Chapter Text
Kallus was speechless.
The last thing he expected today was this.
Upon entering Lothal, he kept his distance from Zeb, not knowing if he wanted to be approached or not. Kallus was terrified of saying another thing to hurt him, and he didn’t know if their friendship was already gone. When Zeb came up to him, Kallus had no idea what his intentions were.
Turned out Zeb wanted to apologize. To actually apologize. While he struggled to find the right words, Zeb told him how he felt. Kallus knew he wasn’t lying based on how nervous he was. Kallus thought the most eventful thing in their conversation would be Zeb putting his hand on his shoulder, taking the initiative in their relationship for the first time.
Kallus didn’t know what kind of thinking Zeb did when he was on Lothal, but Kallus definitely did when he was on his own.
Kallus had wanted to do his own talking with him; he wanted Zeb back in his life. How he imagined how this conversation would start was where Kallus used to be lost. Thankfully, Zeb had made the first step.
Now it was Kallus’ turn.
He wasn’t going to lie to Zeb. This kind of confession was something he wanted to hear from Zeb, and was beyond happy he felt the same as him. But Kallus also understood the reality when this conversation was happening, and didn’t want it to go unnoticed.
There was a battle to fight, people to help. While Kallus would love to get lost in his reciprocated feelings, he also knew where he needed to stand.
“Zeb, I feel the same,” Kallus started, slightly smiling when he saw Zeb’s face light up. A relieved and shocked expression sat on his face, and Kallus considered maybe Zeb had no idea how he felt. Kallus had felt he was nothing but obvious, and Zeb didn’t feel the same. If anything, Kallus was expecting to have this conversation with Zeb.
Zeb looked like he wasn’t prepared for this response either. When he made his confession, he was wincing, preparing for immediate rejection.
“Wait, what?” Zeb vocalized, his words finally catching up to his reaction. Kallus gently smiled, wanting him to know how real his words were. He decided to get lost in Zeb’s gaze, just for a moment. The small distraction was what he needed.
While Kallus could tell Zeb was thrown for a loop, but at the same time felt stable in his own way. Ultimately, he felt like a force that wasn’t going anywhere, something that Kallus appreciated. Both of their running days were over. Kallus wanted to give Zeb as much as Zeb gave him.
The sudden rise and decay of a rebel voice snapped Kallus back to reality. While he’d love to stay in the bliss of the truth forever, Kallus had to remind both himself and Zeb of what was going on around them.
“But, we’re in the middle of trying to save a planet. Trust me, I want to continue talking about this, but it’s not the best time,” Kallus stated, breaking his eye contact with Zeb briefly.
The words sat with both of them, the brief silence balanced in the middle. The last thing Kallus said was a rejection. This was just putting the conversation on hold, waiting until they could both afford the time and the focus to talk about it. The back of Kallus' mind hoped Zeb understood, that he didn’t lash out and run away. However, Kallus knew those were just his anxieties talking and tried to tone them down the best he could.
“I just don’t want to die before this happens. I’ve lost Kanan,” Zeb paused, and Kallus looked up at him. Zeb’s face had softened slightly at the mention of Kanan, obviously still needing time to process what had happened. Hera had mentioned Kanan’s death on the way to Lothal, something Kallus didn’t expect. He understood how close the Ghost crew was, and he couldn’t even imagine how the loss of Kanan had devastated them. While they seemed alright on the surface level, Kallus wanted to give Zeb the time he needed.
“And I don’t want to lose you too,” Zeb finished, placing his remaining hand on Kallus’ shoulder. While he didn’t expect the gesture the first time, the second hand felt like a comfort.
Guess they both had the same fears.
Zeb had said it before but this only cemented his feelings. All this time, they both didn’t want to lose each other.
“I don’t want to lose you either. But we have to wait for now. Then we can talk,” Kallus caught himself, almost saying something else he wanted. But it wasn’t the time or the place. While they had found a secluded area, it wasn’t the most private place in the camp. They could still hear the bustle of others slowly growing, chatting about final plans regarding Lothal while the two of them were in their private world.
