of Ennoshita keeping Tanaka in his place has not changed one bit.
“You got distracted while driving?! By who?!” Suga seems to side with Ennoshita by standing right next to him with his hands planted on his hips.
Tanaka shies down, but points to the door with an apologetic smile.
Everyone turns to the doors, and Asahi forgets to breathe when he sees a small 24 year old staring challengingly at Tanaka.
Noya still has the flare of blond in the front of his hair, but he has also got a new blond strip that wraps around his head. It looks like lightning. He’s sporting silver earrings and a lip ring. And what looks to be an old white... band of some sort... wrapped around his wrist a couple times. Noya’s legs are sculpted in the calves, and his small arms are built by his shoulders. Asahi doesn’t remember him looking that strong.
“Ryuu, you bastard, I’ll kill you for cutting me off!” he shouts, immediately going red when Daichi, Suga, and Ennoshita give him accusatory looks.
It lasts about a second before they all break into laughter and share a huge hug.
But Asahi can’t bring himself to move as he watches Noya interact with everyone. Kageyama seems to notice.
Instead of saying anything, he follows Asahi’s anxious stare, and gives him a look of sympathy.
“Something happen?” he asks gently. Asahi nods, staring longingly at his old flame.
Kageyama has totally changed, and Asahi is entirely surprised when he tells Asahi he’ll try to distract Noya so Asahi can take a breath outside for a moment.
Asahi can’t help but watch as Hinata goes over to Noya and squeals in awe at all the new changes to his body. Then Kageyama goes and smiles brightly (still a shock) with his boyfriend and chats up a storm with Yuu.
Asahi finds an escape where no one is looking, and feels the cool air seep deep into his lungs. His heart slows gradually, but he can still feel the pulse in his eardrums. He tells himself to act natural. To act like nothing happened. You are only friends now. No matter what’s happened.
Footsteps approach him, and Asahi beats in his ears.
Don’t be Noya, don’t be Noya—
“Asahi?” Suga’s voice. Asahi lets out a breath. “Are you alright?”
Asahi smiles nervously, contemplating telling Suga what’s wrong.
“Ah, I’m alright,” he brushes off. “Just needed a bit of air.” APPARENTLY his friends know him WAY better than he realized, EVEN after SO LONG with no communication. Suga goes soft at his words.
“Is it Noya?” he asks, placing a hand on Asahi’s back. Asahi figures there’s no point in hiding it. He sighs, looking at his feet. He nods in defeat.
“I didn’t realize it would hurt so much to see him. I thought it would be fine. I’m a fucking adult.” The swear makes Suga flinch—almost unnoticeably—and Asahi immediately apologizes.
“I’m sorry, Suga,” he looks over to his friend. “I just didn’t realize I was still not over him. It’s been years.”
“Maybe you should try talking to him,” Suga suggests gently. “You don’t have to if you don’t feel ready, but facing this stuff head on might... just might make it easier. I can’t be sure though, you do what feels right. But I don’t want to hear any more negative goatee!” Suga smiles with the last part, and Asahi can’t help but return it.
Suga pulls Asahi into a small, comfort hug, and Asahi feels better. He knows Suga is here for him. Even if it’s been much too long. He’s thankful for having him in his life.
“Suga? What are you—”
Asahi freezes. His heart lodges in his throat, and every part of him tightens up. He can’t move, but Suga detaches from the hug to help him.
“Noya! Sorry, I was just checking on Asahi,” Suga gestures to a frozen Asahi. “He just needed some air.”
Now Noya fucking knows that Asahi came out after he arrived, and now Asahi can’t even look him in the eyes. Not those eyes.
“Ah,” Noya forces out. Asahi hears the discomfort in his voice. “Well, I was ju—”
“You two should catch up! I’ll just be inside, if you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask!”
Asahi can’t breathe. He’s about to have an attack. He can feel it. Oh fuck, deep breaths. Get air in your lungs, quickly come on—
Suga leaves.
Asahi looks to Noya, who looks as good as ever, and just as uncomfortable as him. There’s something in those bright amber eyes that seems empty. There’s an emotion he can feel in himself when he looks at Noya.
“Asahi-san,” Noya breathes. Asahi feels a sting in his heart. There’s a soft, slightly forced smile on Noya’s face. “Didn’t see you come out here.”
Asahi has to press a smile up in his lips, feeling his heart shatter as the boy he once held closer than anyone else talk with him like a stranger.
“Ah, I didn’t notice you came in. I was just getting a little stuffy in the gym.” A horrid lie, and he immediately feels terrible for letting one go on Noya so easily.
“Oh,” Noya sighs. “I’m glad it didn’t have to do with me.” There’s relief in his voice, but the way he brings up the past so quickly makes Asahi go frigid.
Should they talk about it?
Asahi chuckles the most fake laugh he’s done in his life.
“It’s nothing like that, don’t worry.” He assures, and Noya nods, all too awkwardly. When did things get so bad?
“I’m going to go get a drink,” he grins, crying on the inside when he sees Noya’s expression fall slightly. “Did you want to join—”
“Asahi-san,” Noya says it with a slight plea. Asahi looks back. The tone is all too familiar. “Can we talk?”
Asahi nods barely, then he nods again, and mutters an ‘Of course.’
•
Asahi steps back from the door, giving his full attention to the shorter man who’s giving him a look that reminds Asahi of when he didn’t want to return to volleyball his third year because of getting blocked during a Date Tech match.
Noya’s eyes turn red, but he bows until his face is staring down at the sidewalk before Asahi can comment.
