Chapter Text
“Wait, hang on - did we say we were looking for a boy or a girl?”
Ianto resisted the urge to roll his eyes at yet another question from Jack and tried to steel himself for how awkward this meeting was going to be.
Yesterday, after deciding on their plan, Gwen had helped Ianto and Jack forge their own fake identities, down to every last detail. And Ianto had hated it.
(“Why don’t we just go as Ifan and Ken again?” Jack had asked, standing close but not too near to where Ianto was. “It would make sense. We have the fake documents from Serenity Plaza already made.”
“No,” Ianto had responded, shaking his head quickly. “No. I’m not - it’s different, this time. I can’t pretend to be Ifan any longer. He feels… too far away.”
Jack had given him a pained, longing look that Ianto had shied away from, and that was the end of that.)
“We decided we didn’t mind. We’re going to go in with our eyes open and see what feels right,” Ianto explained.
Jack nodded and looked up at the sign above the doorway to the building they were waiting outside. The Coffee Beans, it read, and Ianto wasn’t surprised to see Jack next check his watch for the time.
“And we’ve been married for two years, yes?” Jack said, looking thoughtful. “Are you sure that’s what we agreed? It’s not very long, seeing as we’re looking for kids.”
“Two years, Jack, and we’re technically not married. We got a civil partnership in January 2005, a couple of months after they were legalised,” Ianto reminded him, trying not to wince at the reality of how discriminated same-sex marriages still were. Despite having known he was attracted to men for a long while, Ianto hadn’t ever had a serious enough relationship with a man to even have considered marriage before - and certainly not marriage with Jack. Civil partnerships were a step forwards, of course, but Ianto had still felt something uncomfortable sitting in his stomach when they were putting their fake identities together as he realised the reality and challenges their characters would’ve had to face.
Jack let out a loud sigh. “This planet is still so backwards ,” he grumbled. “And anyway, how come you’re able to remember all these details so easily?”
Ianto tapped his head twice. “Eidetic memory, remember?”
Jack twisted his head suddenly to look at Ianto. “No? You’ve never told me that.”
Ianto made a noncommittal noise and continued scanning the crowds of people. “Didn’t I? Must’ve forgotten to mention it.”
They stood silently for a few minutes, air awkward around them. Ianto kept his nerves in check, praying that this experience wouldn’t be completely and utterly humiliating for him.
“What was the woman’s name again, who we’re meeting?” Jack suddenly asked, and Ianto turned to glare at him.
Before he could answer, a tinkling laugh sounded from next to them, and they both turned their heads to look at a short, widely grinning woman. Her smile lit up her face, immediately inducing a smile on both Jack and Ianto’s faces as they took in her appearance. As in the photo Tosh had found on the St David’s website, the woman looked to be in her mid forties, laugh lines just beginning to show over her round face. Her eyes were dark yet wide and inviting, darker hair flying loose in curled rings that framed her face. She had a blue jacket over her pink shirt and a matching skirt too.
“Nervous, much?” she asked, her voice bubbly and warm as she looked between the two men. “Meagan Robson, if you needed reminding. I presume I’m talking to Jack and Ianto Davies?”
Still wondering if the decision to keep their first names was a good idea, Ianto stuck out his hand and shook Meagan’s, making eye contact. “Ianto Davies - it’s a pleasure to meet you.”
When Ianto let go, Jack did the same. “Jack Davies. You don’t know how excited we are to finally have set this meeting up!”
He put on one of his charming grins, dropping Meagan’s hand and opting to take Ianto’s instead. Her eyes quickly flashed down to look at the intertwined hands, smiling back up at them.
“Shall we?” she asked, cocking her head towards the door. With his spare arm, Ianto reached across and opened the door, standing back to politely allow Meagan in first.
“How do you take your coffee?” Ianto asked as soon as they had sat down by a table. Meagan had chosen one in the corner, with a chair for her to sit at and opposite, a wider sofa that Jack and Ianto had taken.
“Milk, no sugar, dear,” she told him, and Ianto nodded. He walked towards the counter, glad to see that the cafe was almost empty at eleven in the morning. Placing their order, knowing Jack’s preference off by heart, he tipped the barista and walked back, having been told their coffees would be brought to them when they were done.
As he sat back down, he heard Meagan laugh at something and saw that Jack was wearing a pleased grin.
“So, Jack tells me you’re quite the coffee fiend, Ianto?” Meagan asked, a twinkle in her eye. Ianto glanced at Jack and saw his far-too-innocent expression.
“What’s he been telling you?” He glared, remembering to add an amused smile onto his face to perfect his act.
“All good things, I promise,” Meagan said unconvincingly. “So, tell me about yourselves! Jobs, marriage, pets?”
Ianto looked at Jack, who inched his head a fraction, which Ianto took to mean he should speak first. “Well,” he began. “Jobs, I suppose. I teach English and history to secondary school students at a school on the outskirts of the city.”
“A teacher?” Meagan prompted, almost as if she hadn’t read their application, which had already listed this information. “Do you enjoy it?”