“Make sure to be back here then,” Zeb said, a hint of playfulness coming out. This side of Zeb was one Kallus was unfamiliar with nor expected after the emotional response he gave, but it made him smile. He played with the beatsa of their conversation, and it was cute. Zeb was cute.
“Meet you tonight then?” Kallus retorted, playing along. While Kallus was joking, he ultimately hoped he could be with Zeb at the end of this. That the two of them would make it out alive. The mission was already risky, and right now what they had was good. Kallus didn’t want to lose it. He didn’t want to lose him.
Zeb chuckled, soft and gruff. While the two had learned to grow vulnerable around each other in different ways, this softer version of Zeb wasn’t something he knew well. It felt genuine and real, no bars held and no need to impress or hide. And Kallus felt he was just beginning to learn this Zeb.
The two looked at each other with resolve sinking in, and Kallus felt the conversation was coming to a close. Kallus already felt at peace with how everything went.
However, Zeb decided to pull another unexpected stop, as if to seal the deal.
He pulled Kallus in for a hug, holding him tightly.
Kallus jumped at the sudden gesture, but quickly melted into the hug from memory. Zeb’s strong arms were more of a comfort than a fear, the feeling of them gently holding his back silencing any of Kallus’ anxieties. Kallus rested his head on the soft cloth of Zeb’s shirt in habit, taking the feeling of being held by Zeb once more. He always felt safe in Zeb’s grasp, and he had longed for his touch like this once again.
Kallus felt a lot more balanced, now that the two of them finally know how they feel about each other. He knew the conversation wasn’t over, leaving a residue of lingering thoughts. While they had both confessed, they hadn’t decided where this was going. There was still more talking to be had, but for now Kallus felt comfortable with Zeb.
The two stood hugging for a while, letting their emotions wash over them and settle out. Any remaining tension had dissolved, and Kallus finally felt at peace in the moment. While the wind whipped at their backs and the voices of others were still prominent, for once he didn’t care. He didn’t even care if they got caught; almost everyone knew they were friends anyway. He was just happy to be with Zeb. Happy to have him back.
The growing calls of the rebels to gather everyone together was what finally broke their touch. They both knew the responsibilities they needed to take care of, and how willinging they were to do them. Kallus met eyes with Zeb once more, and the two of them smiled in unison, now knowing the feelings they both shared.
Kallus could finally say with confidence that Zeb was not going anywhere. And neither was he.
- - -
The familiar glow of night had washed over Lothal, except this time a sense of glory joined the scenery. The rebels had eliminated the Imperial Dome from Lothal, in turn freeing the people of the planet and resulting in a massive rebel victory.
Kallus was incredibly proud of the work he did, feeling liberated that he had finally driven out the people that had oppressed him for so long. And it felt good, finally giving the Empire the taste of their own medicine.
The mission had not been easy though, and sacrifices were made. Ezra had taken himself with Thrawn, giving the rebels very little hint of where he could be. They didn’t even know if he was dead or alive. The Ghost crew had stood appalled at Ezra’s sacrifice, taking the moment just to let the loss sink in. While they had pulled themselves together to finish the mission, the recovery afterwards was silence. No one in the rebel cell had lost hope, but the shock still stuck with them.
There was another moment, a moment that ran through Kallus’ head all the way back to the base when the mission concluded. When trying to destroy the dome, Kallus traveled to the shield generator to protect the people with a handful of rebels, including Zeb. However, at the appearance of Thrawn’s personal assassin, Zeb decided to throw himself into the fray to protect the others.
The second Zeb sprinted to enter the action, every moment spent with Zeb flashed in front of Kallus. It was a chance at losing him, a chance to not finally tell him exactly how he felt. It terrified him, so much so that Kallus’ usually composed self had shouted and reached for Zeb. But he didn’t listen. After spending time thinking about the moment, Kallus didn’t hold it against him. Ultimately, Zeb’s risk proved helpful to the rebels and was a key part in the destruction of the Dome. But the unbridled action had scared him all the same.
That evening, the rebels were doing anything except winding down. The party music ran rampant through the streets of Lothal, and the rebel base was no exception. The rebels were involved with each other, telling tales of where they were at during the base or just celebrating the victory, enjoying the moment of pure happiness. Those who hadn’t even spoken before the events of the day were chatting, arms wrapped around each other as if they had known each other for rotations.
