Chapter Text
It took Jemma a few minutes to calm herself and leave the restroom.
When she walked back into the Boiler Room, she heard some cadets talking and gathered that it was snowing hard and that if it got worse, there was a decent chance that the flights would be canceled.
Jemma had delayed her own flight home despite her parents’ desire to have her back early once she told them about the cancelled course only because she didn’t have the heart to leave Fitz alone. And she didn’t want to be away from him for more time than expected; two weeks away were more than enough.
The thought of having her flight cancelled, the possibility of not going back home and the vivid image of her parents’ sad faces were balanced by the possibility of staying at Sci-Tech and spending Christmas with Fitz.
Maybe she was a horrible daughter… but she didn’t mind the second option.
With those thoughts in mind, she found herself walking through the crowd to get to Fitz. The Boiler Room was less crowded than before but it still took her a few minutes to get to him. She found him at their table and reached out to call him, sure that he was waiting for her.
“Fitz? Did you hear about the storm? And of the fligh-?” Her eyes widened when he turned around. “What's wrong?” She asked, moving her hand from his shoulder to his arm. His face was strained and pale and he looked away from her but she managed to catch the hurt look in his eyes. Concerned, she moved to look at him but he stepped back, freed his arm and picked up his jacket.
“Nothing,” he said curtly and walked toward the door.
Jemma stared at his retreating figure and felt a wave of panic wash through her. She hurriedly picked up her coat and handbag and rushed after him.
She had left for five minutes: what had happened?
“ Fitz...” She called but he didn't seem to hear her. “Fitz.” He walked on. “ Fitz !” She reached for his wrist and tugged him to stop behind a pillar as people walked past them next to the exit. “What-?”
He abruptly shook her hand away and she stopped talking, stunned by the action, and felt a bit hurt. He’d never done that before.
“Fitz?”
He looked at her and she felt another wave of concern as she saw how upset he looked. His eyes seemed to range through a variety of emotions.
“It doesn't matter,” he mumbled and moved to turn to the door but she stopped him, stepping in front of him.
“ No!” She said. “It does matter. You’re upset. What happened?”
He stared at her and Jemma felt as though she was being pierced by the intensity of his stare.
“Your boyfriend or whatever you call him came to talk to me,” he said quietly.
Jemma stared at him.
“ What? ” She asked, flabbergasted. “What are you talking about? I don’t-”
“You don’t have to keep on lying, Simmons. You know what? It’s not even my business: you can date whoever you want. Just don’t get me involved or use me.”
“ I didn’t lie to you!” Jemma realised that her voice had rose a notch but she didn’t care. She didn’t want to hear that defeated and indifferent tone in his voice and she didn’t want him to assume that she was using him. “I’m not dating anyone and I’d never use you to do anything...” How could he even think that?
“Walkers says differently.”
“ Jordan Walkers? He talked to you? And you believed him?” Did he really think so little of her? Didn’t he know her at all? Jemma felt anger spike through her veins. “Oh Lord… that git. We’re not together and never will be. He’s just obnoxious and-”
“I don’t care: it’s not my business.”
Jemma felt her heart crack at his dismissive, flat tone. He didn’t care… at all?
She felt the anger whoosh out of her, replaced by a hollow emptiness as tears pricked her eyes.
“Then why are you upset?” She whispered, fingers gripping her coat tightly.
-.-
Fitz stared at her.
Why was he upset?
She really didn't know, did she?
I don’t want to think about you with someone else.
I don’t want to imagine you kissing some other bloke.
Fitz clenched his fists and felt a wave of emotions course through him as he looked at her. He could see the sheen of tears in her eyes and felt guilt stab him in the chest.
I can’t let you know that I’m falling in love with you...even though I desperately want to.
I don’t want to lose you.
He swallowed dryly.
“You know why…” He whispered back.
But I’m too late now…
“I’m going back to my dorm. See you, Simmons.”
He didn’t wait for her to answer and rushed out of the exit door.
-:-
Jemma was too stunned to realise that he was moving. When she managed to shake herself out of her stupor and wasn't nailed to the spot by the intensity of his stare, Fitz was already out of the door.
And then she realised what he said. His dorm?
“No... No, no.. Wait!” She hurriedly put on her coat and ran, her boots skidding on the wet, slippery pavement. She almost literally froze when a icy gust of wind hit her body. It was snowing heavily now and there were at least, five centimetres of snow on the ground that would surely increase.
