Chapter Text
“...To be fair...I didn’t think you’d crash.”
“Well I didn’t think you’d stab me with a fucking needle. So I guess we’re both surprised.”
The fight with 2D had been brief. Murdoc had initially only been worried for the singer who had taken the brunt of the fall. After all it hadn’t been his intention to hurt him. He just wanted to poke him with a syringe; Not make them slam onto the hot asphalt. At least he was worried until 2D retaliated by giving him a swift punch to the jaw before jumping Murdoc.
They struggled for a bit before it was broken up by Russel, who then focused his anger out on Murdoc. Fuck, he forgot how scary and strong the man could be when angry. Though he had a feeling the other was holding back a little. Otherwise he wouldn’t have lasted as long as he did. Not that it really mattered in the long run. The blasted drummer still broke his nose. Sometime during that Noodle stepped in to try and stop it but accidentally caught an elbow to her eye when Russel pulled back for a punch. Murdoc had only been able to land a cheap shot on Russel then before the drummer knocked him out for good.
When he came to he was lying on the sidewalk with 2D sitting beside him drinking a slurpee. The other band members were sitting in the golf cart at the other end of the parking lot; Both with their backs to him. Fantastic. Murdoc took a few moments to fully recover before he looked up at 2D. The singer didn’t look angry or sad; Just disappointed. Which somehow was worse.
Murdoc couldn’t find it in him to blame him, though. He looked away from him and then back up at the sky. “Why did you punch me?”
“Cause you deserved it.” 2D looked at him with a matching back eye and cut lip. There was blood smeared under his nose, but it didn’t look broken. Lucky him. “You said that if you hurt me again I could fight you.”
“Alright, fair, fair.” Still, his nose fucking hurt and his neck...stung…? Murdoc reached up to brush his fingers against a fresh bite mark on his skin, “When did you bite me?”
“Don’t remember. It was all a blur when I went face first into the bloody floor.”
“Look , I didn’t mean to make us crash. It was just, ehhh, an experiment. Didn’t think all this would happen.” He lightly touched the bridge of his nose and winced. “Or that Noodle and Russel would be that...touchy.”
“They care, Murdoc. And they worry for me.” He sighed, “For all they knew you stuck me with something poisonous.”
“I wouldn’t hurt you like that.”
“But you still used fucking truth serum.”
“I couldn’t even use it! A fucking waste of forty quid.”
2D shifted his position so he was facing Murdoc. “Why did you even stick me with it?”
Murdoc grimaced and looked to the side before he glanced back up at him, “I just wanted some honest answers…”
2D covered his eyes and groaned. “Then why the fuck didn’t you just ask?”
“I needed to make sure you were being honest!”
“When have I ever lied to you?”
Murdoc frowns because he can’t really think of an example. 2D was fairly upfront and blunt about his thoughts and feelings. Sometimes too much, really. But even if Murdoc had been dating him for about two years now, he still felt as if something was wrong. Not all the time but in those quiet moments by himself, he began to worry. Began to doubt…The paranoia had only gotten worse after the whole band left to record Désolé without him; And then they brought someone else to do the bass for Aries…
He’s always known, to some extent, that the band could survive without him. Even from the very beginning he had been aware that his leadership of the band was replaceable. No one could replace Noodle’s killer guitar, Russel’s cleaver percussion-and no one could ever replace 2D’s unique and lovely voice. But Murdoc, well, his skills were not so special. If they wanted to move on to form another band then they could. And they had, for a brief point of time, done just that with Ace. But it had been out of necessity because Murdoc physically wasn’t there to perform with them. This time, however, they just...they just left . All of them left him behind. It was only for one shoot yet he still couldn’t shake that feeling of fear away. The inevitability that all his shitty actions would finally fuck him over. Then he’d be alone again.
Murdoc slowly pulled himself to a sitting position and sighed. His nose pounded at the movement but he ignored it. “I know you’re honest but...you’re nice too.”
“And?”
