Chapter Text
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That bitch Fate isn’t just a bitch. Fate’s also a dick. Fate doesn’t just ruin plans. It doesn’t just disregard wishes and batter hope and murder dreams. Fate puts you in situations you never asked to be in. Situations that are uncomfortable and embarrassing and sometimes downright scary. Fate doesn’t care how you feel about being there either. Fate puts you where it puts you, and that’s the end of that.
Such a dick.
What’s even worse is Fate never gives you any warning. It rarely gives you time to prepare. Fate grabs the wheel of your life when you least expect it and sends you barreling down some other unknown path with no map and no assurance that everything will be okay.
Like that time when a raven-haired gay disaster with soft, sapphire eyes decided to over-plan a resolutely typical, purposefully mundane Christmas Eve and upon the (usually) well-intentioned advice of a (mostly) good friend, rented a date to achieve that end. The moment this this blue-eyed boy signed that contract, his life had already begun to arc in an unanticipated direction, and soon all his carefully crafted plans would fly off the rails and careen into treacherous territory full of raging embarrassment and located far, far from the comforts of his old routine. And his old self.
But that’s what Fate does. It alters you whether you want it to or not.
It’s such a dick move.
Even if it’s in the right direction.
===SANEMI===
Seventeen-year-old Sanemi stood in front of the store, his heart racing, his hands sweating. He’d never done anything like this before. An hour out on a train squished full of weary, dreary, black-suited bodies. A fifteen-minute walk from the station in hostile gray cold that refused to respect the sovereignty of jackets. A thirty-minute wait in line outside a tissue box of a store tucked in a sliver of an alleyway. Shivering in the yellow glow of a solitary street lamp. Just to purchase Christmas dorayaki.
But then Sanemi had never liked someone that much before.
At the time, it seemed worth going to all that trouble. There was a twiggy sprig of hope that his feelings might be reciprocated. That the boy he had crushed on for over a year would receive not only this special gift but the special feelings behind them. That their eyes would properly meet, and the boy would say ‘thank you’ wearing rosy cheeks and a shy smile. That Sanemi would finally find out what those fingers would feel like when they grabbed his.
It all seemed so very worth all that trouble.
At the time.
Twenty-one-year old Sanemi stood in front of the same store, his heart again pounding, his hands again slick with sweat. But this time it wasn’t out of infatuation for a boy. It was because he remembered what that boy did.
Or rather, what he didn’t do.
That boy never showed up at the bike racks after school. Their eyes never again met, not even fleetingly. Words never again passed between them, not even shallow meaningless ones. There were no rosy cheeks or shy smiles or the hope of hands held. There wasn’t even a simple thank you.
Sanemi had forgotten what it felt like to wait, to only be met by sunset and an empty courtyard.
What makes me think things’ll be different this time?
Sanemi tucked his hands into his armpits and hopped in place to keep warm. He didn’t like this cold. He didn’t appreciate this wait. Three people in line ahead of him. Only a couple dozen Christmas dorayaki left on the tray. What were the odds that there’d even be anything left for him?
“Next,” the clerk called out.
Why the hell am I doing all this? He never showed up.
Maybe Giyuu wouldn’t remember him. Maybe their eyes still wouldn’t properly meet, maybe they wouldn’t hold hands, maybe they wouldn’t share a smile. Maybe Sanemi still wouldn’t get a simple “thank you.” But there was one thing Sanemi knew would be different this time. He’d make sure of it.
“I’ll take the Christmas dorayaki, please.”
He would get an explanation.
===GIYUU===
Giyuu pressed the intercom button. “I’ll be right down.”
Christmas Eve at last. And not just any Christmas Eve. The first Christmas Eve Giyuu would have a date, a normal date at that. For once, he would be one of the couples clogging the sidewalk. He would meander along a riverfront with a pretty someone by his side and gaze up at the twinkling holiday lights. He’d make small talk (he had memorized at least a dozen conversation starters). They’d have a delicious three-course dinner (the reservation was already made). And they’d sip hot cocoa at a popular café (he’d already determined the toppings they’d order). It was all so delightfully conventional, so undeniably acceptable, Giyuu wanted to squeal with glee.
Giyuu took one last look at himself in the mirror before he left to make sure there wasn’t a booger hanging out of his nose or some black bit of food nestled between his front teeth. Any stains on his shirt? Was his fly in the up position? He determined himself to be in proper order. Proper enough. Nothing that would mortify him immediately.
Giyuu slipped on his shoes and opened the front door.
A man was standing on his doorstep. Not just a man. That man. The one he had crushed on so hard in high school. The one he could never bring himself to talk to, but could, regrettably, bring himself to puke all over.
Sanemi Shinazugawa?!?
Giyuu slammed the door.
What the hell is HE doing here?
Tremors rippled through Giyuu’s body. His knees began to buckle. He sat himself down on the genkan step and shoved his head between his knees.