Jemma looked around wildly, trying to see Fitz but she could barely make out shapes through the white icy downpour. She felt a wave panic invade her body.
He was going to his dorm: dorm that was probably empty and in lockdown without heating.
She reached for her phone inside her bag, cursing the cold that was numbing her fingers; she hadn't even bothered to put on her scarf and gloves and she felt the chill seeping into her body.
It didn't bother her as much as the hollowness spreading in her chest.
She called Fitz, his number the first on her favourites list and waited: the line was wavery but she heard the ring.
Her heart twisted when the ringing went on and on and he didn't answer. He always answered her calls. And he was deliberately ignoring her now.
And all because...
You know why...
...he’d misunderstood.
He had looked so upset: she couldn’t shake the look on his face out of her mind. She couldn’t help but feel a wave of pain as she remembered his words: he thought that she’d been using him.
Did he think that their night out was just a ruse to -what? Get Jordan’s attention? Did he think that she didn’t care for him at all?
Jemma felt ill at the thought. The empty gaze in his usually bright eyes haunted her.
She had to find him. They had to talk.
That was the problem between them: They could talk about anything and ramble for hours about science and experiments but when it came to them -and their emotions- something happened and they just stopped being FitzSimmons.
It had never been an issue: they had always managed to go on despite the little area of unsaid things between them.
They were best friends and she was sure that they were both aware of the depth of their relationship. She had always been aware that she felt something more than friendship for him but she never tackled her feelings to understand them.
She thought that she could have time to figure them out and maybe understand if he had similar thoughts too. She thought that she’d have time to gather her courage and see if he might see her as she saw him.
Jemma didn’t think that she’d be suddenly in the position where he exposed his feelings (because his words and his pain clearly told her that he felt more too) and thought that she didn’t care.
She cared. Oh Lord, she cared for him more than anything else.
She had to find him and they had to figure this out immediately. She had the clear feeling that if they didn’t sort this out soon, something would crack and break between them.
Forever.
Jemma wasn’t going to allow that. Panicked, she called him again and when he didn’t answer, she numbly wrote him a few texts.
In her frenzy, she didn't realise that she'd been walking outside the entrance of the Boiler Room in a half open coat, holding her handbag and scarf in her hand.
“Jemma?” She looked up and saw Caroline staring at her as she came out of the Boiler Room along with some friends. “What the hell are you doing out here? And dressed like that? Are you planning to freeze to death?”
“I- Oh... yes- right,” Jemma slipped her phone inside her coat's pocket and quickly wrapped her scarf at her neck. Then she automatically pulled the device back out and checked the screen. Her heart sank: still no messages. Caroline approached her, waving her friends to go on, and put a hand on her shoulder.
“Hey, what's wrong?” She asked, concern lacing her tone. “And-” She looked around. “Where's Fitz?”
Jemma felt a lump in her throat and couldn't answer clearly. She realised that she didn't know how to answer either.
Fitz had left in a hurry and his only words were that he would be going off to his dorm. Would he really be there?
She felt Caroline’s stare and knew that the girl was worried but she couldn't bring herself to look up. She looked at her phone again: still nothing.
“Hey, are you going back already?” Jordan appeared at the door, holding a bag. “Say Caroline? Can you take this to the guys setting the projector in our dorm? They must have left- Hey, Jemma! There you are! I've been looking for you. I even asked your lab part-”
“ Stay away from me,” Jemma hissed, turning fully to him and feeling fury lace her veins. Jordan's eyes widened in surprise and she felt Caroline’s hand grip tightly at her shoulder.
“Hey... relax,” Jordan said slowly. “I didn't-”
“Don't talk or say anything to me,” There was a part of Jemma's mind that knew that Jordan didn't know what damage he'd done but the other part was angry and just wanted to get release. “Leave me alone.”
But then Fitz' troubled face came to her mind and she felt every emotion seep out of her leaving her numb again.
Without saying anything else, Jemma walked past Jordan and headed to her dorm, threading through the blanket of snow on the ground and shivering under the cold wind.
“Jemma!” Caroline rushed to join her and she stopped for a moment, seeing the concern in her eyes, before walking again. Then words just spilt out of her mouth and she told her everything as they reached the building.
