Archive of Our Own

Posted by: WhiskeyBiscuit

WanteD: cat sittter (URGENT!!!1)

[FORUM POST HAS NOW BEEN CLOSED]

~oOo~oOo~oOo~

While you were definitely unsure of what to do with the boy who had just been asleep moments ago, nothing could compare to the absolute look of horror on Ichimatsu's face. Realizing that he had answered a question which, quite honestly, was not intended to be answered, his face paled, and for a brief second, you could see his troubled expression, as if thinking of a way to escape this situation. 

Once he took notice of your perplexed look, the two of you locked eyes for what probably felt like minutes, neither one taking the initiative to speak up.

Welp, you thought.

Usually, when encountering an awkward situation wherein said person overhears something about them, the most sensible thing to do as a normal member of society would probably be to just apologize and get the fuck away as fast as possible. Maybe laugh over the whole ordeal and pretend it never happened.

And while you certainly didn't think that Ichimatsu was the type to react in such a mundane manner, you also didn't expect him, in an act of last resort, to comically shut his eyes once more and pretend as if he were still asleep.

At this rate, you're not quite sure whether to laugh or cry. Probably both. 

"I-I don't think that's how that works," you try to keep to your tone as calm as possible, given the absurdity of it all. Between the slight crack in your voice and the squeezing in your chest, you were certain that you're panicking just as much as your cat-sitter is at the moment if not more.

Was he awake this entire time? Because, well, shit - you really hoped that he hadn't been. 

Inevitably, and almost immediately, Ichimatsu had somehow realized the strange situation he'd put himself in, opening his eyes once more. He's trying hard to keep a straight face but you could feel that he's probably trying really hard not to just freak out and run away.

You really didn't want to ask but... "How long have you been awake?" 

You got your answer when you saw his cheeks turn flush. And now you're pretty sure your face might just be as heated as his. 

"I-I wasn't trying to be weird," you reasoned frantically, ready to just about spout a hundred apologies and a detailed explanation on your totally-not-creepy-behavior. "You just looked really peaceful, and I just got home-"

"I wasn't lying." 

"When I saw you-" 

You paused mid-sentence, confused.

Ichimatsu heaved himself up to sit, his gaze meeting yours. Unbeknownst to the both of you, the cat that had once been fast asleep on top of Ichimatsu had now leapt off of his human cushion, going elsewhere to resume his nap.

"I... wasn't lying when I said that there's a lot to like about you." 

You wanted to ease the tension and joke about how he's just being considerate and a good friend, that he probably doesn't actually see you that way. But the sincerity in his voice - almost to the point where he actually seems so vulnerable...

Well, whatever it was you wanted to say was gone from your thoughts before you could speak up.

He exhales shakily, nervously tugging at the sleeve of his hoodie. 

"I-I knew you heard me when I told you I liked you." 

Ah.

Well.

Of course, you thought. Of course he knew.

At the back of your mind, part of you always felt that maybe he'd known all along - that maybe the surprise you displayed at hearing those words had been etched on your face long enough for him to have noticed. Hell, even with the way you both started acting since then, it was pretty much obvious.

So while you're not quite surprised at the revelation, it did nothing to quell the rising panic and guilt that you felt.

Before you could speak up, he continued.

"I don't mind it, you know. I would've done the same if someone as depressing and unsociable just came out of nowhere and fucked up your life like this," his voice becomes quieter, "I took advantage of your kindness and mistook it for something else. I'm sorry, I'm stupid." 

"No," you said sharply, causing Ichimatsu to flinch in surprise. You shook your head in determination, "You didn't do anything wrong, Ichimatsu. I was the stupid one for acting like that. I acted selfishly because I was just running away from having to say something that would make you hate me." You ignored the painful lump in your throat, avoiding his gaze.

"I'm not lying when I say that hearing you tell me that made me really happy," you smiled wistfully, "But I don't even know what's there to like about me. And I was scared that maybe things would change; that maybe you made a mistake and regretted even liking me." You stared at your hands settled on your lap. "But I guess I'm the one who fucked up in the first place."

You couldn't help but laugh at the absurdity of it all, trying to blink away the tears pricking your eyes. "What a shitty friend, huh?" 

The silence afterward was suffocating, and at this point, you really could feel the tears threatening to fall. 