Breathe. Breathe. Please breathe.
Sanemi knocked. “Tomioka-san? It’s Sanemi Shinazugawa. I’m your date from the agency. Can you open the door?”
Giyuu whipped his head up. “My date?” Giyuu crawled to the door. Opened it just enough to show his face.
“Excuse me? My date? But I’m sure I ordered…” Giyuu lowered his voice to a whisper. “A woman.”
“Why are you whispering?” Sanemi whispered back. “And why are you on your knees?”
“Sorry.” Giyuu squawked. He cleared his throat, forced words out. “It’s just, I wanted a particular situation. I had it all worked out in my head.”
“What do you mean? What kind of situation?” Sanemi asked. He pushed the door open a bit more, got down on his knees.
“Eeeeep!” Giyuu shrieked and projected himself back several feet. He slapped his hand over his mouth.
Don’t puke don’t puke don’t puke
“What’s wrong?” Sanemi crawled into the house and toward Giyuu.
Giyuu clambered away from Sanemi like a murder victim in a horror movie. “Wait! Stop! Don’t come any closer!” Giyuu yelled through his hand.
Sanemi kicked off his shoes and sat cross-legged just beyond the genkan. Giyuu finally noticed how well dressed Sanemi was - his casual black suit, his crisp white dress shirt. His hair was a bit shorter, a bit neater than it was in high school.
Why does he still have to look so damn good?
Sanemi levelled a pointed stare at Giyuu. “Do you think you can calm down for half a second?”
Giyuu shook his head “no,” his hand still covering his mouth.
“Can you at least tell me why you’re freaking out?” Sanemi asked.
Giyuu shook his head “no” again.
Giyuu let his gaze touch Sanemi’s. Those lavender eyes were as intense as Giyuu remembered. They pinned him in place. They rattled him with desire.
This man’s a god. I think I’m gonna puke.
Giyuu scrabbled to the bathroom.
“Wait!” Sanemi scrabbled after him.
Giyuu leapt into the bathroom and slammed the door behind him. He lifted the toilet seat and kneeled by the bowl. He took one deep breath after another until finally he had steadied himself and subdued the urge to relocate his stomach contents.
Sanemi knocked on the door. “Hey, you okay?”
Giyuu leaned back against the wall. No, I’m not okay.
This was not where Giyuu wanted to be. This was not where he wanted this evening to begin much less end. He wanted desperately to end his streak of shitty Christmases and have one that broached normal, that maybe even encroached on enjoyable, and didn’t leave him feeling like an absolute fool. Hadn’t he come up with the perfect plan to avoid all that misery?
Instead, his dream date had just shown up at the door, and Giyuu had straight up panicked. He couldn’t even say a proper hello.
My dream date. My dream date is standing just outside this door.
Giyuu squeezed his eyes shut, damming the tears that threatened to fall. He clenched his hands against the trembling in his limbs.
I’m going to do this! I promised myself a merry Christmas, and damn it, I’m going to have one!
Giyuu hopped to his feet with the plucky resolve of an anime protagonist.
I won’t give up! I refuse to g-urrrrrrp.
He slapped a hand over his mouth. Steadied himself with breaths again.
Damn it!
He leaned over the sink and splashed water on his face. And then he saw it on the bathroom counter – his salvation, the blessed life raft that would ferry him across this sea of sickness and inevitable mortification to the solid ground of normal human behavior.
The anti-anxiety pills Kanroji-san had given him.
“How many did she tell me to take?” Giyuu muttered as he examined the packet. There were three gummies inside. He took one out and gave it a once over before he tossed it in his mouth. “Mmm. They’re kinda good.”
Giyuu noticed his hands were still trembling. His stomach still roiled with nausea, his head felt light. “Maybe one more for good measure.” He stuffed the packet in his coat pocket and patted it. Then clutched it. He took one more deep breath.
I’m going to do this.
Giyuu opened the bathroom door a crack.
===SANEMI===
Sanemi stood in front of Giyuu’s bathroom door and wondered what the hell he had done to elicit such a bizarre and dramatic reaction from him. Was it because Giyuu remembered him? Was it because a man had come as his date? Was he allergic to hot gay men? Sanemi had no clue. But he really hoped it wasn’t the latter.
Muttering and shuffling noises still wafted through the door. Sanemi knocked. “Everything okay in there?”
Nothing but mumbles.
“We need to leave soon or we’re going to be late.”
And I really want to talk to you.
Sanemi took a few paces back from the bathroom and waited. He let his eyes tour Giyuu’s modest apartment. The living room was sparsely furnished and obscenely uncluttered. Everything – books, papers, pictures - had a clear and tidy place to live. The color palette was stark – charcoal loveseat, white entertainment center, glass dining table. The only dots of color were a vase of magenta tulips and what looked like a small, blue and white gift box sitting next to the TV.
A blue and white gift box?
