Chapter Text
Wei Wuxian supposed he should have expected no less. Aside from being a sect leader, Lan Xichen was still a highly competent and skilled cultivator in his own right. Probably nothing Wei Wuxian had said about curses had been of any surprise to him, so why wouldn’t he have understood what they were dealing with? It would have been nice to be clued in earlier, of course, so everyone could have been on the same page, but at least they all got to the same place eventually.
Distantly, and perhaps a little hysterically, Wei Wuxian wished that the Gusu Lan communicated better - or perhaps just simply more.
He looked back at Lan Xichen’s face - his expression hadn’t changed one iota, his entire being radiating calm despite the circumstances. It was a different sort of feeling to what Lan Wangji gave off, Wei Wuxian noticed. That was the easiest way to tell them apart, aside from the lighter colour of Lan Wangji’s eyes and Lan Xichen’s polite smile. Lan Wangji had a more aloof presence, despite the same sort of calm, that fooled people into thinking he wasn’t approachable. Wei Wuxian knew better. It just required persistence, which he had in abundance. It was just one of the many things that made them such a good match.
From a distance, though, it was near impossible to tell the Lan brothers apart. For anyone but Wei Wuxian, anyway. Even in a crowd of identically-dressed Lan cultivators, Wei Wuxian had always known how to find Lan Wangji, even when they were young and studying together in Cloud Recesses. Still, it was strange that two people who looked nearly identical could be so different. The Twin Jades of Gusu were like night and day.
Wei Wuxian sighed and rubbed his hands over his face, hard. Though it had recently been called into question, even he was aware enough to know when he was avoiding thinking about the bigger issue.
“Wei-gongzi?”
“I’m fine,” he sighed again, waving a hand around vaguely. He focused on Lan Xichen’s face. “Zewu-jun, just how much of this did you already have figured out before you sent for me?”
“I read all the same books as you, Wei-gongzi. Even more besides, as I had more time than you did to search through the library and access to further tomes not displayed on those shelves. Every single volume I could find that had even a passing mention of curses and possession, no matter how small, I read.”
Lan Xichen paused a moment to look around the room, his eyes lingering briefly on the empty mirror frame. “From Wangji’s descriptions of all that happened here, I was able to fill in the blanks and create a reasonable theory as to what we were dealing with. Coming here, listening to your well-reasoned deductions, has only confirmed my beliefs.”
It all made perfect sense, Wei Wuxian realised. Exactly as he’d expected, Lan Xichen had been a few steps ahead of him all along, waiting patiently for him to catch up. Though, he realised that only explained things so far.
“So you knew you were going to need the person Lan Zhan had hidden feelings for. And you were sure it was me this entire time?” Wei Wuxian asked, incredulous and aware he was circling the same topic over and over, but still not quite able to believe it.
“It could never have been anyone else, Wei-gongzi. You are the only one to ever have my brother’s attention in any way.”
“If he’s never paid attention to anyone else, how do you know it means he has - feelings for me? If he had more friends, he might treat them all that way, don’t you think?”
Lan Xichen spared him a look that clearly conveyed the idiot he was too polite to say. If his entire world hadn’t been suddenly tilted on its axis, Wei Wuxian might have even been offended.
”Wangji was different once you left Cloud Recesses after your studies. I know my brother, Wei-gongzi. He couldn’t keep something like that from me. If you could have seen him then, even you would have realised what it meant.”
“What was he like?” Curious in spite of himself, Wei Wuxian found himself wanting to know. If he’d missed things and hurt Lan Wangji because of it, he needed to know. He’d figure out how to make it up to him later. And there would be a later.
Lan Xichen sighed in resignation. “Ordinarily, I would never speak of these things, you realise. Wangji is entitled to his privacy and to reveal his intentions toward you at a time of his own choosing. However, I would rather my brother be angry at me than mourn the loss of him.”
Wei Wuxian had been about to protest, to say that Lan Xichen didn’t have to reveal any secrets if he didn’t want to, but that brought him up short and the words died in his throat. Face grim, he gestured for Lan Xichen to continue.
