Chapter Text
Shinji awoke to another gayass day, after totally not being asleep since, uh, since whenever this was last updated. He looked over to his big kaworu rush themed phone only to see that he had 420 discord DMs from his star crossed homie, Kaworu NaGAYsa. NO FUCKING WAY!
Shinji stared at his messages and saw that Kaworu was reading through his Kaworu x Shinji!Reader fanfiction ‘Neon Genesis Evangelion’ that was tagged with angst, psychological, slowburn, and major canonical character death with 400k words (loser).
“ahah bae <3 why are we so sad in this haha <3” Kaworu had written, using every last ounce of his strength to not talk about how this fic is almost exactly like a previous timeloop.
“KYAAAAAAAA!!” Shinji spoke, utterly flabbergasted that his star crossed homie had read his totally original and not copy pasted fanfiction.
But suddenly, Shinji heard a knock at his (decked out in big kaworu rush merch) door. “SHINJIIIIII i have warm choccy milk ready!!”
“BE QUIET MISATO!!!! I’M BUSY TEXTING KAWORU ABOUT MY SELF INSERT KAWORU X OC READER FANFICTION!” Shinji complained.
“Shinji… I know how important your um… ‘Fanfiction’ is to you but you’re not even going to drink your choccy milk anymore? I even made you dinosaur nuggies!” Misato said.
It was taking the brown haired fnaf lore expert every ounce of his control to not abandon his totally-not-boyfriend-just-his-pal-who-he-kisses-i-mean-does-cpr-with-sometimes on discord for some of those delectable dino nugs.
In the end, the nuggies were much too alluring, and he ended up just taking his phone, which was now on 1% due to staying up all night watching Ke$ha kawoshin AMVs into the kitchen to eat.
“Shinji… who are you texting?” Misato asked, taking a sip of choccy milk soup. “And why are you putting your nuggies into a big kaworu rush themed ziplock bag?”
“I’m totally not planning on sneaking over to Seele Labels to share my undercooked dino nuggies with Kaworu- I mean nothing Misato……” Shinji said, trying to sneak away from the dinner table.
“Shinji, don’t forget we have another concert coming up soon! We’re going to be performing worldwide, so don’t forget to practice playing Sans Battle - Stronger Than You (Undertale Animation Parody) on guitar 01!” Misato called out as Shinji tried to sneak out of the apartment.
“Yeah yeah, whatever you say…” Shinji replied while quickly making a post on his private twitter @kaworuboyfriendofficialaccount about how he’s ‘going to go on a date with Kaworu and eat dino nuggies together xD’.
The purple haired cheese stick connoisseur gasped as she saw what he had tweeted. “The term ‘XD’ is still in use?!” She screamed in agony, having to watch Family Guy™® on TV for the next 5 hours to calm herself, making it possible for Shinji to steal her car.
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“‘CAUSE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE YOUR LOVE IS MY DRUGGGGGG” Shinji ‘sung’ as he scrolled through the kawoshin tag on tumblr while he drove to SEELE in Misato’s car.
Suddenly, a bicycle with the words “big kaworu rush member” emblazoned on the side began to pull him over, and because shinji is like fucking 9 years old he didn’t know that he had no legal obligation to actually pull over, and did so anyways.
“NO WAY…. KAWORU?!?!?! YOU BIKED ALL THE WAY OVER TO SEE ME?!!!1!!1!” Shinji said as Kaworu took off his bicycle helmet (safety first).
“You’re arrested for being so true king ahaha” Kaworu said, doing his :3 smile.
“KAWORU!!!” Shinji said, jumping out of Misato’s car and crashing it into a nearby streetlamp. “I BROUGHT YOU DINO NUGGIES!!!!”
“What’s a nuggie <3” Kaworu replied, now doing his ^w^ face, unbothered by the several police cars surrounding said streetlamp.
Shinji gasped, holding out his bag of nuggies, “NUUUU D’X U’V NEVUR SEEN DEM!?” He was so shocked that he started to speak even more like a 2000s XxSC3N3K1DxX than usual.
“I’m going to have to confiscate those,” said the police officer behind them that looked suspiciously like Kokichi Ouma from the 2017 video game Danganronpa V3. “They’re evidence and there has just been a car arson.”
“MY DINO NUGGIES!!!!!!” Shinji screamed, shaking and crying as Kokichi Ouma took away his dino nuggies. “I mustn’t run away… I mustn’t run away…”
Kokichi Ouma from the 2017 video game Danganronpa V3 started eating Shinji’s dino nuggies as he watched Shinji have a panic attack over having his dinosaur nuggets stolen.
“YOU CANT DO THIS TO ME!!!! GIVE BACK MY DINO NUGGIES!!!!!!” Shinji yelled, punching the ground with his fist.
Kaworu attempted to calm Shinji down by doing both his ^w^ face and his :3 face, but seeing as the nuggie enjoyers face was planted in the middle of the pavement, it did little to help.
“Shinji there is some nuggiez at kmart! ^w^” He began to speak 2012 emoticon speak (Shinji’s preferred language) in order to calm him. “KYAAAA Kaworu learned mah language XD glomps chu” Shinji replied, cured of his lack of nuggie induced anger in an instant.