The clack of a door opening spun Sanemi’s attention back to the bathroom. Giyuu poked his head out like a baby groundhog looking for winter. “You’re still here.”
“Did you think I’d leave?” Sanemi asked.
Giyuu looked at the floor and shrugged.
“Doesn’t matter. You’re stuck with me.”
“If you’re only staying for the money, I’ll still pay…” Giyuu mumbled, his voice trailing off.
“Come on. We’re going out.” Sanemi held his hand out to Giyuu. “I’m not taking ‘no’ for an answer.”
Giyuu drew his head back into the bathroom. He opened the door all the way.
Giyuu slid over on his socked feet, baby step by baby step, until he was within reach of Sanemi’s hand.
Giyuu low-fived it. He scuttled to the front door.
Sanemi stared at his hand and shook his head. Why are you acting like this? He followed Giyuu to the front door.
Sanemi opened the door for Giyuu, but grabbed his arm before he could step through. He locked his gaze into Giyuu’s making sure their eyes properly met. “Do you remember me, Tomioka?”
Giyuu blushed fifty shades of shy. He nodded. Then leapt out the door like a crazed deer.
A smile, warm, unbidden, crept across Sanemi’s lips as he watched Giyuu dash down the hallway and into the stairwell. “At least there’s that.”
===GIYUU===
A blur of moments later, Giyuu found himself in a taxi with Sanemi and heading to the restaurant for dinner. He wasn’t sure what impression his crack-head behavior had left on Sanemi, but he was certain it wasn’t good. One of the few people in the world Giyuu wanted to have the simplest, most ordinary of conversations with was sitting next to him, and Giyuu couldn’t even bring himself to ask, “How are you?”
He’s going to think I’m an asshole. If he doesn’t already.
Giyuu desperately wanted to perform some damage control, but what should he do? What could he do? Tremors still ravaged his body. His gut was a hiccup away from showering the cab with stomach acid.
Giyuu decided he could probably manage to smile. He glanced at Sanemi and molded his face into what felt like a friendly expression. Whatever ended up there, he hoped it at least looked amiable.
“You okay? You look queasy,” Sanemi remarked.
Guess not.
Giyuu looked away, placed a hand on his cheek – clammy, probably white as a sheet. He breath moved in labored puffs.
When are those pills going to start working?
“You know, if you’re not feeling well, we can hang out at your place instead,” Sanemi said.
“I want to go out.” The words barely made it out of Giyuu’s mouth.
“What?”
Giyuu tried again. “I want to go out.”
“I’m sorry. I can’t hear you.” Sanemi scooted over to hear Giyuu better, leaned in until his arm brushed Giyuu’s. Sanemi’s scent washed over Giyuu like a tidal wave of musk.
Oh my god he’s so close he smells so good oh god I think I’m gonna
“Personal space!” Giyuu jerked away and crashed into the car door. His head smacked the window with a resounding thud. He hid his face in his hands. “I just need some personal space,” Giyuu said, his words stifled by his hands.
Sanemi slid back to his side of the cab, held his hands up in surrender. “Got it. You can have all the space you need,” he said.
Giyuu peeked between two fingers at Sanemi’s reflection in the car window. Sanemi wasn’t smiling, but his face wasn’t scrunched into an angry scowl like Giyuu expected. There was no heat in his eyes, no energy in his posture. He just fiddled with something in his coat pocket and let his gaze hang on the cityscape whizzing past. If Giyuu had to put a label on Sanemi’s current mood, he would call it unamused.
All I wanted was an ordinary Christmas date.
Giyuu put his hands in his lap, gripped his pant leg. “I want to go out,” Giyuu finally managed to say audibly.
Sanemi turned towards Giyuu. “You’re okay with me as your date?”
Giyuu nodded, his eyes fastened to his lap.
“You sure?”
Giyuu nodded again.
“I guess I did sort of blindside you, didn’t I, showing up all of a sudden like I did.”
Giyuu nodded vigorously.
Sanemi tilted forward to try to look at Giyuu’s face. “I’ll move a little slower from now on. Okay?”
Giyuu glanced at Sanemi out of the corner of his eye and attempted another smile.
“You still feeling queasy?” Sanemi asked.
What the hell is wrong with my smile? Giyuu wondered.
“We’re here,” the cab driver announced.
+++
“Right this way, gentlemen.”
The maitre’d led Sanemi and Giyuu to their table. Giyuu tottered like a toy soldier, his arms plastered to his sides. He already regretted his decision to eat here. The restaurant was the kind of fru-fru establishment that would call the cops on you if you used the wrong fork. It had industrial high ceilings, polished concrete floors, sleek cherry wood tables, and walls displaying abstract art created by elephants sneezing paint (or so it looked). The diners spoke in elegant whispers over their silver-dollar-sized entrees, their utensils tinkling ever so delicately as they ate, dainty bite after dainty bite. Giyuu felt judged and he hadn’t even sat down yet.