She didn't let her emotions get the best of her despite the desperate need to allow herself to cry. Caroline seemed to understand because she let her talk and didn't speak until they'd made it through the throng of people that were crowding the hallway and were near their rooms, doors open.
“Look, Jemma,” the blonde said softly. “It was just a misunderstanding. You'll figure this out: you're FitzSimmons.”
“But what if we don't?” Jemma asked softly, voicing a fear that she'd been having from the moment her best friend had walked away from her.
“You will. You care for each other. Hell, I'm pretty sure that there's a lot more between the two of you if you only stopped to think about it. It's so obvious that you love Fitz: anyone can see it. And it's pretty obvious that he loved you back otherwise he wouldn't have gone off like that.”
Jemma was going to protest when Caroline held out a hand.
“ Listen, Jordan's an idiot and yet he somehow managed to mess with Fitz. He wouldn't be so hurt, thinking that you have a boyfriend if he just saw you as a friend. And you know that I'm right.”
Caroline’s green eyes were fixed on Jemma as she mulled over her words. She still had doubts and fears but there was a small part of her that nodded in agreement, accepting her words as the truth that she'd always known.
“ You clearly don't see him as a friend. Otherwise you wouldn't be so upset that he misunderstood everything.”
Jemma didn't answer and just stood by her open door.
“You'll figure this out,” Caroline said again with a smile. “I've been teasing you two for months and I know that you'll get together. You just need a push in the right direction... Well, Jordan literally kicked you towards each other now but it will be alright.”
“He doesn't want to talk to me,” Jemma whispered, holding the phone in her pocket tightly.
“Well, he's a guy and he's probably moping. He'll figure out that he's being an asshole and he'll call you. Once the storm's over, you'll talk. If you don't, then you'll talk after the holidays.” Caroline smiled again. “It will be alright.”
Jemma nodded slowly, feeling numb for the cold and her fears and then went inside her room after bidding goodnight to her friend.
She honestly wasn't in the mood to join the other cadets in the impromptu party downstairs.
She took off her coat and scarf and sat on her bed, fingers curling around her neck to steady her nerves. She sat there, mulling over the thoughts for a while.
Her feelings for Fitz had always been confusing but right now, she realised that she had fallen in love with him somewhere during their friendship.
Their working in the lab as partners, the moments they’d spent studying or enjoying each other's company and all the time they spent together had led her to care more and more for the silent (when he wanted to be), seemingly grumpy (he was but he was also so kind and sweet) and brilliant Scottish engineer.
When her care had changed to love she wasn’t sure,but it had happened.
And tonight she had had the revelation that it wasn't one-sided.
You know why...
He'd been feeling the same way. He had had her same doubts and fears and probably didn't know how to deal with the confusing feelings that filled his heart.
Fitz cared for her as much as she cared for him. The thought brought a little smile on her face along with a pleasant tingle in her chest.
Her eyes fell on the backpack by her desk and she blinked.
It was Fitz's bag.
She got up and took the bag, opening it to see its contents. She found what she expected: a change of clothes and his pyjamas, his toothbrush, a few notebooks and books and his external hard drive where he stored all his films and tv show episodes.
He had planned to watch something with her on her laptop tonight. It was a routine that they had every weekend.
She didn't want to lose this.
If they didn't fix this now, there would be something off between them. If they didn't manage to see each other before leaving for the holidays, all the unsaid things between them would just grow and distance them.
And in the best of cases, they'd just ignore the episode and go on as though nothing had happened.
Jemma didn't want someone else -some other girl- to come and steal his heart. She didn't want someone else to take him away from her.
It had taken her months to make him notice her and only a lucky chance had allowed their gazes to meet. She didn't want to rely on chance again.
Jemma wanted to do this herself.
She'd be honest and tell him what she felt. And there was a solid possibility that he felt the same.
She realised that she could be wrong... but, for once, she didn't want to think about the consequences.
Fitz was worth the risk. At this point, she'd rather risk than lose him altogether.
Checking her home for the last time and biting her lip at the lack of response, Jemma quickly made up her mind.
She put on her coat, scarf and gloves, took her phone and Fitz's backpack. Without further thoughts, she opened her door and left.
If Fitz didn't want to see her, she'd go to see him.
-:-
Fitz didn't really know how long it took him to get to his dorm. He just walked allowing muscle memory to guide him more than sight as he scrunched through a thick layer of snow, head down to avoid the flying snowflakes.
