Chapter Text
Hearing a knock at the door, Alex opened it to find Silas as Kara swiftly changed from her uniform to regular clothes. Alex stood in the doorway seeing the man that Kara had sailed with months ago. She knew they corresponded but didn't know much more than that. Her sister was still stingy with the details. And Alex knew she would be about whatever would happen now. Kara didn't have to say that she wanted a moment alone with him.
“I'll go and pick us up a pizza,” Alex said leaving the apartment. She gave the pale man one last look before heading down the hallway.
Kara motioned for him to sit on her sofa and joined him She took him in having not seen him in nearly a year. They'd emailed back and forth but recently she hadn't checked her email. She'd been too busy.
“So, you came all the way from Australia?” she asked.
“Yeah,” he said. He'd showered and was clean but something was off.
“When was the last time you had something to drink?” she asked.
“When was the last time you took a breath?” he asked. She frowned.
“You sound like my sister,” she said, “I'm a superhero, I don't need to take a breath. But you need something to drink.”
“I'm fine,” he said, “And everyone, regardless of their superpowers need to pause once in a while.”
“You aren't fine, Silas,” Kara said, “You look like you're going to pass out any second.”
“I can go a while without a little blood,” he said but she remembered what happened last time he went without it. She recalled his teeth breaking her skin and then she thought about what they'd done afterwards. She got off the couch and went into her closet. She grabbed the lead lined box hidden behind extra blankets and brought it back out into her living room.
“What's that?” he asked about the box as she placed an empty glass next to it.
“What's left of Krypton. There was a meteor shower that my cousin brought with him,” Kara said opening the box. The green glow that the small piece of kryptonite emitted filled the apartment. Kara recoiled in pain at the sight of it.
“Why do you have a piece of kryptonite?” he asked knowing full well what it did to her and her cousin.
“It's a piece of Krypton,” she said, “My sister doesn't know I have it and she can't know, not ever.”
“What are you going to-” but he stopped talking as she removed it from the box and placed it against her arm.
“Stop!” he said reaching out to take the rock away from her.
“You need something to drink, Silas,” she said letting out a hiss of pain as she cut her skin. Her blood began to drip down her arm and onto the coffee table. She then placed her arm above the glass letting her blood fill it up. As the blood neared the top she closed the lid on the lead lined box, hiding the kryptonite inside. Then the cut was gone and all that remained was a few droplets of blood on her skin. She grabbed the glass of her blood and offered it to Silas. He took it and downed it in one gulp.
Kara could already see some color returning to her friend's cheeks but he still didn't look like he'd had when she first met him months ago. She fought touching the side of her neck knowing she'd offer herself to him later tonight after Alex had returned home.
“So, I've had something to drink,” he said, “Now I want to talk about you. How are you doing?” “I'm fine,” she sighed standing up going to return the kryptonite to her closet, “I did what I had to. I saved Earth.”
“For the second time,” he said, “You can take a breath. Take a vacation.”
“I can't just take a vacation Silas. People need me and need me now. I can't travel to people by boat and make them wait. I can help more people than-” She stopped herself. He helped how he could, did more than most aliens could. If she couldn't fly she'd be in the same situation.
“I'm helping as many people as I can. I can't rest,” Kara said, “The people of Earth need me.”
“You want to know what happened after the Daxamites attacked Earth?” he asked, “The aliens I'd been working with, ones who wanted to continue work I was doing helping aliens, were attacked. Their office was destroyed. Aliens died Kara. I had friends who died. They came here so they'd be safe. But they aren't.”
“Silas, I'm sorry,” she said, “I didn't know.”
“I came here because I was worried about you. I've been listening to the news. I know that Supergirl is being seen nearly twenty-four seven. I know it takes a while for me to get places but I spend a long time in one place then I move elsewhere. But between then I use the time to unwind. I know I can't save everyone. Kara, you can't save-”
“But I have, twice, as you pointed out,” she said.
“Then take a minute,” he said, “You've done so much, you deserve a minute to yourself.”
“If I take a minute-”
“Earth will be fine,” he said, “They were fine before Supergirl. They'll be okay if-”
“If I quit?”
“You could if you wanted,” he said, “But I was going to suggest take a break. I'm heading to Juneau if you wanted to come.”
“What are you going to Juneau for?” she asked.
“The parents of that girl, the one from Cadmus, it's where they live. I visit them once a year. Her birthday is coming up, she'd have been sixteen. Maybe have a boyfriend, in her school's band, or on the tennis team, or maybe she'd be the student who lived in the library acing all of her exams. But she'd have had a life. And we honor what could have been.”
“Silas, I'm sorry, I didn't know,” Kara said becoming more aware of who she wasn't helping, “But you don't need to worry about Cadmus anymore.”
“I still have friends who died. Just because one organization is quiet at the moment doesn't mean that there aren't others who fear aliens like us.”
