Chapter Text
Anne Boleyn was usually a heavy sleeper. She slept and continued sleeping until around 10 am when Jane would practically drag her out of bed. But tonight, on Cathy’s floor, Anne was restless.
Earlier, the 2nd and 6th queen had a heated discussion about who would sleep on the floor and who would sleep on the bed. Anne refused to go anywhere near Cathy’s mattress until she’d made things right with everyone, and they both knew Anne didn’t deserve the treatment she was getting anyway. Cathy eventually gave up and pulled out a book.
Now, the Boleyn girl was tired yet unable to sleep - everything was a distraction. Cathy’s rhythmic breathing, the occasional taxi which sped past the open window, the drunk shouts of men walking home from the pub down the road and of course, Anne’s thoughts.
Eying the open window, Anne thought back to a time when everything was okay. She’d spend hours on the roof with Anna talking about their inner demons and the guilt they felt. For Anna, it was surviving and having a good life. The 4th queen always thought she shouldn’t be the one crying. As for Anne, it was more to escape the prying eyes of her family and country; they all painted her as a failure.
Anne was the quietest she’d even been as she tiptoed over the floor and past Cathy’s papers so she could reach the window. Upon arrival she pried the latch open and slid under, grasping onto the ledge as she made her way towards the highest point. Anne let the occasional whisper-curse slip from her lips as she adjusted her footing amongst the tiles. It was harder not being in the attic.
Reaching her destination, Anne propped herself against the sloping walls and drew her legs close to her chest, hugging herself. The air was fresh and pure like it was filtering through a fan, Anne gazed up at the stars with longing and a spark of hope in her eye. She enjoyed being alone with the moon shrouding her face. It helped her make sense of her thoughts and contemplate her actions, or in this case, the rising feelings she had for Catherine Parr.
With or without Anna, Anne remembered when she wrote poems about Cathy once she discovered her feelings. Anne never imagined that it would work out, though. They were reincarnated Tudor queens who had been previously scared by love but found comfort in each other. Cathy was the only person who succeeded in breaking down her defences and the only queen Anne had a real connection with when dismissing Katherine.
According to history, the whole thing was bullshit. But you should’ve seen Cathy’s face when Anne kissed her after their performance at The Olivier awards and opened up to the writer about her feelings. The youtube clip had been watched 13 million times and the gasp from the audience when Cathy finally nodded and admitted that her feelings reciprocated always made Anne chuckle.
“Boleyn?”
Anne squealed at the arrival of another person and quickly tensed up when she realised it was Cleves.
“What the hell are you doing here?”
Anna’s tone wasn’t malicious; instead, it was quite humorous, and the 4th queen chuckled as Anne fumbled for an answer.
“It doesn’t matter.” Anna sat beside Anne before looking up at the stars, “I figured it was only a matter of time before Cathy smuggled you into the house again. She couldn’t stop asking about you - it drove Jane bonkers. How long have you been here, anyway?”
Anne was taken aback at Anna’s hospitality, “It’s my 2nd night here.”
“Weird that-” Anna hesitated, “Cathy stopped mentioning you about two weeks ago.”
“She found me living on the street and decided to help by giving me money. Eventually, she couldn’t hide it anymore and started talking to me herself.”
“The street? Jane said you were in Malibu with henry?”
“Malibu? You have to be shitting me!” Anne scanned Anna’s face for any sign of a joke. “I left that wanker the moment he wouldn’t stay true to our deal. The plan was to resurrect the kids for the good of everyone else, but he bolted. When Jane kicked me out, I went looking for him so we could continue our deal. I found him in a local pub, running away from everything.”
“Damn, Jane really hates you.”
“Are you serious?” terror traced Anne’s face, “I always thought that was a stage act?”
“Oh, it was. But now, Jane really hates you.” Anna responded nonchalantly.
Anne froze. Jane hated her? Anne may have done some terrible things, but she never wanted to hurt anyone and surely didn’t want anyone to hate her. These people were her family! To know Anne caused them pain was an unbearable thought, and the Boleyn girl could feel her walls crumbling. Let’s just say there was a reason for the cuts on her wrist.
“Do you hate me?” Anne’s voice cracked, and she pressed her nails into her biceps to stop her tears.
Anna stopped to contemplate the 2nd queen’s question. Unfortunately, this pause was too long, and Anne's walls tumbled.
It started when a tear-streaked her left cheek and Anne cupped her mouth to prevent her sobs echoing into the night and waking the other queen’s. With all boundaries gone, Anne turned and cried into her friend’s shoulder,
“Am I a bad person Anna? Please don’t hate me.”
“What the-” Baffled by the sudden emotion-explosion, Anna pulled the 2nd queen closer to her chest, “You’ve never been a bad person, babes. And I could never hate you.”
Anna was never good at comforting anyone and often referred back to her own experiences. However, she had always been there for Anne before and wasn’t stopping now.
“Besides, I’m technically the bad one here; I couldn’t stop Kat from hurting herself.”
“Kat hurt herself because of me?” Anne’s heart broke before falling further into her stomach, giving the Boleyn girl a sick feeling of guilt and sorrow, “I’m the villain in this story, not you.”
“Woah,” Anna turned to face the 2nd queen, “Don’t say that, you didn’t mean to hurt her!”
Anne curled into herself, “But I still did! It being an accident doesn’t change anything!”
“Anne, listen.” Anna held Anne’s face, so they looked into each other’s eyes, “There isn’t a villain here, just a bunch of kids who made mistakes.”
“But I-”
“The thing with us is that we’re not bad people. A bad person is someone who deliberately causes harm or pain to others. You may be painted as a bad person to some, but it doesn’t mean you’re genuinely a bad person. Mistakes happen. Get over it and start living your life.”
“You should hate me?”
“But I don’t.” Anna brushed her hair back with her hand, “And you shouldn’t either.”
With that, Anna of Cleves slid down the roof and back into her room, leaving Anne alone under the stars.
With no more tears left to cry, Anne felt empty. She didn’t intend to disclose everything to Anna, but it did feel good to get everything off her chest. She briefly closed her eyes in silent prayer and wallowed in the silence, palming the roof tile to pass the time.
‘I want to tell you everything, all the words I never got to say the first time around. But you are just a fool to keep pretending that you love me so even if I said anything, It wouldn’t matter.