Unfortunately, the kmart was closed because of sans from undertale had a fan meeting inside there. “THIS CANT BE FUCKING HAPPENING (eoe reference get it because shinji said fuck in eoe NO FUCKING WAY HE SAID FUCK!!)…………” Shinji cried, trying to shatter the glass sliding doors. “GIVE ME MY DINO NUGGIES…….. GIVE ME MY DINO NUGGIES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
“Im sorry, shinji, this wasn’t the happiness you wished for” (3.0!!! THE MOVIE EVANGELION 3.0!!!!!! WHAT!) kaworu said, and then wrapped shinji in a fnaf blanket. However, he then spotted in the distance.. NAGITO KOMAEDA!? AND OR KOKICHI OUMA!??
“DO YOU HAVE DINO NUGGIES” he screamed, seeing as Shinji was literally sobbing on the floor wrapped in a fnaf blanket, he needed to fix this IMMEDEIIEDEALLTKTY!!!
The Komaeda and or Kokichi turned and say, “you are homophobia” and disappeared into the night.
“COME BACK!!!!!!!” Kaworu yelled as Shinji pretended to faint for attention while blasting twenty one pilots (FUCKING LOSER!!!!!!!!) on his shitty ipod touch.
Kaworu started to cry for the first SOMEWHAT-non-shinji related time, “I TRIED SO HARRRRD AND GOT SO FARRRRRRRRRR” (JUST LIKE AMV!?) he sang like the very epic band linkin park and shinji then BLUSHED!?
“KYAAAAAA KAWORU CHU KNOW MAH FAVORITE BAND OTHUR DAN URS XDDD” he then glomped him, (KYAAA) and they did homie cpr
Suddenly, sans from undertalw (KYAAAAAAAAAAA OMG THATS MY FAVORITE CHARACTER?!?!??!?!?!?!?!? OMG SANDS I LOVE YOU SO MUCH *BLUSHES*) came out of the convisnense…. The conveinies….. THE FUCKING KMART STORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO SPELL IT and gave Shinji a pair of dino nuggies. “I am god and I heard you wish,” Sans said with a smile before riding away in his mercedes benz.
SUDDENLY a bag of DUNO NUGGIES fell from the sky and kaworu grabbed it and then gave it to shinji and shinji started to fucking cry from happiness KYAAAAAA!!!!!
BUT THEN!!! OH MY OMG!!!! Kaworu got down on ONE KNEWWW>!?!?!?! KNEE??? ONE KNEEE???? “Shinji will chu be teh dino to mah nuggie XD” (oH MY FUCKING GOD WHAT KAWOSHIN IS FUCKING CANON HOLY SHIT!??! GUYS!!!)
“YESS!!!!” shinji said in the kmart parking lot, THEIR LOVE WAS FINALLY GOING TO BE DINO NUGGIE!! WHAT THE (TEH) FUCK AM I WRITING!! I JUST PUNCHED MY HAND
Asuka burst out of the kmart, now wearing an eyepatch and in a completely different artsyle. “Fucking homosexuals,” she spat out while glaring at them while holding Rei 3.0’s hand. “I would never be fucking like that.”
“Asuka, aren’t you supposed to be at the Shane Dawson convention?” Kaworu asked, clearly annoyed by the homosexual/phobic redhead interupting his and Shinji’s very romantic moment.
She scoffed, “Shane Dawson is apparently an LGBT? FUCK that!!” she responded, not really having known who Shane Dawnson actually was in the first place.
“NOBODY FUCKIGN UNDERSTANDS ME……………” Shinji cried. “MISATO JUST TEXTED ME AND TOLD ME I HAD TO PERFORM IN THE BATTLE OF THE BANDS WHEN I JUST GOT HOMIE PROPOSED TOO…….. (consistency see big evangelion rush has a plot fuck you( THIS CANT BE HAPPENING THIS CANT BE FUCKING HAPPENING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!”
Kaworu did the ^w^ face, “XD letz get homie married at the battle of teh bands ahah jk jk unless?” he proposed. (HOLY SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WHAT!!!!!!!) Shinji then DID BLUSH AGAIN! What the HELL!
“KYAAAAAAAAA YESH KAWORU >.<” Shinji responded, texting Misato back with “okeh XD” as he ate a dino nuggie in tranquillity.
“The fucking homosexuals are RUINING music!” Asuka muttered, “let’s go Rei, let’s go…” She dragged her girlfriend away from the #Homos because FUCK gays am i right guy
“What did you say, Asuka?” Rei asked, looking away from her minecraft ipad. “I was busy watching minecraft house tutorials. I was going to build us a house in our world together.”
“KYAAAAAAAAAAAA THATS SO CUTE OF YOU REI!!!!! I LOVE YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!!!!!!!” Asuka said and hugged her before realizing Kaworu and Shinji were watching her. “Ahem. Later you fucking losers.”
“asurei pilled” said sans undertale and also kokichi ouma (dangabl abdang adanga dangan ronpa) before they then disappeared into thin air *poof*.
