Archive of Our Own

Chapter Text

Zuko closed his eyes, and took in as big a breath as he could. He mentally counted to five as he held it, before slowly exhaling. Breathing exercises, something his uncle had taught him to help manage his emotions, back when he had been exiled. A quick and easy way to calm down.

The technique’s effectiveness was...questionable, but it was better than nothing. The truth was, the sudden reappearance of his sister, and here of all places, had left him shaken. The old house already felt haunted,

He supposed that made Azula the ghost.

His sister sat limp in her chair, and her eyes were locked in a glare that was almost deadly -- daring him to just try and speak to her. 

Anything he said would end in a shouting match, he knew that’s what she was after. Antagonizing him was a comfort, and given her current situation, it’s not like she had anything better to do. She may have been a captive, but that didn’t mean she couldn’t make everyone else miserable.

Zuko just had to do his best to not fall for the bait...that being said, he was growing uncomfortable with her looming gaze. It was truly incredible how his sister had the ability to put him on edge without doing anything. 

Relief came with the sound of the door opening, and Ty Lee quickly making her way into the room. She threw two stuffed animals on the floor.

“Just...wanted to protect these from the storm!” she nervously chirped, and Zuko noticed the way she desperately kept herself from looking at Azula.

Azula broke from her death glare, and turned her head to face Ty Lee. For once, her ever-present facade seemed to have dropped, and Azula’s brows furrowed in confusion.

But just as quickly as Ty Lee had entered the room, she left. As the acrobat closed the door behind her, Azula let out a bitter scoff.

“Idiot,” she muttered under her breath. Her attention was now fixated on the two stuffed animals. If Zuko didn’t know any better, he’d say that Azula almost looked...sad. 

He gripped at the bedsheets, as he felt his insides twist into knots. Despite all logic and reason, his immediate instinct was to comfort his monster of a sister. 

He wanted to talk to her.

He looked around the room -- it’d been well over a year since they’d even seen each other. After her kemurikage scheme, she’d disappeared once again into the shadows. 

“So...uh,” the sound escaped his lips, without even meaning to. Her eyes darted at him, and narrowed. Zuko rubbed the back of his neck, as he struggled to come up with the right words. “...Remember when Lu Ten would bring us in here, to hide us from those awful parties?” he finally asked.

She stared at him for a moment, but her golden eyes were unreadable. She finally tilted her head back, replied, “That was a long time ago.”

Lu Ten took off his jacket as he entered his bedroom, and draped it over the chair on his desk. The kids darted into the bedroom, doing everything they could to not loudly celebrate their escape. Zuko was overjoyed, as usual. It was no secret how much his little cousin admired him. It seemed like every day, the Zuko made a point of telling him how “amazing” and honorable ” of a warrior he was...and how he wanted to be just like him when he grew up. Lu Ten would always smile, and humbly dismiss the thought, all while trying to ignore the guilt that ate away at him. 

What would Zuko think of him if he knew the truth? 

And then there was Azula. Normally, on nights like these, she’d be ranting about how dumb the party was and how dumb everyone there was. But this was different. Her shoulders had sunken into themselves, and Lu Ten couldn’t ignore the slight tremble in her hands. Her mind seemed elsewhere, as she could only stare at the floor.

The girl with seemingly unbreakable will had nearly reached her limit.

Lighting crashed in the distance, and Azula jumped, a high pitch yelp escaping her body.

Zuko started laughing, exclaiming “Aw, is the thunderstorm outside too scary?”

Azula balled her hands into fists, and started producing the smallest traces of smoke from her palms.

“I am not!” she yelled, stomping her foot on the ground to emphasize her point. Unfortunately, any effect this may have had, as another stroke of lighting hit. Thunder roared outside, and Azula shrieked as she jumped.

Zuko pointed at his sister, and started laughing even harder. Azula’s face became beet-red with embarrassment, and for the second time that night, it looked like Azula was moments away from crying. 

Lu Ten sighed. Normally, it was Azula who teased her brother to the point of tears. Though, to Zuko’s defense, it appeared Azula had already had a rough night. Brotherly teasing was only the little thing, to push her over the edge -- unless Lu Ten could fix this somehow. 

“It is scary out,” he said, looking down at his young cousins. Azula looked up at him, with a look that suggested that she was already going to resist whatever he was about to say. Only eight years old, and she’d already learned the family way of pride and honor above all. He knew he had to choose his next words carefully, “The storm is probably going to do a lot of damage to the towns on the island...they might be fixing things for weeks.”

