Chapter Text
For some strange reason, Diana found herself feeling a bit faint. It couldn’t be about what Akko was saying, right? That would be absurd.
Absurd as not realizing her roommates were probably dating. But why would that make her panic?
“This is foolish,” Diana thought to herself. Then said out loud to herself as she got outside and wandered. She was in a good place to wander around privately on the Luna Nova grounds. Was it the shock of it? The embarrassment of not realizing?
But why would she react like this to that? Her dearest friends being a couple would be incredible, not terrifying.
Was it something else?
Was it a blood sugar crash maybe? A reaction to the realization that the time travel blimp scene in act 4 makes zero sense, and that while Croix’s scripts had incredible romantic tension, they had about zero plotting logic to the point of physical revulsion?
Or was it the idea of going to a club to dance? The idea of that also brought some panic. Her heart was pounding now.
Her stomach lurched. This wasn’t just a panicked reaction; it was a full-on panic attack. But in the moment of a panic attack, Diana had never been great at doing much about that realization. It was usually dominated by the thought that she was imminently about to die or pass out. Her legs trembled, and she knew that she somehow had to escape this. But what this was made little sense when she was already outside.
She was power walking now. She felt too weak to fly, but she had to leave. Whenever she had panic attacks, she felt an incredible urge to leave, to have no one nearby when whatever invisible beast loomed upon her, whether it was her fainting, facing some worse illness, or dying, or even just throwing up. All her instincts told her she had to be alone for it.
Diana found a bench and sat down. Then got back up because she felt shakier sitting. Then sat back down, because she felt dizzier standing up. This was a messy one.
“Diana?”
Diana looked up to see it was Akko running towards her, because of course it was. There were plenty of times Akko had stumbled into her mid-panic attack. When they had first met it provided more anxiety than relief, Akko could be maddening. When she was in the middle of feeling like she was about to die, the last thing she wanted was Akko challenging her to a magic duel where whoever conjured the best candy won.
“What’s wrong?” Akko asked.
“Nothing,” Diana said. She had the gift of a steely expression that could hide her panic from most people, giving the impression she was cold and determined rather than her inward terrified feelings. But Akko had the ability to break through it. Akko sat down beside her.
“You’re shaking,” Akko said. “Do you want to be alone? Is it your blood sugar? Cuz sometimes Lotte’s crashes so we have to get her some food quick, but it sucks because they serve potatoes and those don’t help and Sucy’s mushrooms definitely don’t help—”
“I don’t know…” Diana said. “I mean, I know.”
Diana could tell Akko, right? They may not have had an official first date yet (she realized that realization might have added to the panic pile), but they were definitely dating.
A sudden memory hit Diana. It was a year or so ago. Back when things were better between the two, but there were still tensions, and not the fun kind of tensions. They were embroiled in their silly rivalry that was probably a mask that they were both falling for each other.
It was eerily similar to the panic attack she now faced. She had tried to isolate herself to get through it or again face the beast pursuing her. She was halfway up a tower, which was not a great place to be isolated or have a panic attack. There were no chairs or anything around. Just a long, spiraling staircase that seemed to go on forever.
Diana had found herself sitting at a window, pressing her face near the glass to cool herself down as she looked out at the night sky. For some reason her panic moments left her also feeling like she was overheating. Just as she debated full on smooshing her face on the glass itself to cool off, but what would she tell someone in that case.
“Hey, Diana. Guess what?”
Not now, please not now. Diana had luckily taken her reflexive pose that made it seem like she was deep in thought.
“What, Akko?” Diana asked, putting on her steely voice. She was too afraid to even turn to face her yet.
“You’re so full of yourself, you know that?” Akko said. “I’m not some rat or something you can ignore!”
Diana turned then, feeling like a creaky, old worn machine as she tried to suppress any signs of panic.
“What is it?”
“Tomorrow, you’ll see!” Akko said as she posed, sticking her tongue out and pointing at Diana.
Diana paused in a horrid concoction of disbelief and panic.
“C’mon, ask me what’s tomorrow?” Akko said, her annoyance turned off like a switch, replaced with more positive energy than Diana could stomach.
“What’s tomorrow?” Diana asked. At least her voice wasn’t shaking.