As though giving himself time to gather his thoughts, Lan Xichen picked up another chair, gracefully wiping away the worst of the dust in a way Wei Wuxian hadn’t bothered with and setting it opposite him, neatly arranging himself on the seat. Then he met Wei Wuxian’s eyes calmly and steadily.
“I suppose it wasn’t any one thing that allowed me to realise the depth of Wangji’s feelings, but little moments that added to the whole. After you first left Cloud Recesses, my brother became… restless isn’t the right word to describe him, but there was a marked difference. He seemed almost to be… waiting for something, or feeling like something was amiss. He never mentioned it, of course, but I noticed. He only relaxed again after the first letter arrived from Lotus Pier months later. That was when I began to suspect.”
A little lump formed in Wei Wuxian’s throat, remembering feeling similarly. He’d often found himself turning to tell Lan Wangji something, only to find him not there. He’d come back from night hunts or just days exploring around Lotus Pier and he’d want to tell Lan Wangji what he’d seen and done. After months of waiting for a letter from Cloud Recesses, he’d given in and sent the first one himself.
He remembered now that he’d received an elegantly written reply within a week, when some part of him had expected not to receive one at all.
“As I have already mentioned, Wangji never has company with him on night hunts,” Lan Xichen continued. “It was unheard of for him to accept an invitation, let alone extend one himself. For you, he changed his rules. He is more at ease when anticipating joining you, and quieter every time he returns alone. Wei-gongzi, I’ve rarely seen my brother happier than when you return to Cloud Recesses with him.”
“I…” Wei Wuxian began, then faltered.
“Yes?” Lan Xichen prompted gently.
“I was the same,” Wei Wuxian said in a rush, like shoving a weight he hadn’t known was there off his chest. “Restless after leaving Cloud Recesses, looking forward to the letters… and there’s no one else I night hunt with, aside from Jiang Cheng, but that doesn’t count. I… I think about him all the time when we’re not together. Things I want to tell him, places I want to go with him. I’ve invited him to Lotus Pier more times than I can count… and I’ve even started enjoying staying in Cloud Recesses. Maybe I’ll never get used to the cold in Gusu, but relaxing in the Jingshi makes up for it.”
“Wei-gongzi, I wonder if you have any idea how significant that is for you to say.”
Wei Wuxian, who was still reeling a little from connecting the dots he’d managed to overlook for so long, could only shake his head.
“Wangji doesn’t allow anyone but family - shufu and I - into the Jingshi. He cleans and maintains it himself. No others know what the inside even looks like. My brother is strictly private… but he has invited you into all corners of his life, without reservation, Wei-gongzi. That is no small thing.”
Wei Wuxian let his head fall back, staring up at the ceiling as he let out a long breath. He couldn’t believe how much he’d missed, what signs he’d brushed aside and assumed meant nothing. Just how blind had he been? Too distracted by the things going on in his own life, his own projects, to do more than assume however Lan Wangji had bent his rules or otherwise accommodated him was just a result of his stubborn persistence.
And why had he persisted in the first place? He’d wanted Lan Wangji’s attention, of course. Craved it, almost, right from the very first moment Lan Wangji had brushed him off. He’d never really even understood why, had never felt that way about anyone else, he’d just known that that upright aloofness had gotten under his skin like a fever and he’d taken it as a challenge to overcome like any other.
That they’d matched each other so well was simply a bonus; he’d long since considered Lan Wangji his equal in everything, even his better, the example to strive for, in some areas. He’d prided himself on being one of the few people who could say they were close to Lan Wangji, who could read him when others saw nothing, but now he realised he knew so very little. And his ignorance may have caused pain for the one he treasured.
When his eyes began to sting, Wei Wuxian abruptly stood and blinked away the dampness.
“Let’s go, Zewu-jun. I’m not going to keep Lan Zhan waiting any longer.”
Lan Xichen had stood up with him, but he placed a hand on Wei Wuxian’s arm to stop him. “Wei-gongzi, I want nothing more than to help my brother, but I trust you now know what he needs. Are you sure you’re ready? It can’t be anything less than sincere.”