Azula let out a small gasp, and her eyes widened ever so slightly. While telling her things like that might seem foolish, given the situation, Lu Ten knew that Azula’s turmoil lay more in the shame she felt from her fear, rather than the fear itself. Being honest about the seriousness of the storm would make her fear seem less irrational. That it was okay to be afraid of it.

Or, so he hoped.

“Luckily, this house is probably the safest place on the Fire Nation…” he smiled at the two, “The architecture is based on traditional Northern Water Tribe styles...it’s literally built to withstand the toughest of storms.”

He looked down at his cousin to see if his words had remotely worked.

“I knew that,” she said...but she seemed to be slightly more relaxed. Not much, but enough.

“Oh!” Lu Ten exclaimed, suddenly remembering something. He shuffled his way to his desk, and opened the bottom draw. Inside, were three large bags of Fire Flakes, and his journal.

He took out the fire flakes, and watched how Zuko and Azula’s eyes lit up.

“But...mom said we can’t have any after dinner…”

“Mom’s not here, Zuzu…” Azula taunted, running to grab her bag. Dis-obeying her mother did more to relax the eight year old than his pep talk had. He’d remember to start with that next time.

Zuko shrugged his shoulders...not needing much convincing. They each took a bag, and began to chow down. Zuko sat on the bed, Azula sat on his desk, and Lu Ten took the arm-chair in the corner of the room.

And for a while, the only sounds heard was the steady drumming of the rain outside, and the crunching of their snacks. Lu Ten loved the moments like this...the quiet ones, where the three of them could temporarily escape the prison that was their family. No obligations to their honor, and no obligations to the ridiculous war. They could just be kids. 

It wasn’t lost on Lu Ten that this may be one of the last moments he’d get like this with his cousins. In a few short weeks, he’d be shipping out to Ba Sing Se. His father was going to attempt to conquer the great walled city.

There was that pang of guilt again, and he looked over the two content kids -- kids who were destined to be weapons in a war they had no say over. He didn’t want that for them.

He could only hope that the actions he would take at Ba Sing Se would make a difference. Then, it would all be worth it. 

“What’s this?” he heard Azula say. He looked over, and saw that he’d never closed the drawer he pulled the fire-flakes from. Azula now held his black leather journal in her hands, and was beginning to flip through pages.

Adrenaline pumped through Lu Ten’s body, as she started to flip through the pages.

“Don’t touch that!” he yelled, springing out of his seat and snatching the book from her tiny hands. She looked at him, stunned by the sudden change in his composure. He shook it off, and smiled at her, “I have some really, really embarrassing things written in here.”

Understatement of the century. If the contents of the journal was discovered, being the embarrassment of the royal family would only be the half of it.

He dropped the journal back in the drawer, and quickly closed it. For good measure, he locked the drawer behind him.

“I was just curious,” she shrugged her shoulders, before turning her attention to the jacket. She began to rummage through his pockets, and Lu Ten sighed.

It was a compromise he was willing to make. At least there was nothing bad she could find in there…

“Oooo, what’s this?” Azula exclaimed, as she pulled his flask from his pocket. The color drained for Lu Ten’s face, as she began to examine it. Okay, maybe there was one bad thing she could find.

“Azula, don’t…” but his cousin had already been told no once that night. With a grin as mischievous as a spirit, she yelled “Zuzu, catch!” before hurdling it across the room at her brother.

Zuko smiled, immediately a willing participant in his sister’s makeshift game of keep-away. The flask flew over Lu Ten, just barely out of reach. Zuko caught it with ease. He began to shake it, listening to the liquid swish inside. 

“Zuko, I...,” he started to negotiate, but was cut off as he watched Zuko take off the cap, “Zuko!”

Not much more needed to be said, as brought the flask up to his lips, and smelled. His face scrunched with horror and disgust.

“It smells like burning!” he said, starting to cough.

“I wanna smell!” Azula chriped.

“Azula, no…”

And once again, he was cut off as Zuko tossed the flask back to his sister. Once again, the toss was just out of his reach, and Azula caught the bottle. She followed her older brother's lead, and took off the cap to take a sniff.

Her face contorted into a similar one Zuko made, no doubt the alcohol burning her nose. She slammed the cap back on, and looked up at him.

“Why are you drinking alcohol?” she asked. Shamed by an eight year old.

“How do you know what alcohol smells like?” he retorted.

“Father drinks it sometimes in strategy meetings with his general buddies,” Azula replied, nonchalantly. Like it was an obvious fact that anybody in the world had access to, “I sneak into them, sometimes. It’s really easy,” Then, she paused, her face going pale as she realized the information she’d just said, “...you’re not gonna tell him, are you?”

The look of fear in her eyes made Lu Ten’s blood boil...and looking over to Zuko, he had a similar look. Nothing good came from being on the receiving end of Ozai’s wrath.

