Chapter Text
By the time they got home, everyone's energy was drained. Peter was curled up on the backseat, Harley watched the world flash by through the passenger window, and Tony drove with a stony expression, his emotions hid under the rock wall.
On the news, you saw about the lives of celebrities, and the many pictures they have circulating the internet- but no one ever took into consideration that all those pictures, at least three more cameras were shoved into their face.
They couldn't go out without being mobbed, had to book private activities, making new friends that weren't other celebrities was almost impossible, since all they saw where this famous person with an appearance that might not be the truth.
Their lives are not private, if they get in trouble with police it ruins their reputation, if they break up the news outlets eat it up and spit out a twisted version of it- and the haters and critics judged every flaw, talent, and inch of skin they had. It was like playing badminton but the other team had rackets and you had a piece of paper.
It got stressful when you are famous, and since this is Peters first-ever interaction with cameras shoved in his face and people screaming in his ears, he was blinded and tense. How do you go from being a no-one-nerd from Queens to a mysterious media-attraction who hung out with Tony Stark? He felt like Ed Sheeran.
..... Time skip to during dinner .....
Once there was some food in his stomach though, Peter had plenty of hyper energy.
Peter walks into the kitchen to get seconds, chanting "I want sum chicken chicken I want sum chicken chicken" as the conversation at the table flows fluidly, continuing to talk until Peter gasps. "Where'd all the chicken go?!" He exclaimed, looking around the counter to see if some were hiding anywhere.
"It ran away!" Yelled Harley. Peter looked at him from where he stood.
"How could it run away if it had no legs?" He said. Harley shrugged.
"It slithered."
The table burst into laughter as Harley and Peter wiggled like a snake, saying in unison, "I'm a snnnekkkkkkk."
And then there was Loki, who gave them an approving nod.
Peter sat back down with substitute food of a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerio's, then listened to everyone talk as he played with the cereal, pushing all the Cheerio's undermilk with his spoon, and when they bounce back to the surface, getting frustrated and making it a challenge, where he will beat those stupid Cheerio's and he will win.
Thor, who sits across from him, was frowning in confusion (and slight concern) while watching Peter struggle, literally make growling noises at his bowl of milked Almonds (Stupid Harley and his Vegan-izm) and tiny donught breads.
He was confused, yes, but also kinda grateful he was born on Asgard. The people on earth and their customs are weird. It was a bit unsettling.
While everyone was either conversing, listening to Harry Styles sing 'Anna' in their head (*cough cough Harley), snarl at their bowl of Cheerio's to show dominance or whatever else, no one noticed how Clint was eyeing the half-eaten Chicken breast on Natashas plate.
So, not so subtly with his tongue between his teeth, Clint reached over, the fork extended, and-- Now's my chance she's looking away! Clint thought, and he stabbed the chicken.
And Natasha, without looking at him, grabbed his withdrawing hand and making him cry out as she pushed her thumb onto his pressure point and making him release the fork.
Then, with a dangerous kind of calm, she said in a low voice, "Wanna try that again?"
Clint shook his head quickly and resembled very much like a child with their hand caught in the cookie jar at the moment.
Natasha smiled, showing off her canine teeth. "Good," She replied, and let go of his wrist.
Rhodey was watching with a small smirk, because he was betting from the moment he caught Clint eyeing Natashas rotisserie chicken piece suspiciously that he would try something, and he would fail.
Circling back to Peter, who had given up and was now slunked low in his chair and pouting at the bowl of now-soggy cereal, Harley sat beside him, eating the garden salad he and Peter made earlier, fresh from the farmers market and just observed what was being talked about around him.
When he saw Peter, he knew he had to cheer him up, because there is no way Peter is crashing now. After dinner, maybe, but during dinner, and especially on his birthday, he is going to be wild and crazy and on a sugar high whether he likes it or not.
So Harley slips his hand into his pocket discreetly, finds the bag, and takes it out, looking around suspiciously. Then he leans into Peters ear and says so only he can hear, "I've got what you need."
Peter leans back and whispers, "What's the lay?"
Harley smirks, and brings a napkin from the table onto his lap and sets down an array of the candies he has. "I got sour keys, gummy worms, easter eggs and gum, but make it quick. Cops are everywhere these days."
Peter giggles and peers over. Harley and Peter are both sitting at the same end, because it's both of their nights, but they didn't want to be separated. So this was the deal. They sit side by side, sharing the end, and sometimes stealing food from other people's plates while they aren't looking and sharing it between them.
Peter glances at the tale to make sure they aren't watching, and points at the gummy worms quickly.
"How much?" Harley asks.
"5 should get me buzzed."
"I'll throw in 6 for good measure."
Peter nods in agreement. "What's the pay--"
"What are you two doing?" Tony asks with a baffled expression across the table, looking at them and then to the table line where underneath they have hidden candies. Harley and Peter freeze.