But then you're met with the sudden warmth of Ichimatsu's hand on yours. The irony

was not lost on you; whenever Ichimatsu had his self-deprecating moments, this was how you learned to comfort him. A simple gesture that told him that you were still there, even if he didn't want to talk about it.

You wondered, though, since when has such a small thing like this made you feel so calm?

"And here I thought I was the depressing one here," he said, his unoccupied hand reaching out to wipe away your tears with his thumb. 

"I-" 

"More than anyone, you would know that I don't act on something unless I'm determined to see it through," at the lightest of touches he places his hand, the one that had wiped your tears, on your cheek. It's a delicate thing, really; he's touching you so gently that it's like he's touching air, but it's a touch that's just about enough to make sure that you're still here. That you're still in your apartment, and he's still him, and you're still you.

"I don't regret what I said, and I don't regret having met you. I like you. A lot." He admits, though it's less of a confession and more of a reiteration. His voice is quiet and shy, almost like he himself didn't expect those words to come out. But, undeniably, there's a hint of determination to his voice. 

He's determined to make his words reach you. 

And, admittedly so, you're willing to let him. 

"I like you to the point where I want to be someone you could depend on instead of the other way around. Because I know you've done so much for me and my brothers even if they're actual maniacs, and-" he inhales sharply, "well shit, you're someone important to us. To me." 

His expression softens, "You've pretty much made my life less shitty. And it's not just 'cause of your cat." He stutters, his shyness reappearing, "l-like I said, there's so many reasons to like you that it'd take me all day to explain. And..."

He frowns, but it's not of dismay. Rather, it's a look of concern. "It doesn't matter if you like me back or not, okay? Things won't change between us if that's how you want it."

"But there's really nothing you could do or say to make me feel otherwise anymore, you'll just have to deal with it." 

It's that exact moment when you see him smile and shrug off his words, as if none of what he said was something you had to feel burdened with, that the tears you'd been holding back all this time began to pour. 

At that, Ichimatsu winced, "Hey," he said softly as he tried to calm you down, panic washing his features. "You really don't have to do anything about it. Nothing'll change if you don't feel the same." 

Was that truly what you wanted though? For things to truly stay the same? Because surely the sudden ache in your chest at the thought might say otherwise.

It's amazing, somewhat, how willing Ichimatsu was to be so vulnerable, so trusting to you like this that it pains you to think that even if you did hurt him he'd still be fine with it.

And it sucks, because you feel like you did.

Impulsively, you reached out and wrapped your arms around him. Given your awkward position on the floor while Ichimatsu still sat on the couch, your head bumped against his torso. 

You knew you were getting his hoodie wet from your tears - and at this point you didn't care - because all you could feel was that tightness in your chest. Ichimatsu slid down from the couch and on to the floor, allowing you to adjust your position so that your head was on his chest. He caressed your back, albeit slightly hesitant, as he tried to comfort you. 

"I thought you'd hate me," you hiccuped against the fabric of his hoodie, your voice muffled.

"Bold of you to assume I could even hate you for any reason at all," he responded. 

"I'm really not that good of a person."

"You do realize you're telling that to me, the most not-that-good-of-a-person out there right?" He teased lightly, running a hand through your hair as he hummed softly. "Maybe you don't think that way - and it's fine - but if you didn't know by now, I'm pretty sure my brothers and I were pretty much the trashiest pieces of shit before we met you. And I think that says a lot," he chuckled.

While you knew that mere minutes had passed, it somehow felt like it had been hours. Just the two of you in your living room, with Ichimatsu's warmth embracing you - it's a certain kind of comfort that you never wanted to leave from.

Of course you knew you couldn't stay like this forever. But, in this moment of clarity, you already knew what it was you truly wanted to tell him.

That there had always been a reason as to why you ignored him that day. And why you regretted it in the weeks to come.

When your crying had died down and the lump in your throat was gone, you looked up at him, knowing fully well that you probably look like a mess right now. But at this point, you couldn't care less.

"I... I don't know how I feel, Ichi," you said quietly, truthfully. "I've never really felt anything for anyone before, and I just always thought I never would."

"Hmm? That's fine."

"And, well, I don't want things to stay the same between us." You admitted. 

Oh. 

"Oh." 

You felt Ichimatsu freeze as his hands stopped their movements. You ignored the rapidness of his heart as you focused on your own, which was beating just as fast.

"I-I, uh," he stuttered. Cleared his throat. "I, uh...what...what does this mean?"