“I know,” Kara said, “I'm sorry. I need to stay here. A lot has happened in the last year. I've had to make some difficult... choices. It's showed me that my place is here, more than anything, being Supergirl is so important. Supergirl is who I am now.”
“You mean it's a part of you,” he said but she shook her head aware she was about to have the same argument she'd been having with Alex.
“No, it's who I am. Supergirl protects people. Not Kara Danvers.”
“What about Kara Zor-El?”
“She died with Krypton,” Kara said.
“No she didn't. She was with me on my boat. She wrote safe harbor on it's hull. She's the woman I was with. Not Supergirl.”
“Silas, I've changed in the last year,” Kara said.
“So, you've left your old self behind? How can you honor your family, your people and your planet if you leave Kara Zor-El behind?”
“Honor? What would you know about honoring your people? You can go back! You can return if you really wanted. Honor them by being with them!” He did not recognize the woman before him. She was angry but he could see the sadness in her eyes. She'd lost something of importance to her.
“I honor my people by helping those who have lost everything,” he said, “And I'm proud of the choices I've made. I've helped keep other aliens safe. Leaving my planet wasn't easy but I don't forget those left behind. The people I've helped here know my name. They know I'm an alien and they know where I'm from. You wear a cape and do the same but if you push Kara Danvers, push Kara Zor- El, aside then what does that symbol on your chest mean? You carved it on my boat to let others know it's where they can receive help.”
“I know what my family crest means,” she said.
“But if you wish to leave them in your past, then why wear it?” Alex opened the door. She'd tried waiting until it was a better time to enter as she'd stood outside listening to the pair argue for the last several minutes.
“I'm not leaving my family in my past,” Kara said.
“But you are,” Alex said placing the pizza down, “You said Kara Danvers was a mistake. If she was a mistake that means Eliza and I are too. You became Kara to have a chance at a normal life. Wouldn't your mother want that? You get to have a normal life along with saving Earth. Your life with us wasn't a mistake.”
“Alex, that's not what I meant when I said that Kara Danvers was a mistake.”
“Isn't it?” Alex asked, “I know that you've had a difficult last few weeks. I've been trying to let you mourn but pushing yourself to your limits isn't healthy.”
“A bullet can't pierce my skin,” Kara scoffed, “Health isn't an issue for me.”
“I didn't mean physical health, Kara,” Alex said. Kara stepped back. Kryptonians were cold and often seen as ruthless. Mental health wasn't something addressed back on her home world. Ever. She thought about avoiding her sister's pitying look. But looked up knowing her eyes were cold.
“I'm fine!” Kara snapped her voice low then instantly regretted it seeing the hurt look on her sister's face.
“I'm going to go,” Alex said, “Silas.” He gave a nod.
“Alex, wait-” Kara said but her sister was already gone. She could have gone after her. Stopped her before she reached the end of the hall. But she let her go and sat back down on the couch. The smell of her favorite pizza now filled the apartment. Kara felt the cushion next to her give as Silas sat down.
“Earth humans are the only species I've come across that care about psychology,” Silas said.
“If we focused on that... aspect of our lives,” Silas continued, “We-”
“We'd go mad,” Kara said, “Distraction is the only thing helping me through life on Earth. I don't know how you can manage weeks alone on your boat.”
“My people are still alive, my planet is still circling it's sun,” he said, “And I've learned to enjoy the solace. You've spent the last decade with constant noise. It would take you more than a few weeks to learn to live with it like I have.”
“Do you have nightmares? About Cadmus?”
“Sometimes,” he said, “I have more recently because of what happened to my friends and because of failing to save her.”
“What was her name? You never said.”
“Taya,” he said the waited a long moment before continuing, “Do you have nightmares about Krypton?”
“Not so much anymore. It's easier, in a way, it being gone. I don't think I'd have survived growing up here knowing I was stuck with no way home to my parents. Knowing that we were separated forever. I dream about my mom. I can feel her touch. Then I wake up and I remember.”
“I don't blame you- not wanting to face all of it,” he said.
“Being Supergirl... I get to be separate from everything about my human life. And I get to help so many people. I can't step away from that.”
“You can't hide from your past forever,” he said.
“I'm not,” Kara said, “I'm focusing on the present and what I can do now.”
“We don't talk about mental health because it can be well, overwhelming,” he said then hurried as he saw the look on Kara's face, “I'm not saying we talk about everything that's overwhelming. I'm suggesting we take a breather from everything. That we forget about being alien and that we aren't human. I'm suggesting we, specifically you, take a minute to just exist. Not as Supergirl but as Kara. Just Kara.”
“Silas, I-”
“Just come with me, you can fly back afterwards.”
“Like that worked last time,” Kara said again noting his pale appearance. She went to pull her hair back. She was looking for a hair tie when Silas spoke up again.
“You should go find your sister.” Kara knew he was right and she could hear that Alex was only a couple of blocks away. Kara let her hair fall back over her shoulders.
“I guess proper introductions would be a good idea,” Kara said knowing she was also going to apologize to Alex.