Chapter Text
“This is going to be so perfect,” Klaus says, bubbly with enthusiasm. He leans in over Ben’s shoulder to look at Allison’s flawless imitation of Five’s handwriting.
Ben says, “I like the way you’ve crossed things out and re-written them. It feels very authentic.”
“I know,” Allison preens, looking very happy with her work. “This way, we can pretend it’s a draft in progress, like he’s been planning the right words for a long time.”
“Perfect, stunning, incredible,” Klaus says, twirling around. This is the most excited he’s been in a long time – this is going to go so great. There’s absolutely no chance that this could backfire, no siree bob – well, Five’s bound to be pissed, but Klaus’s sure he’ll get over it when Vanya professes her love for him and they live happily ever after. Klaus can’t wait for the wedding – well, Five and Vanya might be two of the most boring people he knows but he’s always wanted to go to a wedding.
“Do you ever worry that maybe… this is kinda morally questionable?” Ben asks, looking at his hands nervously. Klaus makes a pssshh sound. Ben has always been a worry-wart, too concerned with keeping everyone happy and being good and not getting in trouble. It’s so boring sometimes but mostly Klaus feels bad for him. Ben needs to live a little!
He smacks Ben on the shoulder. “Nah, teammate ‘o mine. Don’t get your undies in a bunch. It’s for the greater good!”
“Yeah, I’m so sick of watching Five moon over Seven,” Allison laughs. “He’s like a puppy dog.”
“Well, he does bite,” Klaus muses wisely, speaking from experience.
Allison ignores him, as she often does to people whose names are not Allison. “He just needs this push. The only thing I’m worried about is if she… doesn’t feel the same way.”
“You think Vanya might not accept his confession?” Ben asks, distraught, like the thought never seriously occurred to him. Poor thing.
“They definitely were flirting the other day,” Klaus says confidently to his fellow conspirator. “I was eavesdropping.”
“Once again, morally questionable,” Ben says, frowning.
Klaus rolls his eyes and the hanging man in the corner exclaims, “That’s what I said!” Klaus sticks his tongue out at him as rudely as possible. No one asked for his stupid ghost opinion. He bets that Cool Dealer Kyle would be on Klaus’ team.
This is going to be great.
…
After dinner, half an hour before lights-out, Ben tries to not look suspicious as he loiters outside Vanya’s room. He unquestionably does not like that the others had convinced him that he’s the one who has to do this part. He does know that Vanya is much more likely to suspect a prank done by Allison and Klaus than him, so it makes sense, but he still doesn’t like it.
“Ben, is that you? Why are you just standing there?”
Oh crap, that’s Vanya. How the heck did she hear him from inside her room? Ben swallows and tentatively eases the door open, chuckling awkwardly. Vanya, standing with her violin, sends him a curious look.
“I zoned out, sorry,” he tries, clutching the letter with sweaty fingers. It should really be Allison doing this. She’s a way better liar. “Anyway, I just found this letter on the stairs on my way down. Someone must have dropped it? It’s addressed to you.” He holds it out, and Vanya hums with interest, taking it without hesitation.
“Oh, interesting,” she says, looking at the word Vanya scrawled across the folded piece of paper. She smiles at him, her expression smooth, face pleasant and trusting. He gulps. Then hopes she didn’t notice. “Thanks for bringing it to me. I wonder what it could be.”
“No problem,” Ben manages, wondering what a normal thing to say here would be. “Let me know if it’s anything exciting, I’m curious.” He smiles uncertainly, backs away into the hallway, and Vanya just stands there, completely unsuspecting of his betrayal. She raises a hand in an easy wave as he shuts her door and then sprints down the hall into Allison’s room and lies down on the floor to recover. Mission accomplished. Hell yeah.
..
Vanya clears her throat dramatically. “Dearest Vanya. While I was surviving in the apocalypse, I thought of you every day. It was often thoughts and memories of you that allowed me to retain my sanity, as well as the hope that I might someday return to you.”
“Vanya.”
“My biggest regret was never informing you how I truly felt about you, which is why I’m—”
“Stop it.”