"Um... drugs?" And Peter immediately winces.
They didn't get the reaction they thought though.
Tony snorted. "Drugs, really?"
And then Harley and Peter, having the same brain, popped a candy into their mouth at the exact same time.
Tony's eyes widen. He stands and they start to giggle. "Boys are you really--"
But he's cut off by Peter saying through giggles "dad, dad dad we aren't doing drugs"
Tony runs a hand through his hair, breathing out shakily. "You should not have scared me like that, I--"
They popped another into their mouth, and Tony almost screamed.
"Would you like some?" Harley offered, forgetting that it hasn't been made clear they are in fact not doing drugs. "It's already getting Peter on a high, see?" He gestured at Peter, who's pupils have dilated.
Tony gasps and says "Boys are you doing drugs?"
Peter, who has been really affected by the sugar in the gummy worms, giggles and says like a little kid, "If you count sugar a drug then yesss."
Tony who is on the verge of screaming in confusion, is interrupted by laughter. Loki had appeared behind Peter and Harley, and saw what they had in their lap.
"They've fooled you all!" He cackles, resting a hand on his stomach. "Good one boys, I'll remember that. You're on my team for the Hunger Games."
The Hunger Games was just a fun game they liked to play as a family, involving prank wars, Nerf wars, and many more wars.
Harley caught on finally and started cackling with him. "Oh my god dad you thought we were doing drugs!?!" He bursts into another fit of laughter. "That's hilarious!"
Tony grumbled some things and sat back down, totally unaware of what would be his demise. They forgot how crazy Peter got on a sugar high. And the candy Harley gave was special candy designed specifically for superhumans. They all forgot. And they all would die.
No one noticed how Peter was no longer in his seat. No one could see what was under the table.
No one knew.
And that was when Peter striked.
He crawled from his chair to the other side of the table skittering out at the other end and then military-crawled into the kitchen, keeping low to the ground. Once he was in, he waited until there was a laugh to open the freezer.
And there it was.
"It's beatiful," He whispered in awe.
It was the cake.
And it was all his.
And just as he stuck his hand in the freezer, there was a shriek.
"What the fuck are you doing Peter!? What the hell!!?" Tony yelled.
Peters head snapped in his direction and his eyes flicked to Tonys face area. But he didn't see him. And with that look Tony knew he should run.
Peter was no longer human.
To prove that point, Peter hissed at him and skittered to his room on the ceiling.
It took 30 minutes to stop Tony from shaking and Harley coaxing Peter back to the kitchen. When he came back, he was only fed vegetables.
And when it was cake time, Peter was not allowed any.
.......... Time skip to after cake .........
"I really don't wanna do all these dishes," mumbles Sam, looking at the people eating and their dirty plates, then the sink and dishwasher like his life has just ended.
"Well it's your turn!" Chirps Tony, earning a glare from the other.
"You're a mechanic or billionaire or something, why don't you just invent something that does it for us?"
"Actually," Peter says. "There is something that will clean up your kitchen nice!"
Sam raises his eyebrows doubt. "What is it?"
"KITCHEN GUN! BANG BANG BANG!"
"Aren't you sad that you have to deal with a bunch of shit tomorrow?" Asks Nat, And Steve Yells Language.
Peter nods vigorously, chewing on a carrot. "oh yeah."
"Don't speak with food in your mouth," corrects Steve, trying to teach the boy manners. It only makes Peter take a huge bite and eat with his mouth open. Steve wrinkles his nose.
"I'm supes doomed for tomorrow. But I'm kinda at that point where 'eh adult life is already so goddamn weird, I might as well.'"
Harley cheered.
"I UNDERSTOOD THAT REFERENCE!" Busts out Steve enthusiastically. Heads turn to him. He's smiling like a doofus, and even when everyone's attention is back on Peter, he thinks to himself proudly, I understood!
"So is it still sleepover night with MJ and Ned?" Tony asks as he picks at his food.
Harley, who was wrinkling his nose in disgust at Clint, who ate an slice of cake in 10 seconds (He needed to beat his record), heard them and glanced up.
"I thought we were going to have a sleepover." He says with a confused, and somewhat hurt look. Every month when Harley visits they have a sleepover and stay up all night, and he missed Peter so so much, and to not do that feels like a rejection. And Harley has already had enough of that in his life.
Peter saw how Harley got sad and immediately jumped to reassure him. "No, no Hars bar it's okay, me and MJ and Ned are still gonna have the sleepover, but you're gonna join. It'll be fun, promise." He says with a smile.
"So... we- we still get our sleepover?" Harley asks nervously.
Peter beams. "Of course!"
And while Peter and Harley started chatting to each other animatedly, Tony paled with each minute passed, lisening to their plans. After "we'll play Nerf War but with what Shuri made" he tried to tune out, because whatever Shuri made, and whatever their other plans are, sure won't be good.