Why did I choose this pretentious place?
Sanemi leaned toward Giyuu. “Relax. It’s just dinner,” he whispered, the bass in his voice caressing Giyuu’s neck.
“Aaaaa!” Giyuu startled and lurched forward towards a passing waiter. Sanemi’s hands shot out like grappling hooks and yanked Giyuu back before his body collided with the waiter and someone’s onion soup.
“Careful!” Sanemi pulled Giyuu so close that he could see the subtle flecks of gold and green in Sanemi’s lavender eyes.
“Too close,” Giyuu hissed, his body stiff as a wood plank.
“Sorry.” Sanemi popped his hands open, releasing his grip on Giyuu. “Why don’t we sit?”
Sanemi gestured toward their table. Giyuu sat across from Sanemi and shriveled behind his menu.
I guess those pills aren’t going to work.
Hehehehe.
Wait.
Did I just giggle?
===SANEMI===
“You enjoying your meal?” Sanemi asked.
Giyuu had changed.
Sanemi had noticed the shift as soon as he and Giyuu were seated at their table. Giyuu started smiling more. His shoulders weren’t crammed up to his ears. He wasn’t recoiling in fear every time Sanemi breathed in his direction.
“Yes, but I want some of that.” Giyuu leaned across the table and stabbed a chunk of crab on Sanemi’s plate. He used his tongue to scoop the nibble off his fork and into his mouth.
In fact, through the first half of dinner, Giyuu had been downright sociable, asking questions, providing multiple word answers, giggling and grinning like an idol group member. It was like he had been possessed by an entirely new personality. The Giyuu sitting in front of Sanemi right now was the polar opposite of the sweating, quaking ball of nerves who was in the taxi with him a mere twenty minutes ago.
“Oh my god!” Giyuu straightened, his eyes suddenly bright as moons. “This is really good.” He stabbed another bite and leaned across the table. “Your turn. Come on. Ahhhhh!” Giyuu sent his fork towards Sanemi’s mouth.
Sanemi took the bite. “Why don’t you sit?”
“Yes, dear.” Giyuu sat.
Yes dear? What the…
Sanemi chewed slowly and squinted at the man gleefully hacking his steak into pea-sized bites. Giyuu had barely touched his wine. His eyes didn’t look particularly glazed or dilated. He wasn’t slurring his words. He hadn’t gone to the restroom or stepped away for some made-up reason. It seemed unlikely that Giyuu had taken any mind-altering drugs, but Sanemi couldn’t come up with a better explanation for Giyuu’s abrupt Jeckyll and Hyde transformation.
Maybe I’m overthinking this.
Sanemi gulped down the rest of his beer. Regardless of what caused the change, Sanemi decided this might be his chance to talk to Giyuu. To tell him how he felt about him in high school. To ask him why he didn’t come to the bike racks that day.
Sanemi smiled at Giyuu. Giyuu leaned his face in his hand and smiled back.
“Listen, Tomioka. There’s something—“
“You’re pretty,” Giyuu said, stirring demi-glace around his plate with his knife.
The comment derailed Sanemi’s brain. “Uh. Excuse me?”
Giyuu brought the sauce covered knife to his mouth and stroked the length of his tongue with it. “Mmm. Tasty.”
Sanemi’s mouth dropped open. He blinked a few times, checked his environs, pinched his leg.
Nope. Not a dream.
“Are you okay, Giyuu? Your mood’s taken a bit of a 180.”
“I’m good. I’m better than good. I’m……..”
“You’re…?”
“Hmm?”
“You didn’t finish…” Sanemi looked at Giyuu – his attention was already lost to passing servers. “Nevermind. Tomioka, there’s something I want to ask—“
“Ooooo! What’s that? I want that.” Giyuu stood up, a moth drawn to the flambé at the next table.
Sanemi leapt out of his seat and guided Giyuu back into his. “You wanted to have hot cocoa, right? Let’s save room for that.”
“Cocoa? Yay!” Giyuu clapped happily.
Sanemi grabbed Giyuu’s hands. “Shhhh! Let’s keep our voices down, huh?”
“Am I being loud?” Giyuu said, his voice bouncing off the far wall.
“Okay, I think maybe it’s time to leave.”
Sanemi dug his wallet out of his back pocket. Sanemi had been on enough dates to recognize a disaster waiting to happen. If he didn’t get new Giyuu out of the restaurant soon, a few security guards would likely show up to do the job for him.
“Let’s go,” he said, getting up from his chair.
Giyuu pouted. “But I’m not done with my dinner. Or am I…??” He narrowed his eyes at the Stonehenge of steak cubes he’d constructed on his plate.
Sanemi lifted Giyuu up by the elbow. “You’re done. Come on.” He led Giyuu out of the restaurant. Giyuu followed behind, jaunty as a puppy.
“Okay, dear,” Giyuu chirped.