“—expressing my sentiments in this correspondence. I simply cannot delay any longer. The truth is that I—”
“Stop.”
“—harbor romantic—"
Five snatches the paper out of her hands, scowling. He sticks his nose into it, eyes flashing as he scans the letter. Then he crumples it into a ball, leaning back against her wall in a huff. “I do not sound like that.”
“Hey, that’s mine,” Vanya says, reaching for the ball. He holds it out of her reach distractedly, still griping.
“I can’t believe they think I talk like that.”
“Well…”
He narrows his eyes at her. Vanya shuts her mouth. “I do not.” Maybe best not to test his patience.
“Whatever you have to tell yourself,” she mutters, lunging to make a grab for the paper and missing by a lot.
“If I was going to write you a love letter it would be miles better than this sappy garbage,” he continues, and she does not mention how similar the things in the letter were to actual things he said. Even though she really, really wants to.
She whines instead. “Give me it.”
“No.”
“Please?”
“Not a chance, dear.”
“But I’ve never been given a love letter before.” She pouts, trying to see if he will fall for it. He usually gets soft for her when she pouts.
He does, faltering. “This hardly counts.”
“But you all get fan mail and I never do,” she says softly. “Can’t you just let me have this?”
“I know what you’re doing.” He grits his teeth, fingers tightening around the paper, eyes narrowing. He’s cracking. “You’re not subtle, Vanya.”
She gives him her best Bambi impression. “So you’re giving me the letter...?”
“Hell no. I will write you a fucking love letter if that’s what you want,” he snaps.
She drops the pout and grins. “Okay, do it.”
“I’m going to.” He points at her threateningly, and she snickers.
“Good. I can’t wait to read it.”
Yeah, she basically has him wrapped around her finger.
…
“So, Vanya,” Allison says to the girl sitting in her room. This had been Klaus’ idea, but she doesn’t despise it. “It’s nice having Five home, isn’t it?”
Vanya looks at Allison’s reflection in the vanity mirror, a mildly bemused, apprehensive expression gracing her face. “But this afternoon you called him a—”
“Just banter between teammates,” Allison says hurriedly, not looking up from where she’s busy braiding Vanya’s long, long hair. Honestly, it had taken so long to convince Vanya to do this, but it’s worth it. This hair is glorious.
For some reason, even though Allison practically begged her to do this, it’s like Vanya’s just waiting for her to turn around and say oops, never mind! It’s ridiculous, really. Is it so hard to believe Allison would want to do something fun with her classmate? Well… she never has before… and she’s only doing this to get information, really…
Anyway. Even though Seven still seems wary – expecting a prank, probably, and perched on the edge of her seat as if to run off any minute – Allison is determined to do this without her powers. Klaus said she couldn’t. Diego implied she can’t do anything without using her powers to get what she wants, and even Ben – kind Ben – hadn’t disagreed.
Well, she’s going to prove them wrong. Vanya is going to tell her about her feelings for Five without being mind-controlled. The pale girl says, “If you say so.”
“You must have missed him a lot, right?”
“Yes, I did,” Vanya says timidly, and Allison fights a flare of annoyance. God, why is this taking so long? In movies this seems so easy. She could do it so easily. Just four words and then…
“Ben said he found a letter for you today,” she says very tactfully, eyes on the braid.
“Oh, yeah,” Vanya says, a smile in her voice. That’s a good sign.
“What was it?”
“It was Five’s.”
“Ooooh,” Allison says, leaning in conspiratorially. “Anything juicy?”
“I don’t know,” Vanya says, and Allison frowns. That’s not right. “Five recognised it and took it back before I could read it.”
“But it was addressed to you!”
Vanya shrugs, and Allison almost groans in irritation because can you PLEASE stop moving your head while I’m trying to braid but she doesn’t. “If it was important, I’m sure he’d tell me himself.”
“Right,” Allison grits out, and picks up an elastic hair-tie angrily. Why is Vanya so, so, nice? Ugh, you’d think she’d be a little curious at least.
She glances up from her hands and sees Vanya smiling placidly in the reflection, completely unaware and content.
This might be more of a challenge than they expected.