“Oh, I know,” he said, managing to smile more confidently than he felt. “I’m ready to do this.”
There wasn’t much visible change, but there was a noticeable loosening of tension in Lan Xichen’s stance. He smiled warmly, his hand coming to rest comfortably on Shuoyue’s hilt to ready himself for travel.
“Then let us be on our way, Wei-gongzi.”
~*~
When they made it back to Cloud Recesses, the sky was already golden with late afternoon sunlight; by the time they had managed to scale the mountain once more, shades of red and even a hint of purple had begun to reach toward the horizon like spills of ink. This late, the temperature had dropped even further than before and Wei Wuxian was now grateful for the thick cloak he’d protested needing.
He didn’t think it was his imagination that the wind howled even more fiercely now, whistling around them and pulling at their cloaks even as they huddled in the mouth of the cave. Lan Xichen, despite his blue lips, was once again handling it better than Wei Wuxian, whose teeth had only just stopped chattering uncontrollably. He continued to steadily sip his tea through numb lips, holding the gourd with two numb hands, and fervently longed for the heat of summer in Yunmeng.
When all this was over, he promised himself he would take Lan Wangji back to Lotus Pier, let the two of them soak up warmth until the feeling of being cold was nothing but a distant memory.
“Have you formulated a plan?” Lan Xichen finally asked as they tucked their gourds back into their sleeves, as warm as they were likely to feel.
“No,” Wei Wuxian replied honestly. “I have no idea what I should say or do.”
“You can only be honest.”
“I have to hope I can reach him. And that he believes me.”
“My brother has been waiting for this for a long time, Wei-gongzi,” Lan Xichen said. “No matter how much this curse has overwhelmed him, I have no doubt it will reach him.”
“Would you share some of your confidence with me? I think I could use it.”
“You have my full support, Wei-gongzi, and whatever assistance I can offer you.”
Wei Wuxian watched him for a moment, examining the calm and sincere expression on his face. There was an undercurrent of worry, of course there was, but his words otherwise seemed to be pure truth. Wei Wuxian couldn’t help but smile wryly.
“Is that just for today or going forward, too? It seems like you might be seeing me a lot more than you do already. Aren’t you worried I’ll ruin the tranquility of Cloud Recesses?”
Lan Xichen returned his smile. “So long as my brother is happy, I have no concerns.”
“You really mean that, don’t you?” Wei Wuxian asked, somewhat surprised. “You’re not just going along with this to save his life, are you?”
“Wangji was very young when we lost our mother,” Lan Xichen said after a moment of silence, some solemnity lining his features. Wei Wuxian felt instant sympathy, having lost both his parents before he was really old enough to hold onto the memories of them. “My brother was particularly close to her and mourned her for a long time. He didn’t fully understand the permanence of death and, at first, he waited futilely for her to return. Once he finally accepted it, he closed his heart off to others. I had begun to fear that he might never accept another into his life again… until he met you. So yes, Wei-gongzi, for so long as you make my brother happy, you will have my support.”
Wei Wuxian went through a myriad of emotions in a short space of time. Pain and sympathy for the child Lan Wangji had been, coming to terms with a difficult loss so early in life; fondness for the unending love Lan Xichen had for his brother mingled with warmth for his acceptance; and slight trepidation for the subtle threat at the end.
He nodded his acceptance and understanding.
“I’ll be going now, then. But I think I should go alone. I have no idea what I’m going to need to say or do, so…” He trailed off awkwardly.
Lan Xichen hesitated a moment, looking as though he might protest, before he finally reluctantly nodded. “Very well. I will remain here. Make sure to call for me should you require help, Wei-gongzi. You are not alone.”
“I’ll be back,” he said determinedly, gripping Lan Xichen’s arm briefly in reassurance. “With Lan Zhan.”
With that, he turned to begin walking slowly down the corridor leading to what he’d come to think of as Lan Wangji’s cavern. He noted that tiny streaks of glittering frost were beginning to creep out of the cave itself, which was concerning; any sign that the curse was growing in power, in influence, could only be a bad thing.