He smiled at the two, “Your secret dies with me.”

A weight was lifted off her shoulders, and she smiled. She placed the flask back on the desk, and hopped down from her spot.

“Hey, Zuzu...let play Love Amongst The Dragons.”
Zuko set down his fire flakes, his eyes lighting up.

“Yeah!” He jumped off the bed, and just like that, the two were off to their game.

Just two normal kids. 

“...Remember when Lu Ten would bring us in here to hide us from those awful parties?” Zuko asked, the question coming out of the blue. Was he trying to...bond with her? Did he foolishly believe that was still an option?

She glanced at him...no, it had to be something else. She turned her head away, looking up at the ceilings. She stared at the wood ceiling above them, now coated with cobwebs and dust, “That was a long time ago.” She said, hoping any attempt at civil conversation ended there.

Still, it was hard not to think about. The last time she’d been in the room, she was eight. Lu Ten had just rescued the two from a party. He gave them fireflakes, she snooped through his things, and they played games for the rest of the night. She had to admit, it was one of the more happier memories of this place.

It was also one of her last memories of her cousin. Soon after that, he’d gone with their uncle off to war. Four short months later, they’d be receiving the news that he’d died. 

The corner of her eyes caught Zuko, who was starting to pace around the room. He was scanning the various boxes, and a hand was brought to his chin. He was thinking as he moved.

She was tempted to ask him what he was doing, but that would count as engaging in conversation with her brother, which she didn’t feel like doing given the circumstances. 

Zuko found his way next to Lu Ten’s desk, and smiled at his sister. Then, he said something that caught her interest.

“Remember that journal he was always so protective of?” he asked, a smile bordering on mischievous. Azula squinted her eyes. 

Fine, she’ll bite.

“...Why?”

He shrugged, “You’re curious what’s inside, aren’t you?”

An unusually smug look crossed his face that made Azula want to punch his good eye with a fire-fist. She again chose not to respond, but she couldn’t stop watching him as he proceeded to rummage through the desk.

He pulled open the drawer on top, and started to shuffle through the contents. 

“Oh,” he said, and Azula couldn’t stop herself from perking up. It was then that Zuko pulled out Lu Ten’s flask. He held it to the air, twisting it around in the room’s torchlight, “I’m surprised he didn’t take it with him…”

“He probably didn’t want it to be looted by Earth Kingdom soldiers if he died in combat,” she smirked at him. If Zuko was so desperate for conversation, she’d give it to him, “I guess he made a good call.”

His nostrils flared, and he glared at her. Excellent. That had been just the reaction she’d been looking for. If she was denied her freedom, she could at least deny Zuko his piece of mind.

She watched as he closed his eyes, and took a deep breath -- but the tightness of her shoulders indicated he was still annoyed. After all this time, she still knew exactly how to get under his skin. In the past, she’d consider Lu Ten’s death a cheap shot. A way to make him angry, without having to work for it. After all, Lu Ten had been his hero as a kid.

It wasn’t as if their cousin’s death didn’t affect her either. But the day that Lu Ten had gone off to war, her father explained that  if Lu Ten or their uncle died, it would be the best thing to ever happen to her. That either one of their deaths would give him a claim to the throne, and he would be the man to lead the fire-nation into a new era. Iroh and Lu Ten were obstacles in the way of their families' great destiny, and it was foolish to have well-wishes for obstacles. 

So when they got the news of Lu Ten’s passing, she’d acted like it was a great victory to be celebrated...even if a small part of her soul died at the news.

She noticed that Zuko was swishing the flask around.

“There’s still some liquid in it,” he said. He brought the flask to his nose, and took a whiff. His face immediately scrunched up in disgust, “...it’s strong.”

He then started bringing the flask to his lips.

“You’re not seriously going to…” The sentence died in her mouth as she watched him look at her, smile, and take a sip of the liquor. He immediately went into a coughing fit, his body hacking in a desperate attempt to get the burning taste out of his mouth.

This idiot was the Fire Lord.

“And what did you think was going to happen?” she said to him dryly. She couldn’t figure out what his angle was. Was this some strange way of mocking her, or was he trying to appeal to her sense of sentiment?

Well, unfortunately for him, sentiment wasn’t going to work. She’d already made that mistake once today.

While he was still coughing, he held the flask out to her -- an offer.

She wanted nothing more than to slap the flask out of his hand -- and she cursed Ty Lee for her current lack of mobility.

She turned her nose at him

“I’m not drinking that,” she said, glancing at her deadweight body, “Besides, I can’t .”

Maybe he was taunting her. 

He stopped coughing, and set the flask down on the desk.