He was used to snow: winter could be awfully bitter in Glasgow and he had been surprised more than once by a storm on his way back home. He knew how to navigate in the white scenery without getting lost along the way.
He was glad that his body seemed to know what to do on its own because his heart and mind had gone numb and he didn't know how to get them to work properly again.
He couldn't get Walkers’ words out of his head and they sent shocks of pain through his chest.
And he couldn't wipe Simmons' teary expression out of his mind.
There was a part of him that wondered if he'd just misread everything between them, wondering if he'd just allowed his confused feelings(not that confused anymore though...) to cloud his judgement and see things differently than they were.
He might have fractured his relationship with Simmons with that outburst and sudden exit. She was not stupid: she must have understood why he was so upset at the thought of her being with the older boy. He had blatantly showed her that he was jealous and more or less confessed that he had non-platonic feelings for her.
He might have ruined their relationship permanently.
Fitz swallowed a lump of emotion that had lodged in his throat and shivered as a gust of icy wind hit him again. He recognised the entrance of his dorm and rushed forward, finding his keys in his jacket pocket and went inside.
He belatedly realised that he'd left his backpack in Simmons' room along with his night things. He ran a hand through his snow matted hair, curls damp and ruffled and sighed.
If the storm kept up like this, he wouldn't get it back until the day after tomorrow when he was meant to go home. He'd have to go back and get the bag, see her, talk to her... He honestly didn't know how to face her without mucking things up again.
Or he could just leave his backpack there and get it after the holidays. He might have gathered his wits in two weeks and come up with a valid excuse for his behaviour.
Who knew if she still wanted to talk to him after tonight...
The thought alone sent something piercing through his chest, making it hard to breathe.
It had taken him months to dare to look at Simmons in the first place; even longer to talk to her. If it hadn't been for Doctor Hall who had paired them up during a lab, he'd probably still be figuring out what to tell her so that she could be impressed by him.
He had wanted them to be friends so badly.
How could he have just messed this up? Why did he have to go and fall in love with her?
The dorm's hallway was dimly lit by the emergency lights. It seemed that the heating had been turned off and the temperature was almost as low as it was outside.
Fitz never heard the dorm so quiet. He thought about the Biology dorm, probably bustling with people and chatter and felt his heart clench.
He could have been there with Simmons... They could have been having a good time together and enjoyed the mindless life of the Sci-Tech cadets for once, without being the genius kids who studied all the time.
He probably ruined her night too.
He knew her: he knew her better than anyone else. He could imagine her trying to figure out his attitude, trying to understand him, while Garner ( or Walkers , he thought bitterly) talked to her, reassured her and coaxed her to join the party.
God, he was an idiot...
Sighing again, Fitz walked up to his room, shivering as the cold air seeped into wet clothes. He got inside his room, miraculously tidy for once since he had packed most of his things in his suitcase to go home. He realised that Simmons had told him to pack early and tidy up so that he wouldn't have to do everything last minute. And even though he had complained, he had done it.
He'd do anything she asked him. She was intertwined with his life so deeply. What would he do if she decided to just... leave?
Fitz didn't want to think about it.
He got his phone out and blinked when he saw a dozen alerts. Shedding off his coat, he slowly went through the string of texts and missed calls. All from Simmons.
Her words were pleading: she asked him to answer her calls, to tell her if he was alright and.... 'Please, don't shut me out, Leo. Please, talk to me.'
Warm relief flooded his body as he saw that she still cared. She rarely called him by his given just as he seldom called her Jemma. They had both -silently- agreed to go with their surnames as a way to be accepted by the older cadets. It made them feel older and less out of place.
Her texts got more and more frantic as the time passed. He realised that it had been more than a hour since he'd ditched her at the Boiler Room and she must be worried sick.
Feeling guilty, Fitz quickly wrote a few texts.
[Simmons – 1:27]: Sorry, I just got to my room: I didn't see my phone. I'm ok. I'll call you tomorrow, yeah?
[Simmons – 1:28]: I'm so sorry, Jemma... I messed up.
Fitz was aware that he his apologies weren't enough but he had to tell her something. He wanted to make her understand that he didn't want things to change between them.
He realised that he'd rather suffer through a constant heartache than allow Jemma Simmons to leave his life. He'd rather love her, unrequited, than be without her.
He had been rash tonight, taken back by surprise and hurt; he had allowed his emotions to take over rather than his mind.