Again with the ‘dear.’ What is up with him?
Sanemi took long strides toward the elevator and muttered expletives under his breath. Nothing was going as planned. In one way or another, Giyuu was making normal conversation impossible. Sanemi began to wonder if he should just give up. Was this really that important? Did any of this matter? Maybe he was the only one who still gave a shit. Judging by Giyuu’s behavior so far that evening, he was.
Sanemi whacked the elevator button with the side of his fist.
Damn it. I don’t care if he doesn’t care. I want my answer.
Sanemi spun around, “Listen, Tomioka. I-“ Giyuu wasn’t there. Sanemi looked around. Then down.
Giyuu was bent into a right angle, his face at Sanemi’s butt crack level. “God, you have a nice ass. I mean, it’s seriously nice. Like how do you get your butt cheeks so round?” Giyuu grabbed those ripe melons, one in each hand, and squeezed. “Oh my god! They’re so hard too!”
The elevator doors slid open. Sanemi plucked Giyuu’s hands away and shoved him in the elevator. “What are you doing?”
“What?”
“You were just groping my ass.”
Giyuu gasped. “Is that bad?”
“Well, it’s not so great to do in public.”
“Ohhh. I see.” Giyuu nodded like an enlightened Buddha. “Can I touch them again? They’re really hard.”
Sanemi’s cheeks turned red. “What’s gotten into you? You’re acting so strange.”
“I feel great. I’ve never been better. In fact, you know what?“ Giyuu grabbed Sanemi by the tie and yanked him kissing close. “I think we should name them.”
“Name what?”
“Your butt cheeks. What do you think of Yuri and Victor?”
The elevator opened up to the ground floor. Sanemi loosened Giyuu’s grip on his tie. “Jeezus, enough about my ass.” Sanemi took Giyuu’s hand and pulled him out of the elevator. “Are you high or something?”
“Noooo! Of course.”
Sanemi stopped. “Wait. Which is it?”
“Which is what?”
Sanemi tugged Giyuu closer, whispered. “Did you take any drugs before our date?”
“Oh. That. Yeah. Just something to settle my nerves.”
“What was it called?”
Giyuu took the packet of pills out of his pocket. “These.” He kissed the packet, dangled it in front of Sanemi. “Want one?”
“Let me see them.” Sanemi reached for the packet it.
Giyuu yanked it out of reach and spun around. “Nope. Can’t have one.” He danced in place. “Can’t have it, can’t have it…”
Sanemi pointed at Giyuu’s chest. “Oh, look, you spilled something on your shirt.”
Giyuu stopped, looked down. “Oh no! Where?”
Sanemi yoinked the packet out of Giyuu’s hand.
“Hey! Give that back!” Giyuu threw sloppy punches at Sanemi. Sanemi planted his hand on Giyuu’s face and held him at arm’s length.
Sanemi read the packet. He grabbed Giyuu’s hand again and dragged him out of the building and into a nearby alleyway. He kabedon’ed Giyuu next to a street lamp.
“Tomioka, this is cannabis. You’re high as a fucking kite.”
“You’re fucking kite as a high!” Giyuu retorted.
“Come on. I need to get you home.” Sanemi herded Giyuu down the alleyway. Giyuu squirmed away.
“I don’t wanna.” He crossed his arms like a petulant child.
“You’re in no condition to be running around the city.” Sanemi held out his hand. “Here. Take my hand.”
“No.”
“It’s for your own safety.”
“Turn around,” Giyuu commanded.
“You’re not going to name my butt cheeks again, are you?”
“Oh! Good idea.” Giyuu skipped towards Sanemi’s backside. Sanemi looped his arm around Giyuu’s waist to keep him from moving.
“Enough of that. Just come with me, okay?” Sanemi said.
“On one condition.” Giyuu slid his arms around Sanemi’s neck.
“What’s that?”
“Turn around.”
“Goddamn it.”
“Pleeeeeeaaase.”
“No!”
Giyuu sat down in the middle of the alleyway. “Then I’m not going.”
“Fine.” Sanemi presented his backside to Giyuu. “There. Now let’s go.”
A split second later, Giyuu had flung himself on to Sanemi’s back. Sanemi stumbled forward, but managed to stay upright.
“Jeezus, Giyuu! You gotta warn me if you’re going to do that!”
“Roppongi station, please!” Giyuu shouted, pointing in the wrong direction.
Sanemi started walking down that dim alleyway with this baked boy humming happily on his back. Nothing about this evening was what Sanemi expected, much less planned, and Giyuu had been a grand pain in the ass the entire time. But Sanemi liked this moment. It was unexpected; it was intimate. Giyuu’s chest pressed against his back, his legs resting against his waist, his hot breath condensing on his neck – Sanemi had fantasized about a moment like this dozens of times in high school. It was as magical as Sanemi had imagined. Almost.