“Love it,” Ianto lied but smiled. “I adore working with children and always knew I wanted to teach. As I got older, I didn’t think there’d be much chance of having my own kids,” he said, glancing quickly at Jack. “So teaching was always going to be the next best thing.”
Meagan gave him an understanding smile, reaching over to squeeze his hand. “But now you’re here,” she reassured him.
“Now I am, indeed,” he replied, her own bubble of happiness once again feeling quite infectious.
“And you, Jack? Your file said you were retired?”
“A retired American pilot,” he explained, and Meagan eyed up his coat. “Only recently, though. Being away for so long at a time was… difficult, especially after we got married. And while I love my job, staying at home to look after a kid or two would be worth the sacrifice, I’m sure.”
“If you’re thinking that you’re gonna have more time on your hands, I’d have to tell you otherwise,” Meagan joked, laughing along with the two men. “A pilot and a school teacher. What brought you together?”
Jack turned to look at Ianto, fixing him a soft smile. “Well, I was over in Wales for the job, having a weekend spare before I was to fly back home. It all felt very romantic, like a scene from a film set during World War Two, or something.”
He trailed off into a dramatically wistful look, and Ianto would’ve rolled his eyes at him if he hadn’t felt Meagan’s gaze set on the two of them.
“My squad and I were down at the local pub, enjoying a rare day off, and there he was,” Jack continued, turning to stare at Ianto. “I think ‘love at first sight’ would be a bit dramatic, but I abandoned my squad on the spot and spent the last few days I had off with him.”
Ianto knew Jack was good at telling stories but was still impressed with the embellishment Jack was adding to their simple ‘met when Jack was in the country, exchanged details and kept close contact’ story they had agreed on.
“We kept in contact after I moved back to the States, but after a few months, we both realised that we meant a lot more to the other than we’d originally thought. I applied for a move to the Welsh branch, and we pretty much moved in with each other there and then.”
Meagan’s grin was brilliant. “When did you decide to marry?”
“Well, we pretty much always knew it was something we wanted,” Ianto said, taking over. “We just had to wait to be legally allowed and arranged it as quickly as possible after that.”
“Small wedding? Or a big party?”
Ianto laughed. “No, just a small thing. Some family, my best man, and that was that.”
“Are you close with your family?”
Jack and Ianto both paused. “I don’t have much family,” Jack admitted, eyes suddenly far away. “I lost them all a long time ago.”
Meagan turned her sympathetic eyes towards him. “I’m sorry.”
“My mum died quite recently,” Ianto said, sharing his side of the story. “Dad a while back. But I have a sister - she’s married, and has just had her second child the other month.”
“I’m sorry for your losses,” Meagan said, sounding very sincere. Ianto felt uncomfortable thinking about his family. He’d avoided Rhiannon when she had called him the other day, instead listening to her voice message where she’d lamented how little of him she got to see these days. Ianto didn’t even want to begin thinking about what to tell her regarding his undead state.
“But it’s nice to have a sister, especially one who has kids already,” Meagan cut in, interrupting Ianto’s slowly spiralling thoughts. He caught himself and turned back to smile at her. “She can help you a lot with any questions or worries you might have. Plus, it would be nice for your child to grow up with cousins to get to know, too.”
Ianto’s collar suddenly felt tight as his brain latched onto the image of him and Jack standing on either side of a little boy, each holding onto a hand of his. His sister was there with Johnny and her kids, and she was smiling at him, the sight of him with his husband Jack not at all a bother to her. Jack would pull their child away, move to join Mica and David, and they’d jump on him and hug their uncle.
But that was all a messed up, impossible fantasy now. Even if he wasn’t technically dead, and could actually become a father, let alone be dating - no, married to Jack, there was no way he’d even want that kind of a life. He’d never really wanted kids - not since the day Lisa died and took with her all his hopes and dreams of a domestic, normal lifetime. Him and Jack may have previously been dating, and sure, they’d both admitted to loving the other, but Ianto would laugh if you suggested as wild a notion as marriage to them.
There was suddenly a hand pressing over his own, and Ianto turned his head to see Jack. Jack, who had questioning, worried eyes, and was looking at Ianto with the sort of care that a real husband might have for him.
Ianto pulled his hand away.
“It’s okay to be nervous or second guessing yourself,” Meagan spoke, breaking the silence that had fallen over the table. “This is where it all starts to suddenly get real. It’s okay if you need time to come to terms with everything.”
Ianto shook his head, thinking about the list of children who had all gone missing. “No. It’s okay, I just got caught up in my memories. I’m really excited for this.”
His grin must have been convincing enough, because Meagan beamed back at him once more and launched into another set of questions.
Almost an hour later, the trio stood outside the coffee shop, coats back on and coffees all drunk.
“So,” Ianto said, a little tired from the hour of socialisation. “It was lovely to meet you. I hope we hear back from you soon.”
“Oh, you will!” Meagan promised, putting her arms around Ianto in a quick hug. Ianto stood frozen even after she pulled back, turning to Jack instead, who laughed along and responded to the hug with a squeeze of his own.
“Great to talk,” Jack grinned, reaching down to link hands with Ianto.