“ And ...I don’t know if you’d be nice over being honest. When answering my questions, at least.”
“I will always tell you the truth.”
“Even if it wasn’t so good?”
“ Yes .”
“Prove it.”
“You’re a dickhead-does that help you figure it out?” Murdoc snorts out a laugh but regrets it soon after; cussing as he holds his nose. 2D manages a slight smile before reaching over to gently tilt Murdoc’s chin up with the tip of his fingers, trying to help his swelling. “If you wanted to talk, we could have just talked.”
“I know.”
“I know you know-but why didn’t you do it?”
He shrugs, keeping his head up, “This all seemed, uh, easier?”
2D snickers, more out of disbelief than amusement, “Easier how? Easier for you?”
“I just wanted an honest answer.”
“For what?”
There was a pause and Murdoc looked away, “...I...I feel…” he hesitated, “...I just...feel...useless.”
2D’s eyebrows go up in surprise, “Useless?”
“Yes fucking useless.” he scoffs, “The band...all of you guys are so...unique. All of you are so talented and different that you don’t...you don’t need me.”
“We’re all adults, Murdoc. We don’t need to be treated like kids, if that’s what you mean.”
“No, that’s not what I fucking mean.” He thought for a moment before letting out an angry sigh, “I’ve been a part of so many bands-all of them failures in one way or another. But this one, our band Gorillaz, was the first one that was successful. The first one that just...that clicked . We all clicked . It was beautiful.” he huffed, “And for the longest time I’ve always said it’s my band. My skills are what brought all of it together-”
“You did bring us all together. Some of us were more willing than others, but you did do that.”
“I know; I know I did. And it felt amazing to be part of something that wasn’t a fucking failure for once.”
“But?”
“But that’s it!” he threw his hands up, “All I did was bring you all together. We both wrote the first set of songs, Noodle worked on her own after that, then you worked on your own...I just...I just realized that I’m not...I’m not...needed for this band to be successful. I’m not useful.” He looked down, “Sometimes I wonder if the only reason we were successful was because I found enough greatness to outweigh my shitiness.”
2D stared at Murdoc for a long time, thinking over what he said as the other kept his gaze away. “...you really think all that?”
“I know I sound whiny and stupid but I don’t know why you all stay. It’s been proven I’m an asshole over and over. Even if I’m useless you all still-”
“You don’t have to be useful to be loved or wanted, Murdoc.”
Murdoc froze before looking at 2D with surprise.
“Even if you were useless, which you aren’t, that doesn’t mean we’d like you any less.” There was a slight smile on the singer’s face, “You’re right. We are fine on our own. We can live on our own and perform on our own. That’s why a lot of blokes go solo, cause they think they can strike it rich by themselves.” he shrugged, “But just because we can doesn’t mean we want to do it. Doesn’t mean we have to leave.” 2D brought his knees up to his chest, “ You are our bassist. You are important to the band. You brought us together and made it all happen. Every time we stray away, you bring us back together and we make killer music. Even if how we make it is a bit..ehh.” he waves his hand a bit. “ Questionable ; You still have the bravado to make it happen.”
“But...you don’t really need-”
“That’s the thing. You worry so much about whether I need you, or the band needs you- It doesn’t matter whether we need you or not. We want you, Murdoc. We want to be here and we want to be around you. That’s why we want you to be better; cause we care. We’re like a family.” 2D moved closer to Murdoc and put a hand over his. “I love you and I’m always gunna be here. Band or not.” his smile turned a bit playful, “Even when you act like an asshole.”
Murdoc stared at 2D before pressing his lips together, trying not to tear up in public. It never really occurred to him that 2D and the band just wanted him around because they wanted him to be. Murdoc groans and rests his head on the singer’s shoulder, “Why does it feel like you're lying…”
“Because, like I said ages ago, you don’t really forgive yourself.” Murdoc groans again and 2D laughs, “You know what we all think-it’s just you now that needs to let it go.”
“I can’t.”