“At the clay sculpting spell contest thing for class!” Akko said. “You’ll see!”
“Again, what am I going to see?”
“Aha! So now I’ve finally grabbed your attention.”
Her heart was still pounding, but the absurdity that was Akko Kagari had distracted some of the more pressing panic.
“You said that I probably shouldn’t even bother with this clay sculpting thing,” Akko said. “So I’m gonna prove you wrong!”
“Did I say that?” Diana asked. “I think I just told you to be careful not to do the fire spell that’s the equivalent of a kiln.”
“And I told you that I don’t even know what a kiln is,” Akko said. “Anyways, just you wait! I’m gonna make something magically with clay that’ll blow you away! You’ll see! Tomorrow!”
Akko sighed and crossed her arms.
“Yeah, it’s gonna be pretty great,” Akko said, lost in her own little world. “Well, I gotta go. Smell ya later!”
Akko left, still exclaiming to herself about the clay contest, her voice echoing as she walked further downstairs.
“…’smell me later’?”
Diana chuckled. It took her a minute of sifting through the bewilderment Akko brought to realize her panic attack had passed. Talking to Akko Kagari had actually, potentially helped. Diana felt a pang of an emotion, a nice one, but a strange one.
Once more, Akko was there as she had a panic attack, but this time was different. Not only had everything astronomically changed between them. And this time Akko knew Diana well enough to actually see that something was wrong.
“Should I get a teacher or something?” Akko asked. “I probably shouldn’t do any medical spells because I don’t know any so that might be bad.”
“No, it’s fine,” Diana said. “You being here…helps.”
“Are you like a secret werewolf?” Akko asked. “And my presence like stops you from going all monstery?”
“No,” Diana said. “I…get worked up sometimes. And very afraid.”
“Oh,” Akko said. “Do you need to talk about it?”
“I just get moments of incredible panic,” Diana said. “I mean, they’re called panic attacks.
“Ohhh,” Akko said. “I had one once! I was waiting outside a store before it opened because a new set of Chariot cards were coming out and I wanted the first packs. It just hit me and I really thought I was about to pass out or puke or something.”“Yes!” Diana said. “That’s it exactly!”
“Really?” Akko asked. “You thought you were gonna puke?”
“I mean, sometimes,” Diana said. “That or passing out or dying. But I’m not sure what brought this one on.”
“Was it Hannah and Barbara?” Akko asked. “It was right after we started talking about them.”
“I’m not sure…”
“Maybe it’s the club!” Akko said. “Maybe you can’t dance
“I don’t think it’s that,” Diana said.
Akko pondered for a moment. Having her nearby and talking to her did really help.
“How about this,” Akko said. “Can I take your hands for a second?”
Diana nodded. Akko grabbed both her hands and gave her that wide eyed look.
“It’ll all be OK,” Akko said. “No matter what. Whatever it is you’re afraid of, if it’s Hannah and Barbara, if it’s Amanda, if it’s a club, if it’s the play, if it’s us. we can face it together.”
Her hands were still shaking, but her heartbeat had calmed down. Akko just gave that intensely adoring look, which the idea of would probably not be a panic attack remedy but in in that moment it was.
Diana suddenly kissed Akko.
“Diana!” Akko said, kissing back for a moment before pulling away. “We’re like, outside!”
“Sorry,” Diana said. “I couldn’t help that one.”
“What’d I do?”
Diana smiled. “I don’t think there’s anyone I can think of that knows me better than you do. And while that is intensely and unspeakably bewildering, it brings a comfort to my heart.”
“Aww!” Akko said. She didn’t say anything for a bit as her face got redder. “That’s just…wow. That’s really nice. I really like that.”
They were still holding hands and stayed that way for a moment.
“Oh man, your panic attack! I totally forgot. Are you alright now?”
“Yes,” Diana said.
“Great!” Akko said. “How about wherever we are, we try to find each other if we have a panic attack?”
“I like that a lot,” Diana said. “I really like that.”
Akko got up and did that same goofy pose she had in the tower. “Then it’s a promise!”
It took a bit for Diana’s last bits of shakiness to fade. But Akko stayed with her through it, making her laugh and her heart soar in the intensely confusing and uplifting way only she could.