Fitz took a deep breath and decided that he needed to sort out his thoughts clearly. He couldn't do anything now but he could find a way to fix it in the morning.
He could call her or dare to walk to her dorm and work this out. He just needed to come up with the right words: that was something that he was always bad at doing. He rarely knew what to say and he always mucked things up when allowed his mouth to speak on it's own.
Tonight was a rather fitting example.
He glanced at his phone and saw that Simmons hadn't replied. He sighed but realised that he couldn't expect her to forgive his departure and silence easily.
He promised himself that he'd find a way to fix this mess.
Feeling tired and cold, Fitz went inside the loo, wanting to take a warm shower, change into dry clothes and possibly sleep for a few hours. He needed to rest if he wanted to find a solution.
-
Fitz woke up suddenly and looked around the dark in confusion. He heard the wind howling and was slapped in the face by the chill of his room, so unwelcoming compared to the warmth beneath his duvet and blanket.
He heard his phone's ringtone and realised what had woken him up from his hazy dreams and restless sleep. Fumbling to get his phone from the bedside table, while turning on his lamp, he blinked at the screen through sleepy eyes.
Simmons was calling him.
And it was almost three in the morning.
Concerned and more than a little nervous, he took the call.
“Simmons?” He said, voice low with sleep and slight anxiety. “What-?”
“Fitz! Oh, good, you-” He couldn't hear her well: her voice was low but he could clearly make out her relief. The line was filled with noise: a whooshing sound that resembled wind and the occasional cracking of bad signal. Where the hell was she?
“Where are you?” He asked, sitting up straight.
“Ope- door-”
“What?”
“ Open - door!” Her voice came out loudly all of a sudden. “Outside- your dorm!”
It took Fitz a few minutes to understand. His eyes widened as he automatically rose to his feet.
“ You're... outside my dorm?” He repeated slowly and looked out his window, through his curtains. It was dark but mostly because snow had caked his window in a thick layer.
It must have been snowing heavily for hours now...
And Simmons was standing out there.
“Bloody...” Fitz swore and dashed out of his room. He ran down the hall, heavy socks skidding on the floor and nearly tripped down the stairs as he hurried to get to the main entrance.
What was she thinking??
He almost wrenched the door of its hinges and was hit by a sharp gust of icy air and snow. His flannel pyjamas seemed to be made of thin air and the chill seeped into his bones.
Simmons was standing there, covered in snow and he could barely make out her face through her scarf and hat.
Fitz reached for gloved hand and dragged her inside before slamming the door shut. His heart was thundering in his chest as he turned around and fully realised what had happened.
“ Have you gone mental ?!” He exclaimed, his concern for well being outweighing his own fear to talk to her. “There's bloody blizzard out there! You could have-” His fingers clenched into tight fists and he looked at her, taking in her appearance.
She was still dressed in the clothes she had when they went to the Boiler Room. Good for a normal winter night but completely and utterly useless under this sort of weather.
She was standing there, covered in snow and completely silent. He also noticed that she was carrying his backpack. Something inside his chest cracked.
Was this some sort of goodbye?
Did she want to get rid of him as soon as possible?
“Sim-” He started to say but she moved forward, dropping his bag on the ground with a dull thud. Before he knew what was happening, her arms were around his neck and she was hugging him tight.
Fitz froze for a moment, completely taken back by her action and barely noticing that the snow on her was melting and getting over him too. His arms hung limp at his sides as he didn't know what to do.
“Don't do that again, Leo,” He barely heard her whispered words against his ear. Fitz tried to look at her but her face was buried in the crook of his neck. He felt her fingers' tighten at his nape, wet wool cold against his skin. Her face was icy too and in contrast to her warm breath.
“I'm sorry, Jemma,” he whispered softly, moving a hand up to rest on her back. “I-I was just-” He stammered, unsure on what to say. He had to be careful because his words could change everything between them. He had to apologise and make her understand that he'd acted rashly. He had to downplay his emotions but not make it seem like his feelings for her were a mistake (even though there was a part of him that thought so...).
He had to be careful because she was the most important thing in the world for him and he'd rather hurt himself than hurt her.
It was only then that he noticed how much she was trembling against him, her lithe body wracking with shudders. For a moment, he was worried that she was crying and that would be terrible because he wouldn't know what to do.