If only he weren’t stoned out of his mind…
Sanemi felt Giyuu’s hands sneak into his hair. “Soft.” Giyuu stuck his nose in, sniffed. “Mmmm.”
“What do you think you’re doing, dumbass?”
“Are you having fun, Sanemi?” Giyuu asked.
“After a fashion. I know it’s only because you’re high, but at least you seem to like me now.”
“Oh, I’ve liked you since high school, dummy.”
“What?” Sanemi stopped in his tracks.
“I had the BIGGEST crush on you back then. That’s why I puked on you that day. I was SOOOO nervous trying to talk to you. Do you remember that? Do you remember the barf? It was SOOOOO. SOOOOOO… …hehe barf.”
“You had a crush on me?”
“Mmmhmm. Big one. I’m sleepy. Can I sleep here? I wanna sleep here.” Giyuu nuzzled his head in the crook of Sanemi’s neck, then slid his hands down Sanemi’s chest. “Ooooo. Pecs. They’re hard. Like your butt. Can I name these, too?”
Sanemi chuckled and started walking again. “You can do whatever you want.”
He likes me. This dumbass actually likes me.
===GIYUU===
The first thing Giyuu became aware of was existence. He thought, therefore, he concluded, he was. The details of that existence, however, arrived in his mind slowly, and in wildly random order.
Head throbbing. In bed. Whose? Sunlight – is it morning? Mouth pasty, very very pasty. Body, tired, heavy. Can barely move. Do I have eyes? Yes. Open them for answers.
Giyuu’s eyelids felt like sacks of quarters. He had to rally all his strength to lift them and will sight to his eyes. He managed to get one eye open and operating, and the very first thing he saw was Sanemi lying on his side, head propped on his hand, looking disturbingly calm and aggressively attractive.
Giyuu walked tentative fingers toward Sanemi’s face. He patted Sanemi’s cheek, lightly pinched his nose.
He’s real alright.
Oh shit.
He’s real.
Close eyes to disappear.
Sanemi rustled Giyuu’s hair. “Good morning,” he said.
Giyuu pulled his puffy white comforter over his head. “It’s morning?” he asked, his voice muffled by the blankets.
“Yes.” Sanemi yanked the mound of covers back down. “How are you feeling?”
Giyuu yanked them back up. “Um. Question.”
“Hmm?”
“What the hell happened? Why are you here, in my bedroom, lying in my bed?”
Sanemi peeled the covers away from Giyuu’s face and held them down. “I took you home, you fucking pothead.”
Giyuu groaned. “That’s what those pills were?”
“Yeah. You didn’t know?”
“No.” Giyuu covered his face with his hands. “Did I make a complete ass of myself?”
“Yes.” Sanemi said. “But an adorable one.” Sanemi crawled a hand across Giyuu’s naked abs.
“Eeep!” Giyuu curled up like a pill bug dragging the covers with him and leaving Sanemi completely exposed. Giyuu poked his face out and immediately gaped at what he saw. He burned lava hot and turned just as red.
“You…you’re n-naked,” Giyuu stammered.
Sanemi drunk in an eyeful of Giyuu. Balled up as he was in his mound of white blankets with only the essentials of his face showing, Giyuu looked like a massive blue-eyed snowball.This doof, I want to kiss him so bad. “You’re naked, too. Mostly,” Sanemi replied.
Giyuu’s face disappeared into his snowball. A quick self-assessment revealed he was wearing nothing but his briefs. An electric emotion residing somewhere between panic and excitement zotted through Giyuu’s whole body. His face reappeared. “Did we…you know…do…stuff?”
“No, we didn’t. I was a perfect gentleman. Although…” Sanemi tried to dig Giyuu out of hiding. Giyuu burrowed further in. “It was extremely hard to behave myself.” Sanemi found Giyuu’s feet and unwound him out of his pill bug position. He flopped on top of him before he could roll back up.
Giyuu’s head was spinning, his mind struggled to grasp the very sexy, very naked reality that had just plopped on top of him. Panic shimmied up Giyuu’s spine, flailed his limbs, set his mouth on babble.
“Well I don’t want to keep you any longer I’m sure you’ve got other clients and things to do much more important than this and our date ended like ages ago I’m sure and I can’t really afford all the hours you’ve been with me and I mean how long have we been together? Seven, eight hours?”
“Fourteen.”
“Fourteen!?” Giyuu sat bolt upright, head butting Sanemi and ejecting Sanemi off the bed in the process. “I can’t afford that! What the hell time is it right now?”
“Fuck.” Sanemi rubbed his forehead. “Nine a.m. And I’ve been off the clock since I brought you home. Now…” He straddled Giyuu’s legs and pinned his shoulders to the headboard. “Listen, I need to talk to you about something you said last night.”
“Oh. Oh no. Was it bad? It was probably bad. I’m sorry. Whatever it was I’m sure I didn’t mean it. I was clearly under the influence and wasn’t in my right mind and--.”