Zeb and Kallus decided to spend the night differently. When the festivities began, the two got subtly involved, eventually finding their way to each other. It was Zeb who proposed they moved away from the others, slightly smirking at the suggestion. Both excitement and anxiety ran through Kallus, knowing what was to come and was incredibly impatient for it.
Eventually, Zeb found a secluded area near the edge of the base laced with rolling hills and small rock formations. They sat close together with backs to the party, staring at the gentle scenery and peaceful moonlight. Another night spent with Zeb, just the two of them. No distracting bustle or creeping anxiety.
As if in new tradition, Kallus scooted closer to Zeb and rested his head on his shoulder. No surprise was received from the gesture, only the calm steady breathing from the Lasat. In a silent response, Zeb rested his head atop of Kallus’, and Kallus felt their blanket of safety snug around them.
Everything slowed; the elation of the victory had worn off and was replaced with peace. Kallus was exactly where he wanted to be, with Zeb after the battle. It almost didn’t feel real, that Kallus was actually with the rebels who were now succeeding, and with someone he actually cared about in ways he felt deeply.
Love was a word Kallus knew he felt regarding Zeb, but understood the weight of it. He wasn’t sure whether to offer it to Zeb in this moment between the two of them. It was something he was careful to admit to himself until recently. Zeb’s absence was what pushed him to the realization, the pain of unintentionally hurting him becoming too overbearing to label as just feelings. While Kallus had an urge to impulsively admit it, the majority of his thoughts were holding himself back. Just wanting to be at peace with Zeb.
Zeb was the first to break the silence. “So what do we want to talk about?” The deep vibrating of Zeb’s voice above Kallus was comforting, only serving Kallus to fall deeper into Zeb’s touch. The question felt self-explanatory, an answer they both silently knew but were waiting for the other to confirm.
“Isn’t it obvious?” Kallus slipped, tone slightly snarky and humorous. It wasn’t the most appropriate time for a joke, but Zeb still chuckled. He wanted Zeb to know what he was getting into, and while Zeb knew Kallus’ humor, he didn’t know it like the back of his hand. Not yet anyway.
“So I’m really going to have to deal with this now?” Zeb reciprocated with an equal amount of sarcasm. It was Kallus’ turn to laugh, enjoying the small banter between them. It was nice to have this back again, to have these kinds of conversations feel natural.
Kallus knew where the conversation needed to go, and exactly where he wanted it to go. When the residuals of laughter had settled, Kallus gently veered the tone a different direction.
“So what are we doing? About us?”
The question sat in the air, the both of them taking it in. Kallus was worried that the final part of his statement was said too soon. They had become us, not just Kallus and Zeb. They had gone in too deep for the two of them to be addressed separately was how Kallus saw it. But the last thing he wanted was Zeb to get afraid again, to back out this far into all of this. Kallus didn’t want to scare him, but he wanted Zeb to know what he would like out of this.
“I think I want to be with you, if you’ll let me,” Zeb stated, words coming out slow but decisive.
If you’ll let me. It sounded like an unnecessary precaution, an unneeded buffer. Kallus almost scoffed, wanting to tell Zeb not to be scared, that he barely knew what he was doing too. He held himself back though, just to the point of necessity.
“Of course I’ll let you Zeb, that’s not even a question,” Kallus didn’t miss a beat, not wanting Zeb to doubt himself.
“So we’re doing this?” Zeb asked in disbelief, tone lowering as if his words were to himself.
Kallus gently slid his head from underneath Zeb’s and lifted it up to face him. Zeb’s expression was nervous but excited, the corners of his mouth tilting up slightly and eyes shining warmly. But he looked ready.
“Yes we are,” Kallus responded, borderlining a whisper. He smiled back at Zeb, whose features were growing more soft, any kind of edge disappearing.
So it was official. They were together.
Even though no one else knew, the finality of being together sat with the two of them. It wasn’t a bad feeling in the slightest; all the confused and overthinking had finally come to a resolution. Everything around Kallus felt like a comfort, from the gentle breeze brushing past them to Zeb’s steadily breathing body next to him.