He took a deep, steadying breath that did very little to calm his racing heart as he took a careful step into the cave proper, trying to prevent his boots crunching on the ice and alerting Lan Wangji to his presence. He wanted to get as close as he possibly could before confronting Lan Wangji, hoping for a few extra moments to decide how best to approach him.
With a pang, he saw that the curse had progressed even further since they’d been gone. There was barely any black left in Lan Wangji’s hair, thin strips of it visible through the sheets of purest white. His lips, always light in colour, were now entirely blue as though lifeless and his pallor was deathly pale. He sat with his eyes closed and, if not for the breath misting the air in front of him, Wei Wuxian might have even believed he was long gone.
It was an image he was certain would visit him in his dreams.
He got within a couple arm length’s before Lan Wangji’s eyes suddenly opened, head jerking around to stare at him. His mouth immediately twisted into a sneer.
“You,” he spat harshly. “Why will you not leave me alone?”
“Oh, you know me. When have I ever left you alone?” Wei Wuxian managed to sound light, to smile faintly, even as his heart hammered at his ribs. He slowly crept forward. “I’m just going to come a little closer, all right? Just let me -”
He cut off, freezing in place, as Lan Wangji moved. There was the unmistakable sound of a blade scraping against the ground; whisper-silent, yet simultaneously deafening. Wei Wuxian watched, mouth going dry, as Lan Wangji got to his feet, Bichen in his hand, raising the weapon slowly to point it right at him.
The sword, he noted, was partially coated in ice. Already semi-transparent, patches of the blade sparkled with pure frost, and the entirety of the silver hilt was surrounded by a noticeable layer of ice, nearly indistinguishable from the fingers that gripped it tightly, making it difficult to pinpoint exactly where his hand ended and the blade began.
Wei Wuxian’s hand went to the hilt of Suibian, but he hesitated drawing it from its sheath. The last thing he wanted was to fight Lan Wangji, but if he had no choice… Yet how could he risk it, knowing parts of Lan Wangji might be brittle like ice, easily broken if he was careless?
“Lan Zhan, please,” he said desperately, holding his other hand out palm first. “I just want to talk to you. It’s just you and me here. Can’t we talk? Please? There’s so much I need to say to you.”
“If you won’t leave,” Lan Wangji said coldly, “I’ll kill you where you stand.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” Wei Wuxian said firmly. “I’m not leaving you again.”
“Lies,” Lan Wangji hissed, surging forward in the blink of an eye.
Wei Wuxian had no time to protest, only to awkwardly draw Suibian and block the blow. He grunted under the force of the impact, the sound of their swords clashing echoing throughout the cave, as he used all his strength to stop his own blade being driven length-ways into his chest.
He barely managed to push away, leaping metres backwards across the cave to almost stumble the landing, his feet slipping dangerously on the ice. He gripped his sword in both hands as he heard feet hurrying from somewhere behind him.
“Wei Wuxian!” he heard Lan Xichen call out, rapidly approaching.
“Stay back!” he yelled frantically, even as Lan Wangji closed in on him again, feet barely touching the ice as he all but flew forward. Suibian and Bichen crashed together over and over in rapid succession. He’d sparred with Lan Wangji multiple times, fought by his side against all manner of evil, but never before had Wei Wuxian seen such unbridled ferocity from him.
“Wei-gongzi! What is happening?!” Lan Xichen’s voice was tense and urgent but, to Wei Wuxian’s relief, he seemed to have come no closer.
“Just stay there!” He could spare no further attention, barely managing to get that out through gritted teeth, as Lan Wangji used his slight height advantage and pressed down hard where their swords currently met, leaning all his weight and strength into it. Wei Wuxian’s legs shook with the struggle to remain on his feet.
“Just the two of us?” Lan Wangji repeated dangerously quietly, his lips parted almost in a snarl. “Liar. Always a liar.”