Sanemi slapped a hand over Giyuu’s mouth. “I need you to shut up for two seconds. Can you do that?”
Giyuu nodded.
Sanemi removed his hand from Giyuu’s mouth and placed his index finger under Giyuu’s chin. He looked into Giyuu’s eyes with a gaze that was both tender and direct, that demanded answers and wouldn’t settle for lies.
“You said you like me. You said you’ve had a crush on me since high school. Is that true?” Sanemi asked.
“Uh. Um. Well…” Giyuu tried to turn his face away. Sanemi wouldn’t let him.
“Do you like me?”
“This is kinda, I mean, with you sitting on me, naked, and I, also …”
Sanemi leaned in close, his lips a flirty inch from Giyuu’s. “Do you like me, Giyuu?”
“And my mouth – tastes like something died in there.”
“Answer the goddamn question,” Sanemi whispered.
Giyuu sighed. How did he end up here, he wondered, in this surreal scene? In this moment he had fantasized about an abundance of times in high school, even numerous times since, a moment he deemed impossible, a joy fate wouldn’t allow? What were the key actions he took - or didn’t take – that resulted in this turn of events?
And why am I so afraid now that it has?
Giyuu felt his body tremble. He felt his stomach begin to clench.
Why am I so afraid...?
Oh right. Because…
“Yes. I like you,” Giyuu finally answered.
And that shit’s scary.
A smile bloomed on Sanemi’s face. “Good.” He kissed Giyuu gently on the lips, caressed his cheek. “Go take a shower. We’re going to have a proper Christmas date.”
Sanemi released Giyuu and hopped off the bed. He puts his pants on.
“But we already had our date. And I can’t afford-“
“Giyuu,” Sanemi interrupted.
“Yes?”
“Get ready.” Sanemi grabbed the rest of his clothes and left the room.
Giyuu flopped on to his side and gathered the covers around him. His cheeks were burning, his heart was racing. He shivered with glee.
What’s happening? Why is it happening?
Giyuu didn’t have any answers, and he wasn’t sure he needed any. Whatever this was, it was medicine for his soul. He couldn’t remember the last time he smiled this helplessly.
“I said get ready!” Sanemi yelled from the other room.
Giyuu startled so bad he tumbled out of bed like a flipped pancake and landed SPLAT on the floor. “Okay!” He crawled to the bathroom.
Why don’t I feel queasy anymore?
===SANEMI===
This is the best date I’ve ever been on.
Sanemi brought two hot cocoas to the bench where Giyuu was sitting. He handed one to him. “Careful. It’s hot.”
He took the paper cup, his eyes growing wide at the mountain of marshmallow and whipped cream speckled with chocolate bits that topped the warm, creamy liquid below. “This looks sooo good!” He tried to go in for a sip, but ended up with a dollop of whipped cream on his nose. His eyes crossed at it. “Oh shoot.”
Sanemi wiped the dot of whipped cream off Giyuu’s nose with his index finger and licked it. “Dumbass.” He grinned and handed Giyuu a spoon.
Giyuu returned the smile, his cheeks growing warmer than his cocoa. “Thanks.”
“You’re welcome.”
Sanemi had been on hundreds of dates with all kinds of people. He’d gone to the fanciest restaurants, the most popular clubs, the most exclusive bars. He’d taken the train to faraway cities, even jetted to nearby islands for weekend getaways. In terms of activities, this date couldn’t compare. All they had done was grab a couple of katsu sandwiches for breakfast, take a stroll along the Meguro River, and stop at this café for hot chocolate. It was resolutely ordinary, even dull by most standards.
But none of those exciting adventures ever filled his stomach with butterflies or melted his insides as much as seeing this sexy geek get giddy over a hot cocoa and give himself a whipped cream mustache with every sip.
Giyuu poked the staring Sanemi with a friendly elbow. “You better drink yours before it gets cold.”
He snapped out of his reverie. “Right.” He scooped a tunnel through his marshmallows and whipped cream, then dove in for a sip.
“That’s really good,” he said, a smudge of chocolate now adorning his cheek.
Giyuu giggled. “You have chocolate on your cheek.”
Sanemi raised his hand to wipe it. Giyuu blocked it. He wiped the chocolate off Sanemi’s cheek with a gentle finger, then licked it. “Who’s the dumbass now?”
Sanemi’s heart did somersaults. “Stop being so fucking cute.”
Giyuu scooted closer to Sanemi, leaned his head on Sanemi’s shoulder. “No.”
Sanemi slid his hand on top of Giyuu’s and grabbed. “Is this okay?”
“Mmhm.” Giyuu grabbed back.
Sanemi glanced down at their clasped hands.
Best. Date. Ever.
===SANEGIYUU===
“You must think I’m easy, bringing me to your place already,” Giyuu quipped as Sanemi led him to his apartment.