Zeb looked to be just at peace as Kallus was. The two were locked in eye contact, faces close but not touching, and it felt anything but pressured. Kallus was just enjoying the view, studying the Lasat that was now his. Kallus wasn’t used to the thought, but knew he would be soon.
Kallus’ thoughts wandered while looking at Zeb, to something he hadn’t considered to be reality until now. Kallus’ choices rolled in his mind, wondering if he should make the move that rarely graced his thoughts but knew it was something he wanted. He barely considered it before due to the state the two of them were in and how unlikely Kallus felt it was, but the more Kallus got lost in Zeb’s gaze, the heavier the option weighed.
Then he decided to take the plunge.
“Can I kiss you?” Kallus asked, the question leaving his body softly.
Zeb’s response was immediate and effortless. “Yes.”
The two leaned in until their foreheads bumped gently against each other, Zeb’s hand moving to cradle Kallus’ face. He slightly leaned into Zeb’s touch, comforting and warm. Kallus met eyes with Zeb one more time, just to make sure he was alright. He looked ready for this, looking back at Kallus with equal warmth.
Then they fully leaned in, lips finally touching.
The kiss was soft; amateur but not awkward. Kallus’ eyes gently closed, becoming fully lost in Zeb’s touch. His thoughts barely whispered, nerves declining the deeper they got. It felt nothing but right, intimate, and needed.
Eventually, Zeb was the first to break away for air, as the two had fully lost regard for their surroundings. However, they still stayed close, not wanting to fully leave the intimacy. Kallus had kissed him, and the two were actually together. A soft wave of excitement washed over Kallus, the feelings gently cracking through a soft smile.
“What are you smiling about?” Zeb asked gently with a tinge of playfulness.
“You,” Kallus knew the line was unoriginal as it left him, but it was only the truth. All he could think about was Zeb, both with him next to him and the times they would have together.
Zeb chuckled, not rejecting the line. In response, this time he rested his head on Kallus’ shoulder. “This seems to be our thing now,” Kallus commented, voice quiet but getting another soft laugh out of Zeb. Kallus then rested his head on top of Zeb’s, now accepting the new tradition.
The silence settled between them once more, each moment becoming increasingly more comfortable. Kallus let his eyes scan the rolling hills of Lothal, the speckled stars meeting the horizon, the small rock formations jutting from the ground. While the land was vast, it was homey. Something Kallus knew he now had.
The idea of love graced Kallus’ thoughts. About putting the two together, combining his feelings of Zeb into one concise sentence. A phrase the more he thought about it the more he wanted to exchange it. The more he wanted Zeb to know how he really felt. He didn’t want Zeb to feel rushed, but the moment was absolutely perfect. He and Zeb were together, after having their first kiss under the starlight of a rebel victory.
It sat right with Kallus. The risk felt worth it.
“Zeb, I l-”
“Don’t. Not yet,” Zeb interrupted, as if he knew what Kallus was going to say.
Surprised, Kallus removed his head from the top of Zeb to look at him. Unexpected by the movement, Zeb followed suit, and Kallus could see the slight smirk on his face. “Wow, you’re really going to make me wait Zeb?” Kallus retorted, tone half-joking but his smile quickly growing.
“Yup,” Zeb said, placing his head back on Kallus’ shoulder mockingly. Now grinning, Kallus placed a quick kiss on Zeb’s head before resting it back on top of his. If Kallus had to wait to tell Zeb the words he longed to say, then he could at least express his feelings through the tender action.
But Kallus could wait for as long as he needed to. He wanted Zeb to feel comfortable, to not run away from the intimacy of their relationship. It seemed less likely though, with Zeb finally loosening up after telling Kallus how he felt. What they had right now was more than enough, and it was perfect.
Kallus was more than excited to see what was next, now that he knew he would no longer be alone. He finally had a family.
- - -
“Alex! Alex, we’re here!” Zeb’s excitement woke Kallus, who was sprawled out on Zeb’s chest. Their room was still dark, the only light coming from the device Zeb had to mark their travel. Kallus groaned from the sudden wakeup, eyes barely open and body slowly coming to.
