Chapter Text
Poe awoke to find that Finn was already awake and writing vigorously on his PADD. Finn looked over to Poe and Poe quickly closed his eyes. Finn chuckled in amusement as he leaned over him. “Hey, I know that you’re awake,” murmured Finn as she kissed Poe gingerly on the lips.
Poe kissed him back before groaning. “I’m not awake,” he lied, draping an arm over his eyes.
“Uh huh,” mumbled Finn as he kissed Poe again. This time Poe tilted his head so that he had a better angle to kiss him.
Finn broke off to turn back to his PADD while Poe whimpered at the lost contact. He sat up on his elbows and tried to pull at Finn’s arm, but Finn wasn’t giving it. “Finn, please,” Poe pleaded, voice rising to desperate whine.
“I’ll tell you what, if you listen to my worries with this list, then we can do some of that later,” Finn suggested as he glanced over to Poe, a glimmer of mischief lighting behind his eyes.
Although reluctant, Poe nodded as he sat up the rest of the way. “Alright, I guess,” he grunted as he tried to crane his head to look over Finn’s shoulder. “What are you doing?”
“I think that you know,” Finn told him distractedly.
Their talk from the night before came rushing back into Poe’s mind like a freight train. The devastating nightmare, the vomiting, Finn coming to find him, and then Finn mentioning medication all overwhelmed Poe’s thoughts. Poe knew that he had been dead set against it and yet he was also aware that Finn wasn’t going to drop it. He promised that he would at least hear him out and that was what he was going to do.
“You’re still trying to get me to take some of that shit,” Poe questioned as he looked up to Finn expectantly.
Finn nodded, swiveling the PADD so that Poe could see it too. “Pro and con list,” he explained as he tapped his finger against it. “This will help us decide.”
“A pro and con list,” echoed Poe in amusement. He couldn’t help but roll his eyes. “Now you’re the one that is starting to sound like Leia.”
Finn reached over and nudged him. “Shut up! This is serious. You said that you would take it seriously, so can you please at least look at it?”
Poe sat up the rest of the way and stretched out his hand. “Give it here.” Finn gave it over and Poe’s eyes skimmed the screen.
Pros
Helps with insomnia, anxiety, depression, nightmares, manic thoughts, etc.
Balances mood.
Engages focus
“You honestly think that some pill is going to do all this,” Poe questioned as he dropped the PADD onto his outstretched legs.
Finn crossed his arms over his chest. “Save all sarcastic comments for the end, please.”
Poe grunted as he lifted the PADD back up.
Cons
Poe won’t like it
Side effects
Must be taken regularly
Could do more harm than good
Poe looked back to Finn as Finn waited him to decide something. “Finn, this hasn’t persuaded me to take it,” Poe told him honestly.
Finn didn’t look surprised in the slightest. If anything he seemed pleased that Poe had just read through everything and hadn’t refused. “I know, but I have one more trick up my sleeve.”
Before all of this happened with Poe’s flashbacks and panic attacks, Poe would’ve thought that would mean something quite different. He tried not to dwell on that the fact that he and Finn were becoming more lifelong partners instead of traditional lovers. “What,” Poe asked a little more bitterly than he intended.
Finn reached out and grabbed Poe’s hands. Poe was forced to look up to Finn and saw the heartbreak in his eyes. “Asking you to, from me. I love you so much, Poe. I just don’t want to see you suffering and I know how much pain this causes you. I just want to try it, that’s all. It could help and I—“
“No,” interrupted Poe. He wasn’t agitated, but certainly a little reluctant. He didn’t like being pressured or blindsided and that was how Finn was making him feel. “I need you to trust me on this.”
Finn shook his head gravely. He still had Poe’s hands squeezed in his and he didn’t show any signs of letting go. “You have no idea how much I want to. But, I’m also worried about you, Poe. You worry me. I want to trust you, but I also don’t want to see you physically ill because of this. Last night your nightmares were bad enough to make you physically sick. Do you realize how hard I’ve been trying to keep food inside of you?”
Poe had noticed that Finn seemed to do anything to get him to eat. Even if he wasn’t hungry, Finn was always trying to get him to have something, filling his plate to bursting at the mess hall only for Poe to eat less than half. “I’m aware,” Poe mumbled, looking down bashfully.
Finn squeezed his hands again to urge Poe to look up. “Do you just not want to take anything for anxiety or are you opposed to taking anything?”
“Finn, I was lost when I was younger. I took plenty of things that I shouldn’t. I’m not willing to put anything in my body like that again,” Poe explained as a vaguely as he could. He didn’t want to admit how he had tried to self medicate through part of the Resistance war. He was sure that Finn would turn away from him if he knew.
Finn could see the inner turmoil in Poe. This entire process was difficult and painful to bring up and go through. They had been trying to make sense of it and it was nearly impossible. All Finn wanted to do was help Poe reach a place where he could function in their society and even thrive. Finn didn’t see how that would happen without the aid of medication, and yet that was where he saw things going if Poe was so against it. He wasn’t going to force him. That never worked. He recalled the time that he had tried to crush up some sleeping medication into Poe’s food. That had been an extremely tense few days after Poe had found out.
“Okay, maybe nothing for the anxiety and flashbacks, but what about at least some anti-nausea medication for when the nightmares are too overwhelming,” Finn pleaded. Perhaps if they started slow, they could attempt to work him up to more medication.
Poe saw a compromise. He could admit that. “I wouldn’t mind that,” he answered as he lifted his gaze to Finn. “That we could try. Just nothing else yet, please.”
Finn sighed as he leaned forward, finally releasing Poe’s hands from his own. He pressed their foreheads together as he reached a hand to rest on the back of Poe’s neck comfortingly. “You’re going to be the death of me, Poe.”
“And you’re going to be the death of me, Finn,” Poe repeated good-naturally.
Finn sighed as he looked to the clock. “You ready for the day?” Things hadn’t gone exactly as Finn would’ve liked, but that was alright. They were making progress. It was slow, yes, but progress nonetheless. Finn had learned that with Poe some progress was better than no progress.
“As ready as I’m going to be,” responded Poe as he threw the covers off of himself. He then glanced over his shoulder when he didn’t hear Finn respond. “Thanks for trusting me on this.” He then got up from the bed and headed toward the fresher to shower.
Finn sighed heavily. He didn’t trust Poe. That wasn’t why he didn’t argue more to force Poe to take any medication. He had to let Poe come to this realization himself, on his own, and he would be there when he finally did.