“Well, I have seen you naked.” Sanemi grinned. He opened the door and gestured for Giyuu to enter.
Roses bloomed on Giyuu’s cheeks. “There were extenuating circumstances, your honor.”
“I’d like to review the evidence again,” Sanemi whispered, his lips tickling Giyuu’s ear.
Sanemi took Giyuu’s hand and led him into the living room. Giyuu shuffled behind him in socked feet and let his eyes brazenly roam the room. The space was tidier and more stylish than he expected, but the decor seemed appropriately masculine - black leather couch, mahogany entertainment center, plain gray drapes. Not a single frill or pop of cute in sight.
“Your place is very manly,” Giyuu remarked.
“You insulting my decor?” Sanemi side eyed Giyuu.
“I don’t do insults on the first date.”
“It’s our second date.”
“Can we not count last night? I was…not my best self,” Giyuu asked.
“When you name your date’s butt cheeks, it counts as a date.” Sanemi sat Giyuu on the couch. “Wait here and close your eyes. I’ll be right back.”
Giyuu’s eyes popped wide in surprise. “Wait. I did what?”
“Close your eyes.”
Giyuu closed his eyes. “Did I pick good names at least?”
“They were lame. But better than what you named my pecs.”
“I named your pecs?!” Giyuu sighed. “Who was I?”
“It was cute.”
Giyuu heard the fridge open then the rustling of paper, then one or two swears whispered softly at objects that weren’t fully cooperating with commands.
A moment later, Sanemi was sitting next to Giyuu on the couch. He placed something in Giyuu’s lap.
“Okay. Open your eyes,” Sanemi instructed.
Giyuu opened his eyes and immediately saw the familiar gift box – lapis blue with white snowflakes. “This looks just like-“
“It is that box. I took it from your apartment.”
“What? Why?” Giyuu asked.
“Look inside.”
Giyuu carefully lifted the lid off the box. What he saw inside made his heart stop. His mouth dropped open. His hands began to shake.
“Red and green Christmas dorayaki,” Giyuu said, gently cradling one in his hand. He looked up at Sanemi. “Were you...?”
“The one who left it in your locker Christmas senior year? Yeah. That was me.”
Giyuu examined the dorayaki more closely. “I don’t believe it. But, how else could you know?” He looked up at Sanemi. “Why in the world didn’t you leave a note?”
“I did.”
“There was no note.”
“I’m sure I left one.”
“You must’ve forgotten to include it.”
“I didn’t. I put it right on top.”
“Did you tape it on?”
“No, I didn’t think I needed to.”
“You should’ve taped it. It probably fell off. I mean, if you actually remembered to include it.”
“I REMEMBERED TO INCLUDE THE DAMN NOTE!”
Giyuu giggled like a mischievous toddler. “You’re easy to agitate,” he said, playfully poking Sanemi in the chest.
Sanemi sneered, poked back. “You’re an effective irritant.”
“So, what did the note say?” Giyuu asked.
Sanemi looked down at his hand and tangled their fingers together. “I asked you to meet me by the bike racks. I planned to confess.”
“Wait. What? Really? You liked me back then?”
“I was kinda crazy about you.”
Giyuu gaped at Sanemi in disbelief. “Really? Me? No way. But you were so popular, and I was such a hopeless dweeb.”
“That’s what I liked about you. That, and your blue-eyes.” He let his fingers skate down Giyuu’s chest, his abs. “And your other attributes.”
Giyuu blushed. Then concern washed across his face. “I never showed up at the bike racks!”
“No, you didn’t.”
“You must’ve hated me.”
“I wanted to. I tried to.” He caressed Giyuu’s cheek. “But you’re kinda hard to hate.”
Giyuu wrapped himself around Sanemi. “I’m so sorry.”
“You better be, idiot.” Sanemi kissed his neck.
“That gift kinda saved me, you know.” He stroked Sanemi’s hair. “It made me feel special. I always wished it was for me. If only I had known that it was.”
“Weird how a single slip of paper created all that angst,” Sanemi mused.
“If only you had remembered to include a note.”
“I INCLUDED A-“
Giyuu kissed him. Smiled. “Thank you. This is the best Christmas I’ve ever had.”
“We’re just getting started,” Sanemi said with a grin. He kissed Giyuu as he crawled on top of him.
It didn’t happen at all the way Giyuu expected. None of his well-laid plans came to pass. Events - even he himself – failed to comply with the fantasies rehearsed ad infinitum in his mind. On top of it all, he had made a grand ass of himself in front of the one person he wanted to impress. Giyuu could very accurately say everything went wrong that Christmas. But as he let himself dissolve into Sanemi’s passion on that black leather couch, in that warm apartment, on that snowy day, he knew everything was right.
“Merry Christmas, Sanemi,” Giyuu whispered.
“Shut up and let me bone you,” Sanemi whispered back.
And indeed, they had a very, very, very merry Christmas.