  “Well, if you change your mind,” he said, before opening the bottom drawers. His eyes lit up, “Aha!”

He pulled out what he’d been looking for -- Lu Ten’s journal.

Azula felt her heart skip a beat -- their cousin had guarded that journal like it contained priceless information. As a kid, she never was able to come up with a good enough plan to sneak a glance. 

Even now, a small part of her was curious.

“Reading a dead-man’s journal? Really Zuzu, where’s the honor in that?” she said, mockingly. His shoulders dropped, and his features seemed to soften.

“It’s been over a decade since he died,” he replied, “Sometimes I wonder what he’d think of me now...” he glanced at her, and smiled “He’d probably think I’m a traitor.”

Azula was taken off guard by the pure honesty of his statement. Her throat went dry.

He didn’t try and engage her anymore, only opening the book. Azula watched as he did so...trying to guess the book’s contents from Zuko’s reaction.

He squinted, as he flipped through the pages. He seemed confused.

“Wait...these are…” he didn’t finish, but Azula saw his hands clutch the book a bit tighter, as he flipped the page. As he read it’s contents, his face grew pale. Whatever secret he’d just read, shook him to his core.

Azula briefly thought about what confession could have been on that page...but for the life of her, she couldn’t think of what could’ve caused that reaction.

Zuko lowered the book, and looked at his sister. His eyes narrowed, “Did you do this?”

“Do what?” she responded. She couldn’t ignore the tremble in his voice.

“Write this! Did you write this, Azula?” He was almost yelling now.

“Write what?” she yelled back. What had Lu Ten been hiding from them that brought this out of Zuko so suddenly?

Zuko opened the book to the page in question, and began to read.

“Dear Father,

If you’re reading this, then my treachery has no doubt been discovered. You’re no doubt reading this journal, looking for answers. Or perhaps you’re rummaging through my stuff in an attempt to find evidence of my innocence. 

Either way, you deserve an explanation. I owe you that much…”

Azula found herself perking up -- combined with Zuko’s reaction about what came next, she had no idea what to expect.

“...I’ve grown wary of this endless war. Growing up, I was taught that this war was righteous and just -- that the Fire Nation was leading an archaic world into a bright new future.
But that’s not true -- it’s never been true.  This war is nothing but the bloody legacy of a power-hungry madman, and for the sake of the honor that this family holds so dearly, I will not be a willing participant.

Consider the following my formal confession.

Over the past two years, I’ve acted as an informant for a network of resistance forces throughout the Earth Kingdom…”

Azula felt the wind knocked out of her, for the second time that night. And audible gasp escaped her.

Lu Ten was a traitor. 

Zuko paused, still overcome with disbelief -- and Azula couldn’t blame him. She’d felt her face grow cold, as Zuko read the words.

Of all the things he could have been hiding, she never imagined it would be something like that .

What would have happened, had she succeeded in her attempts as a child to read the secret notebook. Would she have run off and told her father? Or would she have tried to use the information as blackmail.

“I guess treachery runs in the family,” Azula said, breaking the silence. The tremble in her voice didn’t go unnoticed. 

Zuko looked at her, “So you didn’t write this?”

She shook her head, “What could I possibly gain from doing that?”

A moment passed, before Zuko looked away and sighed.

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he said. He sounded numb He crossed his arms, and leaned against the wall, “It’s just hard to believe.”
Azula could only nod, “Yes, it is.”

He looked up at her -- there was no vitriol in her words.

It was the closest thing they’d had to a normal conversation in years. 

“What’s with the long face? Given the circumstances, I figured you’d be thrilled with this news,” Azula said. Zuko shrugged.

“It’s a lot to take it,” he reasoned.  

And he was right.

The conversation stifled, as the door to the room opened. Suki and Ty Lee walked in, each holding baskets of dried food.

“We’re back…” Suki started to say, before she noticed the tension in the room. She set the boxes down, and glared at Azula.

“What did you do?” she asked.

If Azula could move her arms, she would have clutched them into fists.

But Zuko was quick to jump to her defense.

“She didn’t do anything,” he replied, firmly. He looked at her, and nodded, before picking up the notebook, “We found some of our cousin's old things. It…”

He passed her the notebook, and she began reading.

“Oh sure, let’s air out all the family secrets,” Azula spat, but her quip went unnoticed.

“Oh... oh,” Suki spoke, reacting to what she was reading, “Zuko…” She passed the book to Ty Lee, who began to read the contents for herself.

“Yeah,” He replied.

The room went silent, as Suki passed the book for Ty Lee to read. Azula watched, as her face went pale, and her eyes bugged out in shock.

She closed the book, and the room fell into a weighted silence.