“C’mon, just a couple more clicks,” Kallus jokingly complained, hugging Zeb tighter and making him struggle as he tried to get out of bed.
“Alex, please,” Zeb whined, returning the bit Kallus had started. Smirking, Kallus lifted his head and rested his chin on Zeb, slowly opening his eyes.
Zeb was smiling, looking at Kallus and impatiently waiting for Kallus to get off of him. Kallus loved the way Zeb wore excitement, how his eyes were a little wider and his smile a little bigger.
“Can I get a good morning at least?” Kallus teased, lifting himself up to meet Zeb’s face. While he didn’t know the time, neither of them seemed to care. Zeb gently grasped Kallus and pulled him forward for a kiss.
While the kiss was groggy from the both of them recently waking up, it was filled with their typical tenderness and passion. Kallus tilted his head, letting Zeb take the lead due to Kallus’ exhaustion.
Kallus was the first to pull away, opening his eyes once more to see Zeb. He always looked at Kallus like he had fallen in love with him again, never ceasing to make Kallus grin himself. “Now I’m awake,” Kallus whispered, making Zeb beam once again.
“Let’s get dressed, then I’ll take you to the bridge,” Zeb stated, the excitement soaked in his words. Slowly, Kallus peeled himself off of Zeb in order to let the Lasat ready for the day.
Kallus took a moment to watch Zeb effortlessly throw on his clothes, movements slightly rushed in his excitement. Kallus never failed to notice how handsome Zeb was; even doing the simplest tasks Kallus always found something to observe in Zeb. He loved doing it, and Zeb never minded.
Kallus tore himself from the warmth of their bed and slowly approached Zeb from behind, wrapping his arms around his waist and resting his head on Zeb’s shoulder. Kallus breathed, taking in Zeb’s smell still heavy from the morning. Zeb stopped his actions and set his hands where Kallus’ were, leaning into Kallus’ touch.
“Love you Zeb,” Kallus stated, the words now familiar between the two of them.
“Love you too,” Zeb responded, words laced with equal tenderness.
Kallus let go of him and got himself ready for the day while Kallus tried to pry at Zeb about where he had brought Kallus. After the Battle of Endor, Zeb told Kallus there was something he wanted to show him, something he had spent rotations thinking about but couldn’t take Kallus just yet due to the rebellion. Truthfully, the anticipation had been eating at Kallus as well. While Kallus himself was excited about this mystery trip, he had no guesses to where Zeb wanted to take him. Zeb refused to give any kind of hints as much as Kallus asked, only telling him he knew it was going to love it.
The two exited their room together and Kallus laced his hand into Zeb’s, fingers fitting perfectly in between his. Zeb’s firm grasp was always a massive comfort to Kallus, Zeb’s larger hands slightly engulfing Kallus’. He didn’t mind though, in fact he enjoyed the protection he felt. Zeb always made sure Kallus was safe, even when he knew Kallus could hold his own. Something that was evident even in simple affection.
They greeted the few people they encountered on the way to the bridge. While the ship was large, only a small handful of passengers and crewmates resided in it, leaving Zeb and Kallus feeling like it was just the two of them most of the time. When they noticed the big doors that would lead to the bridge, Zeb stopped, moving to stand in front of Kallus.
“Make sure you have your eyes closed until I tell you to open them,” Zeb instructed firmly, tone serious but his expression said otherwise. Kallus only nodded his head, studying Zeb’s growing grin. “Close your eyes,” Zeb stated, chuckling at Kallus. He quickly closed them, smiling from the simple mistake.
Zeb let go of Kallus’ hand and placed it on his shoulder, guiding him forward down the hall. Kallus noticed a small increase of footsteps behind him, but knew better than to turn his head. As an extra precaution, Zeb placed his other hand over Kallus’ eyes, the additional touch which Kallus liked. The bridge doors opened and shut quickly, and Zeb’s pace slowed to a stop with Kallus following suit.
“Alex, I wanted to show you that we’re not all gone. I wanted to show you that you weren’t wrong,” Zeb then removed his hand from Kallus’ eyes, and Kallus opened them.
What Kallus saw was his future. The future he had longed with for so long.
Family. Love. And Zeb.
Everything they both wanted.