Kaworu turned to shinji, “wait a second… WHAT THE FUCK!!!!!!!!11?” he yelled (at he self) and had a fucking mental breakdown (NEON GENESIS EVANGELION (SHINJIS FANFICTION) GAME REFERENCE (FANFICITON OF SHINJIS FANFICTION) >!>!>?) in the middle of kamr kmart! Ok so THEN WOW!!!! WOW GUYS!!!
“I love you shinji” said kaworu NOT UNLIKE SHINJIS VAMPIRE!KAWORU X SHINJI!READER WATTPAD FIC!! (WO)W
“NO FUCKING WAY…. KYAAAAAAAAAAA!!!” and then they homie cpr’d in the middle of the parking lot #gaysexual
“LETS FUUUUUUCCCCKKKKKKIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNGGGGGG GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO” Shinji yelled while blasting Linkin Park’s “Numb” in the kmart parking lot.
This is just like my every time we touch nIGHTCORE KAWOSHIN AMV!!? HOW THE FUCK DID THIS HAPP EN ! Komaeda say fuck and then leaved, because he’s famous for being shipped with kaworu and kawoshin real (KYAAAA MAH OTP!!)
*bzzt* said shinji phone, “UGH!! Now i have to BAND!/…. See chu dere XD 4 our wed” and they homie cpr one last time (XD funnie moment!!!!!!!!!!!)
“Get in the fucking car Shinji (EOE REFERENCE?!?!?!??!?) we’re going to the battle of the bands,” Misato said, magically repairing her car after Shinji crashed it.
“ONLY IF YOU LET ME PLAY MY SPOTIFY PLAYLIST IN THE CAR!!!!!!!!!!!!!” Shinji said while waving goodbye to Kaworu.
“For the last time, we’re NOT playing My Chemical Romance (my favorite band 0_o) in the car. Now get in,” Misato said, shifting into her eoe-sona.
“Fine…” Shinji said, hanging his head and getting into Misato’s toyota.
They rode in the toyota for like 3 minutes and Shinji was having a fucking meltdown because he realized that twenty one pilots (my favorite band *_*) wouldnt be playing at his homie wedding.
“Remember Shinji, you’re singing the song every time we touch today!!” (nO FUCKING WAY??) Misato said, and shinji remembered what a mythical being had told him before he was born (peter griffin family guy)
“Remember shinji… https://youtu.be/iYBFjptQqN8” said the family guy, before being decapitated.
They finally made it into the concert venue, which was the FIFA 2018 stadium (i dont fucking know what soccer is ok). “YOU’RE FINALLY HERE, IDIOT SHINJI! HURRY UP AND GET ON STAGE, WE’RE ABOUT TO PERFORM!” Asuka said.
“Already?!” Shinji said, but was pushed onto the stage like he was in a 2000s disney movie. The audience was chanting for him (well more for Kaworu but you get the point). Kaworu handed Shinji the mic for their epic homie duet.
“CAUSE EVERYTIME WE TOUCH” shinji did sung, “I GET THIS FEEELEINNGNGGGG” kaworu sang back, homie cpr-ing with him in his eyes. I dont fucking know. Like. soul homie cpr. You get it. You better get it, bitch.
The crowd CHEERED!! This was so homosexualpilled!!! Gay energy was gone. Now its just gay.
“AND EVERYTIME WE KISS (homie cpr)” shinji screamed because he cant fucking sing “I GET THIS FEEELINGGG” HWTA THE FUCK KAWORU WAS WALKING ONTO STAGE WHERE SHINJI WAS?!!? OH MY OH GOD!!?
THEN SUDDENLY THE BIG SCREEN THAT SHOWED KAWORU AND SHINJI SINGING TOGETHER CHANGED INTO SHINJI’S FANFICTION?!?! NOT ONLY THAT, BUT HIS 105k WORD FANFICTION NEON GENESIS EVANGELION?!??!?!? “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA” Shinji screamed (haha end of evangelion reference).
And then (YOU WONT BELIEVE) THEY STARTED TO KISS SING!? SING WHILE HOMIE CPR!!!!! THIS IS PIOSSSIBEL!! AND THEN THE CRODW WENT FUCKING WILD AND THEN kawoshin MARRIAGEDED!?
Kokichi ouma (dnagle rope 0//0) came on stage as the wedding uh what do you callt hat um the wedding clerk and he say “do you, shinj, take kaworu, as your lawful wedded homie XD?”
“KYAAAAAA YESH X3” say shinji!!
“FUCKING HOMOSEXUALS!” Asuka screamed into the mic and stormed off with her girlfriend Rei as everyone else started saying ‘congratulations’ to Shinji. Is Big Evangelion Rush human INSTURMENTALITY??!?!?!??!?!
“Thank you for joining our concert!” Misato said as the crowd cheered and the evangelion next episode song played. “In the next episode, Kaworu and Shinji finally get married?!? Tune in next time and there will be lots of fanservice (or however the next episode thing went i dont fucking know)!”
“What the fuck are you talking about misato” asked Asuka.