But he didn't feel anything against his neck more than her icy skin and occasional breathe. And then he realised that she must have been outside in the cold for a while.
His dorm was a good ten minutes walk from hers. But under this weather? It would have taken her no less than half an hour.
Simmons had been under a blizzard just to get there. No wonder she was shivering.
“Bloody hell, Jemma, you're like ice... You must be freezing,” he whispered, untangling her arms from him. She didn't reply and he felt his concern spike up a few notches.
Without waiting for her consent, he took off her hat and scarf, snow falling down in wet splatters to the floor. She seemed to realise what he wanted to do and fumbled with the buttons of her coat but her hands were shaking.
“Let me do it,” he said and quickly undid the line of buttons and helped her out of her coat, realising that the wool was heavy with snow and was sopping wet. He dropped the garment on a nearby chair in the hallway and turned as she peeled her gloves off and rubbed her hands together.
She was still trembling and he could see the blue tinge of her lips under the dim lights. Fitz was worried that she'd fall ill if she didn't get warm soon.
He took her hands in his and rubbed them together, trying to get some warmth in her icy fingers. He had done that in the past, when she complained about his body heat while she suffered the cold.
He had often marvelled on how her fingers were smaller, more delicate and her bones finer compared to his larger, rough hands. He often wondered on how their hands fit together and quickly dispelled the train of thought that was unfitting for two friends.
But he couldn't help to think about it as he held her hands in his now and his heart stuttered in his chest when she moved them, fingers clasping through his, so that they were intertwined.
He looked at her and saw her amber eyes trained on him, bright even under the dim lights. Fitz didn't dare to talk, scared that he might shatter whatever was still salvageable between them.
He took a tiny step forward so that he was closer to her and could almost feel the chill of her body.
“You... You have to get warm, Jemma,” he said softly, moving his fingers along hers. “I-I can make tea. Or.. or you could take a hot shower. I'll lend you some of my clothes. They...they won't fit you, obviously but... but they'd be dry.”
She just stared at him and he felt as though he was made of glass, completely transparent under her scrutiny. He couldn't run away from this now.
He had to man up. He was going to talk when she beat him to it.
“It was last year,” she said softly.
“What?” His confusion must have been evident because she cracked a small smile.
“We didn't know each other yet... You were ignoring me while I tried to catch your eye and be your friend...” She played with his fingers, brushing her thumb over his knuckles. The intimacy of her touch made his heart twist. “I was lonely... So when Jordan asked me out, I accepted without thinking too much.”
“Simmons-”
“It was just a couple of dates. I quickly realised that he was a git.”
“You don't have to-”
“ I do have to explain, Fitz.” She looked up at him. “I don't want you to think that I'd be using you... our relationship as a means to-”
“I shouldn't have said-”
“It wasn't. I'd never-”
“ I know ,” He reassured her, tightening his grip on her hands. “I know, Jemma...”
She smiled slightly and he stared at her.
“I'm sorry,” he said again and she blinked at him. “I... I shouldn't have said...” He wondered what he was apologising for.
His outburst and leaving her behind? His rash assumption that she hid a relationship from him?
His feelings for her...?
Her eyes bore into his and he couldn't help but feel that he couldn't apologise for his feelings. He'd fallen in love with his best friend who was beautiful and brilliant and the best person he knew.
Who in their right mind wouldn't fall for Jemma Simmons?
He took a shaky breath and let out a weak chuckle.
“I really messed this up, didn't I?” He asked, looking at her. “And you were thoroughly mental to walk through a snowstorm to come here. It could have been dangerous...and now you're stuck here with me until it stops.”
“I would do it again if I had to do,” she replied, gaze steady on him.
“Why?” He had hurt her... She shouldn't be giving him a chance. She should be mad at him...
Simmons smiled softly and stepped forward, their clasped hands between them. Something in her eyes made Fitz's heart thump loudly.
“You know why...” She whispered, tugging him slightly so that their foreheads touched. He was suddenly enveloped by her perfume, the floral hint of lavender familiar and intoxicating as always.
“You should know why...”
A little seed of hope grew in his chest, dispersing the gloom, and he smiled. Jemma smiled back.
-:-
Jemma left the loo feeling human again.
She had had a hot shower that had dispersed the chill that had seeped into her bones. Fitz had lent her one of his pyjamas as her clothes dried next to the heater in his room.