“There was one last thing I wanted to ask you about,” Meagan started to say, her voice growing quieter.
Ianto frowned for a moment before he realised what she was likely to ask them. Gwen had thought it a good idea to put a little red herring into their records, something that would make their case seem imperfect and unsuspicious.
“It says here that you’ve already been rejected from one other adoption agency.”
“Ah, yes,” Jack said, his voice sounding strained. Ianto was once again impressed with his remorseful expression, having severely misjudged just how well his boss could act. “That. It’s… well, rather personal.”
“I promise it’s nothing bad, at least on our behalf,” Ianto cut in, feeling Jack’s hand squeeze tighter around his own. “It’s just… the other adoption centre we went to weren’t quite as… let’s say, open minded as you seem to be.”
“Oh,” Meagan said, realisation dawning on her face.
“Yeah. We should’ve brought it up earlier, I’m sorry, but it was just quite a painful experience, and we don’t like to think about it too much,” Jack continued to explain.
“Oh, not all, I understand exactly why you didn’t bring it up,” she said, reaching a hand to squeeze Jack’s shoulder. “Rest assured, St David’s doesn’t discriminate based on anything like the gender, or sexuality of a couple. We judge a family based on how happy they are, and I have it on good authority that you’ve definitely made a good impression today”
Ianto smiled thankfully at her, catching Jack’s eye. Jack continued to speak. “Wonderful. I take it you still have my number?”
“Of course,” Meagan nodded. “And your email too. We’ll get back to you within a few days, though I can’t see it taking too long to decide on you two.”
“In that case, I hope to see you soon,” Ianto finished, allowing Jack to put an arm around his waist.
With a wink, Meagan started to walk off, turning around to give them a quick wave before she turned the corner and headed into the car park. Jack immediately let out a relieved sigh, and his hand dropped down from Ianto’s back as if burnt. Ianto tried to pretend he didn’t miss it’s warmth.
“Well, I think we did okay there,” he said nervously, running a hand through his hair.
“Mhm,” Ianto agreed, letting his aching cheeks relax as he finally stopped smiling. “I need a walk.”
“Okay, do you want me to come with you?” Jack asked.
Ianto shook his head quickly. “No. I want to be alone, Jack.”
“Alright,” Jack said, still with the quiet, almost patronising tone. “Will you be coming back to the Hub afterwards?”
Ianto would’ve snorted if he could. “To do what, exactly?”
Jack bristled and glanced at him. “I don’t know, plan the next course of action for this case?” he suggested not unkindly. “Something that isn’t just sitting at home alone, feeling sorry for yourself?”
“Sorry for myself?” Ianto spluttered, voice rising. “I wasn’t the one who banned me from doing my job and made it quite clear that me being on this case was very much a last resort!”
Jack sighed and rolled his eyes, which did nothing to quell Ianto’s new-found temper. “Ianto, when are you going to understand that I’m doing this for your own good?”
“You’re giving me mixed messages, Jack! On the same day that you fire me and order me home, you tell me that you love me and even suggest that we can somehow still try to be together.”
Jack paused, and gave Ianto a lengthy, longing look. “Look, maybe I’m handling this entire situation wrong. But I’ve never had to deal with anything like this before. Just… just tell me what I’m doing wrong, Ianto, because I can’t learn if you keep everything internalized like this. Tell me what you want me to do, and I’ll do it.”
Ianto stood still for a minute, trying to make sense of his muddled thoughts. What did he want Jack to do?
“I want you to back off,” he finally decided, not looking into Jack’s eyes where he’d no doubt find pain. “We’ve just spent an hour pretending to be married and looking for kids together, when in reality we can’t stand next to each other for five minutes before breaking into argument.”
“Okay. Alright,” Jack said, sounding utterly resigned. “I’ll back off, I promise.”
“Good. Thank you.”
“But Ianto?” Jack quickly added, reaching out as if to hold Ianto, before he decided better of it and dropped his arm. “Even though you’re mad at me right now, I can’t help but love you. You’re never gonna accept it unless you let yourself believe that you’re worthy of love. I love you, Ianto.”
Ianto flicked his eyes up to Jack’s, somehow unable to believe the nerve of his boss. The man who’d just promised to do whatever Ianto wanted, agreed to back off, and then told him yet again that he loved him.
“Fuck off,” Ianto shot back, feeling his anger boil. “I’m gonna walk home now, and give myself a break from you and your bloody mixed messages.”
“They’re not mixed messages-” Jack tried to insist, but Ianto cut him off.
“They are when you just told me you’d back off, but two seconds later, you’re proclaiming your love for me!” he shouted, shoving his hands even deeper into his coat pockets.
There was a long pause.
“I’m sorry,” Jack finally said, and Ianto could once again see the depths of emotion that the man in front of him was struggling to cope with.
“I know. Me too,” Ianto said, shaking his head slightly. “I’m going home now. I’m sure you’ve got some Weevils to catch or reports to write.”
“Sure,” Jack agreed softly. “Stay safe, Ianto, and let me know when you get back.”
Ianto nodded once, and turned on his heels, eager for the fresh air and a chance to get his thoughts sorted in his head.