“I-I’m sorry for being so selfish!” He yells, but his voice is shaking and Asahi can hear the thickness of emotion that tugs at his tone. “I should’ve never p-pressured you into doing something you weren’t ready for, and I am so sorry!”
When Noya brings his head up again, there are tears gathering in watery irises, and one falls down his cheek while his hands tremble by his sides.
“N-Noya, I—”
“And I completely understand if you still h-hate me,” Noya winces with his words. ”I’m not asking for forgiveness, I’m just letting you know that what I did was terrible, a-and I’ve changed a lot. I’m sorry I ever put you through that, and I h-hope you know that if I could turn back the clock, I would.” A few drops roll down Noya’s face, and Asahi feels at a loss of words. He can’t remember the last time Noya cried in front of him.
Asahi is also in shock. He always... blamed himself for what happened. Because if he had just come out, Noya wouldn’t have felt unappreciated.
“But... you felt... you felt unloved, Noya.” Asahi’s eyes water at the memory. “I couldn’t even show you how much y—”
“No!” Noya interrupts, shaky breaths leaving trembling lips. “Y-You shouldn’t feel a-at fault for what happened! I was... I was so selfish.” Noya squeezes his eyes shut.
“I was so... immature. And entitled. I didn’t realize what I had done until afterwards. I mean, fuck, I had you! You’re amazing! And if someone had told me to come out when I wasn’t ready...” Noya trails off, a pained expression tightening over his face. He lets out a soft cry, and his hands curl into white knuckled fists.
“Fuck, Asahi!” he cries. “I was heartless! God, I was so fucking... I put you through that shit.” Noya breaks in front of Asahi’s eyes, and he can’t help but feel overcome with the need to wrap his arms around the man falling apart in front of him.
Noya speaks up again before Asahi can move.
“I’m sorry for being such a fucking cry baby about it seven years later, but,” Noya sniffles, “I never even apologized. And I just needed you to know, it was entirely my fault. I-I was shit to you, and I know you usually blame yourself, so I needed to clarify. Just tell me you understand—”
“Thank you,” Asahi breathes out. Noya cuts himself off, looking at Asahi with something in his eyes that Asahi can’t identify, but he can feel deep within him. “I mean, I just... I thought about that fight for so long. I tried getting over you but I kept feeling like I let you down. I couldn’t even show you how I felt.”
He sees Noya bubble up into soft snivels, but he continues.
“And I know, it’s probably meaningless all these years later, but I’m just glad you understand how much I care for you. I was so scared that the message wasn’t getting across. So thank you, for letting me know you were also thinking about me.”
Asahi watches as Noya crumbles, bubbling over with emotions and slowly walking over to Asahi, big eyes full of huge tears.
Noya wraps his short arms around Asahi’s middle, giving Asahi a flash of memory before he engulfs Noya as well.
Asahi still dwarfs him after all this time. It’s a little funny to him, but it just reminds him of all the times they had together where Asahi could carry Noya around, where Noya could lay on top of Asahi and fall asleep without disturbing him, and countless of others where Asahi fell in love with Noya’s lack in height.
But Noya feels different. His muscles have changed. His hair is spikier, but softer as well. He has matured in more ways than one, and as much as he hates to admit it, Asahi feels every corny ass emotion rush back to his heart like it was the first time he had noticed Noya in that light.
“I’m sorry I treated you like shit. I regret that day so fucking much.” Noya cries into Asahi’s shirt. His hands tighten on the material, clinging to Asahi like a lifeline. Asahi drops a couple tears as well.
“It’s... I don’t...” Asahi can’t respond in confidence. There’s so much going through his head he might faint. “I don’t know how I feel right now, but I do know that I’m glad we could talk. This means a lot to me, Noya. Thank you.”
Noya stays in his embrace for a little longer, hiccups shaking his body. He holds Asahi like if he lets go, he’ll never get the chance again.
But it ends, and Noya pulls away—red, swollen eyes staring up at Asahi’s. There’s something inside his chest that releases. He’s not sure what, but it allows him to take deeper breaths. Like a harsh pressure just... disappeared.
Noya wipes his eyes with the backs of his hands, hasty and messy and slightly reckless. It does some, and Noya’s tears stop falling down his tear-tracked cheeks.
“I never...” Noya lets a trembling sigh loose, and Asahi thinks he might start crying again. “I never called you, or... ever apologized. And even if you don’t forgive me, I just wanted to let you know I’m sorry. I’m glad I could clear the air.”
Asahi nods, unsure of what else to say. It seems a bit too formal. This isn’t what they used to talk like. He doesn’t want Noya walking on eggshells around him. He wants to lighten the tension.
“I mean, I think I forgive you,” Asahi looks to the sky, which is a darker blue than normal, but it’s still daylight, and the sun hasn’t set entirely. “Like I said, I’m a little... thrown. But I missed you, Noya. I’d be lying if I said I was mad at you.” Noya looks down guiltily after Asahi says that.
“You should be,” he mutters thickly. “I don’t deserve your forgiveness.” Asahi frowns at the blame Noya presses on himself.
“You’ve clearly grown,” he rests a hand on Noya’s shoulder, and those big, warm, hazel eyes look up at him. They’re still wet, lingering tears taking sweet time to dry up. “It was years ago, and... and we were only teens. It seems like you didn’t mean it. I... I forgive you, Noya.”
Noya smiles, but his eyes gave away his emotional reaction with the way they redden again.
“I’m really sorry for how I acted, Asahi-san,” he apologizes again, unable to meet his gaze. “Thank you, for listening to me after everything.”
Asahi smiles at him, but there’s a little part of him that just... aches. He’s not sure for what.