Despite his slim frame, he had broad shoulders and longer arms and his pyjamas' top flopped awkwardly over her thinner body. She had to roll the sleeves a couple of times so that she could see her fingers and the drawstring of the bottoms were tied as tightly as she could but it still hung loose on her hips.
She was sure that she was a rather amusing sight to see.
When she walked into Fitz' room, he looked up from his chair and stared at her. He had two cups of tea on his desk: he must have brewed downstairs in the common kitchen.
Despite the dim light of his lamp, she could clearly the softness in his eyes and she felt her heart flutter. She smiled and sat down on his bed.
“Here,” he said, handing her a mug.
“Thanks,” she whispered and took a sip. He always made her tea perfectly: he always put the right amount of milk and sugar.
“You look better,” Fitz stared at her over the rim of his mug.
She smiled slightly.
“Less blue...?” She teased and his lips quirked up slightly. They drank their tea in silence, listening to the wind making a ruckus outside. Jemma was glad that she wasn't out there anymore.
The moment she had left her dorm, she knew that the usual ten minute walk would take a lot longer. Despite the cold and the doubt that she might be doing this for nothing, that Fitz might just shut her out, she decided to take the risk.
And it had been worth it...
She stole a glance at him. He wore dark blue pyjamas and his hair was a curly mess; he sipped his tea but she could see the tiredness creeping out of him, his eyes seemed to be too heavy to stay open. She looked at his alarm clock: it was almost four o'clock. She was aware that they'd both been up for almost twenty hours.
They needed to rest and then... they'd talk. About them.
Quickly draining her tea, Jemma placed the mug on the desk and took his out of his hands when she saw that he'd finished too.
“We should sleep, yeah?” She said, looking at him. “We need some rest.”
Fitz blinked at her and she saw his eyes flicker to her and then to his bed before a blush coloured his cheeks.
“Er..right,” He stood up and scratched the back of his head. “I-you..” He took a deep breathe. “You take the bed. I'll put some blankets down on-”
“Absolutely not,” Jemma said immediately. “You can't sleep on the floor.”
“I'll be fine with a layer of blankets.”
“It's freezing in here!” It was really. She felt goosebumps rising where the room's chilly air hit her exposed skin despite the electric heater in the room. He glanced at her and blushed again, rocking slightly on his feet as he looked around the room, trying to find another solution.
She sighed softly and reached for his wrist, wrapping her fingers around it. His eyes snapped back to her, questioning and surprised.
“We... We've already done this before,” she said, feeling a little seed of doubt in her chest. Was he re-thinking his words?
“ Yeah...” He whispered, looking at her with a shy glance. “But, it's different. It was... before .”
Jemma bit her lip and gently ran her thumb on the inside of his wrist, caressing the smooth skin and feeling his pulse strum under her finger.
He was nervous and agitated just like she was: her heartbeat matched his. And he was still trying to be a gentleman with her; the thought that prickly and complain-prone Fitz was willing to sleep on the floor rather than his own bed just for her sake made her smile slightly.
And warmth spread out in her chest.
“Is it really different though?” She asked softly and his blue eyes fell on her again. “It's still us. We haven't changed.”
“Yet,” he said and she nodded.
“ Yet ...But it doesn't have to happen now. We're both knackered and we need to sleep.” She looked at him, blushing slightly. “We don't have to do anything...else.”
He stared at her and she felt the blush darken on her face. Somehow, he seemed less flustered than her and smiled. Her heart thought that it was a great moment to flip in her chest.
“ Alright... But are you sure that-?”
“ Yes, we're both sleeping in the bed, Fitz.” She tugged his hand, bringing him closer to her. She leaned forward and bumped her nose to his jaw. “It's freezing here and you're warm: there's no way that you're staying away from me.”
“Oh, so that why you want me then?” He drawled as she moved them to the bed. “You need your personal heating source?”
“Yes,” she replied, grinning and he rolled his eyes good naturedly.
She arranged his sheets and covers and slid under them. Fitz followed suit after switching off his lamp. For a few moments, they just stayed on their sides, trying to get comfortable.
Jemma slept on her side, facing him and she could barely make out the outline of him in the dim light coming from outside. He was on his back, hand under his head and looked slightly tense.
Sighing through her teeth, Jemma sunk on her pillow, hoping that a night's sleep would allow them to see things clearly. She suddenly felt exhausted, all the events of the day -and mostly of the night- getting to her and making her eyes close.