“Of course your brother is here! Lan Zhan, he cares -”
Lan Wangji lashed out with a flurry of powerful blows, almost too fast for him to see; only instinct allowed him to block and save himself being sliced to ribbons; one slash came perilously close to his neck, cutting the tie that held his cloak in place. It fell from him in a solid, damp and frozen lump. As he was, Lan Wangji retained all of his power, but none of his usual restraint. Sweat was steadily trickling down Wei Wuxian’s back and slicking his palms despite the frigid temperature.
Wei Wuxian leapt away again, desperate for space and room to breathe. The adrenaline pumping swiftly through him prevented him feeling much of the cold. He sprinted around the perimeter of the cave, but no matter how far or quickly he ran, no matter how many obstacles he leapt over, Lan Wangji was close on his heels, like a wolf chasing its prey into the ground. Wei Wuxian didn’t want to consider what might happen if he was well and truly caught.
“Lan Zhan, listen to me!”
“No.”
“Please!” he yelled, as he threw caution to the wind and spun around.
Bichen was flying straight toward him, aiming for his heart with deadly precision. There was no time to block, no time to do anything but squeeze his eyes shut reflexively and brace for the inevitable impact, sucking in one last, desperate breath and holding onto it like it was his very life in his own hands.
He held it, and held it… and the blow never came.
Cautiously, he opened his eyes.
Lan Wangji had come to a complete stop in front of him. Despite the vicious snarl on his face, the tip of Bichen had halted a hair’s breadth away from brushing his robes. It shook fiercely in his grip, as though Lan Wangji was struggling against an immense force equal in strength to himself.
Wei Wuxian didn’t take the time to wonder. Impulsively, he grabbed the blade just under the hilt, ignoring the cold, sharp bite of metal slicing into skin. With all his strength, he pulled it free from Lan Wangji’s suddenly loose grip, throwing Bichen across the cave toward the entrance. He would apologise for his disrespect later, hoping that Lan Xichen would take the blade into his care for now.
Even disarmed, Lan Wangji was fierce. His hand was already raised high, fingers curled tightly into a fist, ready to lash out.
“No!” Wei Wuxian cried out hurriedly. “Please, stop it! Look, I’m putting away my sword, see?” Slowly, as Lan Wangji watched through narrowed eyes, he sheathed Suibian back at his waist. “We don’t have to fight like this.”
Lan Wangji didn’t answer, taking a step forward and preparing to strike.
“Lan Zhan!” Wei Wuxian yelled, throwing himself forward and into Lan Wangji, wrapping his arms tight around the tense, solid column of his body. He felt strong hands grab at him, fisting tightly at the back of his robes, twisting handfuls of fabric, but never tearing it.
Heart still pounding almost painfully in his chest, Wei Wuxian took a moment to simply breathe. Somehow, this mad plan had worked. He could feel Lan Wangji’s hands shaking against his back, but despite how easy it would be to hurt him, they never did. Like he was being held back, just as he had been when Bichen had aimed for his heart. Finally, he thought he understood why.
Taking one final breath, he looked up at Lan Wangji’s face.
~*~
Lan Wangji had never fought harder in his life than he had in these last few minutes.
Most of the time, he existed… elsewhere, knowing only cold and dark, unsure whether mere seconds or days passed between brief moments of lucidity, but he struggled back to consciousness when hearing Wei Wuxian’s voice.
He felt like a stranger in his own body, an unwilling passenger. His limbs no longer responded to him, he saw and heard the world around him as though from a great distance and, most jarring of all, something else spoke using his mouth, something that had been steadily draining his strength for an unknowable amount of time. Slowly but steadily, he was losing what remained of himself; he remembered less and less of his life before becoming trapped in this place, only able to hold onto those memories most precious to him.
Wei Ying.
He’d used up the last of his reserves just fighting to stop Wei Wuxian being killed, struggling against his own might, succeeding only through sheer panicked determination; even now, this thing consuming him was trying to tear Wei Wuxian limb from limb with his own hands and he could barely hold it back. What little remained of his strength seemed to be sliding from his grip, but he would fight on, until the very last speck of his awareness faded, to give Wei Wuxian as much time as he could to escape.
Then warm hands, hot enough to brand his skin, cupped each side of his face.