“You don’t have to do it right now. You’ll do it when you’re ready.”
2D puts an arm around him and they lean into one another. Murdoc has his eyes closed for a moment, not sure how he feels. Good? Bad? It was hard to tell, but he enjoyed resting his head on 2D’s shoulder and feeling 2D rest his chin atop his head. It felt...nice.
“...It’s a beautiful day.”
Murdoc humms, glancing at the red sky. “Yeah...it is.” he’s quiet for a moment before speaking up again, “2D can I ask you something?”
“Mhm?”
---
The sound of Plastic Beach being destroyed is deafening. Murdoc can only stare in horror as the floating, pink Hell falls to pieces. It’s an image he can only stare at for a second, though, before the lighthouse start’s tilting to one side. He looks down and panics as he starts seeing the building sink lower into the ocean.
When do you think I can forgive myself?
“Up here!” Murdoc reaches a hand out to his band in desperation, trying to buy them a little more time. Without hesitation Russel turned and lifted Noodle up, helping her scramble to the top of the glass globe. She gave a small gasp as her boots slipped against the smooth surface but Murdoc was quick to grab her hand, “I gotcha, I gotcha…”
When you feel like you deserve it.
I don’t know what that feels like…I don’t think I can forgive myself.
As soon as Noodle was up and she was securely on top, Murdoc turned his attention back to Russel. The drummer hesitated, looking around as he tried to find a way up. He put a foot on the railing, but he wasn’t tall enough to reach Murdoc’s hand. At least he wasn’t till 2D braced a foot against the railing as well. “Up here!” 2D patted his shoulder.
“But-”
“I’ll be fine, I can hold you- just be quick!” the singer said. Russel gave a nod and stepped on top of 2D’s shoulder. Murdoc was quick to help pull the drummer over to safety.
You will, eventually.
Will you tell me when I do it?
I don’t think I’ll need to tell you Murdoc.
Once he felt Russel’s weight off of him, 2D pushed up against the railing, his height giving him an advantage. However he paused, looking back at the blown up remains of Plastic Beach. The remains of his former prison disappearing into the sea.
“2D! My hand!” Murdoc looked over the edge. 2D didn’t move, seeming lost in thought as he stared ahead. “Stu!” he yelled, but with no success. Looking past the singer he saw the water getting closer and closer as the lighthouse went sideways. Fuck! Murdoc went onto his stomach and reached as far as he could, managing to hook his hands under the other’s arms. With a grunt he lifted 2D up and over the edge, falling back once the other was fully up.
“A portal!” Noodle pointed at the swirling blue hued opening.
How will I know when’s the right time?
...I think you’ll figure it out when you need to. When it just all ‘clicks’.
Russel and Noodle were the first to go through. Murdoc watched as the two disappeared in an instant, safe from the ocean. Relief filled him, but only for a moment. He looked up and saw 2D was already standing and preparing to jump. “2D?” Murdoc scrambled on to his feet to follow him, reaching out to grab onto him to ensure they would both be able to get through-
Then he jumped.
“2D wait-!”
Nothing. The portal closed, leaving Murdoc stranded alone on the sinking lighthouse.
Please just, tell me when that happens? Please?
Bile and panic began to rise up in his throat. He was alone again. Left to fight and think his way out of another situation by himself. It was something he was used to, he’s been through worse. He could find a way out. He could-
You’ll know when I let you know.
The portal opened up again and he was met with 2D reaching out for him.
Thanks.
You’re welcome.
“2D!” he smiled widely, letting out a relieved laugh. The singer smiled slightly and Murdoc reached a hand out, straining to close the gap. 2D closed it without hesitation, securely taking hold of his hand.
I love you Stu. I really, really fucking do.
Their hands clasped tightly and in that moment, Murdoc felt safe. He felt wanted. He felt loved- He felt forgiven .
I love you too, Murdoc. I always will.
2D squeezed tighter in response before pulling him through the portal; leaving Plastic Beach behind them forever.