“Goodnight, Fitz,” she whispered.
“Goodnight, Simmons,” he said softly and she heard him move. Then she felt his fingers graze her hand and slowly -tentatively- entwine with hers.
She smiled in the dark and clasped his hand.
-:-
Fitz didn't fall asleep immediately and he spent some time, lying there on his bed and looking at the ceiling. He dared to turn around after taking Simmons' hand only when he heard her breathe deeply. He could see the outline of her face, lips curved slightly and hair fanned on the pillow and around her. Her hand was stilled holding his and he smiled.
He'd been so wrong in his judgement and it might have broken them. He could have broken them.
But she didn't allow it. She had come here, despite the storm, to explain.
She wanted him back.
Simmons moved slightly and he saw her shiver. She was always terribly cold all the time and she slept with a heavy-knitted blanket on her bed over her comforter for cold winter nights.
His duvet was probably too light for her.
Swallowing slightly, Fitz moved towards her, gently tugging her hand so she slid down from the pillow and then leaving her grip. He rearranged his limbs around her: one hand behind her head, one around her shoulder and their legs lined together.
She unconsciously snuggled against his chest and he smiled, pleased.
He could get used to this...
What was he even talking about? He'd love to spend his nights like this.
She moved again and he saw her eyes flutter slightly, one bleary eye peeking at him.
“Leo?” Her voice was sleepy and he smiled bashfully and allowed his hand to slide down from her head to her spine.
“Is this okay, Jemma?” He asked softly, not wanting to overstep any boundary between them.
She blinked.
“You rarely call me Jemma,” she remarked, curling her arm around his waist and sinking further into his chest.
“Oh..yeah... well...” He stuttered and she laughed softly. His heart did a somersault in his chest.
“I like it,” She whispered.
“I like it when you call me Leo too,” he admitted sheepishly. Having Simmons call him with his given name made him oddly content.
“I'll do that more often then...” She hummed and moved against him, face buried against his neck.
He ran his fingers up and down her spine, smiling at the soft, almost purring sound she made. He suddenly remembered the words she’d said when she’d arrived and stilled his movement.
“Jemma?”
“Hmm?”
“I didn't ignore you at the beginning, you know?”
“Wha-?” She moved back and stared at him, eyes a bit clearer now. She looked confused.
“Before we were partnered by Doctor Hall in the lab...” He cleared his voice: he had to make her understand. “I-I wanted to impress you, say something smart and all... but I didn't find anything.”
She stared at him and he almost ducked his head into her hair.
“Sorry, I never meant you to think that I didn't want to talk to you but I didn't want to mess my chance to be your friend...”
Her hands moved up and wrapped around his neck. Their position and her proximity made his heart thump in his chest: the whole thing was incredibly intimate.
“I really wanted us to be friends too,” she said. “So I didn't... insist too much when I saw that you ignored me. When we were paired together, I kept working and just hoped that at some point-”
“-I'd realise that we were great together?” He finished with a smile.
“Yeah...” She chuckled. “I realise now that we were both spectacularly dense.”
“Well... that sort of hasn't changed much, has it?” He said with a grin and she laughed. “All sort of assumptions have led us to be snowed in my dorm.”
“And it also led us to talk, clear out some misunderstandings... and be here,” She leaned forward until their heads touched. “It also made me realise that... It's always been you.”
Fitz hummed softly, heartbeat rising, and moved a hand to cup her cheek. She looked at him through her lashes and then surged forward.
Her lips brushed his softly and he had time to return the pressure slightly before she moved back.
Jemma's smile was radiant, a slight flush colouring her cheeks and he felt the last bit of hollowness that had been residing in his chest melt away.
“Well... I know that now too,” he whispered, moving down to peck her lips. “It's always been you for me too.”
She snuggled against him and he grinned, holding her in his arms.
“We should sleep,” he said. “Given the time now, we won't be up until the afternoon.”
“Well, we don't really have any place to go, do we?” Jemma asked. “Or do you have plans?”
“Since we're stuck here, I was thinking about watching films, Dr. Who all day and have lots of hot chocolate.”
“Hmm...that sounds good but I'd also slip in a couple of these-” She kissed him again. “-as well.”
“ Oh.. yeah... sure ,” He nodded eagerly and she laughed, moving to kiss him again.
Maybe, being snowed in had its perks...