“Lan Zhan, you’re still there, aren’t you? You’re still fighting.” Wei Wuxian’s hands stroked gently, soothingly across his face, from his temples down to his jawline, thumbs brushing against his high cheekbones. “You’ve been fighting this whole time, haven’t you? You’re so strong, Lan Zhan. So, so strong.”
No.
No, I’m not. I can’t fight any longer. I can’t keep you safe.
Please… Please, Wei Ying. Run and leave me here.
But Wei Wuxian didn’t move away. He continued to stroke Lan Wangji’s face tenderly, as though that action alone could coax him back to full consciousness and he wasn’t teetering dangerously on the edge of oblivion. His eyes earnestly searched Lan Wangji’s, looking for any sign of recognition.
With immense difficulty, sending pain lancing through his mind, Lan Wangji managed to unlock his tense jaw, briefly wresting control away. Even so, he barely managed two, raspy words: “Go… please.”
Wei Wuxian gasped. “Lan Zhan! That was you, wasn’t it?” His hands fluttered all around Lan Wangji, touching his hair, squeezing his shoulders, touching his face, his upper arms. His eyes were swimming with tears that had yet to fall. “Keep fighting it, just like that. I need you to come back to me, because I’m not going anywhere. I’m not leaving you.”
Wei Wuxian’s head bowed briefly and his hands on either side of Lan Wangji’s neck trembled slightly. “So I need you to come back, because if I lose you now, you might as well take me with you. Because…” He trailed off, took a deep breath, like preparing to plunge into deep water. “Because I love you and I can’t even begin to imagine not having you in my life. Every day, if you’ll have me.”
Those words struck Lan Wangji and the thing inside him with equal force, rendering them both stunned senseless. The fierce grip on Wei Wuxian’s clothes went slack and he distantly felt his body stumbling forward, further into Wei Wuxian’s arms. In a wild rush, his body felt suffused with warmth, so suddenly that the cold deep within and around him cracked and shattered.
Lan Wangji’s world went dark and he knew no more.
~*~
Awareness gradually crept back in at the edges of his mind. With it came warmth, permeating his body from all around him; a comfortable weight over the full length of him, a line of it against his back, steady waves washing over his front. Deep inside, he still felt a lingering chill, like a draught had crept into the Jingshi while he slept, but it was fading slowly. The temptation to allow the soothing warmth to carry him back under was almost overwhelming.
With increased awareness came the memories; slow at first, like water trickling through rocks, but growing stronger with each passing moment. Lan Wangji struggled to open his eyes, to lift himself up onto his elbow, feeling uncharacteristically sluggish, but he needed to move. He needed to know if -
The line of warmth at his back shifted suddenly, and so Lan Wangji stilled, uncertain, his eyes open to slits as they adjusted to what appeared to be firelight ahead of him.
“Lan Zhan? Lan Zhan, you’re awake?”
Hearing that familiar voice, Lan Wangji forced his eyes open despite the glare, turning his head to look over his shoulder. Wei Wuxian was sitting up, concern on his face as he shuffled around to face Lan Wangji properly. For a moment, Lan Wangji was confused as to why they would be lying so close together, then suddenly understood: body heat. After the cold and the ice, he’d been chilled to the bone.
Gritting his teeth, Lan Wangji pushed his stiff and tired body upright. He wobbled slightly, feeling lightheaded, and Wei Wuxian’s hands caught his shoulders to prevent him toppling over again.
“Hey, hey, be careful,” Wei Wuxian soothed, squeezing his shoulders and then rubbing his upper arms. “You’re still recovering. You still feel a bit cold, too. Here, pull up the cloak a bit.”
Wei Wuxian moved to do just that for him, starting to move the cloak back up to Lan Wangji’s shoulders, but he reached out to grip his hands instead. He noted, with distant relief, that his fingers were flesh and blood once more, no longer transparent like icicles, but it also brought attention to a hasty bandage wrapped around Wei Wuxian’s palm. Lan Wangji had a hazy memory of it being caused by Bichen and frowned.
“Wei Ying. You’re hurt.”