You pulled away from him slightly, noticing the dark patch on his hoodie from your tears. You felt your cheeks heat up, avoiding his eyes. 

"I don't know either," you mumbled, clasping your hands together nervously. "B-but I know that being with you has never made me this... happy and warm before. And..." you muttered, "I don't think it's just because you're my friend." 

"Oh," he says again. 

A beat. A mumbled curse. 

"Uh, I didn't really expect this to happen." 

For a few minutes, neither of you say anything. It's slightly awkward, but not in the way that felt suffocating; as if you're both pondering on what to say, on what to do next.

In most cases, both of you would have just shyly laughed at the situation you're in, chalking off the other's actions as the kindness and bantering of a friend. But surely things are different now, the kind of different that doesn't exactly hurt. It's not drastic and emotional, and it's just enough for you to feel the sort of affection you had previously not been aware of.

The kind of different you're more than happy to welcome into your life.

From the back of your mind, you can imagine Jyushimatsu, his ever-curious but mirthful expression as he asks you, 

"Do you regret doing this, nee-san?" 

You almost wanted to laugh at the question. 

No. 

Your mind snaps into reality once more when you feel Ichimatsu take your hands in his again, this time entwining your fingers together. 

You're almost tempted to just cry again, honestly. Or dance. Or maybe even run an entire kilometer. 

Seriously, your heart could only handle so much. 

Before you could even do anything that ridiculous, you tell him honestly, "I don't know what to do now." Only now do you notice the cowlick on his head, probably from when he had fallen asleep, and you're slightly tempted to laugh over how ridiculously cute he looked right now. 

But then he brings up your hand and lightly presses his cheek at the back of it, and every other thought you've had up to this point had now vanished. 

You could feel yourself burning. 

"I don't know what to do either," Ichimatsu mutters, "but..."

His expression is still undoubtedly lost and hesitant. Like he doesn't know what to do, but wants to do so much at the same time. 

And, honestly, you're seriously hoping he decides on the latter. 

Instinctively, you bite on your bottom lip. For a second, you hear his breath hitch. 

"I might regret this," he chokes. "But I kinda want to...to do something really, really stupid. I know I'm going to be bad at this but-" 

And despite knowing that it was practically you who started it, you really couldn't care less who did in the end. 

Because finally, finally you feel the warmth of his lips against yours and it's like you're feeling every possible emotion at the same time. 

While it doesn't last forever, it lasts just about enough for you to realize that you had instinctively grasped the fabric of his hoodie just to keep yourself grounded to reality.

And it was true, the kiss was slightly awkward, slightly unsure, and slightly hesitant. Ichimatsu doesn't know what to do but he follows on instinct as well as he can. When the two of you part, you can't help but feel upset at the loss of contact. Ichimatsu, on the other hand, seems to be in a daze, his cheeks tinged pink. 

You don't really know what else to say after all that, but in the end, you couldn't help but chuckle. "Too late to regret it now?" 

Ichimatsu, still bewildered, can't help but grin at your words. His smile is almost goofy, but it's a smile that nonetheless makes you feel like your insides were melting. 

"I guess it's really hard for me to regret anything when it comes to you," he hums. 

Just as you both lean in to close the distance once more, a loud mewl interrupts, causing both of you to jerk in surprise and bump foreheads. 

On the couch stood your beloved cat, one paw on Ichimatsu's shoulder as if trying to stop him from going any further. Neither of you had realized that Whiskey had been there the entire time.

You almost felt embarrassed over your cat seeing this display, feeling like a teenager being caught by their parent. Still, the fact isn't lost on you that had it not been for your cat, you probably wouldn't have met the cat-loving Matsuno boy that's currently holding you in his arms.

"Well, I guess there's just some things I can't compete against," Ichimatsu remarks, all the awkwardness in his tone gone. He's more relaxed now than you've ever seen him, more content - and you can't deny that it makes him look cuter than he already was. 

"I think I can say the same thing about you though, Mr. Cat-sitter," you tease, chuckling. "I hope you know that the application for a cat-sitter isn't just temporary though." 

He flashes you a look - the same one he's always had whenever he looked at you. 

Awe and admiration. 

And good god it's really taking a lot for you to not just kiss him again. 

"Hmm? I'm pretty sure I have no plan to quit this job anyway," he says decisively, proceeding to encircle his arms around your waist. "Being a cat-sitter has more perks than I thought."

You grin.