Chapter Text
Cass just stares at him, his eyes overflowing with understanding. Not pity. Not disgust that Dean can barely string together a coherent sentence, just an endless amount of understanding and grace.
“Of course, Dean. If that’s what you need.”
But ‘that’ isn’t what he needs. Not really. He needs Cass. He needs him like the air he doesn’t need to breathe anymore because he’s dead. He needs him like Baby needs gas because sometimes - a lot of times - he’s the only thing that kept Dean going.
But now that he’s ready to say it… or at least try saying it… Cass is the one holding back.
Curiosity gnaws on Dean’s ankles as they slowly shift over to the car. They aren’t even walking so much as staring at each other while edging closer to Baby. It’s like a game of chicken except Dean has no clue who’s gonna pull up first - or what they’re even gonna be pulling up from.
Eyes still locked with Cass’ over baby, Dean slowly cracks open the door, watching raptly as Cass mirrors his movement on the passenger side. The angel cocks his head when Dean remains still.
With a dramatic sigh, Dean rolls his eyes, rips the door open harsher than he usually would and starts the engine. As Baby rumbles to life, Cass finally gets all the way in. Only, he’s staring resolutely at the road. Which is weird because Cass is neither the driver nor are they moving. Oh and let’s not forget the fact that it’s impossible to die here. Dean could hoola dance on Baby’s hood while driving at a hundred miles per hour and be dandy.
“Look…” Dean trails off as Cass’ jaw clenches. “Losing you. It was traumatising.” Dean exhales.
“And I’m not even talking about that part. Losing you in general… it’s always hard for me. Especially since it didn’t seem like you’d be coming back.”
Cass remains resolutely silent.
“What I’m saying is… I miss you.” Cass looks at him then. “And I want you to stick around and I want us -” to go back to normal . But no, that isn’t true. What Dean wants now is as far from normal as things get. “- to be okay.” He settles on.
“I want that too Dean.” Cass admits, sounds like the words are being wrenched out of him.
He then proceeds to give Dean a small, but genuine smile that sends jolts rocketing throughout Dean’s body.
“Actually…” The angel says, his smile morphing into a full blown grin. “There’s something I wanted to show you.”
...
Cass looks right at home as Dean cruises along the roads of Heaven. He has to admit… everything here is perfect. It’s like the world seems to glow. Even Dean feels at peace, here with Cass at his side, knowing that Sam will eventually join them.
Everything is so good.
Everything feels so right.
The only thing tormenting Dean is the possibility of him misinterpreting the context of Cass’ love.
In the aftermath, Dean was beyond certain that Cass really felt something for him. The way he built up to it… the way he tore open every door he ever closed in his mind. The way his words seemed to soothe decade old wounds instantly. It left Dean dumbstruck. Then the confession. Said so selflessly and lovingly even in the face of imminent demise… those words....
Words Dean never thought he’d hear.
Words he couldn’t even wish to hear because just the mere thought seemed outlandish.
He pushed it back so hard and for so long he forgot it even existed.
And then Cass ripped down those walls and the emotions came tumbling out, too volatile to ever be shoved back in again.
Except… Cass doesn’t anymore?
It makes no sense… his sudden aversion to talking about this when he should have been the one bringing this up to Dean.
But maybe Cass is just that good of a guy?
Maybe he meant general love?
But then why did he look at Dean so tenderly?
Why did he say that the one thing he wants is something he can’t have? He knows that Cass knows he is family. That he’s one of them. That he fits into their life seamlessly. So what more could he have wanted that he didn’t think he was allowed to have?
Maybe he did feel that way in the heat of the moment and then changed his mind. Decided that Dean wasn’t worth it after all. But it all comes back to one thing: Cass doesn’t say things he doesn’t mean. There’s no way he can fake the kind of sincerity Dean saw that day.
But Cass doesn’t want to talk about it now… and Dean isn’t going to risk pushing him away. Even if he didn’t mean it or changed his mind… Cass is still his friend.
“Turn left here.” Cass says, breaking Dean out of his reverie.
The dude is almost buzzing in place with excitement which has Dean a little amused and more than a little curious about what has Cass in a tizzy. The grim expression has dissipated, and in its place is a dazzling smile and eyes filled with pride.
“This was the first thing I made.” Cass breathes as they draw closer. His eyes are glazed over with something like nostalgia. “I hope I did it justice because I made it for you, Dean.”
Whatever this is… it means a lot to Cass. So it thereby means a lot to Dean and he’s gonna make damn sure that Cass knows it.
But when he sees it… Dean freezes in shock, his foot going numb on the gas pedal as he stares in awe at what Cass made for him .
In that moment of rapture, every shadow of a doubt that Cass isn’t in love with him is cast from Dean’s mind.