“Lan Zhan, this is nothing,” Wei Wuxian huffed, but his voice was warm and affectionate. “Trust you to worry about me when you’re the one recovering from a curse. I’ve had worse scratches sparring with Jiang Cheng.”
Having watched the two of them spar more than once, Lan Wangji sincerely doubted that, but he kept his silence in favour of examining the bandage and making sure it was tied tightly. Wei Wuxian let him, which was new. Ordinarily, he preferred to laugh off his injuries unless Lan Wangji physically forced him to sit still.
“You’re the one we nearly lost,” Wei Wuxian continued, his voice softening into something sombre. “You collapsed in my arms… it scared the hell out of me. If you hadn’t started shivering, you wouldn’t have even seemed alive. It was terrifying. You wouldn’t wake up and you were so cold… all we could do was make a fire and try to keep you as warm as possible and we didn’t even know if that would help.”
“It helped,” Lan Wangji reassured him as he re-tied the bandage. “You saved me. Xiongzhang was right to trust you to help. You figured out how to -”
Suddenly he remembered the how and his head snapped up, his eyes uncharacteristically wide. “Wei Ying. You said -”
He couldn’t get the words out, but it seemed he didn’t have to. From the way Wei Wuxian’s cheeks suddenly flushed with colour, he was well aware of what Lan Wangji meant. Wei Wuxian squirmed, looking acutely uncomfortable, and panic seized Lan Wangji like a fist around the heart.
Wei Wuxian knew. He knew the depth of Lan Wangji’s feelings and, worse, had had to use them, to pretend he felt the same, to break the curse. Of course he would feel uncomfortable. Lan Wangji was only pathetically grateful that it hadn’t damaged their friendship so much that Wei Wuxian would still care enough to wait until he woke. He forced his fingers to let go of Wei Wuxian’s hands and pull away.
“I’m sorry,” he managed, turning his head to focus instead on the fire, though he barely saw anything. “I did not mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“Lan Zhan? What?”
“It’s all right,” Lan Wangji said with difficulty, though he managed to keep his voice steady. “You don’t have to stay here if -”
“Lan Zhan! What are you talking about? Look at me. Look at me,” Wei Wuxian demanded, boldly reaching up to turn Lan Wangji’s face toward him. Uncertain what else to do, feeling wretched, he allowed his head to be turned. “What I said… I did mean it. I mean - I do mean it.”
As Lan Wangji stared at him, unable to make a single sound, Wei Wuxian continued on. “And I’m sorry I was such an idiot and didn’t realise it for so long, but I know now. I know how I feel and I… Wow, that’s a lot harder to say when it’s not life or death, huh?” Laughing self-deprecatingly, Wei Wuxian dropped the hand cupping Lan Wangji’s cheek to instead scratch awkwardly at his nose. “All right… I can do this. Lan Zhan. Lan Wangji. Lan er-gongzi. I - I love you and I - ah!”
Lan Wangji could take no more. He pulled Wei Wuxian toward him, flush against him, lips meeting lips as his hands greedily wrapped around and mapped the expanse of Wei Wuxian’s back, fingers tangling in the long hair that spilled down, revelling in the way Wei Wuxian leaned into his touch. It was a clumsy embrace, with their noses bumping and tongues hesitantly touching, but for Lan Wangji, it was absolutely perfect, a realisation of a dream he’d never dared to hope would come true.
Long moments passed before Wei Wuxian suddenly pulled away, flushed and breathless, wiggling back a few precious inches. “Wait a minute,” he gasped, bracing his hands on Lan Wangji’s shoulders. “Your brother - Zewu-jun, he’ll be back any moment. He only went to get a spare cloak for the trip down. We can’t do - this right now, Lan Zhan.”
Speculatively, Lan Wangji looked back toward the cave entrance. “How long ago did my brother leave?” he asked calmly.
“Ah? About… half an hour ago, I think?”
“Mn. Then we have time,” Lan Wangji said simply.
“Time? What do you - Lan Zhan!”
Lan Wangji chose not to reply, instead focusing his attention on manoeuvring Wei Wuxian out of his lap and underneath him, drawing the thick cloak over them and shutting out the rest of the world.